Terrible lines that made it into published works

What are the worst things you've ever seen in a published book? My personal favourite is:

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

It's from Star Trek: Academy.

In fact, this glorious work of the purest art has been given form in this image by tlc010.

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And then they found an empty broom closet and played Leap Frog...

Sporkbender Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 48

Quote :: You can suck my titties now.

The word titties does not belong in a romance novel. I haven't really been able to read Vickie Lewis Thompson since then.

Sporkbender Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 45

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

Nope, no K/S here.

Quote :: A deafening scream tore out of Eragon

Quote :: A deafening scream tore out of Eragon

Quote :: A deafening scream tore out of Eragon

Quote :: A deafening scream tore out of Eragon

Christopher Paolini used that phrase roughly ten million times in the first novel he excreted, and it gets more irritating every time I read it. It doesn't help that the phrase somehow creates in my mind the image of a Casper-like anthromorphic scream clawing its way out of someone's mouth.

KJM wrote:

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

Nope, no K/S here.

This novel was written by Shatner himself.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

KJM wrote:

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

Nope, no K/S here.

This novel was written by Shatner himself.

As if we didn't need another indication of the size of his ego.

Miraba wrote:

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

KJM wrote:

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

Nope, no K/S here.

This novel was written by Shatner himself.

As if we didn't need another indication of the size of his ego.

Nah - his name's just on the book. Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens write most of it. And seriously, it's pretty awful stuff and I don't read it (and I've read some really terrible Trek books like Mutiny on the Enterprise and The Entropy Effect).

Spotts1701 wrote:

Miraba wrote:

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

KJM wrote:

Quote :: A broad grin brightened Kirk’s face. It was as if the sun had dispelled dark clouds. Spock felt dizzy just being near such a mercurial being.

Nope, no K/S here.

This novel was written by Shatner himself.

As if we didn't need another indication of the size of his ego.

Nah - his name's just on the book. Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens write most of it. And seriously, it's pretty awful stuff and I don't read it (and I've read some really terrible Trek books like Mutiny on the Enterprise and The Entropy Effect).

I got it as a joke present for my birthday from one of my friends. Shatner's name is at least four times as big as the other authors.

Last edited by Nihilist on Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

Dr. Professor Science wrote:: I got it as a joke present for my birthday from one of my friends. Shatner's name is at least four times as big as the other authors.

Uh, this reminds me: I was in middle school and thought cool books had cool book titles and cool author names. There was this awesome looking hardcover in the Science Fiction section that appealed to my childish ways of finding a good book to read. Guess what the name of that fucking book was: Tekwar. I opened it, read two pages, got dizzy, set the damn thing down, tried to read it again, got past another paragraph, then threw it into the night drop with disgust. I don't even remember what those two pages were about- I just remember being really fucking disappointed. Maybe I'll try it again someday.

Tekwar taught me a lesson: books with cool titles can be super, super terrible. Or a book named Tekwar is not about Lego Robots. Yeah, I thought it may have had Legos in it at the time. Like Lego Borgs.

What?

Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

Maybe they do, but I don't. Terrible lines that made it into published works 611762

EileenK98 wrote:: Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

You're mentioning just one quote? What restraint.

Sporkbender Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 34

Miraba wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:: Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

You're mentioning just one quote? What restraint.

Can't forget the constant chagrin either. It's always just around the corner.

I'm fond of "my own personal brand of heroin" myself. Amy Lee must be kicking herself for not coming up with that one.

Armbiter of Good Fanfiction Join date : 2009-06-10

"PUCKERED!"

Just fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck your puckering.

Join date : 2009-06-17

Quote :: She shuttered from excitement

Some Alison Tyler-edited erotic anthology. Any one of her edited anthologies is good for at least 5 glaring typos.

Another one I loved (but don't remember the exact quote) is from Jennifer Crusie's "Anyone But You." It talks about someone on an exercise bike on a balcony who was

Quote :: peddling away.

Romance novels and erotica are usually rife with typos.

(edited to fix type size in the first quote, and to place a period inside of a quote box)

Evening mentioning "Eragon" once seems like an unfair advantage--Paolini's purple prose is legendary--but I think my favorite phrase of his has to be "the courage, nay, the desire . . ." I had to put it down so I could go outside and laugh.

Fitchsticks wrote:

Miraba wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:: Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

You're mentioning just one quote? What restraint.

Can't forget the constant chagrin either. It's always just around the corner.

Well, I'm completely lost...

We're talking about Twilight.

EileenK98 wrote:: Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

That line's so bad that my sister, who's a huge Twilight fan, thinks it's retarded. When we watched the movie and that part came up, she turned to me and said "Why couldn't they just cut that out of the movie? It's probably the dumbest line in the whole book.". :D

I'll have to go with any sentence in HBP that talked about "the beast in Harry's chest". Terrible lines that made it into published works 556166

Terrible lines that made it into published works 556166

Shitgobbling pissdrinker Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 36

Inciter wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:: Do I even need to mention the one about the lion and the lamb?
You all know what I'm talking about. *facepalm*

I'll have to go with any sentence in HBP that talked about "the beast in Harry's chest". Terrible lines that made it into published works 556166

Harry had a chestburster?!

Miraba wrote:: We're talking about Twilight.

Oh, duh! And I've even seen the movie.

Sporkbender Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 45

Sheba wrote:: Harry had a chestburster?!

Sounds like a great idea for an AU fic.

Also: "I'll kill you to death!"

Sporkbender Join date : 2009-07-16

"But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest."

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