Why God, Why?
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Why God, Why?


 
HomeHome  Latest imagesLatest images  RegisterRegister  Log in  

 

 Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go down 
5 posters
AuthorMessage
Maximilia
My spoon is too big.
My spoon is too big.
Maximilia


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 50
Location : South Dakota

Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EmptyMon Jun 29, 2009 10:11 pm

Alright, I'm sitting here waiting for NWN2 to finish downloading all the updates (sigh), and reading the boards and I thought... hey, I should do a snark. I have some time. Ink and I had discussed The Hollows series earlier by Kim Harrison, and started perusing some of the fanfic thereof (ew, lots of femslash, but honestly, to be expected given the books), and I found this little gem which turns Rachel into and OMG VALLEY GIRL who uses lots of exclamation points!

The Things I Can't Say

Alright. To sum up, Rachel is a witch. Her partners are Jenks--a pixie--and Ivy--a living vampire. They run a "runner's" firm called Vampiric Charms, and what runners do is basically arresting nasties which humans can't really handle by themselves. Evidently, Jenks and Ivy are out on a run, and Rachel's at home alone.

Quote :
I had a very special run.
That involved me, my looks and being a silent observer... Yeah, I know not really my piece of pie!
Like, Oh my god!

Quote :
I put on my special perfume Ivy got me to hide my scent. Tonight I was passing as a human. As an extra cover I would use an amulet to hide my redwood scent.
Redundant things are redundant.

So, Rachel's in the kitchen admiring it and herself, and she gets a call. It's Jenks on the line, and some trouble is brewing!!

Quote :
“Ivy is hurt! She got attacked! I was able to get away. They don’t know I was there!”
“ Can you follow them?”
“I did! We are at the zoo! They took her inside. I’m going to go and see where they went! Get your ass here so you can save Ivy’s ass!”
"Like OOH MY GAWD, REALLY?!"
"Ya, really!"
"No wai!"
"Ya wai!"
"Lyke, OOOH MY GAWD!"

Quote :
The phone went dead. I looked at it.
LIIIIIVE, DAMN YOU!

And so Rachel races across town to go rescue Ivy and Jenks. When she gets there, Jenks fills her in. Evidently someone got the drop on Ivy and knocked her out. And put her in the tiger cage. Rawr.

Quote :
“ The tiger cage!! Where they put that wild tiger they found last month?”
No, the other tiger cage where they put in the polar bears!

Quote :
The tiger had seemingly come out of nowhere a month ago! He had attacked four people and killed one of them! It had taken four attempts to get him to sleep and put him in the cage!
Like, no way! ZOMG!

And even though Rache spent a lot of time admiring her looks, she neglected her feet:

Quote :
I was running around looking like a human diva, with charms and a gun and slippers on my feet!
Hon, you don't look anything like a diva if you have slippers on. Trust me.

She gets attacked, by the EVAL ley line witches. They attempt to break her circle of protection, but Rachel won't give up!

Quote :
If they where going to try I was going to burn their chi’s to ash.
If they were where what, she was going to burn their what? *scratches head*

Ok. I'm sure there are some more snark-worthy lines in here, but the syntax is horrible, the spelling is bad, the story is laughable, and the exclamation points are driving me crazy! Crazy! LIKE OH MY GOD, IT BURNS!
Back to top Go down
I_Lam_Edhellen
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
I_Lam_Edhellen


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 37
Location : Orodrim

Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EmptyMon Jun 29, 2009 11:15 pm

Kudos to you for putting up with this as long as you did.

Quote :
That involved me, my looks and being a silent observer... Yeah, I know not really my piece of pie! I put on my special perfume Ivy got me to hide my scent. Tonight I was passing as a human. As an extra cover I would use an amulet to hide my redwood scent.
The sentences are just so random. It's as though there's several conversations going on in the writer's head, and she's trying to write them both at the same time. Also, isn't redwood a perfume scent? Why would someone be suspicious if someone smelled of it? Or, is this a fandom thing that I'm not catching on to?
Back to top Go down
http://www.realelvish.net
InkWeaver
Harriet Tubman
Harriet Tubman
InkWeaver


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 33
Location : Home of the peanuts.

Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EmptyTue Jun 30, 2009 12:00 am

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:
Kudos to you for putting up with this as long as you did.

Quote :
That involved me, my looks and being a silent observer... Yeah, I know not really my piece of pie! I put on my special perfume Ivy got me to hide my scent. Tonight I was passing as a human. As an extra cover I would use an amulet to hide my redwood scent.
The sentences are just so random. It's as though there's several conversations going on in the writer's head, and she's trying to write them both at the same time. Also, isn't redwood a perfume scent? Why would someone be suspicious if someone smelled of it? Or, is this a fandom thing that I'm not catching on to?

Fandom thing. Witches naturally smell of redwood, as it's a scent that occurs when they activate spells. I believe because it's a primary ingredient in a lot of spellwork. If anyone smelled it on her, they'd know she was a witch. (I'm fuzzy on a lot of details because there's seven books and I've sort of read them all in like a span of a week and and and -- )
Back to top Go down
Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger


Join date : 2009-06-10

Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EmptyTue Jun 30, 2009 2:44 am

First we had vampires that sparkle, now we have witches that smell like California Redwoods.

Up next-werewolves with short downy coats that don't shed.

God, I miss Nosferatau...
Back to top Go down
myeerah
Contributor
Contributor
myeerah


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 46

Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! EmptyTue Jun 30, 2009 4:07 pm

Rabid Badger wrote:
First we had vampires that sparkle, now we have witches that smell like California Redwoods.

Up next-werewolves with short downy coats that don't shed.

God, I miss Nosferatau...

Actually, the Kim Harrison novels aren't too bad. They're a little girly for my taste (Rachel's rather sensitive about her appearance), but there's a lot of nasty things being nasty, and morally ambiguous things being morally ambiguous. Rachel and Ivy's relationship, in particular, is very well done. They're friends, but there's a very strong undercurrent of a lot of things in there that could go wrong at the drop of a hat.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content





Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Empty

Back to top Go down
 
Exclamation Mark Abuse by Valley Girl Witch!!! !!!!! !!!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Team Valley Girl 2
» A Twisted Fairytale--Featuring Chaos, Yuffie, exclamation points, and a special snark guest (NWS)
» Doll by little-witch-kitten
» Grandma tortured and burned to death on suspicion of being a witch
» 31y/o makes preg 19y/o sign a contract so he can abuse her some more.

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Why God, Why? :: The Sporking Table :: New Releases-
Jump to: