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 A Love For A Slave

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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:03 pm

I like slavery stories. Love slaves, sex slaves, prostitutes, you name it.

But even I can acknowledge that slavery ain't exactly fun. I mean, if you're going to start enjoying it, you need a little brainwashing first.

Welcome to a long and additionally rather tiresome story about slavery in which it seems that the slaves not only enjoy their jobs, but are also perfectly free to diss their masters, run about randomly, do random jobs rather than the ones they were bought for, and never, ever get punished. And the masters actually treat their slaves more like dear friends even after they've known them one day.

It's so adorably friendly that it makes me wanna puke.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Okay, so chapter one, with Amy getting captured, is a touch dull but at least she's not happy about being captured. Moving on to Chapter Two... three years later where she's some kind of slave in the fields. Apparently she has been 'horrible raped' so many times since she was 12, but it will never be brought up again, lower her self-confidence, or scar her ability to trust men in any way. And the slave women treat her worse than the slave owners. Poor Amy!

She seems to have grown accustomed to the life of a slave since she wishes that she'd be bought by some nice persons - not try to escape or anything. And we're not shown how she became accustomed to being a slave so it's irrellevant.

For no reason she's no longer digging in the fields; she's going to be sold at an auction! Where she meets Sonic, who, despite his awesomeness, has not been bought in two years - another detail which goes without the slightest explanation.

Next chapter not only does the explanations cut out completely but the ignorance balls in. Because Queen Eda is at the auction. Not that she's acting queenly; she's acting like a farmer buying more mules. Nor does she haggle. Then the auctioneer shows his stupidity and total inability to be a salesman; he tells her the slaves' faults even as he tries to sell. No wonder nobody's getting sold. Fortunately, the slave-owning queen doesn't know how to haggle. Amy's sold along with Sonic.

Seriously though, the fic gets more and more stupid starting with Amy, designated apparently as a personal slave for Shadow, spend half of her time wandering around the castle, talking to mainds, dusting, and working in the garden and apparently being happy about it since it's her first day and she hasn't been raped. In fact everybody's happy.

The word 'slave' in this fic is ridiculous. It's a buzz-word to get the readers interested since the 'slaves' are free to do what work they want, wander all over the place, talk freely to each other, and insult their masters. Shadow, who's supposed to have a short temper - which he never did in canon, btw - seems to smile and enjoy this.

It's STUPID.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:15 pm

Reading on, the story later has Amy to be executed for Shadow sleeping with her. Apparently this is against the law. She's his personal slave and he can't fuck her.

So as a result, good money is to be poured down the drain. Not selling her off, or even ignoring the whole thing considering that the Queen BOUGHT AMY FOR SHADOW IN THE FIRST PLACE. You know, a few days before she started getting him fiances.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:54 pm

And I thought you couldn't be anymore useless, Harley.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:57 pm

What? I can't quote it. It won't let me highlight any text!

And what are you doing, questioning my limitations as a uselessinator?
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:27 pm

Your prove yourself even further inept, not just by making up stupid words, but also failing to consider what you're doing.

Can't copy the story? Doesn't mean we can't right-click the page, save the page as a file and snarking to your heart's content.

Oh wait, I forgot you don't like to make effort.
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:38 pm

TheIan wrote:
Oh wait, I forgot you don't like to make effort.
In which case, there's [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].
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hottienanako20

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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:08 am

Quote :
In which case, there's an alternative.

How did you do that?! I have been trying to find a way to copy/paste text from FF.net for months. Don't laugh, but I like to copy my favorites to my Palm Pilot.

And thanks, Ian. I really didn't know I could save a page to a text document, mainly because I've never had to before.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Tue Feb 18, 2014 7:37 am

hottienanako20 wrote:
Quote :
In which case, there's an alternative.

How did you do that?! I have been trying to find a way to copy/paste text from FF.net for months. Don't laugh, but I like to copy my favorites to my Palm Pilot.

And thanks, Ian. I really didn't know I could save a page to a text document, mainly because I've never had to before.
Not so much a word document that it is Wordpad or Notepad, but that kind of count as word documents on some level, I guess.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Tue Feb 18, 2014 8:42 am

How did you do that?

The queen got off of her carriage and walked over to the auctioneers. Amy had her eyes right on the queen. She was truly a beautiful woman to even see. She looked wise and kind. Amy started getting butterflies in her stomach while she saw her making her way to the slave tents where her owner was. She perked her ears open wanting to know what they were talking about. "My queen, it's a wonderful honor to be in your presence." the dog said kissing her hand. Queen Eda nodded and dropped her hand to her side, "Thank you for those kind words." she said in a low tone. wrote:

Here's one of the parts where the author has NO IDEA what she's doing. A Queen seems to be flattered by the compliments of a grubby slave trader who wants her money.

And another...

Eda came to the next slave and saw the handsome blue hedgehog. She noticed how strong he was and thought how able he could do to lift up heavy items. She turned back to the dog, "And him?" she asked looking back at Sonic. "His name is Sonic the Hedgehog. He's been a slave since he was only 10 and he's a better person to use in heavy duty things. He can be stubburn and very cocky at times.". wrote:

Yeah, I can see why Sonic hasn't been sold if you're gonna list his faults.

So much of this fic stinks, that I can't pinpoint many good places like how Amy, apparently the personal slave of Prince Shadow, spends her time scrubbing floors and in the garden.

Mighty took me around the back of the castle so I could take a tour of the place. He wasn't a bad guy, but he really didn't know when to shut up. As we walked, Mighty kept on talking like no other about what I would do and what would happen if I don't and bla bla bla all that crap. I had one thing in mind though. Amy looked completely terrified about all this. I was perfectly fine with being a butler, a knight, anything here. Hey, I've been in the slave thing for a long time, so I can understand how she feels since she has only been for a while. wrote:

Er... Sonic, if you've been a slave for a long time, how come the writer said you hadn't been sold? And if you've been a slave for a long time and she's only been a slave for a little while, how can you know how she's feeling?

Also, Mighty's saying some pretty important things; you should pay attention.

I looked in to see two girls in the room. One was a purple cat sitting on her bed brushing her hair. She was in a light blue night gown. Her hair was down, but looked like it used to be in a pony. Her eyes gleamed of gold and a shiney red gem on her forehead glittered in the light. The other was a brown wolf with angel wings. She had a white night gown on, too. Her short blond hair flowed on the pillow she was laying on and her sapphire blue eyes opened up to hear the door open. wrote:

The wolf with angel wings is an OC. I'd call Mary Sue, but it's just stupid. This character is apparently nothing but a maid. You have a wolf, with angel wings, as a slave who does sweeping? I repeat, the author doesn't get SHIT.

"Yep. Sometimes I'm a maid, others I'm a fighter." she said holding up her hands in fists. "Fighter?". She sat back down on her bed and folded her wings up so there small again, "Well...I'm not really a fighter like a knight, but I do fight. I just do it for fun. And I go and get classed by my teacher." she explained crossing her arms. wrote:

You fight for fun. And have a teacher for it. While being a slave as a maid in a castle. JUST WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS WRITER THINK SLAVERY IS ABOUT?!
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:17 am

Likewise, this is kind of situational, but some browsers have extensions that let you bypass it. Firefox has Right To Click which lets you highlight anything on any website and bypass everything. It's how I can keep snarking.

But oh my God

>Wolf with angel wings

w h a t
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: A Love For A Slave   Wed Feb 19, 2014 7:09 am

The weird thing about 'Alicia' is that usually Mary Sue is considered the star of the show but in this case it's supposed to be Amy and Shadow, and pretty much is. But then she's constantly sneaking in scenes where she doesn't need to be for the author's own petty self-satisfaction. It's STILL stupid. What's wrong with a normal wolf to have a little self-insertion and a bit of fun? Nothing. SO LET'S GIVE IT FUCKING WINGS AND SUPER-FIGHT POWERS AND GET IT HOOKING UP WITH YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER.

I'm skipping a few chapters, straight to 10. Not because the others are any better, but because 10 is where the hilarious stupidity really kicks in. In Chapter 10 the stupidity amps up as soon as Shadow comes in. Amy collides with him while running and knocks him on his ass. Within three seconds he decides she's beautiful and falls in love. He forgives her in the blink of an eye - this 'slave', remember?

Amy doesn't get so much of a smack for her inattentiveness.

Quote :
The pink maid was staring into his amber eyes not wanting to look away from his captivating glare, 'He's so...handsome...he looks...familiar...where have I seen him from...? she asked in her head.

Uh, the huge hanging pictures of the black and red hedgehog all over the place, glaring like he's about to bust a blood vessel? Stupid bitch...

Three seconds later when she's gone off, she's calling him 'That stupid prince', showing off that she has not even been slightly broken in, since even in regular terms she should know it was her who ran into her. Also showing she's a bitch.

Oh yeah, and 'Alicia' sneaks in a quick scene for herself by turning up when ABSOLUTELY ANYBODY ELSE would have done.

And it only gets better/worse with this delightful dialogue...

Quote :
"I-I-I...please! Excuse me, your highness! I'm...sorry for being so rude and...earlier..." Amy stuttered bowing low to him.

Shadow never showed her any look, but his were smiling happily to her, "No need...but...next time, watch where you are going!" He said viciously turning around and walking away without turning around.

Moving on to chapter 11, Shadow has a nice, friendly chat with a serving maid. Then she leaves and he has this thought.

Quote :
The black and red stripped prince waved and turned around to look at the fire once more, "Amy Rose...hm...she seemed very capable of handeling tough jobs. But...why was she a slave? A beautiful girl like that shouldn't be one and...she looked so frail and weak." he said quietly lowering his head down to stare at his rocket shoes, "maybe I was a little harsh on her a while ago...I guess I should be a bit nicer to her. Maybe even play a few things to her." he smirked a little playfully evil to himself.

Uh, Shadow... she's a slave. And you're a slave owner. You own many slaves. She's your property and you can treat her however the hell you want. As an asshole, you should be PUZZLED about wanting to be nice to her, not welcoming the idea.

Next, THIS little baby happens...

Quote :
"So...you think you are able to be my personal maid?".

Amy closed her eyes and whimpered a bit quietly, "No...I'm sorry, but...I was told that I was and I didn't think I could, but I thought-Ah!" she was interrupted when Shadow got to her and flicked her forehead playfully.

She looked up at his smirking face and blushed intensivly, "You need to stop talking sometimes. It really is a nuiscance., my little maid." he said crossing his hands playfully.

The pink maid widened her eyes a second, but then turned into anger instantly, "What gives you the right to say I'm a nuiscance!? And don't call me that! I got a name, Amy Rose! So get it right!" she spat at him pouting in a childish way.

What happens next? Does she get beaten half to death? A slap for her insolence? Does Shadow get angry and barely restrain himself?

Quote :
Shadow couldn't help, but laugh in his head. He was really enjoying himself with torturing the poor girl. He didn't mean it rudly, he only wanted to play a bit with his new personal maid, "Oh, really?" he said as his smirk got bigger, "and what gives you the right to talk to me like that?" he took his hand and started to play with her quills, "I can easily fire you and you would be on the street begging to be back in this job.".

DAFUQ?! She's a slave, and as her punishment you're threatening to SET HER FREE?! What delightful punishments will come up next? Giving her candy for spitting in your face?! Next up, what does she say in thanks for not having her legs ripped off?

Quote :
Amy scowled at him and pushed his hand away roughly, "I would rather have that than be a stupid personal slave to the likes of you!" she shouted stomping back to the doors, "I only came here to greet you nicely, but I guess you don't diserve any sort of nice act from me!".

Amy, YOU were the one who kicked in the bitchiness to your BOSS just because he was teasing you. By not calling you by your name. That's bitchy by NORMAL standards. So what does Shadow - who even in regular canon would get pissed at talk like that - do?

Quote :
"You know...for saying a 'stupid personal slave', you litterally called youself stupid." Shadow chuckled.

This sort of reaction I would expect from Sonic. MAYBE. NOT from Shadow. Not ANY version of Shadow. Especially not one where he's a prince and owns slaves.

Quote :
With a loud and angry growl, Amy opened the doors wide and walked out nicely as if she didn't do anything, but later slammed the doors making Shadow's ears flinch. He stood there with his hands crossed staring at the door. Shadow smiled to himself and chuckled, "I think she likes me." he said playfully."

No, she doesn't.

God DAMMIT. The author displays the same knowledge of slavery and even common household servant's ettiquette as she does of quantum mechanics.
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A Love For A Slave
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