Things You've Learned from Badfic

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

I've seen this in so many bad romance novels. Strawberries are only one of the "flavors".

Anon wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

-Any character is capable of raping any other character. No matter what.

I read a Bleach fanfic where Ichigo was raping Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya can beat the smack out of Ichigo. So, I can't imagine that Ichigo would be able to successfully rape Hitsugaya like he did in this fanfic.

Tricky one. The writers in Bleach are completely incapable of getting the relative strength thing consistent, so there are huge swathes of canon where Ichigo at full strength should be more than capable of raping Hitsugaya, even if canon gives us evidence to the contrary.

Yeah, I guess that's true it is hard to figure out who actually is stronger than who in Bleach.
I still can't imagine that happening though.

Lady Anne wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

I've seen this in so many bad romance novels. Strawberries are only one of the "flavors".

And might I add, at the risk of being a bit off colour, I find that most of these so-called flavours are a lot more pleasant than...describing the reality. Let's be honest here: A woman's vagina tends to smell and often taste a bit...Well, briny. While there's nothing wrong with that, I don't feel there's anything wrong with getting a little poetic either. The reason why a lot of folks on this site spork the usage--imho, of course--is because it's like icing on the cake of a very bad sex scene.

Shinracentric wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

I've seen this in so many bad romance novels. Strawberries are only one of the "flavors".

And might I add, at the risk of being a bit off colour, I find that most of these so-called flavours are a lot more pleasant than...describing the reality. Let's be honest here: A woman's vagina tends to smell and often taste a bit...Well, briny. While there's nothing wrong with that, I don't feel there's anything wrong with getting a little poetic either. The reason why a lot of folks on this site spork the usage--imho, of course--is because it's like icing on the cake of a very bad sex scene.

There's a fine line between good poetic descriptions and bad ones. Also, they're okay in certain sex scenes and not others. If you are writing about a quickie that really doesn't involve any romance then you don't really need all the poetic descriptions. If you are trying to write a romantic sex scene, describing exactly what her pussy tastes like kind of kills the mood.

Ya-u wrote:

Anon wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

-Any character is capable of raping any other character. No matter what.

I read a Bleach fanfic where Ichigo was raping Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya can beat the smack out of Ichigo. So, I can't imagine that Ichigo would be able to successfully rape Hitsugaya like he did in this fanfic.

Tricky one. The writers in Bleach are completely incapable of getting the relative strength thing consistent, so there are huge swathes of canon where Ichigo at full strength should be more than capable of raping Hitsugaya, even if canon gives us evidence to the contrary.

Yeah, I guess that's true it is hard to figure out who actually is stronger than who in Bleach.
I still can't imagine that happening though.

As much as Hitsugaya is the Jobber Supreme among the captains, though, he has no business being raped by Chad or Ikkaku. Yeah, he's a bish and a shortie, but any attempt of rape by those chumps would end with ice spikes through their asses.

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

Anon wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

-Any character is capable of raping any other character. No matter what.

I read a Bleach fanfic where Ichigo was raping Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya can beat the smack out of Ichigo. So, I can't imagine that Ichigo would be able to successfully rape Hitsugaya like he did in this fanfic.

Tricky one. The writers in Bleach are completely incapable of getting the relative strength thing consistent, so there are huge swathes of canon where Ichigo at full strength should be more than capable of raping Hitsugaya, even if canon gives us evidence to the contrary.

Yeah, I guess that's true it is hard to figure out who actually is stronger than who in Bleach.
I still can't imagine that happening though.

As much as Hitsugaya is the Jobber Supreme among the captains, though, he has no business being raped by Chad or Ikkaku. Yeah, he's a bish and a shortie, but any attempt of rape by those chumps would end with ice spikes through their asses.

Yeah, he may be small, but he would do that to anyone who tried to rape him. So, I doubt someone would be able to rape him. Although there are a lot of fanfics where he's getting raped. I came across another one where Ichimaru starts raping him, but then Hitsugaya decides he likes it. That one is probably one of the more plausible rape stories, although I really don't see it happening.

Why can't there be more normal relationships in fanfics, why do they often start with rape?

Ya-u wrote:

Shinracentric wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

I've seen this in so many bad romance novels. Strawberries are only one of the "flavors".

And might I add, at the risk of being a bit off colour, I find that most of these so-called flavours are a lot more pleasant than...describing the reality. Let's be honest here: A woman's vagina tends to smell and often taste a bit...Well, briny. While there's nothing wrong with that, I don't feel there's anything wrong with getting a little poetic either. The reason why a lot of folks on this site spork the usage--imho, of course--is because it's like icing on the cake of a very bad sex scene.

There's a fine line between good poetic descriptions and bad ones. Also, they're okay in certain sex scenes and not others. If you are writing about a quickie that really doesn't involve any romance then you don't really need all the poetic descriptions. If you are trying to write a romantic sex scene, describing exactly what her pussy tastes like kind of kills the mood.

Also a good point, though really what I was getting at is that unless your character has a pussy fetish, I think it's best just to leave it to the reader's imagination and describe it as tasting...Well, some kind of positive adjective. Noting wrong with something like "good" or "delicious" either. Fact is a vagina is a bit different than a penis, it's scent and taste affected not mearly by sweat and natural body odor.

Shinracentric wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

Shinracentric wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Your pussy tastes of something other than pussy. Like strawberries. Lots of characters douche with strawberry juice.

I've seen this in so many bad romance novels. Strawberries are only one of the "flavors".

And might I add, at the risk of being a bit off colour, I find that most of these so-called flavours are a lot more pleasant than...describing the reality. Let's be honest here: A woman's vagina tends to smell and often taste a bit...Well, briny. While there's nothing wrong with that, I don't feel there's anything wrong with getting a little poetic either. The reason why a lot of folks on this site spork the usage--imho, of course--is because it's like icing on the cake of a very bad sex scene.

There's a fine line between good poetic descriptions and bad ones. Also, they're okay in certain sex scenes and not others. If you are writing about a quickie that really doesn't involve any romance then you don't really need all the poetic descriptions. If you are trying to write a romantic sex scene, describing exactly what her pussy tastes like kind of kills the mood.

Also a good point, though really what I was getting at is that unless your character has a pussy fetish, I think it's best just to leave it to the reader's imagination and describe it as tasting...Well, some kind of positive adjective. Noting wrong with something like "good" or "delicious" either. Fact is a vagina is a bit different than a penis, it's scent and taste affected not mearly by sweat and natural body odor.

Ah, I get what your saying. Yeah, that is one of those things that most of the time is better left to the reader's imagination. A little description is definitely necessary because they all taste and smell differently. The writer doesn't want to be too vague in their description of a sex scene.

Ya-u wrote:

Ah, I get what your saying. Yeah, that is one of those things that most of the time is better left to the reader's imagination. A little description is definitely necessary because they all taste and smell differently. The writer doesn't want to be too vague in their description of a sex scene.

Yeah, the real taste of the pussy depends somewhat on what one has been eating and drinking, and how often they clean really GOOD down there. And what time of the month it is.

Which brings me to another point - women in fanfics NEVER have periods. It's never that time of the month when they have their special moments. Because it would be really invonvenient for a badass action OC to wind up in bed groaning about the terrible cramps. In fact, no women in movies, films or TV or anything seem to have periods EVER. Even when they're supposed to be trying for a baby.

kleine_kat wrote:

True. And nobody goes to the toilet. Then again, would you really want to read about women having their period? Or men sitting on the toilet wondering about that small green thingy in their feces? I mean, yes, I agree that it's bloody convenient the monthly bleeds don't interfere with fanfic twu wub, but I have seen it a few times in fics, and most of the time I'm really not interested in hearing a girl moan about her monthly cramps.

Maybe they're on the pill? If you keep swallowing, you don't have periods. And if they want babies, and are therefore not doing anticonception, I still don't need to hear some Sue whine about her tampons. It's just like pregnant women in books and fanfic. They're always sick in the morning. Their backs hurt. Their feet hurt. They crave pickles. Some of that may be common, but lots of it is bullshit. There are a lot of woman whose pregnancy was the best time of their life. My best friend is preggers right now, final days, and she's one happy, healthy, somewhat swollen but vibrant woman!

Like going to the bathroom, periods are not something I really want to read about.

Not all women have cramps, bloating, mood swings, etc. when they have their period. Some women don't even have a period. If a woman doesn't have enough fat on her body to support a pregnancy her period will stop. Athletes will sometime have periods that don't occur every month because of lack of body fat. And of course there is always the pill that they can take to prevent that. If they want to get really drastic, a woman can have tubal ligation or can have her ovaries removed. There a plenty of ways to get rid of periods.

Ya-u wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

True. And nobody goes to the toilet. Then again, would you really want to read about women having their period? Or men sitting on the toilet wondering about that small green thingy in their feces? I mean, yes, I agree that it's bloody convenient the monthly bleeds don't interfere with fanfic twu wub, but I have seen it a few times in fics, and most of the time I'm really not interested in hearing a girl moan about her monthly cramps.

Maybe they're on the pill? If you keep swallowing, you don't have periods. And if they want babies, and are therefore not doing anticonception, I still don't need to hear some Sue whine about her tampons. It's just like pregnant women in books and fanfic. They're always sick in the morning. Their backs hurt. Their feet hurt. They crave pickles. Some of that may be common, but lots of it is bullshit. There are a lot of woman whose pregnancy was the best time of their life. My best friend is preggers right now, final days, and she's one happy, healthy, somewhat swollen but vibrant woman!

Like going to the bathroom, periods are not something I really want to read about.

Not all women have cramps, bloating, mood swings, etc. when they have their period. Some women don't even have a period. If a woman doesn't have enough fat on her body to support a pregnancy her period will stop. Athletes will sometime have periods that don't occur every month because of lack of body fat. And of course there is always the pill that they can take to prevent that. If they want to get really drastic, a woman can have tubal ligation or can have her ovaries removed. There a plenty of ways to get rid of periods.

Tubal ligation doesn't stop periods. It just keeps the sperm out of the fallopian tubes and the eggs in. My mother had a tubal ligation when she was 35 and she still had periods for another 10 years.

Lady Anne wrote:

Ya-u wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

True. And nobody goes to the toilet. Then again, would you really want to read about women having their period? Or men sitting on the toilet wondering about that small green thingy in their feces? I mean, yes, I agree that it's bloody convenient the monthly bleeds don't interfere with fanfic twu wub, but I have seen it a few times in fics, and most of the time I'm really not interested in hearing a girl moan about her monthly cramps.

Maybe they're on the pill? If you keep swallowing, you don't have periods. And if they want babies, and are therefore not doing anticonception, I still don't need to hear some Sue whine about her tampons. It's just like pregnant women in books and fanfic. They're always sick in the morning. Their backs hurt. Their feet hurt. They crave pickles. Some of that may be common, but lots of it is bullshit. There are a lot of woman whose pregnancy was the best time of their life. My best friend is preggers right now, final days, and she's one happy, healthy, somewhat swollen but vibrant woman!

Like going to the bathroom, periods are not something I really want to read about.

Not all women have cramps, bloating, mood swings, etc. when they have their period. Some women don't even have a period. If a woman doesn't have enough fat on her body to support a pregnancy her period will stop. Athletes will sometime have periods that don't occur every month because of lack of body fat. And of course there is always the pill that they can take to prevent that. If they want to get really drastic, a woman can have tubal ligation or can have her ovaries removed. There a plenty of ways to get rid of periods.

Tubal ligation doesn't stop periods. It just keeps the sperm out of the fallopian tubes and the eggs in. My mother had a tubal ligation when she was 35 and she still had periods for another 10 years.

That's what I thought. It makes sense since the blood comes from the uterus not the ovaries.

It is amazing how dedicated the female body is to ritualistically hoarding its own nutrients and then purging them every month.

Still, depending on what kind of story you're writing I think sometimes it's nice to see a mention of someone going to the bathroom. I don't need the details or anything but you know...A little realism is a nice touch. Of course the period thing I can do with out.

I always love when people bitch about how erotica never mentions the "realistic" parts of sex. While I agree with them I always want to wonder what kind of person would enjoy reading a sex scene in which maybe the couple had a few beers, was going at it, but beer goes right through one of the lovers in question. Do they really want to read about that person getting up to take a piss a couple times in the midst of foreplay or possibly even coitus?

If one character has a crush on another character and doesn't want them to find out, they will be huge assholes towards them and hurt them physically and mentally. They will eventually confess to the other person and be forgiven for what they did and it will be ~*TRUE LOVE*~.

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

If one character has a crush on another character and doesn't want them to find out, they will be huge assholes towards them and hurt them physically and mentally. They will eventually confess to the other person and be forgiven for what they did and it will be ~*TRUE LOVE*~.

The first part sounds like sixth grade boys. The second part sounds like a romance novel.

It makes me wonder if these fanbrats are reading romance novels and getting their understanding of love through that. I recently picked up a romance novel while stuck at the library during a downpour, jst to see what I was missing. When I was younger I'd read them just for the sex scenes and I usually preferred the ones set in the present because they had more details. Anyway, I was saddened to see that it hadn't changed at all. No new innovations of prose. Just the same old shit: Boy meets girl, they dislike each other at first, but eventual tension or what have you gets them in the sack. What's wrong with the people liking each other from the get go but the conflict being outside of them?

Shinracentric wrote:

It makes me wonder if these fanbrats are reading romance novels and getting their understanding of love through that. I recently picked up a romance novel while stuck at the library during a downpour, jst to see what I was missing. When I was younger I'd read them just for the sex scenes and I usually preferred the ones set in the present because they had more details. Anyway, I was saddened to see that it hadn't changed at all. No new innovations of prose. Just the same old shit: Boy meets girl, they dislike each other at first, but eventual tension or what have you gets them in the sack. What's wrong with the people liking each other from the get go but the conflict being outside of them?

I read one where the two did like each other right off, actually--I shit you not, they were having sex in the back room of her giftshop within minutes of meeting for the first time. Names may or may not have been exchanged beforehand.

Sheba wrote:

Shinracentric wrote:

It makes me wonder if these fanbrats are reading romance novels and getting their understanding of love through that. I recently picked up a romance novel while stuck at the library during a downpour, jst to see what I was missing. When I was younger I'd read them just for the sex scenes and I usually preferred the ones set in the present because they had more details. Anyway, I was saddened to see that it hadn't changed at all. No new innovations of prose. Just the same old shit: Boy meets girl, they dislike each other at first, but eventual tension or what have you gets them in the sack. What's wrong with the people liking each other from the get go but the conflict being outside of them?

I read one where the two did like each other right off, actually--I shit you not, they were having sex in the back room of her giftshop within minutes of meeting for the first time. Names may or may not have been exchanged beforehand.

That's awesome! Totally not where I was going with my little rant, but refreshing nonetheless. Better than than those pseudo-rape scenes in the historical romances.

Actually, it really depends. There has been a move away from that in recent years. I recommend Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. It's a fun read, even if you don't much care for romance novels. I don't, but I do love their snarky book reviews

Something I've learned from badfic:

Everyone on the Titanic was either involved in an illicit romance, or opposing an illicit romance.

Lady Anne wrote:

Tubal ligation doesn't stop periods.

I totally read that as 'tubal litigation'. Anyway...

-Siblings who don't blatantly hate each other are secretly having/thinking about having sex with each other (cf. Supernatural, Heroes, Code Geass)
-A ten-year-old cartoon character having sex is TOTALLY DIFFERENT to a real ten-year-old child having sex (i.e. being molested)
-The proper response to finding one or more persons engaged in an unusual sexual activity is to join in enthusiastically, no matter how unusual or unfamiliar to you said activity is.
-"Non-con" is the new rape.

Shinracentric wrote:

I always love when people bitch about how erotica never mentions the "realistic" parts of sex. While I agree with them I always want to wonder what kind of person would enjoy reading a sex scene in which maybe the couple had a few beers, was going at it, but beer goes right through one of the lovers in question. Do they really want to read about that person getting up to take a piss a couple times in the midst of foreplay or possibly even coitus?

I've seen this requested a few times as a desperation fetish, a wetting fetish, and as a desire to giggle at some bad sex.

Oh, and once as a fetish for the couple pissing in each other's mouths during oral sex.