Let's get reintroduced to the amazing awesomeness that is this story from early this year, with the greatest title EVER WRITTEN:
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- 'Lord of the Rings'
Eomer/OC!!
(Karl Urban is Sexy
man!! XD)
The Wolf and the Horse
That's right. The full title is
"Lord of the Rings: Eomer/OC!!: (Karl Urban is Sexy man!! XD): The Wolf and the Horse."Holy. Fucking. Hell. That's just . . .
special. I'm gonna steal it. From now on,
all of my stories will list up front the characters that I intend to masturbate to as I write it. In the fucking
title, no less.
So, the thing begins with a bizarre introduction in the form of a letter.
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- To those who it my concern,
Now, I've gone back over the replies this person sent me the first time this was posted, and as near as I can tell, the introduction is a bizarre, rambling letter from the main character that is intended for the readers of Fanfiction.Net. No, really. She's not breaking the fourth wall, she's sending
mail across it.
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My name is Eleenia Yunki
A name which fits
seamlessly into the world Tolkien created!
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- I'm the last of my kind and clan. I'm a werewolf some might say or some wolf demon. But they're wrong. I'm a
Wolfsha. Someone human, yet wolf. I have the ability to change from two forms. My human self and my wolf self.
So, she's a human-wolf.
Which, in Tolkien's parlance, is a man-wolf.
Or, in old English, a
were-wolf.
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- All Wolfsha have a keen eyes and ears, three times better then the most powerful of Elves.
Elven hearing is determined by a math formula where P (power) is multiplied by H (hearing range). All this to roll a spot check? Man, D&D really
is an overcomplicated waste of time.
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- Also our sense of smell and tracking will make the best of the best run with fear. Fear. My favorite type of blood. The scared kind.
It's important to establish early on that our heroine is a sadistic serial murderer who gets off on terror. This will be important later.
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- Unlike werewolves, the Wolfsha are more....how do I say?? Advanced.
(. . . .)in wolf form, we look like wolfs, not like some guy dressed up in some cheesy Halloween mask.
Advanced enough to see into the mists of the distant future and foretell that there shall be a holiday called "Halloween", which is celebrated by wearing cheap wolf masks.
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- Though silver can still harm us, it burns like the hottest fire on unprotected skin; it can still kill us, if we are beheaded by it.
NOT A WEREWOLF!Funny enough, I don't think silver has any special properties against werewolves in Tolkien. Of course, they don't transform, either.
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- I'm still young for a Wolfsha, also by human standards. 24 or 25. I stopped counting when I reached 10.
I ran outta fingers, and didn't wanna take off me shoes.
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- I work with Saruman. Like business partners if you like. I can sometimes get the upper hand if I really wanted to, he was really an idiot.
And according to the author, this idiot taught her how to read and write!
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- On my tenth birthday I was found by him, wondering alone in Fangorn itself. Home to the Wolfsha and Ents; the same day that the last clan of Wolfsha, the BlackBloods were slaughtered by the Rohirrim.
From that day on I vowed to myself that I will kill any Rohirrim that comes my way in the most inhuman way possible.
I can't for the life of me imagine why they'd want to exterminate you.
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- I have the white hand of Saruman tattooed on my right shoulder blade,
He's such an idiot, I had his symbol permanently added to my body!
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- My hair is an unnatural red, the colour human blood. My left eye is dark blue, my right, light blue.
My head looks like a MYSTERIOUS AND GOFFICK . . . asymmetric tomato. I really don't know how she managed to picture that in her head without it looking silly.
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- My figure is powerful and strong, though many will think I am vulnerable in human form. Those stupid humans
try to take advantage of me whenever I leave Isengard.
Of course, my alliance with Saruman is very secretive.
Yes, it's so secretive the people regularly see me leave Isengard and try to destroy me while I'm still in my human form for working with the tratorious wizard!
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- No one knows,they know that he walks alongside some wolf demon yeah, but not a Wolfsha. Not a woman that can make the hardest of all man quake in his boots.
But only if you buy me dinner, first!
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- Sometimes, I wish I could destroy myself.
Posting this story was a good way to start.
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- But Saruman had all the silver taken away in case I tried to behead myself
We do not speak of The Butterknife Incident. EVER.
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- So? Do you still wish to hear my tale?
It is taking the full force of my will to keep from pressing the back button on my browser, sister.
Chapter 1 starts up, and we're suddenly an omnipresant narrator is telling us the story.
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- Deep within the valley of Nan Curunir, within the walls of Isengard the tower of Orthanc stood strong and tall, surrounded by beautiful gardens, fruit trees and bushes
Credit where it's due: she didn't confuse Isengard (the fortress) with Orthanc (the tower). Kudos!
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- which were all being ripped apart or torn down by ugly beasts that looked to human for anyone liking. Orcs.
That human they're looking to must be one of the stupid humans who keep trying to take advantage of her when she leaves Isengard.
Anyway, to make the long story short, a large Uruk-hai is bullying an orc slave, while she watches.
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- The Uruk shook his head wildly and fear struck his face. He looked up the tower and saw a female figure with unnatural red hair, the colour of human blood which he had seen a lot of; and looked hopeful towards
her, hoping she would command the Uruk-hai scum to put him down.
But instead she just watching with an amused face, she grinned evilly now, and laughed lightly, she held on to the sides of the tower next to her thighs and leaned forward as she laughed.
The Uruk-hai looked up towards her as well, holding the weak thing in his clutches, and grinned when she didn't give order to place the weakling down and leave him. The two looked at each other yet again and snarled once again, the difference was that the Uruk-hai was grinning and the other was scared.
“She is not going to save you again, Vukli.” The bigger spoke in the common tongue, which sounded strange on with the beasts deep croaky voice. The Uruk-hai spun Vukli round, Vukli gave off a inhuman screech. Johuyl -the Uruk-hai- hurled Vukli through the air and thrown him to his fiery death in on of those bonfires.
Eleenia clapped her hand and laughed at the show, but it could hardly be heard over Vukli's death screams and swears. Vukli's skin began to burn furiously and crumple apart, flakes of skin began to chip off his bones. Vukli had finally died but his corpse still burned.
Her laughing went to a warm smile and nodded toward Johuyl when he looked to see the Lady's reaction. “Nice job Johuyl. I never liked Vukli,” she shouted joyfully down to the dreadlocked Uruk-hai.
Well, at least we're getting the moral event horizan out of the way early.
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- She began to dust off her clothes.
I guess they're covered in charred orc.
Of course, we get a detailed description of the fucking clothes, including:
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- Her boots had 3 inch heels that was made of a shiny metal that looked like silver but wasn't -the sols of her
boots were always made of that strange metal that never tarnished. Black plastic was on the bottom of her heel.
Discovered by dwarves in the ancient plastic mines of Po-Lee-Mer.
The clothes descriptions are followed by an even more boring description of the stairwell, which is in turn followed by an even more pointless description of her bedroom furnature. Which, much to my surprise, wasn't all ordered from IKEA, or something equally anacronistic.
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- She strolled over to the mirror but stared outside the window which was about 2 meters away. It was sunset, she loved the sunset. And the sunrise, she wake up early in morning just to watch the sunrise, then she would go back sleep. But she couldn't see the wonderful colours, the red, oranges and the pinks. All she could see were little snippets of the colours, the rest was covered by the thick smoke which arose from many burning fires.
She shook her head sadly as a tear began to fall down her cheek.
Why can't the wretched orc slaves I callously burn ever be carbon-neutral?
The next chapter is just an author's note, which is . . .
scary. - Quote :
- This is just a small notice. Some of you that are reading my Fan fiction think I'm writing
it based on the books. I am not, it is based on the movies.
Man, I knew the animated films from the 70's were a bit different, but I didn't know
how different.
Also: yes, it's in the Books section of the Pit.
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- I am however a fan a JRR Tolkien, I think he's a genius. One day I will get round to reading the books.
I'm not going to snark this line. It's perfect the way it is.
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I am sorry to those that wish to help me with my writing by criticizing, I however react in a immature way, it's just that I'm having some mental issues that I'm trying so hard to get rid of, it doesn't help that my family doesn't know and that I'm doing it alone. Though one of my friends at school is trying to help me, but he hasn't gotten every far.
However, my mental problems are slowly getting better, like now I can control my temper and other things going on inside my head. So please understand that if you criticize that I am glad to hear, or rather read your opinions and help. Something inside my head (Which is not at all pleasant) sometimes takes over and uses my temper to -his- advantage.
So, I must let the world go on thinking that I, too, am dead . . . until I can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within me.
And just in case you still weren't convinced that this person had serious problems, here is another story idea from her profile.
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- Highly Explosive - Lord of the rings X Doom (Cross-Over(AAlso
featuring OCs))- Rated M - 4 years after the War of the Ring, most of
the Elves have returned from the Undying Lands. Frodo and Gandalf are
back living in the Shire with all the other Hobbits (Even though
Gandalfs a Wizard not a Hobbit). Aragorn and Arwen are happily ruling
Gondor and caring for their three year-old son, Eldarion. Eomer is now
king of Rohan. Darkness is rising yet again within the pits of Mordor.
But happans when the united Middle-Earth can't win against this new
foe? Théoum, Theoden's youngest brother returns from Upper-Earth (Ours)
with a mighty Britsih Army with strange weapnary, after being missing
from upper-earth for 6 years. They are the only ones th the right
weaponary to defeat the new heir's dark Army and the Heir himself. They
have been traveling for over 6 years to help fight Sauron, but was 4
years to late. And with the help of the RRTS and the BRRS teams that
had just survived (Even though the oringal team all died-but I'm making
them survive!!) a bloody attack on Mars, they think they are all going
back home to Upper-Earth but Théoum messes with the co-ordinates and
sends them to Middle-Earth to help him. But the co-ordinates were a
little wrong so the two RRTS teams have to travel 2 weeks to the newly
built HQ in fangorn...without getting killed by blood thirsy
monsters...or themselves.People:
Eomer/OC - She's an explosive Expert - Hence why the story is called 'Highly Explosive'
Legolas/OC - She's a Mechanic - She's the other one Best Friend.
Sarge/OC - She's the 'Captain' of the new space marine group that meets up with Sarges XD
Reaper/OC - She's a first aid person!!
And all the other usual ones !! 8D
If this story ever gets published, you have my permission to come to my house and beat me to death with truncheons.
It will be a mercy killing.
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