The Florida thread

Florida is fucking terrible enough to deserve it's own thread for all the crazy shit that happens there. So. Here it is.

Florida man cites ‘Bush doctrine’ after pre-emptive killing of neighbors at Labor Day cookout.

Quote :

According to officials in Titusville, Woodward had snuck up on his neighbors while they were having a Labor Day barbecue. Police responding to the scene found that Gary Lee Hembree, Roger Picior and Bruce Timothy had all been shot.

Hembree and Picior were later pronounced dead. Blake survived, even though he had been hit 11 times.

Yes, because when someone calls you names and says they will "get" you for unspecified reasons, this is cause for murder. Does this mean we can use Florida's own laws to trim up our coast line and send them floating off into the ocean?

Source.

Florida man allegedly kills wife, posts confession, photo of body on Facebook

Quote :

Derek Medina, 31, posted a picture of Jennifer Alfonso's blood-stained body -- collapsed and contorted on the kitchen floor -- to his Facebook feed with a note, according to authorities.
"Im going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news," he purportedly wrote. (snip) The couple's 10-year-old daughter was also still in the house, police said. She was physically "unharmed."
Medina self-published self-help books and maintained a website called EmotionalWriter.com. His books claim to be about "effective communication" and "marriage counseling tips," according to the website.

Source.

Man attempts to sword people over a can of shrimp

Quote :

Jayson Laughman, 34, of Deltona used a sword to break down a door and threw kitchen knives at family members after his mother's boyfriend accused him of taking a can of shrimp, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.

lolwat. Reading the rest of the article does not make it make more sense. Then again, this fellow is one of the ones that actually looks as fucked up as he is.
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Quote :

Jayson Laughman, 34, of Deltona used a sword to break down a door and threw kitchen knives at family members after his mother's boyfriend accused him of taking a can of shrimp, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.

Kitchen knives don't work that way! You need to spend the extra cash on throwing knives or you just end up looking stupid.

bleachedblackcat wrote:

Quote :

Jayson Laughman, 34, of Deltona used a sword to break down a door and threw kitchen knives at family members after his mother's boyfriend accused him of taking a can of shrimp, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.

Kitchen knives don't work that way! You need to spend the extra cash on throwing knives or you just end up looking stupid.

Yes, but we had already established that he is not familiar with the proper use of blades when he used a SWORD on a DOOR. :< That is so bad for the blade.

Not to mention incredibly inefficient in terms of effort-to-impact ratio.

Jonathan Ferrell, a black dude, was shot to death by Florida State police for seeking help after a car crash.

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Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Jonathan Ferrell, a black dude, was shot to death by Florida State police for seeking help after a car crash.

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Although in an interesting departure from the norm, instead of being put on admin leave until it blows over, he's actually been charged with a crime, and quickly. This tells me either it was really, really, REALLY fucking obvious he was in the wrong at the time, he has a history of being a dirtbag cop, or both.

Probably both

The fact that Jonathan Ferrell was a former college football player probably has something to do with it too

I doubt it. College? No. Pro? Maybe.

Cyberwulf wrote:

The fact that Jonathan Ferrell was a former college football player probably has something to do with it too

If anything, that would make him more calm when a black man runs up to him, because he has been in that scenario a LOT.

Maybe if he was a QB, his response would be to fall to the ground in the fetal position and shit himself as a means of self defense, but that still doesn't explain shooting the "attacker."

OH, you meant because of the brain injuries. Sorry, I'm slow on the uptake because of the, uh, brain injuries.

Penny wrote:

I doubt it. College? No. Pro? Maybe.

Eh, I remember there being some study of CTE that showed that many who never played past college had signs of it. Granted, the general hand wringing bedwetting that has surrounded bumped heads for the past five years certainly blew it WAY out of proportion, but you never know.

Penguin wrote:

I doubt it. College? No. Pro? Maybe.

IDK about in Florida or whatever, but there are places that take college ball pretty damn seriously.

Mikey wrote:

If anything, that would make him more calm when a black man runs up to him, because he has been in that scenario a LOT.

...the cop wasn't the football player.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Penguin wrote:

I doubt it. College? No. Pro? Maybe.

IDK about in Florida or whatever, but there are places that take college ball pretty damn seriously.

Not that seriously. Not even in the South where they sell tickets to high school games all over town. Someone who's been out of the game for three years, after having been in it for 2 years, not having played for a college in the same state... I really don't think it'd have much bearing on it.

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71 year old shoots 43 year old. For texting in cinema. Popcorn may also have been thrown.

Regarding the shooter:

Quote :

Tampa Police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said Mr Reeves was a captain when he retired from the department in 1993, according to the Associated Press. After he retired, he was on the board of a neighbouring county's Crime Stoppers organisation.

That's... that's not a good way to stop crime.

Hmmm. On the one hand, the offending moviegoer should have had the decency to sit in the back row if he was going to text during the movie because those screens are bright and distracting. The correct thing to do when someone asks you to stop doing that is to either apologize and stop doing it, or go outside of the theater until you're finished, not just give a stupid excuse and continue doing it.

On the other hand, shooting him dead may have been a teensy bit extreme. Just a bit.

Knorg wrote:

Quote :

Tampa Police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said Mr Reeves was a captain when he retired from the department in 1993, according to the Associated Press. After he retired, he was on the board of a neighbouring county's Crime Stoppers organisation.

That's... that's not a good way to stop crime.

Sure it is; that man will never text during a movie again, will he?  

I just got back from Flolida. On the turpike, I saw a pro-abortion billboard within 100 yards of Jesus billboard.

Also, no one can drive, no one can speak English (maybe it's such a shit hole because it basically Cuba), and there's no driving range where Mikey can actually hit driver because anyone who ISN'T Cuban is fucking 90 and hits the ball 330 FEET.

Furthermore, this country would be a better place if texting in movies and bringing any kid incapable of not crying to the movies (or anywhere else outside of your house) were punishable by death.

School service dog lawsuit

The gist: Kid with CP has seizures. Kid gets service dog. School district won't allow service dog on property without first having kid meet increasingly silly demands. Mother decides to sue.

Sparrow wrote:

School service dog lawsuit

The gist: Kid with CP has seizures. Kid gets service dog. School district won't allow service dog on property without first having kid meet increasingly silly demands. Mother decides to sue.

That's what he gets for possessing child pornography.

Isn't Justin Bieber fucking shit up in Florida or something