Rock of Ages

I've been wanting to see this for a while, since I love the music in it. So I rented it from Redbox, and . . . it did not live up to expectations.

I did like the music. This is the stuff I listened to when I was in high school, and a lot of it still holds up. But, dear God, who told Tom Cruise he could sing? Bad enough he looks like the bastard love child of Slash and Axel Rose, delivers most of his dialogue in a whisper, and plays second fiddle to a monkey.

The storyline is weak in a lot of places, and a few scenes made me actually laugh out loud. The noisy, wall-slamming sex scene was one of them (mostly because it reminded me of a similar scene in Dark Shadows, which had the same effect on me). And turning Journey's "Any Way You Want It" into an ode to pole dancers? Please.

The mash-ups . . . at first they were cool, but by about the third one I began to feel like I was watching an extended episode of Glee.

And don't get me started on Alec Baldwin's horrible fright wig.

I'm just glad I only spend a dollar thirty on this, and not eleven bucks in the theater. Not worth the full price of admission. But probably good to have on in the background while you're doing something else and not paying much attention.

you're insane

tom cruise was perfect

russell brand was the big surprise for me i had no idea he could actually act

and alec baldwin was perfect as the ageing rocker who refuses to cut his hair and stop rocking

EileenK98 wrote:

Bad enough he looks like the bastard love child of Slash and Axel Rose

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, DUMBASS. Stacy Jaxx is supposed to be a parody of rock stars who let fame and drugs turn them into eccentric nutcases.

The music is good lol.

The characters were largely shallow and the plot was cheesy and predictable.

I still enjoyed it, go figure.

Now I want to watch it.

Cyberwulf wrote:

you're insane

tom cruise was perfect

russell brand was the big surprise for me i had no idea he could actually act

and alec baldwin was perfect as the ageing rocker who refuses to cut his hair and stop rocking

EileenK98 wrote:

Bad enough he looks like the bastard love child of Slash and Axel Rose

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, DUMBASS. Stacy Jaxx is supposed to be a parody of rock stars who let fame and drugs turn them into eccentric nutcases.

Sorry, I must have missed the disclaimer before the movie that read "DO NOT TAKE THIS MOVIE SERIOUSLY."

It's a hair metal jukebox musical how did you expect you were supposed to take it?

Mr.Doobie wrote:

It's a hair metal jukebox musical how did you expect you were supposed to take it?

apparently seriously.

So it's like Moulin Rouge, but with rock? Might rent it.

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:

So it's like Moulin Rouge, but with rock? Might rent it.

Only not as visually interesting/nauseating as Moulin Rouge.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

The music is good lol.

Maybe in a decade they'll make some horrible grunge musical where the only good song is Rooster and you can watch that.

Dick.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Mr.Doobie wrote:

The music is good lol.

Maybe in a decade they'll make some horrible grunge musical where the only good song is Rooster and you can watch that.

Dick.

hurrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr HERE COMES THE ROOSTUH

Come to think of it, "HRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" would probably be the best name for that musical. It's the most consistent lyrical theme.

I actually, I do have a big problem with Rock of Ages.

The "perfect" song at the end: Don't Stop Believing.

Did they have to pick something that was recently played to death, then dug up, reanimated, and played to death again?

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Mr.Doobie wrote:

The music is good lol.

Maybe in a decade they'll make some horrible grunge musical where the only good song is Rooster and you can watch that.

Dick.

hurrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr HERE COMES THE ROOSTUH

Come to think of it, "HRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" would probably be the best name for that musical. It's the most consistent lyrical theme.

I always thought it was a combination of a death groan and "YYYYYeeeEEEEEaaaaAAAAAhhhh" followed by HURR COME DA ROOSTURRRRRRRRRRRRRR YEAH-AH

Still better than anything Nirvana ever came up with.

Cyberwulf wrote:

you're insane

tom cruise was perfect

russell brand was the big surprise for me i had no idea he could actually act

and alec baldwin was perfect as the ageing rocker who refuses to cut his hair and stop rocking

EileenK98 wrote:

Bad enough he looks like the bastard love child of Slash and Axel Rose

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, DUMBASS. Stacy Jaxx is supposed to be a parody of rock stars who let fame and drugs turn them into eccentric nutcases.

Just watched this with the fiancee, and I agree with everything Cy said here. Tom Cruise was fucking hysterical, the music was awesome, the story cheesy, it was like every junk musical ever, and it was fucking awesome. Then again, I love big hair metal, and all the parodies were spot on: the naive new singers, the aging rock and roll fan, the sleazy manager, the eccentric faceman of a band who's going solo... it was funny as hell. And Tom Cruise made that movie.