An Invader Zim double feature

G'day everyone, today I bring to you an Invader Zim double feature as both are fairly short. Unfortunately, Invader Zim seems to attract a certain type of person to their fanbase that makes snark possible.

I present to you a poem, titled simply "Gir".

Quote :

Gir
by ~xSilentlyxBrokenx

"where's my moose?!"
exclaims the green puppy
out of place 
yet no one notices
A.D.D
he sees a kitten
running from the fire
and forgets about the plastic toy
he chases the small creature
then sees something shiny
in the middle of the road 
"oooh! paperclip!"

Now, I'm not an expert on poetry.... But I'm pretty sure this isn't a poem. One could argue it is free-form poetry, however I don't think it really qualifies for that.
It's just a random string of words about a alien robot that wears a green dog disguise, and they're not even strung together very well.

I now move on to a story titled Invader Zim, by YashaCat.
The preview image is fanart, and is about the same quality of this story.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

"Invades of the Earth was a bad idea. Why did we do it, Red,"

Wat
Not a very strong first line.

Quote :

"This is all Zim filet!

Zim Fillet, coming to a McDonalds in your star system!

Quote :

If Zim staid where we pout him. I would not nave this mass to clean up of a second time,

Lets all pout at Zim, make him stay where he belongs.
I guess 'mass' kind of works here, if the mess they have to clean up is a mass of something.

I'm not really sure what's going on.

Suddenly some chick is mentioned,

Quote :

"Sapphire, in the past she was known to be the tallest but she was exiled to a niter world for being bad and dark to all that got in her way is destroyed. It that the full army of Irken to get her under the new Tallest rulers."

Ow my brain. What does this even mean?

Suddenly,

Quote :

"MMM, Doughnuts" said Tallest purple. He pouts the doughnut in to his mouth.

Damn you donut, I'm going to pout at you.

Quote :

"Are you heading to me, Purple" said Tallest Red.
"Y   e   s" he said with the mouth full of doughnuts. He spread red face full of doughnut bates.

wat
That's the end.
I don't understand.

The writer on her profile says she's from the United States, but I have some doubts that, despite this, English is her first language.
Her gallery art confuses me. Some of it is god awful, and some of it (for anime) is fairly good.

Not entirely sure what to make of all this.
Ah well, Invader Zim fandom makes my brain hurt.

Who wrote that crap, a seven year-old?

I mean, the misused words I can deal with, but wow, that just hurts to read.

Is she trying to have a marysue Tallest?
Me Thinks she has dyslexia.

Oh, Invader Zim. You keep on attracting those rebellious, too-cool-for-school kids.

I swear that this show is the inspiration for half of the 'RANDOM LOL' fics out there.

Quote :

"Sapphire, in the past she was known to be the tallest but she was exiled to a niter world for being bad and dark to all that got in her way is destroyed. It that the full army of Irken to get her under the new Tallest rulers."

Psh, if she was tall enough I doubt that would matter. She probably lost her shins in a tragic lawn gnome explosion and then was exiled for being too short.

How can somebody be so bad at spelling/grammar? I can understand a few typos but this goes way beyond that.

Though it does make me look back to when I was like 13 and went through an Invader Zim omg so random! phase...then I wonder what the heck I was thinking.

ThatGirlInTheCorner wrote:

How can somebody be so bad at spelling/grammar? I can understand a few typos but this goes way beyond that.

Though it does make me look back to when I was like 13 and went through an Invader Zim omg so random! phase...then I wonder what the heck I was thinking.

English isn't even my first language and I spell better and seem to have a bit better grasp on grammar than this so called 'writer' does.
I think we all look back on those days of "What the hell was I thinking? ", it's healthy to look back on how much we've improved.

NichoMas wrote:

I think we all look back on those days of "What the hell was I thinking? ", it's healthy to look back on how much we've improved.

Word. Then we make fun of those who are going through that phase now, because it's fun. I'm just thankful I didn't have internet access when I was this stupid.

your mom wrote:

Word. Then we make fun of those who are going through that phase now, because it's fun. I'm just thankful I didn't have internet access when I was this stupid.

Anyone who denies going through that phase is in denial or still in it.
I, unfortunately, did have internet access... Thankfully though, it's so far buried it would be impossible to find.

NichoMas wrote:

Anyone who denies going through that phase is in denial or still in it.
I, unfortunately, did have internet access... Thankfully though, it's so far buried it would be impossible to find.

IS THAT A CHALLENGE, GOOD SIR? Rofl, just kidding. Anyone denying going through that phase is TOTALLY in denial. I'm also thankful I could never be arsed to finish anything I started (still can't), because I can remember a few ideas I had for fics I never got around to writing that were....BAD. Namely, Scully and Mulder go looking for Atlantis.

your mom wrote:

IS THAT A CHALLENGE, GOOD SIR? Rofl, just kidding. Anyone denying going through that phase is TOTALLY in denial. I'm also thankful I could never be arsed to finish anything I started (still can't), because I can remember a few ideas I had for fics I never got around to writing that were....BAD. Namely, Scully and Mulder go looking for Atlantis.

Not a challenge! Haha.
I remember writing Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z crossovers in horribly disjointed English.

NichoMas wrote:

Not a challenge! Haha.
I remember writing Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z crossovers in horribly disjointed English.

Well, you gotta start learning English somewhere. You've come miles, I can't even tell English isn't your native language. What's your first language, btw?

your mom wrote:

Well, you gotta start learning English somewhere. You've come miles, I can't even tell English isn't your native language. What's your first language, btw?

Russian. I've lived in the United States for about five years now though, and I'm extremely obsessive about perfecting my English.

NichoMas wrote:

Russian. I've lived in the United States for about five years now though, and I'm extremely obsessive about perfecting my English.

Very nice. Most people who ONLY speak English can't be bothered to use proper grammar and spelling.

your mom wrote:

Very nice. Most people who ONLY speak English can't be bothered to use proper grammar and spelling.

I've noticed, and it's slightly disappointing to me. I find it appalling how little pride people have in their own language.

NichoMas wrote:

I've noticed, and it's slightly disappointing to me. I find it appalling how little pride people have in their own language.

Seconded. We have officially hijacked this thread, but since it was your thread... *shrugs*.

your mom wrote:

Seconded. We have officially hijacked this thread, but since it was your thread... *shrugs*.

Oh well, it kind of died anyway.

I've noticed that, more often than not, if a person is writing in horrible English with typos and grammar weirds and dropped words everywhere, they're a native speaker. ESL people at least TRY to write in something resembling understandable English. There are only a few particular hallmarks that make me think ESL, like really unnatural word order and capitalization that, while not random, doesn't follow English rules (such as a German-speaking writer's tendency to capitalize nouns in general, whether they're proper ones or not.)

It seems to be a common thing among ESL writers to drop capitalisation and punctuation as much as a sloppy native speaker. Do they think it's easier for a reader to fill in the gaps if there are no distracting misplacements, or do they blank out half the keyboard in their quest to do their best with the words?

I think quite of a few bad writers seem to have oven mitts for hands and just bang on the keyboard and hope they have it right.

Gamma Vector wrote:

I've noticed that, more often than not, if a person is writing in horrible English with typos and grammar weirds and dropped words everywhere, they're a native speaker. ESL people at least TRY to write in something resembling understandable English. There are only a few particular hallmarks that make me think ESL, like really unnatural word order and capitalization that, while not random, doesn't follow English rules (such as a German-speaking writer's tendency to capitalize nouns in general, whether they're proper ones or not.)

This is completely true. I've been reading some really good fics by a native Polish speaker, and just sometimes there will be a phrase that doesn't QUITE sound right, but I totally understand what they were going for, just one or two words are off, but similar. Spelling is great, though. Plot is great, and it doesn't bother me at all that they're not a native English speaker, because the quality transcendes the language barrier. The same cannot be said, however, of a lot of fics I've read by native speakers of English, who can't even be bothered to reread their own bloody fic before they post it; nay, can't even be bothered to reread the SENTENCE they just typed. Typos in the goddamn TITLE, even.

I keep all my old really stupid fics up on ff.net so other people can lulz at them. I would not be offended in the slightest if somebody here found them and snarked them.

as for the fic.... I don't even know what half of it said, like everyone else here.

Quote :

she was exiled to a niter world for being bad and dark to all that got in her way is destroyed

I thought in Invader Zim, they liked being bad and destructing planets.... isn't that why Zim was on earth? To destroy it?
I dunno, I haven't watched Invader Zim in ages.
and is niter world an actual thing on the show? or just one of the numerous fuck-ups?

JizzMasterZero wrote:

and is niter world an actual thing on the show? or just one of the numerous fuck-ups?

I think the writer meant to say "another world." ... Hey, my guess is as good as yours, shuup.

...Netherworld, perhaps?
I don't watch Invader Zim though, so I have no idea. All I know is that it's a kids show and that there is a disturbing amount of porn about it.