darkangelofglory
Join date : 2009-11-21
Age : 36
Location : Somewhere that is neither here nor there
![Roll in the Hay -- Unfortunetly, they made that joke already [s-CRY-ed] NWS Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | | Subject: Roll in the Hay -- Unfortunetly, they made that joke already [s-CRY-ed] NWS Sun Dec 13, 2009 1:08 am | |
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Hello to all of you! I've finally decided to crawl out of the shadows and stop lurking long enough to snark something. So I looked around the s-CRY-ed section of AFF and at last found a PWP that made me lol. Yay, warm-up for a novice! And without further ado, I give you Roll in the Hay.
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- Summary: The title says it all! Shameless PWP. Ryuhou/Kazuma.
There is no such thing. Someone, somewhere is ashamed. ALWAYS.
So this thing starts out with Ryuhou going to the farm where Kazuma works and being slightly annoyed about Kazuma forgetting his lunch at home. He runs into Kanami, who is all musical for some reason...
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- Kanami had just gotten to her favorite part of the song she was humming when she heard her name called. She looked up from the straw and was surprised to see Ryuhou. Her face immediately beamed with happiness at the unexpected visitor. "Good morning, Ryuhou," she chirped in return,
...and is being played by a bird. I can see the resemblance. Sort of.
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- Ryuhou always seemed to be spread too thin,
And Ryuhou is being played by not-enough-butter. Awesome.
So Kanami directs him to the barn where Kazuma is shoveling hay. So, now we need a description of Kazuma shoveling hay. Who could possibly give us that?
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- Kazuma was indeed in the barn, using a pitchfork to shovel fresh hay into small piles to prevent rot. He was working energetically, as if hurling the hay with all his strength would make the work go faster, or at least more interesting. All it really did was throw most of the hay in the air, the sunlight filtering through the old wooden clapboards making the dust shine like glitter. With a frustrated roar, Kazuma threw the pitchfork along with the hay, the potentially dangerous tool spearing itself in the hay with a twang.
Oh, right. I forgot. The author. I wonder, do pitchforks spearing themselves into hay actually "twang" or what? I tried to convince a pitchfork to leap on its own into a pile of hay, but it was crabby and wouldn't. I'll try tomorrow.
So, Kazuma bitches about being hungry, remembers forgetting his lunch, and considers eating hay. This is rather IC.
Unfortunetly, Not-Enough-Butter!Ryuhou is there with his penis food for Kazuma, reminding him to be OOC and trying to convince us that he's there to make a delivery, not to have sex. Oh, poor Ryuhou. How wrong you are.
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- "Food!" Ripping the box open, he stuffed a carefully-prepared rice ball in his mouth and chewed happily. "Yur th' besht, Ryu-ch'n."
Kazuma can apparently talk really well with his mouth full. Bah doomp tish.
So Not-Enough-Butter!Ryuhou calls Kazuma an animal in an attempt at banter, which Kazuma replies with violence, because he's IC.
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- Kazuma scowled at him, his mouth working too furiously on his rice to parry immediately. "Shut up, I'm a healthy young man and I need my strength... for the things I really act like an animal about," he finished with a meaningful leer.
...or that. *pout* I wanted violence... oh well.
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- Ryuhou was tempted to roll his eyes again. Kazuma really did take every and any opportunity to hedge in a sexual remark. Amazingly enough he had yet to use the same line twice. "Idiot, is that all you think about?" His voice only barely disguised his amusement.
YES. YES IT IS.
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- Kazuma grinned wickedly, looking more silly than seductive since he had rice stuck all over his face. "Like you really walked all the way out here just to give me my lunch. Care for a little roll in the hay?"
Oh, ho ho! I see what they did there! There's the title! LOL! How clever! Gag!
Not-Enough-Butter!Ryuhou tries denying/convincing us that he’s not there for sex, which lasts all of five seconds. After some vaguely-there flirting, he gives in.
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- The wickedness from Kazuma's smile drained, once again returning to a rather dorkily self-satisfied one. He was finally beginning to be able to interpret Ryuhou's secret language. In Ryuhou-ese,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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- this behavior meant, "I'm kind of horny and you're hot. Thought you'd never ask. Be a good farm-hand and raise my barn."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Really?! Seriously?! WTF?!?! Nothing could top this!
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- "Oh, I'll raise your barn alright," he chuckled to himself, kicking off his shoes and stripping his shirt hastily.
I stand corrected. Freaking LOL.
After pretending that never happened (finally, I agree with the story), they finally get down to business. Over description, exact positioning, flourishy language, blah blah blah. Until
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Not one to stay submissive for long, Ryuhou soon twisted one leg over Kazuma's, then rolled the two of them over, settling between Kazuma's legs. "Hey!" the redhead protested, struggling against Ryuhou's pin.
"Yes, roll in the hay," Ryuhou replied, a smirk curving the corners of his mouth at his uncharacteristic pun.
I sense a running joke. Lovely.
Poetic license, touching caressing, shirt removal, etc.
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- Hot and wet, their tongues battled for dominance, and though Ryuhou's talent was not to be underestimated, Kazuma's experience gave him the upper hand.
I now have the image of their tongues battling with their Alter powers. And now you do too. *evil grin*
Chest examining and wonderment, followed by
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Ryuhou groaned and whispered his name, and seeing that as a cue, Kazuma rolled them again, regaining his seat on top, though he straddled Ryuhou's hips. The elder man glared at him, offended.
"Hey, you wanted to roll," Kazuma reminded,
Did I mention the running joke? I sense a subsitution for wit.
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- Ryuhou hissed through his teeth, his eyelashes fluttering as Kazuma's movements sent jolts of sensation radiating outward from his groin. These pants were going to have to go, preferably sooner rather than later. Reaching down, he found that he couldn't unfasten his own pants, due to Kazuma's body pressed tightly against him. With a huff of frustration, he plucked impatiently at the button of Kazuma's jeans, making sure to rub firmly over the hard bulge as he did so. "Off. Now."
"Stop... nng! ...trying to give me orders," Kazuma panted, his retort broken by a harsh gasp as Ryuhou's long, slender fingers found their way inside his jeans. Rocking instinctively into the touch, he conceded that his lover had a good point. Shoving back, he began to strip hurriedly out of his pants... which only threw him off-balance enough so that Ryuhou could tumble him back to the side again, claiming the top once again.
"You'd do well to follow my orders," Ryuhou stated, tugging the offending jeans off completely.
This is oddly IC to me, and I’m not rightly sure why. Oh well, that won’t last long.
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Kazuma gasped and attacked Ryuhou's nipples with his dirt-stained fingers. They really were one of his favorite parts of Ryuhou's body, especially Ryuhou's groan and the way the tight bud hardened when he pinched it. One of these days he was going to convince his lover to get nipple rings, he mused.
What did I tell you?
And again with the talking, and the wanting to be fucked, and the removing of the pants, and the… wait, what’s this?
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Reluctantly, Ryuhou tore his gaze away from his companion, moving unhurriedly toward the discarded lunchbox. Digging around in it, he retrieved the small tube of cream that he'd stowed in there earlier. Oh no, he hadn't had this in mind all morning. Not at all. Returning to the straw pile, he tossed the lube down next to Kazuma,
LUBE?!!? Oh, come on! My first fic and there isn’t even a self-lubricating anus?! Damn it!
Also: Not-Enough-Butter!Ryuhou is so deep in denial some of it’s getting into his boots.
On with the commenting on the lube to more banter to abrupt penis grabbing.
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The green haired man swore,
I’ve read quite a few fanfics involving Ryuhou, and I’ve yet to run into the same color describing his hair. It’s a bit frustrating, yet fascinating.
Anyway.
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Grabbing the cream again, he spread what little remained over his fingers, then reached down to circle Kazuma's waiting entrance.
Dude! That’s either the world’s smallest tube of lube or Not-Enough-Butter!Ryuhou has evolved into Too-Much-Lube!Ryuhou. What the hell?
Now, my experience with real penises and lubing them is veeeeery limited, so I decided to consult with my roommate, who wants to be referred to as Cameo Sam, for more clarification. After getting her breath back from laughing so hard, she agreed. And I thought that reading this might be a waste of my time. Take that fic! I learned something! Ha!
After some teasing and more ordering and a bit of banter, we get to this.
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Ryuhou groaned, the command erasing any annoyance and pulling his groin so tight he had to fight back the urge to cream himself like a teenage virgin. He scissored his fingers, licking his lips.
Uh…what? I… I don’t know what to do with this. What’s happening here? I… MOVING ON.
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Kazuma didn't allow Ryuhou to take him very often... his pride wouldn't allow it, and Ryuhou made such a pretty uke,
This fic has been put on hold due to the fact that Ryuhou is destroying the author.
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Kazuma moaned liquidly into Ryuhou's mouth, his hands scrabbling over the taller man's back, encouraging him to increase his pace.
“Liquidly” followed by “scrabbling” in less than seven words. Really? I don’t even know what to say to that. Other than NO.
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Ryuhou bit down on his lip so hard he tasted the coppery trace of blood in his mouth.
Doesn’t blood taste like iron, ‘cause it’s got iron in it? Let me lick some pipes and get back to you.
…
Yep. Iron.
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Ryuhou caught his breath as Kazuma tossed his head, his auburn hair catching the light and gleaming with fiery highlights.
I’ve also seen that Kazuma’s hair gets a similar treatment to Ryuhou’s, although I’ve only seen a couple of variations. Which is sad, because Kazuma’s hair actually changes color cannonly. I don’t get it.
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He was so close, he could almost taste it... or perhaps that was just the blood in his mouth, a remnant of Ryuhou's rough kisses.
So… orgasms taste like blood for guys? Now I’m all jealous. Though mine do taste like cookies…
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When Kazuma masturbated over his stomach while grinding down on his cock his heart stopped.
See? Putting characters into bad fan fiction kills them.
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The furious working of Kazuma's inner walls as he climaxed, hot cum splattering on his sweaty skin, started it again in a rush.
And now I’ve learned that slathering a heart-attack victim with fresh cum saves lives. Sweet! I’ll have to remember that.
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"Well," he panted, running a dirty, sticky hand over Ryuhou's chest, "Now I feel like an animal."
BAH.
DOOMP.
MOTHER.
FUCKING.
TISH. | |
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Happenstance
Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-11-27
Location : 221B
| | Subject: Re: Roll in the Hay -- Unfortunetly, they made that joke already [s-CRY-ed] NWS Sun Dec 13, 2009 1:14 am | |
| I know very little about s-CRY-ed, but this made me laugh. c: Good snark! | |
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 55
Location : very, very close to Chris
| | Subject: Re: Roll in the Hay -- Unfortunetly, they made that joke already [s-CRY-ed] NWS Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:45 am | |
| Working on a sex farm
Trying to raise some hard love
Getting out my pitch fork
Poking your hay | |
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Sutremaine
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Join date : 2009-11-14
Age : 39
Location : UK
| | Subject: Re: Roll in the Hay -- Unfortunetly, they made that joke already [s-CRY-ed] NWS Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:20 pm | |
| - Quote :
- So… orgasms taste like blood for guys? Now I’m all jealous. Though mine do taste like cookies…
Maybe he has raging gum disease? My spit does taste a little coppery when my mouth's dry, though I've never paid any attention to how it tastes during orgasm. Female, btw. | |
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