Doll by little-witch-kitten

Doll by little-witch-kitten

This is in theory a Homestuck fic. I have wanted to do a Homestuck fic for a while, but the source material is so confusing I was having trouble finding a fic that a non-fan would be able to follow. This fic should be easy to follow because it has shit-all to do with Homestuck except for naming the protagonists "Karkat" and "John" so... yep. Enjoy.

So the story starts out by telling us that there was once a doll maker who was really good at his job, but very lonely. It never tells us why he does not go out and get some damn friends, but whatever. Instead a ~mysterious~ lady drops by and gives him a ~mysterious~ package and says that if he sticks it in a doll the doll will come to life. So basically this is Pinocchio except no one bothers to tell us why to guy cannot have real children.

Then again:

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"If I can bring my doll to life then I must make this doll the most beautiful of them all!' Thought the doll maker reaching for his clay to start anew.

"I will give this doll hair white as snow and eyes red as blood, long thin limes and a childish face to complete at it all."

Perhaps his problem is he only likes little albino boys? Or maybe he only likes limes.

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The doll maker spoke out loud, excitedly as he painted the clay a milky cream color for the dolls skin burning a symbol of the cancer on its left hip painting it red,

OK, this is just going to a weird place now.

The doll maker finally decides that maybe he should check out exactly what he is supposed to be putting in the doll and it turns out to be a set of red glass eyes. Luckily this weirdo was already planning on using red eyes, I guess. He shoves the eyes in.

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Turning over his doll and brushing the pads of his fingers over the dolls long eyelashes and waited for the doll to rise but it never did. The doll maker sighed in defeat and was ready to give up

I am no expert on doll making, but maybe you should fire the clay first?

Conveniently enough, the eyes came with a note explaining the problem.

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"To bring you doll to life it must have a soul a purpose it needs a name only then will your doll awaken from its slumber"

"A name?" The man spoke out softly

"A name? Well, shit, I don't have a name, what the fuck does he need one for?"

So he names the doll Karkat Vantas for no reason except this is supposed to be a Homestuck fic. Then the doll does that cracking with light-beams-coming-out-of-the-cracks thing.

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The doll was braking.

"NNOO" the man screamed out as he covered his eyes from the light and sobbed at his failer.

Obviously this guy has never seen a Disney movie :\

So, yeah, Karkat comes to life and then two years later the nameless dollmaker dies for no reason important enough to tell us. My God I will miss that man, he just had so much personality. He leaves Karkat with "his forchen and his gift of making dolls" and Karkat is "left to suffer in sadness and self-pity alone in a large house." So I guess he also inherited his father’s inability to leave his house and meet people? Gosh, friend-making is just so hard!

The first chapter ends with this ominous line:

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Until someone notes him.

"The Hentai Adventures of Jepeado and Pinociloli"

I've read that fic and I'm not sure what the fuck is going on.

Other than that there's a doll, which I could've inferred from the title.

I assume by "symbol of the cancer" she means the starsign and not my Official Corporate Seal.

jfc what the fuck did i just read and what the hell is going on in this sentence

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he had these dolls that supposedly belonged to the son of the doll maker. Each one showed a different emotions but he only have four and he knew there was more, so he had plan to go to the old "doll house" and see if he can recover others if they are not burned to a crisp that is

Ohh Reepi please keep going.

WD40 wrote:

"Pinociloli"

Did you make that up or is that a real thing? Either way I Lol'ed.



I need to stop saying that.

grmblfjx wrote:

Ohh Reepi please keep going.

Awww, anything for you.

There is only one more chapter though, and it is does not really go anywhere.

First we get a big ol' prose-free chunk of dialog, all in italics. No idea who is talking to who, just some bullshit about what we just read in chapter one being a ghost story or something.

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"I heard there is a ghost in the doll house"

"The doll house? What's the doll house?"

"Oh my gosh you never heard the story of the doll house!?"

Oh wow this is so riveting you guys. I am completely into being told the story of the "doll house".

Bleh, sorry, sarcasm again. I try and try, but it can be so hard not to fall back on it at times like this.

So, mystery voice one sums up the previous chapter to mystery voice two in more-or-less the manner I would:

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"Some years back there was this doll maker that made all these pretty dolls and people would come and buy them and stuff"

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"So the man was lonely or something I guess and brought one of his dolls to life with magic!"

I mean I guess he was lonely, I have no idea why or whatever but that is the only real reason for him to bring a doll to life or some stuff I guess.

Mystery voice one goes on to say that the dollmaker died and then later the house caught on fire. No one knows why, probably because that made this story a great deal easier to write. Doll!Karkat was found in the house, not burned or anything but not alive either.

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"But that makes no sense if he it was in the fire right? Ugh anyway what did they do to the doll"

Man, do not ask me, I did not write this story.

The townspeople decided to bury the doll next to the dollmaker. In fact, they even give the doll its own coffin and tombstone. I am still trying to figure out this whole "the dollmaker was lonely" thing because these people sound like pretty stand up dudes. Or complete crazies. One of those.

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"So do you thing the ghost is the dolls spirit"

"Yeah probably still looking for his dad"

"Why would he still be looking for his dad?"

"He never got to say good-bye to him"

I have no idea.

After our oh so very well thought out little fairy tale/ ghost story ends we get introduced to John. John collects dolls.

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what made John different from the rest was he had these dolls that supposedly belonged to the son of the doll maker. Each one showed a different emotions but he only have four and he knew there was more, so he had plan to go to the old "doll house" and see if he can recover others if they are not burned to a crisp that is.

All your dolls show a different emotions you say? Please do go on.

Waaait, how long ago did this doll shit happen? If it was recently enough that the house is still standing and has any chance of still having dolls in it, why are the details all so vague? Why does the story sound like a medieval fairy tale?

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John texted his best friend Dave to come along with some others to join in on the fun. They all planned to stay there for the night and tell ghost story's or called the ghost of the "doll" but john still had to complete his mission to find the other dolls.

Oh man we are really gearing up for adventure now!

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Sorry its short I will make sure to make the next chapter longer!

There is no next chapter.

The End!!!

ETA: OH SHIT NEVERMIND A NEW CHAPTER GOT POSTED JUST TODAY. I WAS HONESTLY NOT EXPECTING THAT.

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'Wow she is so cute! No one can beat her cuteness! ' john mentally admired Vriska blush dusting on his checks without him noticing.

Aww hell yeah I am all over this. Tomorrow.

OK, so who here is ready for chapter 3?!

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To say john was excited was and understatement, he was shaking from excitement mentally and physically

Awww hell yeah!! Soooo excited!

Chapter 3 starts off with John's friends coming over. It never lists who all is there, but it looks like Rose, Dave, Terezi, Vriska, and Jade. If you are wondering who those people are, do not bother. The only distinguishing features they have in the sorty are: Terezi = blind, Vriska = draaaaaaaaws out random leeeeeeeetters, everyone else = fuck it who gives a shit? John invites his firends in, but only for a moment!

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Yes john was embarrassed about his father's collection of stupid clowns he calls Harlequins but they will just grab a few snacks and leave.

The lesson here is that dolls = great! c: Clown dolls = terrible! D:

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Johns Dad was in the kitchen making for cake why he always wants to make cake or backed goods john will never know.

Man, John, stopped dissing your dad's backed goods, that sounds like a great investment. Would you rather he make unbacked goods?

After rushing his friends out the door as fast as possible to avoid the acute embaressment of cake baking, John sets off for the "doll's house". Everyone but John and Vriska run on ahead to leave John and Vriska together for... ship tease I guess?

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he had no clue that the spider was checking out her pray as they walked on.

Ummm???

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"soooooooo john, whyyyyyyyy are we going to the Doll's hoooooooouse?" Vriska asked twirling a piece of hair on her finger.

'Wow she is so cute! No one can beat her cuteness! '

IDK, I am preeeety sure I could beat that.

With a stick.

*rimshot*

...

With the awkward flirting complete, they finaly approach the house. It is locked. With a note for some reason?

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'Do not disturb there rest. Leave him alone'

Locks are meaningless to Vriska, however, and she swiftly pulls out a hairpin and makes it her bitch.

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"And that is how it's done, read and weep losers"

Read... the lock? What?

They enter the building and start to set up camp.

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"Latter TZ we still got to unpack our stuff like it's a camp site all up and here" (sorry not that good with Dave)

Meanwhile, in some other part of the house, some other guy is hanging with Doll!Karkat for some reason I guess!

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The broken doll tried to speak but was so week, siting on the piano stool with only this man for company.

Oh man, maybe we will get lucky and the story with actually tell us why the doll is in the house and not buried outside like the last chapter said it was?? That would be so great!

Mystery guy is Gamzee, btw. He calls Doll!Karkat "best friend," and Doll!Karkat asks him what that means. Gamzee angsts about how Doll!Karkat does not know what best friend means, but then he does not bother to tell him so whatever, I guess. Then Doll!Karkat plays the piano?

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The doll turns to face the piano and plays.

He is too weak to speak but he can play piano. I guess. Shit, is "I guess" going to be a verbal tick for me now?

John runs around the house like an idiot looking for dolls. Apparently the group's plans are to explore and then return to "home bass" to tell "scary story's". John runs upstairs and discovers "a large doll caring room" whatever the fuck that is. His flashlight refects off a shiney object. Doll get!

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"Wow that was easy! Hey there beautiful, come to daddy." John put down his flash light and carefully picked up the doll. The dolls face showed surprise its ruby eyes sparkling in the light of the flashlight, its hair was pure white its skin fare and still smooth to the touch.

After packing up the doll in a manner not at all creepy, John runs to the next room and the chapter ends.

To be continued..?

I'm mentally shaking, too. I hope the author isn't done with this.

So this fiction is Frankenstein meets Pinocchio, meets Chucky? Bold choices. Only a good author could carry that off.

Which is why... sadly...

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One day when the man was working on his newest doll there was a knock on his door

Commas are for pussies. I expect the old man was done with working on his already completed dolls. Yes?

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Knock, Knock, Knock.

From those of us who are just that unsure what a knock on the door is, we thank you, author.

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The where slow nocks, like the man behind the door had all the time In the world

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So the doll maker went to open the door and behind the door was a woman draped in a brown and gold.

Which is why you go for first person narration, or omniscient narrator, not both.

Is it me, or is anyone else picturing a withered old crone, naked, but wrapped in an old curtain?

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"I heard you where lonely my friend so I brought this to quench your thirst. All you must do is put this in any doll you chose and it would come alive."

Nice try with simile and metaphor, but fail. 'I heard you were parched with loneliness and brought this to quench your thirst' works, but still sounds as pretentious as hell. And as Reepi so rightly said, why does this sound like 'long ago in a kingdom far away' stuff, when the house is still livable in and, (as far as we can tell, watertight), in an age of texting?

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With that said the woman placed the object in the doll makers hands and walked off.

That's it? Poor old biddy gets one damned line after getting all dressed up in a curtain? Jeez.

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The doll maker sighed in defeat and was ready to give up but he spotted a note in the cloth. Picking up the note and opening it he read

"To bring you doll to life it must have a soul a purpose it needs a name only then will your doll awaken from its slumber"

The old woman could have done that line! Man, that poor *Lamia ex machina needs a new agent!

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John stuttered on his words as Vriska laughed at his shyness. 'One day I will ask her out' john promised himself feeling pride build up in his chest.

Yeah. Chest. You keep telling yourself that, John.

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"This is just the stair way, I suggest we go to the to the living room of this house" rose spoke walking past a door way to another room as the rest fallowed.

Fallowing, (as I found out in my Mischief Managed/Loki thread), is either being left unseeded after sowing, or a light yellowish-brown colour. So all John's friends are unseeded, or the colour of piss.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Bleh, sorry, sarcasm again. I try and try, but it can be so hard not to fall back on it at times like this.

Don't worry about it, Reepi. All badfic snarkers know that, if it's a stark choice between sarcasm and drink, the most healthy option is... well, both. But, if it's one or the other, sarcasm all the way!

Excellent snark, by the way. You even made sense of some of this thing, which is more than the author did!

*witch in the machine.

Summercorn wrote:

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With that said the woman placed the object in the doll makers hands and walked off.

That's it? Poor old biddy gets one damned line after getting all dressed up in a curtain? Jeez.

Haha, oh man and she just walks off. I do not know why I did not notice that before, but she spouts nonsense, puts a thing in his hand, and then just... casually strolls away?

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Summercorn wrote:

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With that said the woman placed the object in the doll makers hands and walked off.

That's it? Poor old biddy gets one damned line after getting all dressed up in a curtain? Jeez.

Haha, oh man and she just walks off. I do not know why I did not notice that before, but she spouts nonsense, puts a thing in his hand, and then just... casually strolls away?

Maybe she's done this often? Like, it's her hobby to help lonely people.

Shit guys I just now looked over this author's other story and I am beginning to think I got hooked by a troll.

Story title: Fall in love like a Romcom
First line: "Ok then this is my first story here and I will name it 'Fall in love like a remcom'"
AN at the end of the first chapter: "don't be afraid to tell me what I spelled something wrong like remcom I feel like I spelled that wrong hehe this is fun !"
First line of chapter 2: "Mew mew hi again this is the second chapter of 'Fall in love like a Romcome' "

I need your advice guys, does this sound trolly to you or are there really people that comically stupid irl?

Trust me, there are people that stupid in real life. My ex-sister-in law was so beyond stupid, I don't think they have a name for it. And no, there was nothing wrong with her mentally or physically. She was just stupid.

Well, I mean. The IQ of 100 is supposed to be the average.

grmblfjx wrote:

Well, I mean. The IQ of 100 is supposed to be the average.

Yeah I am not sure I even believe that. That would mean the over half the population was dumber than me and that is just not holding up to my life experiences.

OK, so, no new chapter yet and I am not sure if I want to do her other fic. Her other fic is dumber, but it is also harder to interpret w/o knowing the fandom. But here is something everyone can enjoy: a stupid profile!

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dislikes: the uke being a fucking seme ( the uke is an uke lets keep it like that >:3),

Oh boy!! Man I hate it when 'ukes' all decide they wanna be 'semes' I mean why even tatoo them with their sexual lot in life when they are born if they are all gonna be switch and shit?

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My name is Lucifer

I am three,

Ummmm

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I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

What the fuuu

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He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

uuuuck?

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O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

what is this

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My name is Lucifer

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

Now i roam the underworld,

to help those in need.

I may seem evil,

but i'm not.

So God is a drunken child abuser? Is this what this poem is about?

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you say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
You say HANNAH MONTANA
I say THE WORD ALIVE
You say ZAC EFRON
I say KANDA,LAVI AND TYKI
You say RAP
I say ROCK
You say Im WEIRD
I say yup ! ( and proud of it too)

Oh those crazy Hanna Montana fans and their rap music.

Hanna Montana more like Hanna MOMtana amirite?

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

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dislikes: the uke being a fucking seme ( the uke is an uke lets keep it like that >:3),

Oh boy!! Man I hate it when 'ukes' all decide they wanna be 'semes' I mean why even tatoo them with their sexual lot in life when they are born if they are all gonna be switch and shit?

Hahaha what. I don't even.

Well, you know, I bet some of the golden oldies are trollfics, but they're still fun to snark. Hell, it's not even that it is a trollfic, but that people read it and like it. I say: continue! :D

Well, you know, I bet some of the golden oldies are trollfics, but they're still fun to snark. Hell, it's not even that it is a trollfic, but that people read it and like it. I say: continue! :D

CHAPTER FOUR IS HOT OF THE PRESSES!

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Dave and Terezi where alone in the dining room, Terezi licking nothing but dust but it seemed like she did not mind at all.

A blind girl is licking dust-coved things in an abandoned house!

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"hey Dave , Terezi you guys know where John went?' Vriska asked stretching out some words as she always does.

Oh that Vriska and her talking quirk, amirite?

Vriska enters the room where Dave is watching as a blind girl gives herself all sorts of diseases. She wants to know where the hell John wondered off to.

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her voice was series

In other news, the authoress has figured out how to run spellcheck.

Meanwhile, John wanders aimless and alone through a dilapidated old mansion searching out dolls to steal. He hears some footsteps! Shit, squatters!! He tries to hide, but every door is locked! He hears a piano, he runs upstairs! He runs into Gamzee!

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Three long scars running across his face, his hair wild and untamed, crazy bangs framing his face, a tall and intimidating figure.

The sound of the piano was loud and ringed throughout the house as it came from behind the man that stood his ground at the opening of the west wing.

"You best leave bro" the man said voice ruff his face cold showing not emotion.

Eh, this sequence is not that terrible. The authoress is actually improving at a pretty fast clip, tbh.

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"stop trying to take him away, he is not made of motherfucking gold you can't just melt him down to make you motherfucking jewelry" the man snarled his face scrunching up in discuss,

Improved does not really equal good just yet though. Or even average.

So John claims that he is not here to take the mystery piano boy, but rather he is here to steal priceless antique dolls! Gamzee is kinda pissed because the dolls belong to Karkat, but John is sort of a dumbass (or maybe just a jerk) so he refuses to give up his loot.

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"No way I still need to find the rest of them!" John resisted back strait to show his full height trying to look intimating , even if the other was defiantly taller.

More breaking news: spell check is still not a substitute for knowing how written words work! Although I rather like the idea of John trying to look “intimating”.

John dodges out of the way of Gamzee’s reach and runs into the room with Karkat.

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"Feet don't fail me now!"

Why do I feel like we need some Wackity Sax up in here all of a sudden?

John runs into the room and spots Karkat, as “milky white” as ever.

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'Vriska might be pretty but this guy takes the cake …wait but I'm not homosexual!'

No comment. And yes, John saying “I’m not a homosexual” is a direct quote from Homestuck, but it was in a significantly less stupid context, trust me.

So John gets pulled towards Karkat and the doll starts to float in the air, I think. Something about dead leaves and wind and Gamzee dramatically asking John what he did. Then the doll breaks I think??

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"What happening?!" John yelled

No idea, bb.

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"You gave him the doll!" the man yelled back

Wait a minute…

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"I'm John, what's your name?" the boy blinked again small bits of his memory returning to him,

Hang on, I am going to go backwards for a sec:

chapter 2 wrote:

he had these dolls that supposedly belonged to the son of the doll maker. Each one showed a different emotions but he only have four

chapter 3 wrote:

The dolls face showed surprise its ruby eyes sparkling in the light of the flashlight, its hair was pure white its skin fare and still smooth to the touch.

the summary wrote:

the doll was left all alone for so many years he slowly lost how to feel all he has left is anger and curiosity no longer can he feel sadness or joy or security

Has… has anyone else here seen Princess Tutu? I- is this story based on Princess Tutu??

I am completely unsure how to feel about this. If I am right it is actually a cleverer plot than I would have given this chick credit for, even if it is being ripped off of a pretty silly anime. It still have shit all to do with Homestuck in any way what-so-ever, but, IDK.

OK, Doll refuses to update and I am really sad about that!!! So to cheer myself up I present another fanfic from the same authoress, A Gift from Terezi.

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john comes home after work with something Terezi made for our dear karkat Xeno anatomy, smut , one-shot just some really messy paling for fans looking for some johnkat smut a bit of OCC karkat petstuck

Bad thing about this fic is that, unlike Doll, this takes some actual Homestuck knowledge to fully comprehend how messed up it is. Wait no, that is a lie, you can tell something terribly wrong is going on, it is just difficult to discern exactly what.

Take this summery, for example. Obv we have some really inconsistent caps, no real understanding of punctuation, and some tags that are more than a little worrisome. Xeno anatomy and smut are fine on their own, if you like that sort of thing, but paired with the writing style of a 13-year-old... well. And OOC is never a good sign no matter the fandom. "Petstuck" and "messy paling" might need a bit of explanation, but fuck it I would rather leave you guys squirming in non-specific uncomfortableness.

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John Egbert x pawkat I needed an excuse to wright smut

Xeno anatomy (nooks and tentabulges 3)

Shit FFN's anti-scriptfic filter ate that poor kitty emote's eyeballs. Also something about gross alien anatomy.

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John was a very nice master, he would let me eat at the table with him and go shopping with him and taught him stuff he knew like how to read and do math and science.

Wow this sure is not going to go anywhere horrible and gross.

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he saw us equal and every time he got the chance he would sign up for things to change the right of us trolls.

That means the inevitable dub-conny as hell sex is totally ok!!

To sum up the boring bits: Karkat belongs to John. He decides to make John some food for when John comes back from work. He cannot find any food in the house. He calls John to complain about it except I guess John's car pulls in that very second, idk it is a little vague.

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As the door opened I tackled John, my tail wagging as I grip his cloths to keep me connected to him.

That happens and is not at all creepy.

John has a strawberry cake he got from Dave who got it from Terezi. No mention is made whether or not that means that Dave owns Terezi because c'mon we have dub-con to get to. Karkat eats the cake. Then shit gets super gross.

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I ate my cake, when I finished my stomach was full and my cheeks felt flushed and warm. I feel my nook twitch and spill a small about of liquid before I realize I was pissing my pants and held it in as I shoot out of my chair and run for the bathroom, pulling down my pants to use it. I let it flow out but my body felt hot and my nook would not stop twitching, my bulge was slipping out of its protective sheath.

In other news, I really dislike the word "spill".

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'WHAT WAS IN THAT CAKE' I panicked as my body trembled,

Hawt.

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if he sticks it in a doll the doll will come to life

aaaaand the first thing that comes to mind is DILDO.

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I feel my nook twitch and spill a small about of liquid before I realize I was pissing my pants and held it in as I shoot out of my chair and run for the bathroom, pulling down my pants to use it.

OH MY GOD THAT IS SO SEXY

so the cake makes you piss, somehow

that makes all kinds of sense

Cyberwulf wrote:

that makes all kinds of sense

All kinds of bat shit insane sense!

Date rape cake, then? So what is dub-con? Like date rape or is that classified as real rape as far as fic? What are the boundaries bwt rape and dub? Never understood this.

Cyberwulf wrote:

so the cake makes you piss, somehow

ILU Cy.

Kakashifan727 wrote:

What are the boundaries bwt rape and dub? Never understood this.

Well, firstly I want to make it clear that they are both rape. In erotica there are two terms (non-con, dub-con) mostly to guide people to reading what they like and avoid things that will squick them (or trigger them) so the difference between the two is not super firm and can get a bit fuzzy. Generally non-con involves the victim actually struggling/crying/saying no while dub-con is most other forms of rape, like sex involving drugs, blackmail, mind-control or some other type of fantasy set-up, etc., etc. A person might find one sexy and the other gross for whatever reason, or one acceptably dramatic and the other... gross.

I hope that helps!

Anyway, there is one more chapter of this fic and it is even grosser, like way icky. It starts with John bustin' in the bathroom door!

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As John opened the door Karkat's Screech turned into a shaky moan as his nook twitched more. Karkat's face was bright red his body shook as his knees connected together trapping in bulge between them.

Karkat can trap his dick in-between his knees? Shit, when the fic said "xeno anatomy" it was not kidding.

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"Karkat what's wrong, why do you feel so warm?" John asked as he placed a hand on Karkat's cheeks and forehead thinking he had some sort of fever, not even noticing Karkats bulge was out in the harsh cold air.

It is a cold, hard world out there for a dick.

So Karkat awkwardly tells John that the cake was drugged and then proceeds to move his body through space in some incomprehensible manner that only make sense if these guys have a huge fucking bathroom. Also a wave of "plusher" runs down Karkats spine so... yeah.

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John just laughed for the hundredth time today

I am glad you find this so funny!

Then we get sex with some lovely and not at all icky descriptions like this:

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John opened Karkats legs making Karkat flail,

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John gave a loud slurp pulling back just in time for Karkat to orgasm all over his chest.

Waitaminute waitaminute, I was promised "paling" and I see no pail. (Vital Homestuck info alert for non-fans: troll-sex involves buckets. Please never learn anything about Homestuck other than this one fact.)

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Karkat whimpered and arched his back twisting as he felt the rush of genetic material leave his nook his bulge curling in on itself,

Damn that is gross.

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"Still a little hungry Kitty" John teased "you know I use to have a cat that just wouldn't stop asking for food, it was so cute"

Damn that is waaaaay more gross. Ew.

I am going to wrap this up because icky. They frick, then fall asleep. There might have been thigh-biting in there somewhere. I am sure it was unnecessarily disgusting. The end!!

It occurs to me, this doll-maker uses clay, and brings one of his creations to life. Basically, the doll-maker just created a golem.
And now John is fucking a golem.
What the fuck.