Gaycatfightrandomcelebritydiesblahblah... Meanwhile, North Korea threatens war?

Sorry, it's just, why is no one talking about this? We're talking about Perez Hilton, but over in the world of Actually Important Shit, North Korea is threatening to bomb the U.S. Even China and Russia are scared.

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Quote :

The new U.N. Security Council resolution requires member states to seek permission to inspect suspicious cargo. North Korea has said it would consider interception a declaration of war and on Wednesday accused the U.S. of seeking to provoke another Korean War.

"If the U.S. imperialists start another war, the army and people of Korea will ... wipe out the aggressors on the globe once and for all," the official Korean Central News Agency said.

:panic:

I FUCKING KNEW IT! See? See? And you all were like, "Lol Narwhal u so silly why u worried about n.korea?" in that one thread way back when!

...oh, shit.

I thought we were too busy wanking over invading Iran, not Perez Hilton.

... D:

Maybe it's watching Team America too many times, but I just can't take North Korea seriously.

Anyway, given the range of their missiles, they wouldn't hit anywhere important.

Narwhal wrote:

I FUCKING KNEW IT! See? See? And you all were like, "Lol Narwhal u so silly why u worried about n.korea?" in that one thread way back when!

See WHAT? They've said that every week for fifty years! This is FAR from the worst it's ever been. Call me back when they fucking AXE MURDER an American.

Lysander wrote:

Narwhal wrote:

I FUCKING KNEW IT! See? See? And you all were like, "Lol Narwhal u so silly why u worried about n.korea?" in that one thread way back when!

See WHAT? They've said that every week for fifty years! Call me back when they fucking AXE MURDER an American.

Important thing to note: fifty years ago they didn't have nukes. They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out. Jesus, look at their criteria for a declaration of war. It's practically the equivalent of schoolyard kids going: "Ah ah! You stepped under the fifth monkey bar into the invisible lava pit! Now you're dead!"

So what else is new. :/:

Quote :

They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out.

They can barely launch it over Japan. I'm not that concerned.

DAMN IT, I'm not saying that they'll do this or that we shouldn't take it seriously, but WHAT THE FUCK HAVE WE DONE NOW, NORTH KOREA. I swear, it seems if someone in East Bumfuck of Nebraska so much as moves their vase from the living room North Korea threatens war.

They're starting to become the Perez Hilton of countries. Have they even HAD a sucessful missile launch?!

Mafiosa wrote:

So what else is new. :/:

Quote :

They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out.

They can barely launch it over Japan. I'm not that concerned.

You should all be worried for your source of tentacle porn.

Said in the paper recently that N.Korea said (that she said) they might fire a missile at Hawaii on the 6th of June. A non nukerler one though.

Honestly I think that Kim Jong Il is more than a little mad. But he's on his last legs now, could die some day soon. With any luck.

And think of all the fun North Korea will have when they scramble to find a new leader!

I thought it was going to be his son? Fingers crossed he's a bit less mental. Although the odds are slim.

Nihilist wrote:

Mafiosa wrote:

So what else is new. :/:

Quote :

They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out.

They can barely launch it over Japan. I'm not that concerned.

You should all be worried for your source of tentacle porn.

And all my kawaii animes desu~!

VB wrote:

Important thing to note: fifty years ago they didn't have nukes. They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out.

I'm not even entirely convinced that they have nukes now. If they do, it's not powerful enough to do much more damage then their conventional arsenal, and they don't have the capacity to miniaturize them into a warhead, and they don't have the capacity to fly a plane into US airspace (even to Hawaii) - much less a missile, and chemical weapons are still a far larger concern.

Seriously, do some reading. North Korea's leadership isn't just crazy, it's also stupid - but not stupid enough to want to start a nuclear war that even they know they'll lose.

Mafiosa wrote:

Nihilist wrote:

You should all be worried for your source of tentacle porn.

And all my kawaii animes desu~!

And GIRUGAMESH~

Lysander wrote:

VB wrote:

Important thing to note: fifty years ago they didn't have nukes. They've just gotten a shiny new toy, and are itching to try it out.

I'm not even entirely convinced that they have nukes now. If they do, it's not powerful enough to do much more damage then their conventional arsenal, and they don't have the capacity to miniaturize them into a warhead, and they don't have the capacity to fly a plane into US airspace (even to Hawaii) - much less a missile, and chemical weapons are still a far larger concern.

Seriously, do some reading. North Korea's leadership isn't just crazy, it's also stupid - but not stupid enough to want to start a nuclear war that even they know they'll lose.

I wouldn't count on that. Kim Jong Il=Batshit, and batshit does not think logically. If he was thinking logically, he wouldn't be dick-waving at all these countries that are far more powerful than North Korea and thinking that anyone wants his puny little country where the only natural resource of any consequence is starving people. Seriously, North Korea, until you strike oil or shelter Osama bin Laden, nobody cares enough to mess with you.

Fitchsticks wrote:

Said in the paper recently that N.Korea said (that she said) they might fire a missile at Hawaii on the 6th of June. A non nukerler one though.

Honestly I think that Kim Jong Il is more than a little mad. But he's on his last legs now, could die some day soon. With any luck.

I wish. Being a lunatic dictator seems to grant some kind of strange exemption from dying from natural causes. Case in point: Fidel Castro.

Of course, Perez Hilton doesn't get the shit beaten out of him nearly as much as he should. North Korea being batshit insane oppressive paranoid lunatics is. . . um. . . Tuesday.

Bright side: if they're not careful about this, Obama may send them a strongly worded letter about how very, very cross he is. He might even wag a finger.

gaijinguy wrote:

Bright side: if they're not careful about this, Obama may send them a strongly worded letter about how very, very cross he is. He might even wag a finger.

Or if the shit really hits the fan he'll make a youtube video about how very lovely it would be if North Korea and America became BFF.

Narwhal wrote:

how very lovely it would be if North Korea and America became BFF.

Oh, noes! Aren't the US and the UK BFF any more?

I was wondering when somebody was going to post this. I heard about this a couple of days ago and have been waiting for some GAFFer/Hobo to post this.

Lady Anne wrote:

I wouldn't count on that.

Oh yeah, remember all those times in the past FIFTY YEARS when they've gone nuts and declared war for no particular reason at all?

If they were really that crazy, this would have happened a long time ago. As it stands, our advantage has never been larger. The tech gap is enormous, they don't have enough gas to run their air force, they don't have a tank capable of scratching the paint on an M1A1, not a single North Korean commander has actual battlefield experience, and even China is growing tired of their bullshit.

This is all posturing to impress upon the NK people how "big" and "strong" Kim's brat is. I highly doubt they want to actually put that to the test. As long as one side keeps their heads, a shooting war is unlikely.

gaijinguy wrote:

Bright side: if they're not careful about this, Obama may send them a strongly worded letter about how very, very cross he is. He might even wag a finger.

As opposed to the Republicans who are . . . well, pretty much in favor of the same thing. At least as far as NK is concerned. Citation: every Republican president since 1953, including GW "Let's Invade Iraq 'Cause They got Nukes" Bush.

Lysander wrote:

Oh yeah, remember all those times in the past FIFTY YEARS when they've gone nuts and declared war for no particular reason at all?

If they were really that crazy, this would have happened a long time ago. As it stands, our advantage has never been larger. The tech gap is enormous, they don't have enough gas to run their air force, they don't have a tank capable of scratching the paint on an M1A1, not a single North Korean commander has actual battlefield experience, and even China is growing tired of their bullshit.

This is all posturing to impress upon the NK people how "big" and "strong" Kim's brat is. I highly doubt they want to actually put that to the test. As long as one side keeps their heads, a shooting war is unlikely.

I'm not sure; if North Korea loses their head with nukes, there's not really a lot of head-keeping that anyone close to them will be able to do. Japan invades Korea, Episode III?

Lysander wrote:

BLARG BLARG PARTY 101 EBUL LIKE GALBATORIX

Yes, but they're not in charge right now. Easy to criticize the people in power, not so easy when they're you :D

Also, you might want to try a new bit, this one's pretty much worn out. Hell, even Harley alternates between robot rape and hedgehog rape.

For anyone who's actually worried about this - let's do a little mental exercise, shall we?

WHEREAS, North Korea is surrounded by nations that could destroy them at a moment's notice (even South Korea, which is the smallest of their enemies, has a military budget which is more than twice as big)

WHEREAS, given the above, North Korea would only declare war if its leadership was made up of complete lunatics

Do any of you think that NK will actually declare war?

What it all hinges on, obviously, is whether or not Kim is actually crazy. I submit that he is not crazy, and is only pretending to be in order to get attention and frighten the rest of the world into giving him aid.

So, now it's my word against yours: you say he's crazy, I say he's not.

In order to determine whether or not he is crazy, let us examine his behavior.

Over the years, Kim has repeatedly made threats which he did NOT follow through with, and then proceeded to quiet down once China/the West increased the size of his welfare check. He has refused deals which would completely disarmed him, but has accepted aid in return for shutting up and settling down. Is this behavior consistent with A) an actual psychopath or B) someone pretending to be a psychopath to get attention?

I will let you decide. I am confident you'll see it my way.

Sloth wrote:

For anyone who's actually worried about this - let's do a little mental exercise, shall we?

WHEREAS, North Korea is surrounded by nations that could destroy them at a moment's notice (even South Korea, which is the smallest of their enemies, has a military budget which is more than twice as big)

WHEREAS, given the above, North Korea would only declare war if its leadership was made up of complete lunatics

Do any of you think that NK will actually declare war?

What it all hinges on, obviously, is whether or not Kim is actually crazy. I submit that he is not crazy, and is only pretending to be in order to get attention and frighten the rest of the world into giving him aid.

So, now it's my word against yours: you say he's crazy, I say he's not.

In order to determine whether or not he is crazy, let us examine his behavior.

Over the years, Kim has repeatedly made threats which he did NOT follow through with, and then proceeded to quiet down once China increased the size of his welfare check. Is this behavior consistent with A) an actual psychopath or B) someone pretending to be a psychopath to get attention?

I will let you decide. I am confident you'll see it my way.

Probably. But D000000000M! is so much more fun to speculate about from half the planet away.