Butt Rock

Butt rock: mainstream music's latest incarnation of glam metal (also known as cock rock). Fuse the pseudo-metal, alternative angst of grunge rock with the vapid, frat-boy attitude grunge, ironically, set out to destroy in the first place. It sounds like butt.

See, I was ok with peacefully coexisting with butt rock for much of the 2000's. I don't really listen to the radio. They could keep Chad Kroeger and his clones groaning out their painfully unimaginative love ballads, it was far enough away from me that I really couldn't care.

So what do I listen to, if not the radio? CDs and iTunes mostly. When not that, it's Pandora.

About a month ago, I made a Metallica station, expecting a station of 80's thrash metal. What I forgot is that Metallica gave up on thrash two decades ago, and now there's that rather unfortunate subsection of their fans who think The Black Album is their masterpiece (when, clearly, it's Master of Puppets ) and willingly listen to the likes of Rob Zombie and butt rock. That was kinda ok. I like Pantera and White Zombie and The Black Album. I can just skip all the butt rock, Disturbed, Rob Zombie's solo career (DIIIIRG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURRRRRRRN THROUGH THUR WITCHES AND SLAAAAMMM IN THE BURK OF MAH DRURRRRGURRLURRRRR), and all the Load/Reload shit.

And then my Pandora played this.

Good god. I don't know why I didn't instantly hit "dislike" when I saw Papa Roach's name. Maybe it was the slut-shaming in the title and opening words that caught my attention, but I listened to the entire thing. Then I went on YouTube and looked up this song and looked up the lyrics to see if it was really as awful the second, more analytical time through as it was the first, impressionable time through.

The answer?

Yes, it's still very awful. It is a disgusting slab of sexism and stupid poorly disguised as a critique of current celebreality culture. Let's get this straight Papa Roach, everyone hates people like Paris Hilton and Snooki, they are not considered role models. So your song is a critique of celebreality culture broken down into its most simplistic strawman in the form of this "Hollywood Whore". Not only that, but you chose such a fucking easy target, and couldn't even go after that right! So the Hollywood Strawwhore is a bad person because she has a lot of sex with multiple partners, snorts cocaine, and has had plastic surgery. Wait... all the guys in this band have tattoos. Why the hell is tattooing ok, but plastic surgery isn't? Body mod racists.

So I started listening to even more. I didn't know what to expect, but certainly not the... vapidness and stupidity I got. I mean, I always knew butt rock was awful. But I had always found Scott Stapp groaning about Jesus to be far preferable to Kip Winger professing his sleazy taste for underage ass. I thought rock had matured a little bit since then... a little. Just a tad.

But no. Roughly two decades after Soundgarden wrote Big Dumb Sex it seems like sex, and everything else, in rock music has just gotten bigger and dumberer. It's leagues of bone-headed, all black wearing, walking cliches spouting immature lyrics about their underdeveloped sexuality and rock n' roll fantasies. These aren't musicians. These are manchildren playing dress up.

Example.

MOAR EXAMPLE

THE. WORST. FUCKING. EXAMPLE.

Welcome to the world of butt rock! Where apathetic heavy drinking and weed smoking are considered rebellious and wild activities! Where women are walking meatcandy! Oh sure, the women can be "strong" and "independent", but only if they're masculinized and surrender themselves to the same leather and studs cliches that butt rockers seem to think is the only way to assert independence, strength, and individuality. And even then, the womenfolk still melt into a back-down, spread-legged puddle the moment the time comes for Mr. Rockstar to bless her vagina with his mighty rockcock.

The worst part of all of this is the entitled elitism of fans of this music. "This is real rock n' roll maaaaaaaaaaaan. All this rap and pop on the radio sucks maaaaaaaaaaaan. It's all vapid shit and it disrespects women maaaaaaaaaaaan." Fuck that, the rock station tracks from butt rock bands are often just as stupid, just as vapid, just as sexist as anything on the radio and I have no idea how anyone can relate to these perpetual frat boys.

Fuck butt rock.

Doobster wrote:

What I forgot is that Metallica gave up on thrash two decades ago, and now there's that rather unfortunate subsection of their fans who think The Black Album is their masterpiece (when, clearly, it's Master of Puppets )

>Implying it isn't Ride the Lightning

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I can just skip all the butt rock, Disturbed, Rob Zombie's solo career (DIIIIRG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURRRRRRRN THROUGH THUR WITCHES AND SLAAAAMMM IN THE BURK OF MAH DRURRRRGURRLURRRRR), and all the Load/Reload shit

Okay, I feel the need to lay down the beginning of the theme of my post. That is that you come off as a colossal smug hipster douchebag that generally does all he can to avoid liking things other people like in a laughable attempt at showing how much of an "individual" he is, just like ALL the other pretentious hipster assclowns do. The whining about anything Rob Zombie did after Thunderkiss '65 doesn't help.

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Maybe it was the slut-shaming in the title and opening words that caught my attention

Calling someone a whore isn't slut shaming, you putz. Now let me listen to this song.

. . .

Yeah, sounds suspiciously similar to every other Papa Roach song I've ever heard. Gawd, the words are running together, let me look up the lyrics.

. . .

Okay, it appears to be a very accurate song about Lindsay Lohan and all like her. Nothing special, and yet nothing to get so rectally consternated about (Variations of "Butthurt" Used in This Post So Far, hereafter referred to as the VOB Count: 1).

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So the Hollywood Strawwhore is a bad person because she has a lot of sex with multiple partners, snorts cocaine, and has had plastic surgery.

No, the Strawwhore is a bad person because she does all of that shit AND is famous for it AND has absolutely zero talent for anything other than this. As is indicated by "You're so lame, you're such a bore."

So you see? You're getting ass aggravated (VOB Count: 2) over nothing.

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So I started listening to even more. I didn't know what to expect, but certainly not the... vapidness and stupidity I got.

But Grunge "music" is so deep and thoughtful. Whatever, champ.

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*That "WORST EXAMPLE"*

1.) Hollywood Undead kind of blurs the line between rap and rock, especially in this case
2.) I'm fairly certain Hollywood Undead is a parody of themselves. Lighten up, you butt frustrated hipster (VOB Count: 3)

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the same leather and studs cliches that butt rockers seem to think is the only way to assert independence, strength, and individuality

Leather and studs have been part of rock and metal since at LEAST the 80s. I highly doubt any of them are going around saying they're the first to do wear that crap or the only ones to wear that crap.

I mean, to seriously dress in an "individual" manner given the way you seem to mean "individual," one would have to wear a one sleeved shirt with a sketch of Bobby Orr's leap on the front and the Last Supper on the back with pants make out of thin cardboard bearing the logos of every team to play in the EPL in the past decade, along with a belt made out of unicorn scrotum. Anything other than that has been done before.

Most of the rockers wearing this stuff are thinking "Teehee, this stuff looks cool." At worst they're thinking "This will sell albums."

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The worst part of all of this is the entitled elitism of fans of this music.

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That's funny, coming from someone so stuck up his own ass he's getting anally devastated (VOB Count: 4) over unremarkable music because it's not "thoughtful" or "philosophical" enough for him. You probably think Rush is a good band.

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I have no idea how anyone can relate to these perpetual frat boys.

Your autism is showing, bro. Seriously, you're probably one of those kids who had no friends because you have the personality of a tree stump and sat alone on the playground, watching all of the other kids play with their groups of friends, bitterly thinking that you have no friends because you're too smart to relate to the "plastic" (read: socially capable) fools before you. This led you to try to show how much of an "individual" you were by liking the exact opposite of what people with friends liked, just like all of the other forever alone losers.

When they listened to AC/DC, you listened to Rush.
When they watched The Simpsons, you watched Firefly.
And so forth.

This gave you some unwarranted sense of superiority you've carried up until this very day. You're like /b/, but not quite as retarded. Like /v/, but without masturbating yourself to sleep using your own tears as lube while thinking of Tifa. Like /a/, but without all of the same shit as /v/ but with a girl from Katawa Shoujo instead of Tifa.

But back on topic, this music is, at best and at worst, tolerable mediocre noise. It's okay to listen to as you drive to where ever you're driving (and a VAST step above a lot of the shit country rock that stations around here like to play). However, I'm not breaking down the door of the local record shop to pick up my body double's (dying my hair black, I swear to fucking Christ) latest record that sounds pretty much the same as his last four records. Given all of the pure, unfiltered horseshit out there (like everything that can be described as a "slow jam"), it's nothing to set one's colon aflame over (VOB Count: 5).

Final Butt Doctor Verdict: Pained in the Sphincter (VOB Count: 6)












Prostate irritated (VOB Count 7)

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

When they watched The Simpsons, you watched Firefly.

Just out of curiosity, why are you referencing Firefly lately? And if you dye your hair black, you're just going to look like some hillbilly teenager trying to be goth. Which might be worse.

Also, I have nothing of value to add to this thread. I listen to anything, and tend to like most things. But then, I'm not a terribly artistic person, and music doesn't mean the same thing to me that it does to more artistically inclined people. I like singing along (quite tone-deafly) to the radio and going to concerts.

That said, I will admit to a certain annoyance with bands like Nickelback and Papa Roach, just because of their dullness. They have nothing to really talk about, and their music is extremely shallow. Now, I have no problem with shallow music, normally. Ke$ha and Rihanna don't bother me. It's shallow music masquerading as something deeper that gets on my nerves. And a lot of this pop rock is pretending that it is about something, when it's not any better than, well, Lady Gaga. Who is also often masquerading as something deeper. Gawd, that woman is really starting to bother me. She really needs to lay off the drugs.

Honestly, I could probably tolerate all music for at least six months if playing songs about being "at the club" or "on the floor" became a capital offense.

Especially if the penalty for playing a song about clubbing with the implication that it's somehow gangster would be public impalement.

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Okay, I feel the need to lay down the beginning of the theme of my post. That is that you come off as a colossal smug hipster douchebag that generally does all he can to avoid liking things other people like in a laughable attempt at showing how much of an "individual" he is, just like ALL the other pretentious hipster assclowns do. The whining about anything Rob Zombie did after Thunderkiss '65 doesn't help.

> implying anyone liked Rob Zombie after Thunderkiss '65

But no, seriously bro, if you like Hellbilly Deluxe or whatever that's totally cool. Someone has to. The Zombie Family's gotta eat and stuff.

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Prostrate irritated

Hate to nitpick, but I think the word you're looking for is "prostate". "Prostrate" means you're lying stretched out on the floor. Possibly in a state of irritation, or not.

I just listen to whatever I want

haters gonna hate

Papa Roach is so tenth grade tho

^
>Actually typing out "haters gonna hate

Do it right, you mutant. Like this:

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After a big rant about how Mr. Doobie is pretentious you pull off some pretentious shit

good job, crackershitfaggot

Nihilist wrote:

After a big rant about how Mr. Doobie is pretentious you pull off some pretentious shit

good job, crackershitfaggot

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Besides, I'm far too perfect to be guilty of something as base as acting pretentious.