A Romantically Relevant Situation
by 007Bistromath
EMAIL REMOVED - Quote :
- Lisa Wilcox, one of the US competitors in the
equestrian events at the Olympics, has a tender moment
with her partner.
Wow, I'm sure she would be...
so pleased to read this. And by "so pleased", I mean, "horrified, disgusted, and utterly creeped-out".
- Quote :
- I originally posted this story to a live-journal community devoted to Olympic RPS mostly as a joke, but I've grown to like the story, and think other people here would, too.
Wow, what a great joke; it's so funny! :lolinsane:
- Quote :
- Lisa Wilcox walked back to the stable, reins in hand. It had been a very tense day, and she couldn't wait to see Ernst and unwind for a bit.
And by unwind, bistro really means "get fucked by a horse's dick".
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- She put the horse in his stable, and got one of the brushes to give him a good working over. The building seemed unusually empty for the moment,
Also, conveniently empty.
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- not that she was complaining. Some alone time is just what she needed.
SO THAT SHE CAN SUCK A HORSE'S COCK
But wait, first it's time for some boring semblance of character development/plot/something other than a girl fucking a horse!
- Quote :
- "Hello, Ernst," Lisa said with a smile.
"Hello, Lisa. How is our champion?"
"Hmm. Nervous, I think."
"Are you sure it's not you?" Ernst said with a chuckle. Lisa only smiled back.
Relevant stared at Ernst with pleading horsey eyes, and tried desperately to talk to him, just like Mr. Ed could. Unfortunately, he was limited to tapping out B-A-D T-O-U-CH in Morse code with his hoof.
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- Her and Ernst had been both friends and business associates for a long
time.
"Ernst and she". Stop raping grammar with a horse's cock, bistro.
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- Even lovers once, but that time was over now, and sometimes it still hurt.
Yeah, phantom dick-in-vagina pain is a common complaint amongst women who like to be sprayed in horse cum.
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- She had always secretly longed to feel his embrace again.
Unfortunately, she always was left with a strange feeling of emptiness when she then thought about how Ernst didn't eat oats and carrots out of a bucket.
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- An awkward silence followed, but a blessedly short one.
"... So, um... honey, about that time you wanted me to make a My Little Pony toy into a vibrator for you..."
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- She thought some more about Ernst, and how much she missed him. She hadn't really had much luck finding another man that could satisfy her the way he did.
... Does he have a freakishly large penis?
- Quote :
- The stallion began to fidget a bit, jerking Lisa out of her reverie. Relevant had been nervous a lot lately, it being breeding season. She attempted to soothe the animal, speaking softly to him, and caressing his powerful form.
His powerful, hard,
hot horsey body... OOOH YEAH....
- Quote :
- Relevant whinnied at her and continued to fidget around. Suddenly, she noticed something: his penis had come out of its sheath.
Of course, she'd seen horse penises many times before, including Relevant's, it's just something you can't avoid if you work with horses for any length of time.
But for some reason this affected her differently today, perhaps because of the tension of the games, or the contrasting calm of this moment, or her continued lust for Ernst.
Or the fantasies of a horny badficcer wanting to jerk off over a girl getting action from a stallion.
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- She thought for a moment about reaching out to touch it, something she had also done before, just as a part of the job, but this was different.
Was Barry White playing and were there lit candles in the background?
- Quote :
- Every part of her body was on fire,
*Malganis whistles as she hides gasoline cans*
Oh, and hai bistro, it usually takes more than that for a woman to get turned on. The sight of
your cock a cock, even an equine one, usually is not enough to do the trick...
- Quote :
- and she didn't know what would happen if she let herself take hold of his growing member right now.
Well, for starters, you'd have a horse penis in your hands.
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- She looked at Relevant, taking in his graceful body, and thought that perhaps whatever would happen is something she'd like to happen.
Yeah, man, getting horribly debilitating and painful perforations in the genital area? Totes romantic.
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- Lisa felt that she'd developed a close tie with Relevant over the years; she loved this horse.
Does Relevant feel the same way, though? Does he want to take this relationship to the next level, or is he content to 'just stay friends'? Maybe you should ask him, Lisa.
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- She tentatively brought her hand closer to it, finally grasping it, feeling its silky smoothness in her palm.
It twitched and pulsed as though it had a life of its own.
That would probably be because it's alive.
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- She leaned forward to kiss it, drinking in his scent.
I guess the smell of horse piss, smegma, and semen is so strong, you can drink it.
- Quote :
- As she did so, she began fiddling with the buttons on her shirt with her free hand. If this went where she thought it would, where she wanted it to go, this would probably be quite messy.
No shit. Have you seen how much those things ejaculate?
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- She felt a slight pang at that thought; this was pure white money she was going to be spilling on herself.
It's a little like a slots machine ejaculating coins on you.
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- This changed little however, as she was far past the point of no return.
*Plays Kansas' "Point of Know Return"*
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- She began nipping and licking at the wide flare at the end, running her tongue around the protruding edge of his urethra and sucking it.
Mmm, all horse-pissy.
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- In these minutes which seemed both like seconds and hours, she gradually stripped to nothing.
I... what. You know, it's not the stripping in that sentence that bothers me so much, or the fact that she's fellating a horse, but it's the description of time that's bugging me. I mean, what the fuck sort of bullshit writing is that?
- Quote :
- She rubbed his penis all over her naked body, circling around her nipples, caressing her face, basically worshipping this mighty phallus.
bistromath: Yes, worship the cock! Worship it!
- Quote :
- She took hold of a rail at the front of the stable, presenting herself to Relevant. He took in her scent, and began fidgeting and whinnying even more. He grew more and more excited, and Lisa prepared herself for what was to come.
Miss Hands: the sequel to Mr. Hands?
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- The horse reared up and put his front hooves on the rail, and began frantically pumping at the air, jabbing at Lisa's legs and bottom, but just missing the mark. She reached a hand back to guide him in, and his arrow found home.
Uhhh, where? Her ass? Her vag? Because the vagina is not a bottomless cavern of pleasure, you know (neither is the ass). It has
limits. Generally limits around 6 to 8 inches, or so.
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- She let out a moan that was nearly more like a scream, both of pleasure and pain, as the stallion savagely thrust into her.
And then she really started to scream when he perforated her innards and then thrust into the bleeding wound, again and again.
- Quote :
- She was soon racked by a furious climax, riding waves of deafening pleasure nearly to unconsciousness. Shortly after, Relevant gushed his seed into her, never-ending gouts which flooded her beyond her capacity. As it dripped to the ground, Relevant's penis slowly softened, and was released from Lisa's vagina with a slick and sticky pop.
Thank you for that stomach-churning description of what a horse dick sounds like coming out of a woman's vagina, bistro! :lolinsane:
- Quote :
- Weak in the knees, she crumpled to the ground to catch her breath. After a few moments, she got up and put her clothes back on, trying to hurry to avoid being caught, but she found herself too jittering and weakened to return to any appearance of composure.
Also, too soaked with horse semen.
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- She was fully dressed again just in time, as Ernst returned from lunch.
"Are you alright, Lisa? You look terrible."
"And also rather soaked in horse semen, too."
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- She knew that her and Relevant were going to have a very special relationship from now on.
So special it makes all of bistro's buddies over at beastforums cream themselves.
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