The Complex

And so, here's another awful Mary-Sue styled Twilight story, complete with evil Bella... and the Gestapo.
Set in an alternate universe where Germany won the second world war, Edward and his Mary-Sue girlfriend, Rainbow (lol srsly) must travel to Germany to beat Hitler and free the world of Nazis. So without further ado, The Complex!

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(AN - Hey guys this is my first fanfic so bee nice ok guys?" I am nice to on your stories so the nice reviews! Anywya we were learning histroy on history class and I decided I'd write a fanfic on Twilight, here is it!)

Here is it! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
And yes, the first thing this author thought about when learning about the Nazis was how to incorporate it into a fanfiction about Twilight.

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I sat back on my chair looking out of the window of the warehouse. It was a secret place, where anyone could be alone or with another for as long as they wanted. Most other places were monitered by the cameras, but here we could remain hidden. Rain drizzled down the sky, which usually reflected my emotions which werte so usually filled with anger and hate. But not today. I brushed my long hair back behind me. I was so happy with myself. But then.

Actually, compared with the rest of the story this isn't too bad. It even has description and everything. Let's move on.

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"Rainbow, we must stop this!" Edward yelled!
"Why," I snapped back, "What are you afraid of, is it Bella?"
"No..." he said, with the sadness of his eyes, I knew what he was worried about.

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Ever since the news laws got introduction, it had been illegal for vampire and human to get marriage or even make intercourse.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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If anyone knew about anyones vampire human relationships then they could
report them to the Gestapo, which was running in our area ever since we
Americans had lost all the second world war.

America lost. All the second world war.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Edwsard I no your upset and worries about the Gestaop but there's
no way they could find us here!¬" I smiled, try to calm him down, but
it was no use.I didn't know how little wrong I was. As I looked out of the window, I saw Bella was having spying on us with binoculars!
"Edward lock otu!" I yelled, as we both ducked behind the curtains!

EDWARD LOCK OTU!!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Bella must have nown something was wrong what with eEdwards staying
out all the time and never being with her even when she wanted the sex
so badly but never got it because he was busy giving it to me instead!

Somehow the author's going to make this cheating look acceptable for her Mary-Sue...

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Bella got back on her tricycle and began wheeling down the road again. She was probably headed for the Gestapo base. She could give them the film...

Of course, she's with the Gestapo. Having Bella cast as an evil Nazi means that she can be easily pushed aside for Rainbow. WHAT AN AWESOME PLOT DEVICE1!1!!
And wait a minute... the film? She was filming with these binoculars of hers?

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and it would all be over. For both of us.

Oh god no!!! Rainbow you have to catch her! You have to stop evil Nazi Bella!

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I've started tooo far ahead again, havent' I?

I'll say [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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My name is Rainbow and I am part vampire. Not that it would matter in
the eyss of Nazi Germany! But I hide it well as they don't know I am
vampire they think I am human because I look human and never told
anyone I was a vampire and they tried sign me up for the Hitler Youth
but I said no becuase I'm definelty not one of them. They started too
make camps and put the vampires in them! (They told us the vampries
were just going on a holiday but we all knew it was a lie) Which is bad
because Edward is a vampire and we've been secretly dating since the
I've came to Forks.

Wait... what? Some commas or something might be nice.

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Forks is a peaceful village, well, it looks that way it's reallly full of crime only but the Nazis hide it.Everyone seem to change after the Nazi Invasion. Bella use to be nice one time but she joined the Hitler Youth and became Nazi and she change since then and Edward didn't love her anymore. (I was saving Edward from the evil Nazi darkness that was Bella) She hadn't
reported Edward to the Gestapo yet because she was getting so much
vampire sex from him but now she saw him with me... she would stop at
nothing to make sure he got caught!

Evil. Nazi. Darkness. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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No one likes being ran by the Germany really but we can't say anything or we'll get execute!

EXECUTE! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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We have to obey them and have obedience to the Reichfuhrhrer. (which is
still Hitler because they made him robot suit that makes him
impentrable to NUCLEAR EXSLPOSION!)

Oh wow... seriously? But how will you ever defeat him Rainbow?!

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But one day I swear we fight back agianst them and we will have America indepence!
One day...

With a Mary-Sue this happy ending is guaranteed, but hopefully there won't be a display of this 'hot vampire sex' she's been going on so much about.
And that's all for chapter one folks, but don't worry, there's still three more awful chapters of this story, which are even less coherent and have even less plot [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I really, really, desperately want to call troll. Unfortunately, I'm fairly sure that the only thing this author has in common with trolls is the air-cooled brain.

I love how in-depth this person's history lessons sound. NAZIS ARE EVIL EVIL BAD THINGS NOT HUMAN BEINGS AT ALL

MILGRAM AND ZIMBARDO, WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY

Onwards to chapter 2! Now with even more canon defilement and history failure!

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We both rann out of the Warehouse and down the road, after Bella, but it was no use!We coulnd't catch up with her on heer trycle! And she was already at the Gestapo base!
"This is what you get for cheating on me Edward!" she yelled before slippinng
into the base, and we could see the Gestaop Guard greet her in (they
greet in anyone of the Arial Race) and she handing him the film!

Arial Race? Oh god lol.

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Edward grabbed me.
"Look, Bella, in a few momments from now the Gestapo will have the film of us together, and they'll come after us. There's no telling what they could do thenn!" he looked at me in
the worried way for a moment, "But I tell you something, we could do
something that reallyl matters. We could take the plane to the Germany
and stpo this madness once and for all. We ending the Nazi Regine and
then go back to a free indepence Amemrica!"

Yes, I'm sure two high-school teenagers can take on the whole of Germany and free America. Don't give up! You can do it!

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I smiled and so did he.
"That is a great ideas Edward!" I said, and we ran away and onto the Airport!
We were at the airport, and the ticket conductor said, "Mein Frau, ze
perzon zat is vizz you looks to be a fampire! I am zorry Fraulein, I
must alert ze autorities!"

Woah woah woah, what's with the overly German accent? In the first chapter it said that they were in America! Have all the American workers been replaced with Germans or something?

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Before he could reach to the telephone and phone the Gestapo, I grabbed out my mace and maced him.
"Oh nein!" he said, as he fell to the ground and into a deep sleep.

I'm not sure that's how mace works [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Yeah we rule!" I laughed, as we took the tickets from the ticket conductors hand and boarded into the plane.
Me and Edward sat next to each other on the plane, I was worry that others
could see that Edward was a vampire, but no one did because the plan was empty.
"Why the plane is so empty?" I asked a question.

Interesting question... why would they be flying an empty plane? Surely they'll be loosing money by flying a jet from America to Germany WITH ONLY TWO PEOPLE ON IT

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"Nazi Germany is taking Americas money to fuel it's viscous BLOODLUST!"
said Edward, "No one has enough money to plane, only I took my life
savings out of the bank to do this with you. It doesn't matter if we
don't have enough money to get back, we'r'e not excpecting to come back
anwyay."

Viscous BLOODLUST!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"You never know," I said, looking up from my newspaper, "We might get
lucky. Hey, in this Newspaper, it says taht Hitler is celebrttating his
200th Birthday with a Reichparty! In Berlin! We msut go and see this
and then kill Hitlar!"

The more you wish you didn't know: That means that this story is set in the year 2089
Also, 'Reichparty' [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
And I think the spelling in this is getting worse as this goes along.

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"Yes that will surely end the Nazi Regine, and we can go back to the way of things before allthis!"
We smiled at each other and kissed passionaly while the plane was driivng.We had a love stronger than he had EVER had with Bella.

Rainbow your love is so much more pure and strong than the one he ever had with that evil Nazi Bella!!!

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Suddenly, the plane landed!

So suddenly!

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"Ze plane is landet!" said the pilot, and we left the plane as quietly as we could so that we didn't draw attention to us from the Berlin Airport.

Yeah, no one's going to notice you in an airport! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
And thank god, that chapter was relatively short compared to the first one.
I wonder what amazing thing will happen next!

OK, now it's a troll.

Come on, a Twilight fic in which Bella doesn't need Edward to complete her for once can't be all bad.

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Viscous BLOODLUST!!!!

They need to change their oil more often...

Since she never says if this is taking place in the present, or in an Alternative Universe past where the Nazi's won the war, I'm wondering where they got security cams.

Also-Rainbow. I'd expect better, even from a Twilight Fan.

Vanilla-villa wrote:

We coulnd't catch up with her on heer trycle!

Damn those tricycles!

Here's my take on "The Complex": You're liable to have a complex by the time you finish reading it...that is, if the sheer WTF-ery of it all doesn't make you faint first.

As if Twilight wasn't bad enough, to have Nazis dragged into it . . .

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

KJM wrote:

Come on, a Twilight fic in which Bella doesn't need Edward to complete her for once can't be all bad.

Seconding this^

Rabid Badger wrote:

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Viscous BLOODLUST!!!!

They need to change their oil more often...

Since she never says if this is taking place in the present, or in an Alternative Universe past where the Nazi's won the war, I'm wondering where they got security cams.

Also-Rainbow. I'd expect better, even from a Twilight Fan.

Really? Have you read much Twilight fic? Because at least the plot line is original, making it better than about 80% of the dross out there (and yes I am a filthy filthy person who (a)enjoyed the books and (b)reads Twilight fanfic for something other than the lulz)

What I want to know is, what is "vampire sex", and how does it differ from actual sex?

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We smiled at each other and kissed passionaly while the plane was driivng

Also, how exactly does a plane "driive"? And was it driving itself or was there someone in the driver seat?

Believe it or not, you have not found the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

This is the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

A Twilight/The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas crossover: the world didn't want it, the world didn't need it, but there it is.

littledorrit wrote:

Believe it or not, you have not found the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

This is the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

A Twilight/The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas crossover: the world didn't want it, the world didn't need it, but there it is.

Wow. Two shitty things that are even worse together!

myeerah wrote:

littledorrit wrote:

Believe it or not, you have not found the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

This is the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

A Twilight/The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas crossover: the world didn't want it, the world didn't need it, but there it is.

Wow. Two shitty things that are even worse together!

TWO Twilight/Nazi fics! I've not watched much Twilight, but seriously, trying to in incorporate something like the Nazis into it is asking for a fanfic disaster.

littledorrit wrote:

Believe it or not, you have not found the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

This is the worst Twilight Nazi fic.

A Twilight/The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas crossover: the world didn't want it, the world didn't need it, but there it is.

Oh my god. Twilight and the Boy in Striped Pajamas? Jesus Christ. I think 'The Complex' is a troll or crack!fic at the very
least but that... that was something else. Fanfics like that are made even scarier when they're so competently written, and with 28 chapters, it's probably not even a troll.
Awful... why was that even written?

Disclaimer: Didn't read the thread.

Aren't most of the Cullens supposed to be pushing 100? If so, having them remember or have participated in one of the World Wars (or any other period war, for that matter) doesn't seem that unlikely.

gaijinguy wrote:

Disclaimer: Didn't read the thread.

Aren't most of the Cullens supposed to be pushing 100? If so, having them remember or have participated in one of the World Wars (or any other period war, for that matter) doesn't seem that unlikely.

I don't know how old Carlisle is, having never read the book, but I do remember that he 'turned' Edward during the Great Influenza Epidemic of the early 20th Century, and you got the impression he'd been knocking around for quite a while then. So yes, it's entirely possible he could've served in WW I or WW II.

It's not the serving in the war that bothers me-it's the attempts to shoehorn Twilight and Nazis into the same story. Most fanfic that involves the Third Reich tends to be godawful by default, even when combined with fandoms that did take place during that time period. Take a modern fandom that involves the supernatural (twisted to the point where we're intended to consider the vampires the good guys), and you've got a train wreck waiting to happen.

Within the bounds of the Twilight canon, it is possible for the Cullens to have been in Europe during the Second World War.

In the hands of a very, very, very good writer with an excellent grasp on history, a fic in which the Cullens are somehow involved in Nazi Germany could work. I imagine that a darkfic about the actual moral dilemmas vegeterian vampires would face in a concentration camp might be interesting and good...if Tolstoy wrote it. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Does any of that excuse a line like "I was saving Edward from the evil Nazi darkness that was Bella" or a Twilight/The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas crossover? Absolutely not.

Oh god, this again. Well, I started this, so I might as well go all the way.
Onwards to chapter 3!

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(AN - Tanks for reaidng story but stop leaving reviews that don't make any mince! I like nice reivew though, so thank you)

Actually, the few reviews this has are sort of positive. Except for one which simply reads 'esrei095jgjdiksst'. Also, 'don't make any mince'. Mince. Seriously?

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We now in the Berlin Airport and we snuck out into the Berlin!

Not just any old Berlin you guys, THE Berlin.

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We got a Teddy Bear Costume for Edward in the Kostümverleih

Ah, the power of google translate

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and he dressed him up as a big teddy bear so people wouldnt't recognisnize that he is a vmapire really.
"Ah, hallo zere!" said some guy who was German, "Velkom to Berlin! I hop zat
you enjoy your stay here! Zay, vhy is your friend dressed up az a bear
like zat?"

Ahahahaha, my favourite part of this story is the ridiculously over the top German accents. And 'some guy who was German' [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Oh,!" I exclaimed, "He is uh... dress up as a bear for charity!"
"Ah!" he said, "Vell zat is nice, I hope you enjoy your holiday here!"
He smiled at us as we walked of.
Little did he know that this was no holiday.

Oh noes! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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I looked at the Television Store where they were selling television.
"Look here there're selling televisions" said Edward and I looked to.
"Let's watch television." I said and we walked into the store and looked on the Televisions.

Television television television

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They looked on the News and it was the German News.

What? In Germany? Really?

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"Hallo und welkom to ze German News" said the guy who reads news, "Und
here today ve celebrate ze 200th birthday of our fuhuruer, Hitler! Ze
party is on Berlin, here!"

I love the character depth in this story. Especially that of 'some guy who was German' and 'the guy who reads news'.

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And the news reader pointed to a map whitch showed us where the party was.

That was convenient!

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Suddenly, the shop keeper approached us."Are you going to buy anyzing?" he said, "Becuase if your not zen you musst get out of mein ReichshoP!"And so we left the shop to go to the Reichparty.

Awesome plot device #2: You can put Reich in front of any word to make it Nazi-related! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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We wanted to go to the party but as we went there the Berlin Wall was in the way!

Whaaaaaaaaat, this is not how you write alternate history!

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We were so dissapointed!
"Now we cannot go the way!" I said, kicked against the wall, but as I kickde it, it shaked.
Maybe it could be broeken?

Maybe [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Edward you are a strong vampire" I said, "Can you kicking down the wall?"

Just what is happening to the grammar in this? It's getting more and more broken as this goes on!

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"I can try, Rainbow," he said, and he bashed himself into the wall.
Suddenly, the Berlin Wall shook in a huge earthquake and the whole wall fell to the gorund!
"We've knocked down the Berlin Wall!" I laughed and we continued the way to the party.

A huge earthquake. That no one notices.
Next: The Reichparty! Hooray [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Vanilla-villa wrote:

Ze party is on Berlin, here!"

"Ze party is on in Berlin, here. Where we most definitely are. In Germany. Nazi Germany."

It's like the author's scared the reader'll forget they're in Germany, or something.

Also, I'm calling troll. Deteriorating spelling and grammar, couple with things that have that odd... crafted look about them. Like they're deliberately made to be awful.

Reichparty.

I also love how the GERMANS in a NAZI GERMANY are speaking ENGLISH with horrible accents. I'm sorry, but when I'm walking on the streets, I don't just randomly start speaking Spanish to people on the streets, since... ya know, statistically speaking in the States, most people speak English.....

And now for Chapter 4, the last chapter!

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"Velkom to ze Reichparty!" said the Party Guard as we walked into the Reichparty.We ate Reichcake and danced together in the Reichdisco, (with Edward stil in his Teddy Baer Suit!)

Just in case you forgot he was wearing a bear suit as a disguise from the Nazis, lolololol [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
And yes, you too can add 'Reich' in front of any word to describe a Nazi
version of it! Feel free to use this technique in your Reichstories!

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We would have to waiit until Hitlar came out to strike, so we decided to have fun until then.
Suddenly, Hitler came out of the door.

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"OH MEIN GOTT!" screamed the Germans and they nearly fainted in exitment, as Hitler is a big celebrity to them.

Oh wow...[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Look," I whispered to Edward, and we watched as he came out.
"I know.." he whisperped back to me, "I have a gun pistol, I whill use it when it is the time to use it."

I have a gun pistol! I will use it when it is time to use it!

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I nodded and we were silent for a while.Suddenmly, Hitler gave a speech.

Everything happen so suddenly in this fanfic.

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"Mein fellow Arial Race," said Hitler, as the SS Guards patrolled the
area around where Hitler was standing, "Ve hav a chance to expand
Germany, und ve kan tak ze izland of Britian and all of the France,"

Not to mention all these horrible, over-exaggerated German accents that keep appearing every five seconds.

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The Germans cheered.

Yippeeee!!!

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"You are unserer hero, Hilter!" said the Germans, jumping up and down like German jumping beans.

Good god, this story gets worse and worse. And what happened to Bella, I wonder?

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"Und also ve vill take ze America more and force ze vampires into
exile and kill zem," Hitler gave the salute thing and the Germans
cheered some more."SIG HAIL" said the Germans, "VE VILL GET RID OF VAMPIRE"

'Gave the salute thing' Seriously? Salute thing? Even 'Nazi Salute' would have been a better description.

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Edward was seething with anger now. I could see it in his face."Edward calm down now," I saidd, to him.But Edsward could not calming down.He whipped out his gun pistole!

lol... just... the image of some guy in a bear suit with a gun. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"OH NEIN!"" shouted the Germans.

OH NEIN!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"I WILL KILL YOU YOU GERMAN SON OF A BEACH!" yelled Edward and he shot
Hitler and the gun bullet went straight thourgh the robo suit he was
wearing for protection and Hitler fell to the floor and died.

SON OF A BEACH!!!
By the way, let's go back to chapter one, and look at what the author said:

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"We have to obey them and have obedience to the Reichfuhrhrer. (which is
still Hitler because they made him robot suit that makes him
impentrable to NUCLEAR EXSLPOSION!)"

So yes, Hitler has a robot suit that makes him impenetrable to 'NUCLEAR
EXPLOSION', but Edward's 'gun pistol' bullet went through effortlessly.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"GOTT IM HIMMEL!" screamed the Germans, "VAT HAFF YOU DONE!"

God
damn, you've already said that they're Germans. They don't need to have
awful accents and be throwing random German words in their sentences
every five seconds.

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Edward ripped off his bear suit.
"I am a vampire and I have killed your Reichfuhurer!" Edward screamed.

OMG

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I looked at Edward, he was so angry, I had never seen him so angry before.
I was a little turned on.

Oh god no. The 'vampire sex' so often mentioned may come in here guys, be warned...

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"GET AVAY FROM US!" said the Germans, as he pointed his gun pistol at
the Germans, but he didn't shoot them as he totally wouldn't should
civillians becuase that's just wrong.

Ah, brave heroic Edward. By the way, due to the authors lack of attention
span and ability to stay focused on one subject for too long, you have
been spared from having to read about awful 'vampire sex'. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"I have ended the Nazi Regine!" yelled Edward, and suddenly, the
Germans saw that this was good, and celebrated with us and we continued
with the Reichdisco.

Suddenly, all the Germans, who just seconds ago were Nazis, saw that this was good.

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They had been controlled over for so long and now finally they were freee!"Edvart you haff freed us!" said the Germans, and we all ate Reichcake and the Reichparty became a Reichrollerblade-disco!.

What the hell is a Reichrollerblade-disco? Did you just combine three completely unrelated words?

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"And don't forget Rainbow!" said Edward, as we both stood on the podium
smiling and we were celebrtieis throughout the all of Germany.

Hahahahaa, failure Mary-sue, everyone had forgotten all about Rainbow while Edward was shooting Hitler.

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THE END.

YAAAAAY!!!! Well done Edward and Rainbow!!!!! You've saved the world from Nazis!!!!!
*clappity clappity*

Fun Fact: Now, there are four horrible Nazi fics on the first page of 'New Releases'.
There's this... thing, 'Blutige Liebe', the Nazi Yu-Gi-Oh story, and littledorrit's thread dedicated to snarking Nazi fanfics.
The more you know [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Vanilla-villa wrote:

And now for Chapter 4, the last chapter!

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"Velkom to ze Reichparty!" said the Party Guard as we walked into the Reichparty.We ate Reichcake and danced together in the Reichdisco, (with Edward stil in his Teddy Baer Suit!)

Most hilarious troll ever!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Mein fellow Arial Race," said Hitler, as the SS Guards patrolled the
area around where Hitler was standing, "Ve hav a chance to expand
Germany, und ve kan tak ze izland of Britian and all of the France,"

Strange, I'd think they'd have been a Sans Serif or Helvetica Bold race of people. Ah well, good to know the Nazis were fond of Arial.