Troper Tales

Anyone who's ever read TVTropes.org knows that it's a fiercely addicting time-gobbler that will leave you with twenty tabs open as you read about amusing facts about various media.

Anyone who's ever ventured into the Troper Tales section knows it's full of creepy nerds. There's even a series of videos on YouTube devoted to readings of some of the more 'interesting' sections. Over 90 videos as of now. It's inspired me to venture into Troper Tales to see what I can find on my own.

Take this, uh, thing from Quirky Mini Boss Squad:

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I've come up with one Quirky Mini Boss Squad, which doubles as an Amazon Brigade: the Strellow Squadron, comprised of the only eight female Selucids in existence, acting as Supreme Imperator Salvatani Solustro's heaviest hitters, occasional field officers and personal protectors. As with all Seleucids, these lovely Dark Action Girls invariably wear a set of clothing that act as power inhibitors; the less clothes worn, the more energy is released and the more powerful their attacks.

Then it goes on to describe these "Dark Action Girls" in loving, disturbing detail.

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Nireddel Siqueires, a tall, curvy, busty young woman with blue/green-colored eyes and hair. Normally, she wears a white-clad military-esque uniform while on-duty, dons her under-layer battle bone bikini during combat and takes on more stylish costumes when off-duty (ex: biker babe and casual clothing). When in private, with her female colleagues, Nireddel exclusively struts around in thigh-high boots, a boney battle bra that only covers her nipples and a skirt short enough to almost entirely show off her (non-existent) panties.

Battle. Bra. (With nonexistent panties!)

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Nireddel once had three boyfriends at the same time for seven years (all are long-lived and age slower than most). All three of the guys were bisexual - one of her fetishes, since it would lead to some delicious Ho Yay (even Secks Yay) on their part.

Everyone gets objectified! Everyone loses.

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Ciruyu Trinslec, a dark purple haired, purple-eyed young woman in her twenties, with Boobs of Steel, black thigh-length boots and a whip-like weapon. She wears gothic dresses and uniforms specifically modified to reveal more of her skin, including a skirt short enough to barely cover her panties (no actual panty shots are shown, though) and a tube top that's short enough to cover her boobs.

Well good, it's nice to know there's no panty shots. It'd distract from the boobies.

In the description for Miela Sakhule (an Ambiguously Brown Hot Amazon):

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Out of habit, she tends to spank people that she's irritated by, both guys and gals alike of whatever age. If she can't spank 'em, then she'd throw them on their stomachs, pin their arms over their heads and physically rub them with her crotch and breast like a human body brush, while biting their ears to get them to cooperate. If that doesn't work, she'll handcuffs their wrists, blindfold their eyes, undress their shirt and pants, and dry-hump them for as long as she so desires; she makes as the resident interrogator.

Eww.

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Liyuni Tyellu, a young-looking gal in her late teens to early twenties with light green hair, pink eyes, white-colored briefs with a black line positioned in the middle, arm-warmers, a white vest with a high collar that reveals her stomach and most of her boobs, and white thigh-high leg-warmers. Cheerful and mischievous, with a flirtatious, teasing streak, she enjoys tickling, caressing, punching and/or squeezing the 'private parts' of guys and girls alike, to get their attention.

ow ow ow ow ow

Someone likes femdom.

A lot.

I commend you for your bravery Kommander. I ventured in to the Troper Tales area a few years ago and never went back. One article (I forgot the name though...) and I just stuck to reading the normal pages.

I'm the one who showed the horrors of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl page to the people behind This Troper. Episode 83, if I remember correctly.

I rarely read the troper tales for tropes such as Crazy Prepared and such, since they mostly seemed bland, but listening to these dramatic readings, I admit some of them are... interesting.

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I have a jacket that comes with pockets on the inside. At the Moment, it contains:
6 plastic sporks (for combing my hair, eating).

Ariel??

Troper Tales tend to be filled with selfwank.

Howithurts wrote:

Troper Tales tend to be filled with selfwank.

I got to read the section a couple times when the examples were still in the trope pages... god it was annoying. People trying to shoehorn fiction tropes into their mundane lives in order to sound more awesome than they really are.

Strangely, they all appear to be gone now.

Click "Archived Tales" and they should reappear. They're revamping Troper Tales to be easier to moderate.

Those dramatic readings are hilarious, especially the squee one.

I see that some have been archived.

The Knight In Sour Armor archives are a goldmine. Just read through it and take a shot for every Deadpan Snarker you see.

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Considering how cynical, dark and Deadpan Snarker I tend to be combined with my personal honor code that is some odd combination of deism, chivalry and bushido this troper is counting himself this though I prefer to think of it as Samurai in Sour Armor.

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This troper hates humanity, for how much we have screwed up the world on the part of nature and on the part of other humans, but unfortunately, I am yet another member of this damned species, and am therefore obligated to help the other wretches, including those who have done nothing to help me and even those who have hurt me. Furthermore, helping others is also more of a selfish thing for me as it leads to fewer hostilities toward me.

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This troper is so cynical that even he is disgusted by it sometimes. 90% of the people at his school are assholes who seem to think that poking fun at people and being unbelievable irritable, not to mention laughing every time I get mad at them, which happens A LOT. My younger sister seems to be determined to make my life a living Hell, she constantly calls me names, pokes fun at me, and does everything last thing in the book that she can to make me miserable. I tend to look in just about everyone, with a handful of exceptions, with distrust and hatred and I would like nothing better to beat them to a pulp. Hell I'm starting to believe that Humans are bastards For some reason, no matter how much I hate these people, I can't bring myself to do it, there is still a set of morals holding me back. As it says on the main page, I do it because it's the right thing...and I hate myself for it. At this point, I don't exactly know why I care anymore, maybe it's my parent's teaching and constant support, but I doubt I will be causing harm anytime soon. I don't know, sometimes I'm ashamed of what I've become, maybe one day I can get better.

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Seems the whole world's going down the tubes...I am another cynic. I am a overly intellectual misanthropist, and the few people who can talk to me without becoming lost in my sesquipedalian loquaciousness find that every word that leaves my brooding mind to slip past my perpetually down-turned lips is so wry, sardonic, and overly well backed up that they have no choice but to bend to my every argument when ever I choose to debate about morality, politics, and the nature of humanity. The world is a depressing, disappointing, and disillusioned mess as far as I'm concerned, and the people are the ones who make it this way...but that never stops me from volunteering with Habitat for Humanity when they are in the region, making almost nothing working at a day camp serving food to young kids, and just doing every little thing that crosses my path that could be seen as even remotely noble, chivalrous, and generally decent. I know that this world COULD be a ideal place, even if it's just in theory, and even though I can do literally NOTHING to change the direction that humanity is falling, I do what I can to slow it. This may be the end of innocence as we know it, but I won't do any less, I just...cant.

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I am another cynic. I am a overly intellectual misanthropist, and the few people who can talk to me without becoming lost in my sesquipedalian loquaciousness find that every word that leaves my brooding mind to slip past my perpetually down-turned lips is so wry, sardonic, and overly well backed up that they have no choice but to bend to my every argument when ever I choose to debate about morality, politics, and the nature of humanity.

I didn't know they had internet access in Hueco Mundo.

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Considering how cynical, dark and Deadpan Snarker I tend to be combined with my personal honor code that is some odd combination of deism, chivalry and bushido this troper is counting himself this though I prefer to think of it as Perma-Virgin in Sour Armor.

Much better

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This troper hates humanity, for how much we have screwed up the world on the part of nature and on the part of other humans, but unfortunately, I am yet another member of this damned species, and am therefore obligated to help the other wretches, including those who have done nothing to help me and even those who have hurt me. Furthermore, helping others is also more of a selfish thing for me as it leads to fewer hostilities toward me.

If you hate humanity so much, grab a gun and go for Cho's high score. Seriously, it'll kill some of those humans you hate (provided you can aim), you might kill a fatty while you're at it (actually, considering how many fatties there are and how easy they are to hit, you'd most likely shoot nothing but fatties), it'd give me some interesting headlines to read, it'd give us all the entertainment value of watching Harley try to form an anti-gun argument that isn't totally assbackwards, and you'd probably wind up dead, which we'd all enjoy.

Enough commas for you?

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90% of the people at his school are assholes who seem to think that poking fun at people and being unbelievable irritable, not to mention laughing every time I get mad at them, which happens A LOT.

I feel this sentence had a purpose to it at one point, but the author ragequit halfway through.

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My younger sister seems to be determined to make my life a living Hell, she constantly calls me names, pokes fun at me, and does everything last thing in the book that she can to make me miserable.

You're letting your younger sister push you around? All right, there's no hope for you, you unwinning fairy, just kill yourself.

Ha ha Mikey's trying to use words again.

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This troper is so cynical that even he is disgusted by it sometimes. 90% of the people at his school are assholes who seem to think that poking fun at people and being unbelievable irritable, not to mention laughing every time I get mad at them, which happens A LOT.

This seems less like being a Knight in Sour Armor and more like being really thin-skinned.

Blessed with Suck I think was my first encounter with Troper Tale self-wank. There is some srs bullshit in that one.

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This troper has the ability to get anyone to open up to her. It doesn't matter if she's known someone for five minutes or ten years, they will tell her about all of their life's problems and secrets. Unfortunately, this leads to her being seen as very empathic and caring, and when she tries to express HER feelings, they see her as an uncaring bitch and demand to know why she isn't being sympathetic.

Maybe they see you a bitch becasue you come off as a bitch? I do not even know you and I think you are a bitch.

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This troper, when growing up, was a pretty well-mannered and mature for his age boy growing up in the eyes of his family; unlike other boys they had seen, who'd knock stuff over, get up on the tables, pick fights, or otherwise be rowdy. Unfortunately, while being s positive thing, it made my life hell; because I wasn't being rowdy like the other boys in my class, I was automatically labeled as a "troublemaker" in the eyes of the teachers and was wrongfully punished.

lol whut.

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Kulture here, and over the years I've desensitised myself to all manner of violence, up to and including decapitation via knife, obliteration via 18-wheeler and shovel embedded in skull. Unfortunately, it's also given me a habit of taking things too far and simply not caring about it. This includes my line after returning to a TCG after a long hiatus: "I'm rustier than Heather Mills' leg in the dead sea." I can be a total dick.

How is this even relevent? Hurr, I am blessed with being an asshole and it sucks 'cause I am an asshole.

Then we get into some serious ESP wank, which is just great.

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This troper has limited empathic abilities, I mean, yeah, I can read peoples' thoughts to a certain degree and I can even drain energy from my surroundings into myself, but I can also feel peoples' physical pain. And I can read. peoples. thoughts. Think about the implications of that a bit. Now think about how I found out my last girlfriend cheated on me.

Hello fellow empath. You're not alone. I hate to tell you, but as you get older and stronger it's only going to get worse. This troper has known several empaths who suffer the same thing, himself included. I come from a family of pretty strong empaths. High school sucked because of it. I could tell once when one of my friends was ridiculously amorous. I could feel it without even looking at her. Feeling people's physical pain too can make you sick. On one occasion, when a member of my school died in a car crash, I didn't even know the girl, and yet I was absorbing all the depression from the entire school. I felt like I was walking through mud the entire day. My friends claimed it was like I was acting like a shield and absorbing all the negativity so they wouldn't be affected.

If we're going to venture into empathic territory, might I recommend learning to shield? Even if it's complete BS, it can't hurt.

Second poster again. Trust me, it's not BS. It's the only way I survived Highschool without a massive psychotic break.

Not empathic powers per se, but this troper has some psychic ability, namely forms of clairvoyance and aura-sense, and believe me, it is quite different from what those fakers claim. Such things can be useful in advising people, but he prefers to be stealthy about it to avert the You Have To Believe Me trope, and he only advises people such as his family (his mother is very spiritual, and his father is sort-of open to the possibility) with information gleaned through such methods. He has been having low-level visions of some sort of personal destiny, started by strange dreams, for the past eighteen months or so about some sort of future outlook which this troper would prefer not to elaborate on, except that even though it is a favourable i.e. relatively happy outcome, it is very different from his boring present and while he knows the events and possibilities of precursory events he can't pinpoint when. This hasn't been lifelong as such - the potential was likely there from the beginning but it took certain bad relationships and other events to awaken it more fully. But this troper is thankful he isn't living in the Deep South or similarly ultra-Christian area, otherwise he'd be fleeing riled-up mobs led by preachers with Torches And Pitchforks, or in an area where worse could happen, the ol' Burn The Witch type thing (though this troper is sort-of henotheistic but bordering on polytheism, but not Wiccan, funnily enough...), especially since he once saw a Roman Catholic priest's aura as showing he was possibly an unwitting agent for an evil red-eyed being from beyond death itself seen overlapping the priest's aura...

Warning: this comment contains Deadpan Snarkerism and skeptical thought. Both have been found to remove supernaturality from existence, so those allergic to objective truth are advised to look away now. Well, either you get Torches And Pitchforks, or you win a million dollars. There have been hundreds of claims of people who can read minds, see auras and the like, yet none have passed even the most simple test. Being capable of empathy* that is to say, the ability to feel the emotions others feel through recognition or extrapolative guess of emotional state is not a superpower. Being able to read body language (causing you to figure out your girlfriend is hiding something from you) is not a superpower. Being able to feel like crap because somebody died is not a superpower. If you are truly capable of reading minds* easy test: ask someone to think of a number, or seeing auras * test: pick criminals out of a line-up, or supernatural levels of empathy * easy test: close your eyes. Get somebody to walk into the room you haven't had contact with and guess their emotion, or of draining energy from your environment * easy test: ampere meter and an electrical circuit. If you are honestly supernatural, there is a million dollar check (and world fame) waiting for you a basic scientific test away. There is no reason not to try (unless you aren't really supernatural). Science would have tremendously faster progress if people were allowed to be cut up at random, but it doesn't because of morality, so you don't have anything to fear either. Just step up and change the world forever.

I liked this one though:

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This troper has the uncanny ability to recognize women he's just met by their butt despite usually not even having seen them from behind before. Usually generates awkwardness when it comes up in conversation.
Girl: You tagged me in a photo.
Troper: Yeah?
Girl: The only part of me that's in the photo is my ass. How did you know it was my ass?
Troper: It's a super power?

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especially since he once saw a Roman Catholic priest's aura as showing he was possibly an unwitting agent for an evil red-eyed being from beyond death itself seen overlapping the priest's aura

What.

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This troper has limited empathic abilities, I mean, yeah, I can read peoples' thoughts to a certain degree and I can even drain energy from my surroundings into myself, but I can also feel peoples' physical pain. And I can read. peoples. thoughts. Think about the implications of that a bit. Now think about how I found out my last girlfriend cheated on me.

No you don't.

I hate these Troper Tales so much. Stop trying to make your lives cool. They arn't. You're just some stupid nerd at a computer who needs to get out more.

Yeah 'cause a forum dedicated to complaining when fanfiction is not up to your standards is clearly somewhere from which one should throw stones re: nerdity.

^ The difference is we do not try and make ourselves look cool by claiming we have special powers.

Well, no, that is not entirely accurate. But when one of us does claim that being an aspie makes her super spechul typically the rest of us devour her.

I am a complete nerd/loser who needs to get out more though. I cannot deny that.

Not saying that claiming you have special powers isn't ridiculous

just

"lol nerd you need to get out more stop spending so much time on the computer" is pretty asinine, particularly when it's said using the internet

but yeah troper tales is full of some self-aggrandising and a whole lot of not realising that tropes that can be interesting in fictional characters often either
-make a real person really irritating and/or
-probably don't apply as much as they think they do

Ooh! Somebody go look at the troper tales for The Reason You Suck Speech and see if any of them any of them combine troper tales crap with the whole cf_hardcore "and then the restaurant gave me a standing ovation and the breeder cow and her crotchdroppings exploded in a shower of shame" narrative

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"lol nerd you need to get out more stop spending so much time on the computer" is pretty asinine, particularly when it's said using the internet

Because using the internet restricts me to my house for the rest of the year.

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Ooh! Somebody go look at the troper tales for The Reason You Suck Speech and see if any of them any of them combine troper tales crap with the whole cf_hardcore "and then the restaurant gave me a standing ovation and the breeder cow and her crotchdroppings exploded in a shower of shame" narrative

Oh lawdy. Any troper tales regarding "personal achievements" are even worse and more filled with selfwank then normal. They can be fun to read through if you snark them.

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I am a complete nerd/loser who needs to get out more though. I cannot deny that.

Nothing wrong with that. So am I, I just don't spend my time trying to make myself sound cool.

anangrychocobo wrote:

"lol nerd you need to get out more stop spending so much time on the computer" is pretty asinine, particularly when it's said using the internet

Yeah, you are right. I agree.

I have also missed you. My God.

And I skimmed over "Reason you Suck Speech". No cf_hardcores, but boy howdie was it painful.

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Me:[[Beat-Sighs-]].Is that really it?Do you even understand what you are trying to say?You know its sad.You think you can learn from these people?These corrupted people,fed everything they believe in through the media,the government,and the traditional norms of society?If you needed to learn that,then you're already so slow you're moving backwards.Oh and its not a problem to aim high.Its what I look for.What I reach for.What I would bring my hands to the sky for.Do you see these hands?These hands have given money to the poor,build homes for those without any,and defend people that I have no connection to,or know.I put others before myself,when was the last time you did something for someone you didn't know?You want to call me the villain?Why?Because you don't understand my views?Well yeah they are different,because unlike you,I actually am unique.You thought you were unique?You're not the first person to believe in God or follow a religion,or try to be lenient with your views of the bible.How could you be unique if there are others who believe in the same thing you believe?You fail to grasp the meaning of what it means to be unique.You fail to surpass my knowledge of the multitude of people who are as similar as you.You're taking animation classes correct?For all this,you might as well be in suspended animation.Because you're going nowhere fast.You're smart?Well i'm lazy.I don't have proclaim to the heavens how good I am at something.We play games,and I Let You Win.Victory means less to me,because its too easy.You're not unpredictable,your predictable.I know what you are doing,without you telling me anything.I am unpredictable.You're likable because you think in the box,a box full of people who are just as self-centered as you are,with the same beliefs you have,and the same range of thinking that you have.Your sources or limited,as is your potential.For me?The sky,there is no limit..

Blah blah blah... The best part is, from what I can decern from this guy's ramblings, the reason he is telling his friend all of this bullshit is becasue his friends is more social than him and has the gall to suggest that 'this troper' get out more.

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Basically he has a bad habit of trying to prove that he learned things from the people he meets.

I shit you not, this was written without irony. What. The. Fuck.

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Me:[[Beat-Sighs-]].Is that really it?Do you even understand what you are trying to say?You know its sad.You think you can learn from these people?These corrupted people,fed everything they believe in through the media,the government,and the traditional norms of society?If you needed to learn that,then you're already so slow you're moving backwards.Oh and its not a problem to aim high.Its what I look for.What I reach for.What I would bring my hands to the sky for.Do you see these hands?These hands have given money to the poor,build homes for those without any,and defend people that I have no connection to,or know.I put others before myself,when was the last time you did something for someone you didn't know?You want to call me the villain?Why?Because you don't understand my views?Well yeah they are different,because unlike you,I actually am unique.You thought you were unique?You're not the first person to believe in God or follow a religion,or try to be lenient with your views of the bible.How could you be unique if there are others who believe in the same thing you believe?You fail to grasp the meaning of what it means to be unique.You fail to surpass my knowledge of the multitude of people who are as similar as you.You're taking animation classes correct?For all this,you might as well be in suspended animation.Because you're going nowhere fast.You're smart?Well i'm lazy.I don't have proclaim to the heavens how good I am at something.We play games,and I Let You Win.Victory means less to me,because its too easy.You're not unpredictable,your predictable.I know what you are doing,without you telling me anything.I am unpredictable.You're likable because you think in the box,a box full of people who are just as self-centered as you are,with the same beliefs you have,and the same range of thinking that you have.Your sources or limited,as is your potential.For me?The sky,there is no limit..

Sounds like someone is mad cause he keeps losing games, has no friends, and has terrible grades. Oh and he linked "I don't have proclaim to the heavens how good I am" with Humble Hero. Keep telling yourself that bro

This also especially stood out:

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How could you be unique if there are others who believe in the same thing you believe?

I believe the earth is round. This makes me not unique.

Why do people keep missing me?!!?!? Clearly I'm not trolling properly.