So I expanded that vampire I did ages ago.

Failsauce.

Pretty much just wrote the new story, expanded it a bit, etc. I did it for class as you can plainly see seeing as I completely forgot to delete the heading from it. Changed it around. Lemme know what you think if anyone gives a shit?

Might want to think about editing out your power word and doing a bit of a spell check. I see the word "arraigning" in the third paragraph already. Also (purely a personal opinion) you may want to either extend or combine a few of your sentences; you could change the following:

Quote :

She didn't fidget with them like her blue scrubs. She hated that set. Her nails always tugged at it like talons.

...into something like this:

Quote :

She didn't fidget with them like her blue scrubs; she hated that set. Her nails always tugged at it like talons.

Perhaps read through it to avoid quick repetition of words and/or phrases. Example:

Quote :

I could tell they were her favorite- she just seemed like a different person when she wore them. She seemed just a little more confident, like she could take on the world.

Quote :

Our interview was brief, but I guess I made the cut, because after warm smiles, I was greeted as a member of the group. When I passed by the desk, I was greeted by warm smiles, and the room seemed to slow as Blue eyes said her goodbyes.

That last point could be considered entirely too nit picky on my part, though, so take that with a grain of salt. Also, try to keep your tenses consistent. This:

Quote :

I'd seen her canines, and they're pretty short.

...should be either this:

Quote :

I'd seen her canines, and they were pretty short.

...or this:

Quote :

I've seen her canines, and they're pretty short.

*continues reading for content*

Thanks! I need to learn to pay more attention to that stuff, I never catch it.

Jesus., you are beautiful and sassy and you have an awesome fashion sense.

Seule wrote:

Jesus., you are beautiful and sassy and you have an awesome fashion sense.

:O

Aww, thanks! Where'd this come about from tho? xD

Today I give people honest compliments because I feel like it.