Trying to be soft by PinkSkunk

Hey guys. I had this odd dream the other night, which I mentioned on the dream thread in the couch. Basically, there were some shenanigans and it culminated in some Doug slash. I considered saying nothing to no one and quietly erasing the thought from my brain... but then I thought nah, better check and see if Doug rule 34 is a thing.

My results were mixed, and I am not going to go into to detail. It was mostly about the quantity and quality I would have guessed it to be based on the age of the show and its popularity and target demographic. More gorn than I expected, and maybe more incest, nothing really surprising. I was kind of hoping for lovingly crafted cliche uke/seme mush, or maybe some brain breaking MPREG. No such luck, but I did find one Doug/ Roger slash fic with an 'evil' Skeeter.

Trying to be soft by PinkSkunk

The first chapter has no info, warnings, disclaimer, or author's notes.

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Doug was on his way to school not caring much of anything.

Also it has a lot of typos.

Any-whoodle, Doug spots his crush Patti and gets all dopey and happy and shit. As you do. Roger, the requisite town bully, is not pleased:

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"Gross." Roger muttered and walked away.

OH WHATEVER COULD HIS PROBLEM BE?

So, then Patti nuts up and makes the first move, because like hell if Doug was going to, and asks the immortal:

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are you doing anything this weekend?"

My God, the ~scandal~!

So, despite having already walked away, Roger hears this and... walks back I guess.

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"His tutoring me on the weekends, buzz off." Roger then dragged Doug into the school building.

I like how he can just man-handle the guy like that and no one says anything.

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Doug pulled away from Roger then growled at him. "I'm not tutoring you." Doug walked towards his locker gloomy and angry.

Roger smirked seeing Doug walk away. "Oh but little do you know Funnie."

Ominous!

So, Doug runs into his long time best buddy, Skeeter. They chat about what a jerk Roger is for ruining Patti's plan to ride Doug like a pony all weekend long, because there is no way Doug could, like, call Patti later and tell her Roger is full of shit and he would love to hang out.

Roger, in the meantime, is taking a time-out from his class skipping to drool over his boy-crush:

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Roger was in English class, he's always in English class since Doug sat across from him. Roger barely paid attention to the teacher a saw Doug drawing his super hero. 'What a geek' Roger thought looking out the window.

Yes, attend class for no reason except to sit across from a guy, silently judge him, then stare out the window. Well played.

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Doug smiled when he saw Quail-man and day dreamed of Quail-man kick Roger out of His and Patti's conversation from this
morning.

Shit, I loved this show and I have admit that about summed the whole damn thing up in one sentence. I especially like the capitalized “He,” indicating Doug's role of God in his own journal, the characters and events all being recorded as he wills it.

*cough* Moving on.

Doug spaces out and misses the bell and Roger laughs at him:

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Roger couldn't help but snicker at Doug's humiliation then started busting out laughing. He wiped the tears off his face and walked to launch. His friends waved at him then blurting out. "PATTI AND DOUG KISSED!" they busted out laugh.

Most of the transitions are like this, in case you have not picked up on that already.

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Roger shocked then glared at his friends. "When?"

“Shit, he was right next to me two sentences ago!”

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"Right now." they pointed at Patti and Doug still kissing

I LOLed.

So Pattie runs out blushing, as you do, and Roger goes over to fuck with Doug some more.

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"So Doug you doing something to Patti that made her kiss you?" He so Doug's face burn bright red causing him to frown. 'So he did something'

So, Roger... uh, suspects something? I guess?

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Doug looked at Roger with angry eye's. "No I didn't!" Doug screamed and ran out of the school building crying.

Whoa woah woah woah. What? Why? Did she, like, rape him? Why would he be so upset at the implication that maybe he did something another human being found sexually desirable? Especially when he was just bitching that he had wanted to go out with her this weekend?

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Roger felt bad seeing Doug like that, he never knew why but he had a thing for Doug.

OH REALLY NOW. I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

Ahem. So that is Chapter 1 in a nutshell. I admit, it starts out just normal-bad, not really WGW bad. It does get worse though! The entire fic is seven chapters long, so there is plenty of time for it to get weird.

The random discluding of words makes this hard to read. For example: "He so Doug's face burn bright red causing him to frown." He WHAT so?

I don't know if "Trying to be soft" is the best title for a slashfic. Just sayin'.

Roger Klotz is a great many things. Primarily, he's a douchebag, bully, and moron. Being a cock-block and gay for Doug is not among those.

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Roger shocked then glared at his friends.

Sorry, that's just how I read it. ^^'

RE: Howithurts, yeah, there is a fair amount to that in this one. A number one best sign that no-one proofread something, I think.

RE: littledorrit, the use of the word 'soft' get more awkward later on!

RE: TheIan, actually I find that to be the most believable part!

The second chapter gives us a brief disclaimer:

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of this folks here! Just making a fan fiction.

You know, in case you did not realize you were on fanfiction.net.

Without further ado, we start out with Roger, who is walking and feeling 'gloomy'. He is upset about 'making' Doug cry. Considering he did jack-shit to cause that kind of reaction I am a little upset too. He reflects to himself that

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He never really made anyone cry before,

Man, that is pretty pathetic considering Roger's been a career bully since he was, like, 11. It is really easy to make other kids cry at that age. Believe me, I know.

Suddenly, Roger is talking to Skeeter. He asks wtf is wrong with Doug, Skeeter bitches him out. Roger is apologetic. Skeeter does not give a fuck. Stop me if I am going too fast.

The narration then follows Skeeter as he goes to visit Doug. Well, actually what happens is this:

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Skeeter snorted and walked away from Roger to Doug's house.

But it sounds nicer when I say it.

Doug is angsting. Beautifully.

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Doug was drawing himself with Patti but he felt something in his stomach and ripped apart the picture. "Why does it feel wrong?"

A single tear of sorrow-black blood just rolled down one of my alabaster cheeks.

They chat awkwardly. Doug explains that he found out his 'feelings for Patti were fake'. Huh, I wonder when he made that discovery? When he made out with her in the lunch room? When he ran away crying at the mere suggestion Roger disapproved? Just now when drawing a picture of her made him want to vomit?

Skeeter, naturally, is the master of comforting friends in need and offers some sage words of advice:

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Skeeter walked over to Doug and hugged him. "Hey its alright something good might happen."

The narration helpfully points out that Doug is 'not feeling comfortable' with Skeeter hugging him. Subtle foreshadowing at its finest, people.

Then they go to the comic book store! Then we get more drama!

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Roger saw Doug and Skeeter entering a comic book store and frowned. 'Showed I check up on him?'

I dunno, showed you? Heh, I keep pronouncing that with a short o sound in my head and it sounds like a terrible Texas twang.

So, Roger straight up apologizes for 'making' Doug cry. Skeeter gets in the guy's face and throws a bitch fit asking why Doug should 'believe' Roger is sorry. Which is dumb as fuck because Doug already explained he was upset because he finally got the girl he was lusting after for at least the last two years only to suddenly discover intimate contact with her made him physically ill. What Roger said to him did not have anything to do with that.

But enough logic, we have drama to attend to!

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"You're acting more like his mother."

“His mother fucker. Honk honk!”

So, Skeeter and Roger exchange words in a completely believable fashion for a very good, well thought out reason. Doug stops them because he is worried it will come to blows and Skeeter will get beaten up. Roger may never make people cry, but putting them in traction is no problema. Doug drags Skeeter out of the comic book store bodily, leaving Roger to wonder where he went wrong.

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Roger grumbled under his breath mentally kicking himself to never talk to Doug with his pal around.

Healthy!

Skeeter, meanwhile, is a little upset he did not get beaten up after all. He claims it would be 'worth it completely' to take a punch for Doug. This makes Doug feel 'uneasy'. This is actually the most rational part of this story (Doug being kind of creeped out at Skeeter's sudden-onset stalkerish devotion), but basically it leads nowhere.

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Author note: Ok folks please review don't make me feel like I'm doing this for nothing. Plus 10-15 review gets lemon! So yeah or maybe when I get to it.

The second chapter ends with the typical review plea, only instead of holding later chapters hostage if her review demands are not met, the authoress tries bribing her audience with offers of sweet, sweet graphic man sex. Or maybe she will write man sex anyway when she 'gets to it.' Who knows!

My guess is she's going to do it anyway, regardless of the reviews.

We can only hope... or not, if we're fond of logic.

OH TEH ANGST!

You know, sometimes it's nice to open up WGW and read a fic that's "ha ha, that's bad writing" funny instead of "I weep for humanity" funny. Not that the latter doesn't have its place.

RE: The Scientist, oh I hope. I hope very much.
RE: littledorrit, me too. I think Chocobo Nights is the only weep for humanity type fic I have snarked.

The third chapter starts with a warning about 'guy-on-guy' action, then throws us right into the chaos dimension:

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Skeeter paced back and forth in his room muttering. "What a jerk going up to Doug like that."

Flashback

Skeeter and Doug were walking home from school when Roger walked over to them dragging Doug away.

[...]

Doug slapped Roger. "Don't touch me!"

Roger let go of Doug and started walking away.

End of flashback

I snipped the part where Skeeter and Roger argue while playing tug-of-war with Doug, then Skeeter punches Roger, who responds by throwing him 'on the ground'. This is just an incredibly pointless flash back that could have easily been, you know, not a flashback. That and everything else that is wrong with it. Like Roger walking over to them while simultaneously dragging Doug away, apparently. Also Doug cowers behind Skeeter in the cut bit (maybe I should have quoted the whole thing?), which does not really make any sense in the context of this story. Roger was apologetic the last time they saw each other, and he has done nothing here except try to 'drag' Doug away. Now, moving someone bodily against their will is not OK, but people have been dragging other people around forcefully all over the place so far in this story, so Doug's terrified reaction just seems really arbitrary.

Oh yeah and Doug slapped Roger. Heh.

Moving on, Skeeter hears a knock at the door. Doug has dropped by to thank Skeeter for 'saving' him. From what, I have no idea. The narration mentions Doug is feeling 'a little shy'. Skeeter points out that Doug was the one who bitch-slapped Roger and made him turn tail and run back to his momma, but whatever. Who cares about the details, right? The narration uses the word 'gloomy' again, Skeeter gives Doug a hug, and we come to this game-breaking quote:

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Doug hasted returning the embrace but laid his head on Skeeter's shoulder.

Previously the narration to pains to point out to us that Doug was uncomfortable with Skeeter hugging him. So my question is, did he change his mind or is 'hasted' here supposed to be 'hated'. If it is supposed to be hated, it make the use of the word but make more sense, and it is a bit more consistent with what comes next. Also hated would be grammatically correct, while hasted is being used wrong. The thing is, with the quality of this fic I have no idea. Which is funny, because I can usually parse typos and spelling mistakes pretty well and still follow the plot, but this one potential typo completely changes the meaning of this sentence! Proofreading, what is?

So we transition to Roger without any warning. Girls are apparently laughing at him for making Doug cry the other day[?], so he calls them sluts[??].

Then we jump back to Doug and Skeeter. Why yes that interlude was pointless, why do you ask? Here we have some of that coveted guy-on-guy we were promised:

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Skeeter was on top of Doug softly kissing his neck and smiled when he heard Doug moan.

Doug toke of his shirt revealing his pale skinny chest.

Mmmm, delectable.

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Skeeter ran a hand over Doug's chest and started rubbing a nipple.

Is it wrong that I read porn of 90s children's shows all the time and the hardest thing for me to visualize is these characters having nipples? Nevermind, if I have to ask the answer is probably “Yes, but this is the internet so who gives a shit?”

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Doug moaned out Skeeter names even though he felt a little disgusted.

"You want to stop?" Skeeter asked sadly.

I guess Skeeter is psychic now? There is not really any reason for Skeeter to pick up on Doug being skeeved out by this. I suppose he might just be that perceptive and sensitive about Doug's needs... except he is being oh-so-subtly painted as the bad guy here so..?

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"I don't feel very comfortable." Doug said putting his shirt back on.

"Ok, don't want rush things." Skeeter nuzzled at Doug's neck.

Yeah, the guy is pure evil.

The chapter wraps up with Doug agreeing to spend the night at Skeeter's. Then we get my favorite quote in the story:

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"Why can't I feel happy?" [Doug] asked himself.

Roger looked up at the stars. "Why does Doug hate me a lot."

~And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star~

And so ends chapter three.

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Author Note: Hi all sorry it toke long to update but I have school and I haven't done any school work. They're making me make a kid book! Not so great because I haven't been in a artsy mode…so if my teacher gets mad at me I don't really care…alright that's all.

Ahem. Welcome to chapter 4 of “Trying to be soft”. This chapter is entitled Meltdown. It opens with with our intrepid love interest, Roger, angsting dramatically on his bed.

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What's wrong with me? Roger felt confused to why he felt so soft around Doug.

Well, he is neurotic, pastey, and has a huge nose. I mean, I like the guy just fine but I do not think I feel particularly hard around him, if you know what I mean.

So Roger straight up starts hallucinating and sees Doug in his kitchen seducing him. Moments ago he was on his bed, but whatever.

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"Like that don't you softie?" Doug whispered.

Now there is a come-on for you.

Doug starts 'mocking' Roger for not drilling him on the kitchen floor right then, and Skeeter shows up and laughs at him as he 'drags' Doug away. As I mentioned earlier, there is a whole lot of dragging people in the fic.

Then Roger wakes up.

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"Might as well take a walk…and hope I don't run into Doug."

Good luck with that buddy, considering the whole damn town has a population of, like, 30.

Naturally he sees Doug, holding hands with Skeeter, who treats him to ice cream. Bitch just got buuuuurned.

'20 minutes later' Skeeter asks Doug to go over to his place with him. Bow chicka wow-wow.

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"Um sure what are we going to do?" Doug felt uneasy.

"Some fun my parents aren't home they toke my baby brother to the hospital." Skeeter nuzzled Doug's neck.

Doug: Really? Why are they taking your brother to the hospital? Is he OK?
Skeeter: Uh, it's no big deal reall- are you listening to me?
Doug: o.o
Skeeter: Yo, earth to Doug! Honk honk!
Doug: Huh?
Skeeter: Are you having an elaborate fantasy sequence again?
Doug: My doctor says they are a manifestation of my anxiety and a symptom of my bi-polar.

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"Um I'm not sure." Doug muttered.

"What was that?" Skeeter glared at Doug.

Doug looked up at Skeeter. "I'm not sure Skeeter."

"Look Doug you made me wait yesterday now today what's wrong with you?" Skeeter walked away from Doug.

Wow, zero to utter bitch in 2.5 seconds.

Luckily Doug has Roger around to manhandle him unnecessarily!

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"Sk-" Doug was cut off by a hand covering his mouth.

Doug was in shock.

Roger turned Doug around and looked at him with soft eyes.

Seriously, what is it with all the grabbing and dragging and shit?

So, Roger and Doug get in a little bitch fight about what a total dick Roger is.

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"And why should you care you never cared about me."

Roger: Hey, what about when I threw you a surprise anniversary party in my shitty trailer? Or when I told Mr. Bone that his nephew was going to kick the shit out of you so he could stop the fight before you got sent to the hospital? C'mon dude, give a little credit here.

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"Your lying you always lie." Doug was crying.

“Azula always lies! Azula always lies!”

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"Please Doug I'm changing." Roger walked closer to Doug.

"Into what a bigger jerk?" Doug growled.

Ooooooo, harsh. He really got you there, bro.

Fortunately Roger knows how to solve this problem! Forcefully kiss Doug on the lips! Yeah. Apparently that works. Nevermind Doug was freaking out earlier that his best friends was pressuring him into intimacy, all he needed was for his childhood bully to shove a tongue down his throat. All of a sudden he is crying and hugging Roger[!], who pickes him up 'bridal style'[!!] and carries him off.

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Skeeter in the mean while saw the whole thing and was planning something evil.

Also: this.

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Whats this Skeeter is turning evil? Yes yes he is in my story.

Geez, thanks for the spoiler warning, AUTHOR! Skeeter is turning evulz? I did NOT see this coming.

But I did forsee her forcing the poor guys into second base, didn't I?

What gets me most are those passionate, riveting dragging-scenes. Seems to be her signature... you know, like the Boston Reaper stabbing people and nicking their stuff on Criminal Minds.

I need more of this.

The Scientist wrote:

I need more of this.

Well good, because that is what I am here for. TO FEED YOUR ADDICTION. And get attention. *please give me attention*

CHAPTER 5 TIEM NAO!

It is really starting to heat up in here!

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Doug felt himself being placed on something soft and warm then being covered up.

We start out with Doug’s POV. I guess he has his eyes shut for some reason now. Roger dumps him on a bed or a couch or something and then pulls up a chair and grabs a soda-pop so he can watch Doug in his sleep. Yeah, all that emotional turmoil really tuckered the little guy out.

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Roger looked at ceiling wondering if he should do something to Skeeter or tell Doug what he wanted him to do with Skeeter.

How about I tell you what I want you to do with Doug and Skeeter?

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"Hm never thought Doug would look cute in his sleep." Roger sat back in his chair taking a sip of his soda.

I was not kidding about the soda.

Than we get another ~*~dream sequence~*~ This time from Doug. It is far more confusing than the last one. Basically, Doug dreams he is being ‘slapped around’ by Skeeter. Then Roger shows up and beats Skeeter so hard he starts to cough up blood. Skeeter asks if Roger is going to kills him, and when Roger says no Skeeter accuses him of ‘being to[sic] soft’. While laughing ‘evilly’. The end result?

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Roger woke up next to Doug who was still smiling from last night.

Awwwww~

So, Roger wakes Doug up, Doug decides to finally head home after their impromptu sleepover (kinda makes you wonder where Roger’s mom is during all this) and-

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"Hold on Doug not on my watch the 'guy' could be wondering out there waiting to hurt you." Roger grabbed Doug's arm before he got out.

Wut.

‘The guy?’ Srsly? His name is verboten now? And why would Roger, or any sane person, suspect Skeeter was going to hurt anyone at this point? He was emotionally blackmailing Doug (ineffectively), not physically threatening him.

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"I'll walk you home just wait for me in the living room until I get out of the shower." Roger said.

Sorry Doug, but Edward-style over-bearing possessiveness takes second place to good hygiene.

So, while waiting on Roger’s sudden onset cleanliness disorder Doug decides to avail himself of the local residential luxuries. This fic takes place during Roger Klotz: The Post Shitty Trailer Days, which is good since it means the protagonists are older than 12. Doug decides to watch ‘the CSI,’ a show he apparently does not have the stomach for.

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Doug was staring at the screen waiting for the end of CSI and shivered when the dead body was found.

Uhh, isn’t the dead body usually found at the beginning of CSI?

Roger comes out and basically tells Doug he is an idiot for watching TV while being a pussy. Then they are off! So, naturally Skeeter walks right up to them. I guess he was hiding in a bush?

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Skeeter came over to them and looked at Doug with a sorry face.

Doug went behind Roger clinging on Roger arm with fear.

Oh man Doug, you better cower like you mean it. He might ask you to cuddle again.

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"What do want?" Roger snarled.

"I came to apologize to Doug." Skeeter snapped back.

Doug's hold tighten on Roger's arm.

"Well guess what I'm not letting you anywhere near him." Roger barked back.

Yeah, you tell him Roger! Teach him to try and come near your man with his filthy apologies!

Of course, their completely out-of-the-blue terror turns out to be completely justified because…

SKEETER HAS A GUN!

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BAM!

I have no idea who or what he shoots with it, but Roger blacks out somehow. After trying to ‘grab’ Doug away from Skeeter of course. But Skeeter manages to do the dragging this time around! BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM!

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Yes a cliffhanger deal with it I'll upload the other in a bit.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR CHAPTER 6: “O snap crackle BLOOD!”

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"Your lying you always lie." Doug was crying.

"Please Doug I'm changing." Roger walked closer to Doug.

"YOU ARE TEARING ME APART ROGER."

The title of chapter 6 is “O snap crackle BLOOD!”

I know I already said that but damn.

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Author's Note: I'M SORRY IT TOOK LONG TO UPLOAD!

Writing it was easy but all that fucking uploading took forever!

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Roger woke up in the streets it was dark out and not single soul was outside and he was bleeding.

Ok, so Roger regains consciousness after being shot. Maybe. A gun was fired, I know that much. I guess he just laid on the ground, outside, completely unnoticed by everyone and slowly loosing blood until... he just got better? I dunno, maybe he is a vampire and has magic healing powers when the sun goes down. That sounds like a gay vampire power*. It would explain his possessiveness, anyways.

*when I say 'gay vampire power' I mean, of course, a power that a vampire of the homosexual persuasion might possess.

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"Damn that skeet face I'll kill him the next time I see him."

THAT SKEET FACE!!!

Haha, that sounded like an ethnic slur to me so I looked it up. Turns out it is actually slang for your face post-bukkake. And yes, Roger does actually call Skeeter that in the cartoon. Once. The more you know!

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Roger said standing up and holding his wounded shoulder.

Also I guess he was shot in the shoulder?

So, having established what happened to Roger we cut to 'elsewhere'. Skeeter is tormenting Doug while sporting an 'evil' smirk. Skeeter accuses Doug of shacking up with Roger because Doug thinks Skeeter is 'boring'.

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Doug was shocked he didn't know what to say and what has happened to his dear friend, once friendly and always had his back know into pure evil and jealous.

Lol ur just jelly~!

Things take a sudden turn for the kinky when Skeeter cuffs and gags Doug, then begins to whip him. Where the ever-loving fuck he got himself a whip is not explained. Then he kicks Doug in the head. Then he spits at Doug's head. Finally he gets bored of the foreplay and skips right to the craa~aaazy stuff.

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Skeeter jabbed the knife into Doug's right cheekbone and pulled it towards himself forming a straight line.

"There with all those to be scars no one will love you not even Roger." Skeeter lifted Doug's head making him look at him. "But I'll still love you."

This is pretty much the climax right here. You no longer need to read this.

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Still here? Huh. Well.... I guess I owe you a summary of the rest of it then.

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Doug was confused and in pain. He didn't know what to do on the spot.

Now, if he had some time to think about it he might have come up with something. It was all the pressure that was the problem, really.

So, Skeeter takes off the cuffs (why?) and gag, then sits Doug in front of a mirror to look at all his pretty new cuts. The author also spells 'took' as 'toke' for about the 5th time. I would like to think the author had a toke every time she made this typo, but I suspect that would not get her nearly high enough to excuse... whatever this is.

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The gashes on his chest were awful blood still poured out of them and his arms and legs weren't any better. He was a total mess; he looked like a hated sad rag doll.

I like how Roger fainted after getting shot in the shoulder but Doug is perfectly alert after gushing blood from cuts all over his body for God only knows how long. Also: I do not think even the most hated of sad rag dolls have blood 'pouring' out of them.

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Doug looked around the room he was in, he wanted out but still no one would help someone as awful looking as him right?

Ummmmmmmmmmm.

Finally we cut to 'Rogers's location.' He is just sort of running around aimlessly hopong to find Doug somehow. His intrepid detective skills pay off when he hears Doug's distinctive scream in the distance. He rushes to his would-be lovers aide to find the eeeeeeeevil Skeeter, uhh, well-

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"No one will love someone as hideous as you! NO ONE!" Skeeter shouted punching Doug in the stomach.

Yeeeeah.

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"You might want to think twice about that skeet face!" Roger swung a punch right at Skeeter's forehead and a loud crack was heard.

Skeeeeeeeeeeeeeet faaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

So, with that at an end, hug tiems r nao!

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Doug flinched in pain and returned the embraced happy that Roger didn't even mind he was coved in all sorts of gashes.

Oh yeah, I am sure if I were cut to ribbons from head to toe the first thing I would want is some sweaty guy with a day-old bullet wound and a bad hair cut hugging up all over my messed-up shit.

ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT GUYS!

What the heck is Shatterstar and Captain Planet's assbaby doing here?

Sutremaine wrote:

What the heck is Shatterstar and Captain Planet's assbaby doing here?

It is from the /co/ Doug characters ala Liefeld collection.

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Disclaimer: Look ma I don't own Doug characters!

Did your mom think you did? Because that sounds like the kind of mental... issue you call CPS for to me.

Our final chapter starts off three months after our last one.

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Skeeter was in prison for life since it looked like he did more worse things then beat Doug.

Convenient, I guess.

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Doug was covered in scars but he didn't look so awful but people did fear him now,

Yeppers, pasty while boys in sweater-vests are hella scary when their faces are covered in scars. Trufax.

So, they awkwardly set up an at-home movie date. Roger implies people who are 'sweet' do not have pervy thoughts. They have one last painful dialog with each other, then have sex. Yes, we have finally gotten to the 'yaoi'.

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They decided to go to Rogers place since Doug's parents are home and didn't know about him being with Roger. And Roger's parents were out on a business trip.

Wait, did Roger dad ever move in with them? Argh, nevermind! Yaoi tiems nao!

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As the movie finished Roger had his whole body on his couch and had Doug on top of himself.

Ahh, the 'just lay the fuck down and pull the other guy on top of you' gambit. Not as popular as the yawn and stretch but still a classic.

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Roger nipped at Doug's neck.

Doug knew what was going to happen but he was happy.

Dawww, twu lub. Srsly, I love how this fic never even tries to explain why Doug was unhappy with Skeeter but is happy with Roger. I mean, attraction is a fickle thing but damn.

Huh, well, as highly anticipated as it was, the sex scene is dull as balls. Roger takes Doug's shirt off and systematically licks his nipples.

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Doug began feeling hot

This makes me think of Pokemon Puzzle League. A reference few will get, I know, but I keep hearing James yell “I'm feeling giddy~!”

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"You still worried about others hearing you?"

Doug nodded.

"Don't since these walls are sound proof." Roger said rubbing his knee on Doug's member getting a moan.

Oh, well good then.

Doug gets hard, Roger says something stupid, they frot, Doug sees 'both of them pre-cumming,' then they go for the buttsex:

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"Since I forgot the lube this is going to hurt." Roger said feeling guilty not wanting to hurt his lover.

Yes, no other possible thing there, just forgot lube=hurt. No way Roger can go get some lube, or some sort of substitute. No way he can even be arsed to prep Doug before with spit n' fingers, either. Just, no lube peen in butt now. I really feel the guilt.

The butt sex is typical generic stuff. Until this part I guess:

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Roger smiled and quicken his pace and slammed harder in the same placing causing Doug multiple orgasms.

I guess Doug did not need any lube because he is a woman. My bad.

Then Roger 'fills Doug to the hilt' and comes in his bum, Doug comes all over his chest, and they have one last sloppy make-out before bed.

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They were panting like mad and kissed each other wrapping their tongues around and around.

~Around and around the mulberry bush the tongue chased the... other tongue.~

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The freakin' end sad no? R&R and I might make a sequel I just need inspiration!

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The freakin' end sad no?

No.

During this whole fic, there seems to be a pattern (apart from the dragging): there's nobody else in this town apart from the three protagonists, at least not on the streets. Seriously. Roger gets shot and lies around on the path and nobody notices?

How come nobody noticed a gun being fired?

How come "Skeet Face" didn't get arrested or dragged away by the men in the white coats?

Aren't the parents accountable? Or shouldn't they at least, I don't know, give a shit that their kids are cutting up/ shooting/ molesting each other?

And how come this person writes boy on boy whilst knowing zilch about sex (never mind gay sex)?

Where's the logic?

How come the suethors never ask themselves these questions, like, ever?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Quote :

Skeeter was in prison for life since it looked like he did more worse things then beat Doug.

IF THAT WAS HOW IT WORKS THEN CASEY ANTHONY nevermind.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Quote :

"You still worried about others hearing you?"

Doug nodded.

"Don't since these walls are sound proof." Roger said rubbing his knee on Doug's member getting a moan.

Oh, well good then.

Yeah, not creepy at all.

The Scientist wrote:

And how come this person writes boy on boy whilst knowing zilch about sex (never mind gay sex)?

Really now?

Quote :

Where's the logic?

Ok now you're just taking the piss!

I had this teen titans (?) porn snark done by Asylum saved as a Word file, somewhere. I know I posted it somewhere online... like a blog or something... but that seems to be gone now. I should post that again, because that was hilarious.
...I'm saying this a propos of someone writing about sex when they don't know how it works. Just to be clear.

grmblfjx wrote:

I had this teen titans (?) porn snark done by Asylum saved as a Word file, somewhere. I know I posted it somewhere online... like a blog or something... but that seems to be gone now. I should post that again, because that was hilarious.

I think I remember reading that. It might have been another reposted Teen Titans snark though. I remember it being completely great.

Were you the one who had a bunch of the House stuff archived? I thought I had downloaded a bundle of old threads to my laptop, then when I went to look for them it turned out I was wrong. I had a huge-ass snark of a Toad/OC fic I wanted to re-post.

Not from the House, no; I only have an assload of screenshots from GAFF, several hundred images that I can't post anywhere because they're too big. :/


And we ight be talking about the same one, because I know I told a bunch of people when I posted it.

I was taking the piss, actually.