Things You've Learned from Badfic

Rabid Badger wrote:

Anon wrote:

Hypoglycemia is a chronic illness that must be carefully controlled, rather than a temporary state of having low blood sugar levels that can be treated by eating sweets or drinking something like orange juice.

Conversely, people who are diabetics can eat anything they want and never have to take insulin or oral medications to keep their blood sugar under control. I once read a fanfic-can't remember the fandom-where the Suethor was supposedly a diabetic, but ate sugary candy with impunity and never once checked her blood sugar levels or went into a coma from ketoacidosis. Coming from a family where both Type 1 and Two Diabetes are common, I found this hard to believe.

What about the opposite like in the Babysitters' Club books where everyone's like "Stacey could die from an M&M!!!1"

Yeah, I'm exaggerating, but not by much.

Pointing a gun at someone will result in instant death. There's no need to pull the trigger.

Lady Anne wrote:

Pointing a gun at someone will result in instant death. There's no need to pull the trigger.

Also, any knife wound will prove fatal (or at least disabling) no matter how superficial and shallow. In the case of Super Speshul Suthors (particular the Goth Warrior or Magic type, simply waving the knife at their opponent (.ie., the bad guy (or girl) will result in death.

I wish it were that easy....

Also, every Sue can throw a knife with phenominal accuracy. Seriously, it takes practice, skill and a very well balanced knife to throw it with any chance of success of hitting your opponent in a fight. Let alone landing, blade first, in a place that will cause death. But your average Sue can lob a blade just anyhow and it kills, everytime.

Throwing knives in a fight is crazy stupid anyway

Sure, why would you let go your only weapon? I know nothing about martial arts, but, it seems to me that if you held a blade, throwing it away would be silly.

As silly as walking up to someone and pressing a gun to their person. Surely, if there is an advantage to be gained with a gun, it's by being more than arm's length away.

Mouse wrote:

What about the opposite like in the Babysitters' Club books where everyone's like "Stacey could die from an M&M!!!1"

Yeah, I'm exaggerating, but not by much.

This, I remember a story that actually had someone go into cardiac arrest from eating a chocolate bar... I WISH I was making that up.

Summercorn wrote:

Sure, why would you let go your only weapon? I know nothing about martial arts, but, it seems to me that if you held a blade, throwing it away would be silly.

As silly as walking up to someone and pressing a gun to their person. Surely, if there is an advantage to be gained with a gun, it's by being more than arm's length away.

Yeah. Basically, while knife-throwing looks really cool, it takes a shitload of practice to reliably get the pointy end to hit first, and that's with targets at a fixed distance. It looks a lot less cool when you lightly smack someone with the handle.

And as for guns... yep. In fact, pressing the muzzle against someone may render certain kinds of pistols unable to fire until you take the pressure off. If you've got a gun, you usually want to back away from the threat. Buuut that sort of thing never stops idiots from thinking they've got it all "figured out" and... well...



This is so bad I almost feel sorry for the moron.

A woman can't possibly extricate herself from a bad situation on her own. In fact, she won't even try, nor will she ask friends, family, or the police to help her. She needs her twu luv to rescue her...and then everything will be fine with no aftereffects.

Did you know that a pregnancy test not only tells you whether or not you're pregnant, but also whether it's a multiple pregnancy and the sex of the fetus(es)?

Lady Anne wrote:

Did you know that a pregnancy test not only tells you whether or not you're pregnant, but also whether it's a multiple pregnancy and the sex of the fetus(es)?

And you can do it the morning after you had sex! And it will be accurate before the sperm even reaches the egg!

EileenK98 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Did you know that a pregnancy test not only tells you whether or not you're pregnant, but also whether it's a multiple pregnancy and the sex of the fetus(es)?

And you can do it the morning after you had sex! And it will be accurate before the sperm even reaches the egg!

In fact, a pregnancy test isn't even needed! A woman knows she's pregnant as soon as she has sex!

Lady Anne wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Did you know that a pregnancy test not only tells you whether or not you're pregnant, but also whether it's a multiple pregnancy and the sex of the fetus(es)?

And you can do it the morning after you had sex! And it will be accurate before the sperm even reaches the egg!

In fact, a pregnancy test isn't even needed! A woman knows she's pregnant as soon as she has sex!

Because she'll immediately jump out of bed to run to the bathroom and throw up?

Lady Anne wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Did you know that a pregnancy test not only tells you whether or not you're pregnant, but also whether it's a multiple pregnancy and the sex of the fetus(es)?

And you can do it the morning after you had sex! And it will be accurate before the sperm even reaches the egg!

In fact, a pregnancy test isn't even needed! A woman knows she's pregnant as soon as she has sex!

Given that all sex results in pregnancy, you can't blame her for knowing that.

Any mary sue can join a team, and play like a superstar. It doesn't even matter if she is playing against people who have been playing longer, or have much more experience then her in that sport. She is just that damned good from the first time she touches the ball.

Kevin M wrote:

Any mary sue can join a team, and play like a superstar. It doesn't even matter if she is playing against people who have been playing longer, or have much more experience then her in that sport. She is just that damned good from the first time she touches the ball.

That's because all the training, experience and practice in the world can't compare with NATURAL TALENT!!! Apparently.

Also, nobody will resent her for this, and if they do then they are either evil, or chauvanistic (and by extension, evil).

Cunovendus wrote:

Kevin M wrote:

Any mary sue can join a team, and play like a superstar. It doesn't even matter if she is playing against people who have been playing longer, or have much more experience then her in that sport. She is just that damned good from the first time she touches the ball.

That's because all the training, experience and practice in the world can't compare with NATURAL TALENT!!! Apparently.

Also, nobody will resent her for this, and if they do then they are either evil, or chauvanistic (and by extension, evil).

And they will automatically look up to her, and make her their team leader. And if anyone else has an issue with this...then they are just selfish assholes with their own interest in mind.

or something like that.

Knocking people unconscious by hitting them on the head never results in brain damage or concussions. Maybe someone will get a headache if they were hit hard enough, but usually they're just out for a few hours. Movies and TV shows are pretty bad about this as well.

SHGCat wrote:

Knocking people unconscious by hitting them on the head never results in brain damage or concussions. Maybe someone will get a headache if they were hit hard enough, but usually they're just out for a few hours. Movies and TV shows are pretty bad about this as well.

The worst part is that: EVERYONE uses it ALL THE TIME. Even otherwise good shows rely on this particular contrivance to make their plots work. Argh.

The anus is self-lubricating.

Without being disgusting.

SHGCat wrote:

Knocking people unconscious by hitting them on the head never results in brain damage or concussions. Maybe someone will get a headache if they were hit hard enough, but usually they're just out for a few hours. Movies and TV shows are pretty bad about this as well.

I thought this came from Chuck Jones and Tex Avery, not some kind of fanfiction.

Nihilist wrote:

SHGCat wrote:

Knocking people unconscious by hitting them on the head never results in brain damage or concussions. Maybe someone will get a headache if they were hit hard enough, but usually they're just out for a few hours. Movies and TV shows are pretty bad about this as well.

I thought this came from Chuck Jones and Tex Avery, not some kind of fanfiction.

That's where it originated-in the cartoons, where you could smash someone over the head with a mallet or an anvil, and all that happened was they staggered around a little and saw stars. Then someone forgot about the fact it was happening to cartoon animals and people and started doing it in live action movies and TV shows. We've all seen characters get hit over the head with boards or rammed head-first into a brick wall, and all they do is stagger around a little, then take off in pursuit of the bad guys. In real life, that sort of blow would result, at the least in a mild conscussion, and at worst in major head trauma and possible brain injury. Like Wyle E. Coyote falling off the cliff and never getting hurt, whereas an actual human would die.

Oh that's been around well before cartoons.

Penguin wrote:

Oh that's been around well before cartoons.

True. I'd forgotten the old silent movies where people used to take the same sort of abuse (or for that matter "The Three Stooges and The Marx Brothers'). The difference being that people who watched cartoons and old movies (except maybe real little kids) knew what was happening wasn't real. Some people apparently have trouble mistaking slapstick for real life nowadays.