Gonterman: The man, the mullet, the mystery

"Anatomy is one of the areas I'm constantly
hammering, and how well I do at it depends on the day it is. (Besides,
I had to do this pic on the QT). If I get enough Borders Gift Cards,
maybe I'll get an anatomy book."
- Prolific cartoonist David Gonterman

The self-proclaimed "Internet's Most Dangerous Cartoonist", David Gonterman is an intrepid middle-aged manchild from St. Louis Illinois, a small-time artist with big dreams: to change the world with amazing comics that revolve around his alter egos and their copyright-infringing adventures. Indeed, his comics have caused many a stir on the Internet with their unconventional uses of sound effects and bold commentary on niche fetishes.

Gonterman is a prolific artist (and fanfic writer, but that's a story for another topic), and the comics he's made are numerous and usually unfinished, as he tends to abandon one story before moving on to another obsession. As a result, many have been scattered all over the Internet, although you can read a few of them here. If you can only read one of them, read NiTRO and spot the panel where he coins the phrase "Clinton Jobs".

You can also check these links out:
Sisto files MiSTings of Sailor Moon USA and Mobius Chronicles Part One, Two, and Three
MiSTings of other Gontercomics
Dave's still-active DA page
ED entry on Daveykins

So... where is he now???

He still lurks in the depths of DeviantArt, where he gets the odd commission here or there. Among his more recent works is this fantastically creepy mini-comic about two furries being forced into an assembly line which transforms them into ballerina mice clad in corsets, thongs, and high-heel boots.

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Oh, and he's working on yet another remake of Blood & Metal, and he's apparently still butthurt over the Sonic fandom.

Quote :

He hates people who insists on calling Robotnik 'Eggman.'
He hates people who fantasise about Sonic/Shadow slash.
He hates people who call out fatwahs whenever someone makes an opinion
that counters their fairy tale version of their Sonic world.
He hates hearing his story being called a SatAM clone.

And after he makes that Radio Edit hedgehog tap like a little school
girl, he's going to show that Princess what a real man is like!

. . . . and you wouldn't want to know what he did to Ivo. You don't want the bad dreams.

But his creativity lives on.

I will never forget my first exposure to Gonterman:

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STAN LEE'S MUSTACHE IS ON TOP OF HIS EYES.

oh lord that guy

didn't he write/draw some peter pan ripoff too

EDIT: Yes, yes he did. christ

EDIT AGAIN: And all his fanfiction is him bawwwwwing about how horrible his childhood was and how much he's suffered for being white, straight, male and Christian. Meanwhile every other "good" character weeps for his terrible terrible suffering and assures him that everything's all right and he'll never have to suffer again. :hair:

Quote :

"Anatomy is one of the areas I'm constantly
hammering, and how well I do at it depends on the day it is.

Yes, several of his characters in his drawings DO look like they were beaten with hammers....

it's the huge oblong constantly crossed eyes and triangle mouths that get me

shit I'm no great shakes as an artist but even I can draw better than that

What always gets me is how fucking long he's been doing this. Do you realize the man is in his forties now and still drawing the exact same misshapen characters? There are so many levels of sad to Gonterman that it's hard to separate them out, but his absolute failure to improve over a literal decade or more of work is a favorite of mine.

Are you sure this wasn't the same guy that did that Rescue Rangers pron?

If it is then he failed again.

If you mean the urethral-fetish guy whose name escapes me at the moment, no, they're definitely two different people. We could use that dude back on here, though.

Yeah, that's Ray Jones. He's even creepier than Gonterman, partly because of his fetishy art, partly because of his obsession with a Saturday morning cartoon that aired when he would have been in his 30s or 40s, and partly because he has a wife and grandchildren. And I'd start the thread for him if I weren't on lunch break at work right now.

That reminds me of one of Dave's mouse characters, though: Johnny Briz, the mulleted savior of Disney. I think he starred in a Rescue Rangers/Secret of NIMH crossover fic Dave wrote way back when.

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Do you realize the man is in his forties now and still drawing the exact same misshapen characters? There are so many levels of sad to Gonterman that it's hard to separate them out, but his absolute failure to improve over a literal decade or more of work is a favorite of mine.

IIRC, he was even an art major in college. Supposedly. I've seen some pretty sad stuff from some students in my own major, but it's amazing that he would still draw like this after so many years even if he only took one or two drawing classes.

He actually gets commissions?

fishstickhater wrote:

He actually gets commissions?

And Rob Liefeld still has a job

It's a strange world out there.

Read the ED page. Whoa.

Talking about the gays and the 'agenda' they were pushing him towards back in high school:

Quote :

It was through the grace of whatever God I had at the time to get out of there with my virginity intact.

Apparently, he's such a fine piece of man ass, the gays just can't keep away!

*singsong* Somebody's in the clooseeet...

Cyberwulf wrote:

it's the huge oblong constantly crossed eyes and triangle mouths that get me

shit I'm no great shakes as an artist but even I can draw better than that

Cyberwulf, I think I can say with the support of most of WGW here, you are a fucking amazing artist compared to this guy. Your art is original. This guy is just a douchy wanna-be who tries to draw teh animez without having any natural talent at all.

Holy smokes. And not only is he a piss poor artist, he's a complete whiner about how his life suxxors and how all the mean people on ED (and in his hometown, in art school, in the furry community, etc. etc. etc.) are just TRYING TO KEEP HIM DOWN.

ITT we suck up to other forum members

Delcat, you rule because you like Earthbound

anangrychocobo wrote:

ITT we suck up to other forum members

Delcat, you rule because you like Earthbound

Shhh let this weird sense of camaraderie last for at least a week

So, yeah, Gonterman. Whoa. His artwork is uh... somethin' else. Yeah.

EARTHBOUND?! WHERE?

I'm suddenly reminded of that kid with the bizarre fetish for Princess Peach. What was his name? Andy, I think. And to add insult to injury, ol' Gonter's a Weeaboo purist too?

...Remember kids! retarded cow goes "MURRRR"

Lembech wrote:

EARTHBOUND?! WHERE?

I'm suddenly reminded of that kid with the bizarre fetish for Princess Peach. What was his name?

Maybe you're thinking of Joshcube?

the asylum wrote:

Lembech wrote:

EARTHBOUND?! WHERE?

I'm suddenly reminded of that kid with the bizarre fetish for Princess Peach. What was his name?

Maybe you're thinking of Joshcube?

No, it's Andy.

I'M DRAWING A MAP BECAUSE I GET LOST IN YOUR EYES.

Oh God, I just noticed his latest DA journal entry.

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I always believed that, when the fascists start dragging people away, I would be the one of the people that nobody would stand up for. Goodwin's Law not standing, think about the kinds of people who were dragged into the cattle cars before anyone even thought about any Hebrews. The destitute, the drug addicts, the homeless, the mentally insane, the effeminate, those who didn't figure out to go to the bathroom before tucking in for the night, almost all of your basic assumed neer-do-wells whom nobody expected to amount of anything in life.

There's a good chance that, when they start coming, they'd be coming for me first, and I don't expect anyone to stand for me. In fact, the people would be cheering on the people dragging me away.

Which brings me to 14-biz, our recent victim of DeviantART's ban hammer. I'm not going to argue the reasons behind him getting it; I too find the claim of child porn ridiculous. Treu-chan skirts that border worse and that account's still there. But if you think that DA's going on a ban rampage taking out undesirables here, for the improvement of their business, how come I'm not targeted? I mean there's a lot of people here who would want to see me banned just for shits and giggles, and they would claim that DA would improve immensely with me gone. But all I got from the Admins is an occasional re-categorizing of a deviation or two.

Come on you guys! I'm invoking Goodwin's law! Come and get me!

I see no "Radio Edit" replacing "shits and giggles". Good heavens, Dave, children could be reading this!

Did he seriously group bedwetters in with the mentally insane and drug addicts? Really?

He reminds me of that one guy in The Hangover who says, "It's not ILLEGAL, just frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane" in a way that lets you know he totally did it. Gonterman tried to sneak it in there, but now I know for sure.

He's a bedwetter.

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Goodwin's law!

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Mae Bedlam wrote:

Oh, and he's working on yet another remake of Blood & Metal, and he's apparently still butthurt over the Sonic fandom.

That's one sloppy armbar. He's not even cranking it the right (or should I say the wrong) way.

Narwhal wrote:

Did he seriously group bedwetters in with the mentally insane and drug addicts? Really?

He reminds me of that one guy in The Hangover who says, "It's not ILLEGAL, just frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane" in a way that lets you know he totally did it. Gonterman tried to sneak it in there, but now I know for sure.

He's a bedwetter.

Oh God, you know he just likes to treat all bedwetters the same, some of us wet the bed, not because we didn't go to the bathroom before we went to sleep, but because we had a medical problem called Vesicouteral Reflux (I was one of them and it made going to sleep hell, going to bed at night, you never knew if you were going to wake up in a puddle and it was humiliating for any three year old). If my parents just treated me like that and never got me to see a doctor, I would have had to have a kidney transplant by the age of 10.

I leave this thread alone for five minutes, and suddenly people are confessing their bed-wetting secrets. It's nice to see the place falling into the old groove.

It saddens me to be reminded that there are sad bastards out there who don't like Earthbound.

Also, misspelling "Godwin's Law" goes straight up my nose.

Like cocaine