The Wolf Blood Lineage

I'm not entirely convinced that ComicsNix, author of the fic in which Snape shags the Teletubbies, isn't a troll. Exhibit Z is the so-bad-it's-good masterpiece The Wolf Blood Lineage which, well, let's see:

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Update 02/12/2010 - People are complaining that this chapter was badly wrote.

Good thing to put in the intro, isn't it?

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Update 03/13/2010 - Hi again! I made a cover for my story...it's
on devian art. The link is:
.com/art/The-Wolf-Blood-Lineage-Cover-157174016 . I the future, more
cool fanart will be updated!!! Enjoy!!!

The full uncensored link. Yeah, this guy is either trolling or utterly insane. Either way, here come the lulz.

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Hermione recieved a letter from an unknown person. It reads:"Hermione,
you are not child of your parents. You are my daughter. Come see me and
recieve you magical artifacts, bacause your parents don't want you near
me. Your dear mother, Jonesi Ceux Angel du Dehors.""No, my
parents lied all my life to me! I must find the truth." and Hermione
grabbed a bundle of clothes and parted from her house. She didn't talk
to her fake parents, because they would lie to her. She went to the
place where her real mother said she would be. A strange pink house in
America, in the Bronx. Hermione knocked the door, and a person welcomed:

This is not a story. This is a synopsis.

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"You, Hermione, is the descendant of an ancient especies of mecha wolves. Your father impregnated me with his spermathozoa

Well, what the hell else is he going to impregnate her with? I'm slightly surprised that an "especies" of mecha wolves would have "spermathozoa", but whatever. It's not like this fic makes the slightest bit of sense anyway.

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"No Hermione, only mecha wolves pass their own genetic code.
You have the DNA of your father. I was only a surrogate.

Then wouldn't he have needed to impregnate her with more than just sperm?

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"Now my child, you have a new name. You are called by the name your
father wanted to you. You now shall be called: Foxylene Siouxsie Angel
du Dehors."

Please be a troll. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I know "Foxylene Siouxsie Angel du Dehors" is no worse than, for instance, "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way", but that's not much of a hurdle to clear.

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Hermione went away and picked a plane to return to England. She was
taking with her the strange chest, because her mother said she will
need the contents inside. But she must no open before the right time.After some hours, Foxylene arrives at Hogwarts

Firstly, make up your mind: is she Hermione or Foxylene? Secondly, Hogwarts doesn't have an airport and if it did it would be in Scotland rather than England.

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Hermione got very freightened. Mecha Wolves? What if they attack me
not knowing my real blood lineage? She only listened the rest of
Hagrid's talk:"So, I must say, don't get out of the castle boys.
If I need a help from you, I call. Here, take this cell phones, we stay
in contact." and Hagrid lend them to the friends.After this, Hagrid picked a homemade cigarette from his pocket, lighted it and started to smoke:

Yeah, they won't have mobile phones (Hogwarts anti-tech field, and when Harry was at school they were still bulky, expensive and not something you'd hand out to kids) and why the hell is Hagrid suddenly a stoner? Is ComicsNix projecting him/herself onto Hagrid?

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As the trio went to Hogwarts, Harry decided to get rid of his "delay" and put his hand on Hermione's panties covered vagina.

Yeah, that's physically impossible.

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"You are so stupid Potter. Insteat of insulting me, ask for
my pussy, come on, I'll give you now!!!" said Hermione slapping her
vagina with her both hands.

So is that. You fail anatomy forever.

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After some minutes kissing Draco, Foxylane, whom shall be
called Foxy by now on, felt a hot and humid liquid on her pants. She
looked and...oh my God!!!! Draco pissed in his pants.

Uh... I think you'll find that isn't piss.

This time I really give up. I think I need some of what Hagrid's got to continue that.

I love ComicsNix so much. He's one of the only people that can make me lol and sob at the same time.

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Then wouldn't he have needed to impregnate her with more than just sperm?

Silly, it was spermathoza. Spermathoza is special.

I'm pretty convinced that ComicsNix is a troll. Still, his stories provide this site with hours of brain-breaking entertainment.

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Hermione recieved a letter from an unknown person. It reads:

DEAR SIR,

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

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"Hermione, you are not child of your parents. You are my daughter. Come see me and recieve you magical artifacts, bacause your parents don't want you near me. Your dear mother, Jonesi Ceux Angel du Dehors."

PS: Totally not a Death Eater trick. Pinky-swear!

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"No, my parents lied all my life to me! I must find the truth."

Yes! This person who I'd never heard of five minutes ago must know the truth!

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and Hermione grabbed a bundle of clothes and parted from her house. She didn't talk to her fake parents, because they would lie to her.

Unlike Jonsey Coup Deville, who'd never lied as long as Hermione knew her.

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She went to the place where her real mother said she would be. A strange pink house in America, in the Bronx.

That says less "Mysterious Bearer of Truth" and more "Crazy Cat Lady."

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Hermione knocked the door, and a person welcomed:

"Oh, Hermione, my daughter!! Hug me!!!" and the strange woman hugged Hermione. The woman was very strange, clothed like an unwashed gipsy, but she was not a gipsy, only unwashed.

Cat Lady - check!

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"Why all this now?" asked Hermione to the gypsy clothed woman.

"Oh dear, come, I tell you everything."

"But first, tell me: are you familiar with Dianetics?"

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"You, Hermione, is the descendant of an ancient especies of mecha wolves. Your father impregnated me with his spermathozoa, and he died in a battle of a thousand days agains wizards."

Hermione nodded polietly, then started mentally rehersing every offensive spell she knew.

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"So, you are a mecha wolf too?"

"No Hermione, only mecha wolves pass their own genetic code. You have the DNA of your father. I was only a surrogate. I carried you in my womb and lactated you with my milk."

"So... I'm actually a boy?"
"Yes and no: Let me tell you about the Mecha Wolves of Jusenkyo..."

PS: Genetics DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT!

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"So you are not my mother."

"Yes, I am, but not of a genetical kind.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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I was only a surrogate. I carried you in my womb and lactated you with my milk

Did...did you give birth through your nipples?

myeerah wrote:

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I was only a surrogate. I carried you in my womb and lactated you with my milk

Did...did you give birth through your nipples?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] OW OW OW NO OW

I'm suddenly feeling rather alarmed.

It doesn't help (I guess it does if you're a troll, I suppose) that our resident Hermione!Sue's name sounds like a cold remedy. I'll have a packet of extra-strength Foxylene, please.