Twila da Girl who was in Luv w a Vampir

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I'm surprised this one hasn't been posted yet, but I searched and found nothing. This story was originally taken down, and re-posted by someone else, hence the poster is not the author.

I didn't think it was possible, but this story actually makes Legolas by Laura look well written! And check out the Author's Notes in the pre-chapter text...I'd call troll, but with that many chapters, I just don't think a troll would make that much effort! The spelling, the grammar, the narrative, the characterisation, the story, the dialogue, the adverbs (the lead character does almost everything "gothikally")...there are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to start!

Anyway, enjoy.

's atroll in the style of My Immortal. Rathe entertaining one in my opinion, but then I do have a sort of bizarre obsession with My Immortal and enjoy some of the copycats for whatever reason. Maybe I'm just easily amused by the ridiculous spelling and such.

Quote :

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz

Who can't even spell her own name.

Quote :

n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS.

That fact is so important she needed to put it in all caps.

Quote :

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes,

It's like My Immortal: the Twilight Edition. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.

Atheist =/= Satanist, fanbrat.

And Bella bashing. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I feel so bad for her being trapped in this abomination.

Quote :

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me.

Carlos?

Quote :

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.
"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) "nice to met you i said.
"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it."
I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.

They're remarkably . . . trusting of other vampires.

Quote :

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD

BT IF IT ISNT FUK OFF! [/fanbrat]

That's all I can stand. If this isn't a troll, this person should be forced to hand over her keyboard at once. For the good of the human race.

From the Author's Profile:

Quote :

The Troll!Fics here are only being hosted here, I did not write them and they are not representation of my personal writting.

This is actually pretty amusing at times. The name gives it away as a trollfic.

ETA: oh, and that^

Quote :

and wateva u say, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER

Yep, it's a troll. A really funny one, though...this has me cracking up.

This version is missing the last two chapters:

LRM's readings of Chapter 13, 14.

There may even be old sporkings (twilightsucks, IIRC) if you need the original spellings.

Quote :

(a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.)

Heh, I like this one.

Sutremaine wrote:

Quote :

(a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.)

Heh, I like this one.

While I've occasionally seen people mistake agnosticism for atheism, I think this is the first time I've encountered someone who thinks worshiping Satan is the same as being an atheist.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but atheist don't believe in ANY supreme beings, be they good or evil, right?

Rabid Badger wrote:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but atheist don't believe in ANY supreme beings, be they good or evil, right?

In the modern, Westernized sense, generally yes, because atheism in that sense is almost exactly the same as scientific materialism humanistic secularism, which means that it is against religion in general and does not believe in anything supernatural/mystical/miraculous.

However, for thousands of years there have been such things as atheists who believe in some aspects of religions and/or the supernatural, they just don't believe in gods (atheism=no gods).

For example, it is possible to be a Hindu and an atheist.

In some sects of Buddhism, it is also possible to be atheist (for example, you may believe in beings with special powers, but you don't think that any of them are worthy of being considered "gods" or that any of them are "above" humans since they may have fancy powers but all beings are equal in a spiritual sense, and all beings must go through the same moral and spiritual struggles).

anangrychocobo wrote:

[whatever]

...is it you? Are you alive? Really?

WD40 wrote:

From the Author's Profile:

Quote :

The Troll!Fics here are only being hosted here, I did not write them and they are not representation of my personal writting.

Nice work, Kev.

grmblfjx wrote:

anangrychocobo wrote:

[whatever]

...is it you? Are you alive? Really?

WD40 wrote:

From the Author's Profile:

Quote :

The Troll!Fics here are only being hosted here, I did not write them and they are not representation of my personal writting.

Nice work, Kev.

herpaderp... *selfslap*

"Carlos" was a nice touch.

I thought as much. I still think it's a lot of effort for a troll to go to but, whatever. It is entertaining, nonetheless!

I almost thought this was real, then I realized that even the world's biggest Twitard wouldn't take fonetic speling to THAT extreme.

I tried to read it. THE PAIN!!!!

grmblfjx wrote:

anangrychocobo wrote:

[whatever]

...is it you? Are you alive? Really?

A little bit, yeah.

I've managed to get through chapter 3 [barely]. My, what a great way to spend my evening!

Quote :

"Would you mind if I killed you," he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion.

Heeeeeey! I like Within Temptation! How DARE you insult them by lumping them in the same boat as MCR and "Eveniezence"!!!

btw I've never heard of "Withen Temptortion", but have you ever heard of a band called Evanescence? I think you might like them.

Hey I'm going to start pulling an epic "leave My Chemical Romance aloooooone"!

Come on, those poor guys don't deserve it. Their last album isn't emo at all, and they never asked to have their image raped by fangurlz and trolls.

I like MCR, and I'm not emo. I don't think The Black Parade is, either. Not really.

Hah! You're right...MCR may not be my cup of tea but they're certainly not terrible. There's worse out there anyway.

Actually I don't think Evanescence are terrible either...some of their older stuff (pre-Fallen) is actually quite good, and Amy Lee does have a good voice. And hey, at least it's music!!

I think the term "emo" could stand to be retired entirely. It's become either a synonym for "whiny" or comepletely meaningless. As for My Chemical Romance, I kinda like Famous Last Words.

True. Originally, "emo" punk meant something entirely different. The term got a different connotation over the years, and it's always negative.

I remember watching Heroes a few years back, and this friend of mine said "well at least Milo has dumped the emo hair". His hair was emo? And where's the insult, exactly?

I like My Chemical Romance, I listen to their last two albums regularly (Famous Last Words is a great song). They just got a bad rep, courtesy of the epic trollfic My Immortal, and some fantards who actually meant serious business when writing whiny cutter fics that were meant to be edgy.

I love the new MCR album, because it's so ridiculous and silly and easy to sing along to. I loved the videos too, but it doesn't seem like they're doing another one in the storyline. I guess their dying ended it?

I never got the MCR hate. They didn't seem serious to me. I always thought they were just screwing around and doing theme albums for whatever popped into their heads. And I must say, in "The Ghost of You", they looked pretty smashing in those uniforms.