New and Exciting Obesity Solution

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Invent single most useless transportation device imaginable

Bulimia-O-Matic is stupid and fail, but don't diss Segways, they're fun. I've been on one.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

How hard is it to cook up oatmeal?

1: How hard is it to cook other stuff? I can cook reasonably well, that's not the issue. I just don't enjoy it, at all, to the point where I only eat warm meals if someone else makes them.
2: And do you eat oatmeal every day?

Penguin wrote:

making a lifestyle change, not dieting because diets are temporary.

Yeah, exactly.

xerrofoot wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Invent single most useless transportation device imaginable

Bulimia-O-Matic is stupid and fail, but don't diss Segways, they're fun. I've been on one.

Segways are toys.

Penguin wrote:

Segways are toys.

And dangerous toys to boot, the way some people use them.

Why the hell did anybody decide Segways are actually USEFUL?! Seriously, it's like a ball on wheels!

Additionally, this device saves you from having to cook too, for those people here who aren't keen on cooking! All you do is cook one meal, use the Bulimia-O-Matic (congratz to whoever thought that up) and put it onto a new plate, then eat it again! This time you won't even have to chew!!

I swear to GOD omebody will try that.

grmblfjx wrote:

"oohhhh but I MADE THEM." (...shit.)

That one, fuck it, is my mother's favourite. Which is the reason why we nearly came to hands last week, after my daughter ate half a jar of jam (luckily she's as thin as a nail, but cavities are another matter).
My mother's excuse?
"But it's HOMEMADE!"

Returning to the subject, why bother with a stomach pump? You could simply do an esophagotomy instead of a tracheotomy and let the chewed food just dribble out of a hole in your neck and all over your shoulder. Just install a valve for the water and the food you must eat to survive, and you're all set.

One of my coworker has a gastric surgery but it didn't last. It couldn't: his idea of exercise is climbing to the seat of the forklift (he's been seen driving the forklift to save a 40 yards walk). Maybe a brain surgery would've been more useful?
When I see the invoice for the tailor-made working clothes we make for him, I think of the several rock bands whose members were told to lose weight or leave...

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why the hell did anybody decide Segways are actually USEFUL?! Seriously, it's like a ball on wheels!

Additionally, this device saves you from having to cook too, for those people here who aren't keen on cooking! All you do is cook one meal, use the Bulimia-O-Matic (congratz to whoever thought that up) and put it onto a new plate, then eat it again! This time you won't even have to chew!!

I swear to GOD omebody will try that.

1} I didn't say they were useful, I just said they were fun. 2} Gross, Harley. 3} I thought of 'Bulimia-O-Matic' because this reminds me of a scene from Catching Fire where people in the Capitol drink a beverage that makes them puke after they eat just so they can go back and eat some more. Both that and the device this thread is about are a sickening (no pun intended) waste of food.

Ugh, I just thought of another way to abuse that device: alcohol. Drink all you want and not get drunk!

xerrofoot wrote:

Ugh, I just thought of another way to abuse that device: alcohol. Drink all you want and not get drunk!

Not sure if it really works that way. Don't you drink to get drunk? I mean, not entirely, it's also a social-cultural thing, bla bla bla, but drinking and not getting drunk in the process? Doesn't sound like you get all the advantages of alcohol.

Instant!Tipsy-pill sounds like it could sell, though.

Yeah, I am not sure who would want to drink with out getting drunk; minus, like, wine fanatics, and those guys will just spit the wine out anyways.

The thing is though that if you're at a point where an open hole into your digestive tract sounds more promising than the "change eating habits" approach, you're wayyyyy beyond anything we're discussing here.

grmblfjx wrote:

The thing is though that if you're at a point where an open hole into your digestive tract sounds more promising than the "change eating habits" approach, you're wayyyyy beyond anything we're discussing here.

Well, yeah. This "invention" is still incredibly irresponsible and dangerous.

xerrofoot wrote:

Ugh, I just thought of another way to abuse that device: alcohol. Drink all you want and not get drunk!

...you a teetotaler or something?

If alcohol didn't get you drunk, nobody would bother with that nasty shit.

Lots of interesting food for thought (pardon the pun) in this thread. Mikey is right (shockingly) about raw vegetables--they can be delicious (but so can cooked vegetables--and adding tasty herbs and spices can make them more interesting without adding excess fat/calories). One doesn't have to do a lot of cooking to make a healthy meal--there's a lot of good stuff that can be eaten uncooked (like most fruits and a lot of vegetables). Also, if a person has limited time for cooking, they can prepare a lot of things ahead of time and refrigerate (in the short term) or freeze (in the longer term) and just heat them up when it's time to eat (and some things improve from this--soup is better the second day, after the flavors blend together). Some things do take a while to prepare (like large pieces of meat--there's a reason the Thanksgiving turkey has to be put in the oven hours in advance, and sometimes defrosted for a couple of days). Oven baked potatoes take a long time, too, but the cooking time can be shortened by punching holes in them, microwaving them in water for a couple of minutes, and then baking them--oven baked taste with less prep time. (And non-fat plain yogurt makes a decent potato topping, especially if you add chopped chives or onions).

And regarding the original topic--that machine sounds like a lawsuit in the making, since invariably some user will wind up with malnutrition from it and then baw that they didn't know they needed some food to survive. Also, deliberately removing food from your stomach without suspicion that it's tainted? Absolutely disgusting (and wasteful).

Cyberwulf wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

The thing is though that if you're at a point where an open hole into your digestive tract sounds more promising than the "change eating habits" approach, you're wayyyyy beyond anything we're discussing here.

Well, yeah. This "invention" is still incredibly irresponsible and dangerous.

Is it anymore irresponsible or dangerous than existing surgical procedures, though? It's actually far less invasive than current bariatric surgery, which removes part of an organ and stitches the rest of it back together. This invention is already commercially available in parts of Europe (so their website claims). It's not that extreme once you get past the idea.

...I do wonder though ihow Brave New World would have turned out if Aldous Huxley had some idea of this invention, allowing us to consume even more of the garbage pumped out by our industrial food system...

Owlish wrote:

Cyberwulf wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

The thing is though that if you're at a point where an open hole into your digestive tract sounds more promising than the "change eating habits" approach, you're wayyyyy beyond anything we're discussing here.

Well, yeah. This "invention" is still incredibly irresponsible and dangerous.

Is it anymore irresponsible or dangerous than existing surgical procedures, though? It's actually far less invasive than current bariatric surgery, which removes part of an organ and stitches the rest of it back together. This invention is already commercially available in parts of Europe (so their website claims). It's not that extreme once you get past the idea.

...I do wonder though ihow Brave New World would have turned out if Aldous Huxley had some idea of this invention, allowing us to consume even more of the garbage pumped out by our industrial food system...

You can still absorb nutrients and shit after surgery. This machines makes it as if you never ate the food in the first place. It's surgically induced eating disorder.

And our "industrial food system" is not at all the problem. The problem is stupid, weak, fat people.

So... How is The Amazing Diet Pump superior or more convient than, say, laxatives?

Freezer wrote:

So... How is The Amazing Diet Pump superior or more convient than, say, laxatives?

Or a finger down the throat?

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

You can still absorb nutrients and shit after surgery. This machines makes it as if you never ate the food in the first place. It's surgically induced eating disorder.

Which leads me to wonder if its inventor is deliberately trying to foster a new epidemic of eating disorders or he's just too stupid to realize the potential consequences of the Frankenstein's monster he's creating.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

And our "industrial food system" is not at all the problem. The problem is stupid, weak, fat people.

You're trying to say "food doesn't kill people, people kill people" and sound like you know what you're talking about, honey, but you're failing. Food deserts exist, meaning there are people who literally don't have access to healthy food, only convenience stores and fast food, and that is 'the industrial food system'.
Not to mention that even if you do have access to real grocery stores, there is not a single healthy type of bread in there for you to buy; add to that the problem that people don't know what's healthy and nobody's teaching them -otherwise all those "omg I never knew" surprisingly bad food lists wouldn't exist- and you have a huge problem that's not based on 'weakness' or 'stupidity' but lack of education.

Your metabolism will catch up with you in just a few short years, bb, and you'll eat the same as you do now and wonder why you're suddenly getting fat.

I can't wait.

Lady Anne wrote:

Freezer wrote:

So... How is The Amazing Diet Pump superior or more convient than, say, laxatives?

Or a finger down the throat?

As was covered above, bulimia damages your esophagus and rots your teeth. A daily dose of acid will do that.

grmblfjx wrote:

Not to mention that even if you do have access to real grocery stores, there is not a single healthy type of bread in there for you to buy;

Oh God, inorite? After I moved into shits-ville I basically had to give up on bread :\ We have a Franz bakery near here so theirs in the only bread you can buy.

grmblfjx wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

And our "industrial food system" is not at all the problem. The problem is stupid, weak, fat people.

You're trying to say "food doesn't kill people, people kill people" and sound like you know what you're talking about, honey, but you're failing. Food deserts exist, meaning there are people who literally don't have access to healthy food, only convenience stores and fast food, and that is 'the industrial food system'.
Not to mention that even if you do have access to real grocery stores, there is not a single healthy type of bread in there for you to buy; add to that the problem that people don't know what's healthy and nobody's teaching them -otherwise all those "omg I never knew" surprisingly bad food lists wouldn't exist- and you have a huge problem that's not based on 'weakness' or 'stupidity' but lack of education.

Your metabolism will catch up with you in just a few short years, bb, and you'll eat the same as you do now and wonder why you're suddenly getting fat.

I can't wait.

RE: healthy food access

From a weight loss/management standpoint, there is very little difference between 500 calories of McDonalds and 500 calories of overpriced Kashi GoLean shit. A 5,000 calorie salad will get you as fat as a 5,000 calorie cheeseburger. The cheeseburger is probably even better in terms of macronutrients (proteins and fats) than the salad.

Really, all you need is Burger King, milk, and a multivitamin (available at any Walgreens/CVS/RiteAid/random pharmacy/Wal-Mart/AND MORE) in order to meet basic nutritional needs.

Even if "food deserts" legitimately caused fatness, they'd only appear in really dense, poor, crime ridden urban areas, while the fattest states in America are rural states like Mississippi and goddamn Kentucky (I hate it here ). Shit, I live in a town of 50,000-60,000 people, with two Wal Marts, and two Krogers. And there are still SO MANY FAT PEOPLE.

Re: education

This is why I like tolerate you. This is a big problem. Kids are never educated about nutrition and exercise. The closest you ever get in public schools is PE, which is basically kids running around in circles for a half hour if they don't find a way to weasel out of it. They don't get it at home because the parents are probably as fat and as stupid as the kid. They don't have anything better in schools, partly because the school board members are likely as stupid and fat as the kids anyway, but also because there are always two groups that piss and moan about any measure intended to work. You either have fat ass conservatives whining about the government teaching their kids (which is stupid because they're voluntarily putting the kid in a government school in the first place), or fat ass hippy liberals trying to feminize the entire country bitching about how it's okay to be fatter than the Queen of Seacows and self esteem and blah blah blah I fucking hate hippies, feminists, and Canadians. Furthermore, any measures in the school are usually poorly designed and don't actually TEACH anything.

Limiting the cafeterias to celery sticks and water doesn't teach the fat kids the first fucking thing about personal health, it just screws the offensive linemen who need to be big and strong and therefore need some goddamn sloppy joes and milk. The fat kids will just go home to their fat parents and stuff their fat faces full of Twinkies (if Obama hadn't killed Hostess) and remain fat fucks regardless.

Studies show that fat kids almost invariably grow up to be fatter adults. Having a fat 10 year old is tantamount to having an alcoholic 10 year old.

Re: my metabolism

Metabolisms don't magically grind to a halt when you turn 30. It seems that way, because most people become increasingly inactive as they get older, therefore they burn fewer calories, but if one stays active, they'll keep burning calories. Mostly, anyway, the decrease in testosterone that occurs after around 27 doesn't help in general

This is ignoring the fact that I am not a retard and can manage to eat less if needed.

PS: Any "real" grocery store is going to have some whole wheat bread that's plenty good enough.

Penguin wrote:

...you a teetotaler or something?

Yes, for a number of reasons.

Don't some people drink alcohol for the taste of the drink? If not, then why do vodka mudslides and sweet fancy liqueurs exist?

Because girls need to get drunk too.

Quote :

Even if "food deserts" legitimately caused fatness, they'd only appear in really dense, poor, crime ridden urban areas, while the fattest states in America are rural states like Mississippi and goddamn Kentucky (I hate it here ). Shit, I live in a town of 50,000-60,000 people, with two Wal Marts, and two Krogers. And there are still SO MANY FAT PEOPLE.

A lot of rural areas are just as bad-off, economically, as any inner-city ghetto.

Oh yeah Walmarts they will get you on the health train no prob.