The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

Lapin wrote:

You actually think about Transformers having stupid, nonsense problems like anorexia. And cutting.

With heavy machinery?

grmblfjx wrote:

Lapin wrote:

You actually think about Transformers having stupid, nonsense problems like anorexia. And cutting.

With heavy machinery?

No, because that would actually be funny.

PS: to all the SRS BZNS, fuck yeah I'll correct people on spelling and grammar. Christ Almighty, this board is all about ripping apart poorly-written, shitty fanfic. It's a bit rich to do that wen u speel liek thiz and cant even soel steven speilburg rite over and over and overrr

also I did something similar to this very contest a couple of years ago to get some bad fanfic out of my system and laugh my ass off when people liked my work and you will never find it NEVER

FF.net seems to be having problems, it won't let me upload chapter four.

Argh, I am having so much trouble in writing chapter five. It's turned into a rather good exploration of how people blindly trust the Doctor. I've taken out most of the punctuation and tried to mess up the writing but it's still half decent. I need to make Ianto more of a big blubbering woman.

kleine_kat wrote:

La wrote:

So, I think I like you guys.

Also, fourteen reviews, first chapter.

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That. Is. Amazing! Well done, La! Where's that link again? Must read!

EDIT: Ok, found it again. You're up to 15 reviews, now. Unfortunately they're mostly grammatically correct, if not very extensive reviews. Little REAL brainless fanbrat squealing. Probably because the fic isn't terrible enough to attract them.

I know very little about Naruto, so I can't say anything about IC or OoC behaviour, but I especially gagged delightedly at this:

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He bent his head down besides hers, raven-black hair like night framing
his face and tickling her cheeks; she could feel his cool spearmint
breath, could feel the heat radiating off of his body as he whispered,
“you are now my prisoner.”

No matter the fandom...

You're overdoing it a bit with the 'orbs' thing, though, I think; I mean, three or four times in one chapter is a bit much. Still, great job. I really must go and read all the other people's fics. With all the hive minding I got distracted from this thread's original idea.

Thank you! I really, really dislike the word orbs, so I'm having fun with it. Too much. xP I'm trying to make it worse for the next bits. But writing bad stories sure is harder than it sounds!

Zozo - I think a really good idea for writer's block is going to a terrible story and copying the worst line of the fic, and going from there. =D (I'm having way too much fun with this contest, ahaha.)

La wrote:

Zozo - I think a really good idea for writer's block is going to a terrible story and copying the worst line of the fic, and going from there. =D (I'm having way too much fun with this contest, ahaha.)

Hee! Great idea. What I've done is I've taken out any explanation of what is going on (or why) and replaced it with mundane references to food.

So when is the deadline for posting chapter 6 going to be? The first post says Monday Aug. 13th, but Aug. 13th is a Thursday. The next day would suit me well, as I go on holiday on Saturday. My 5th chapter is close to completion, with the melodrama turned up to OVER NINE THOUSAND. Here are some choice excerpts:

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She heard the door open, and looked up. “Harry?” she breathed in shock, seeing the samurai standing in the doorway. Her heart leapt for a moment, then sank again as she saw the angry expression on his face. He opened his hand and let a fistful of coins shower onto the floor.

“Here's your fee, whore,” he snapped coldly. “It's more than you're worth. Go to Malfoy; you deserve each other. You're both treacherous, backstabbing filth.” He spat at her feet, turned round and walked out with a contemptuous sneer.

Hermione could barely breathe; her wail of denial became a hoarse croak as she rocked back and forth, staring after him as the door slammed. A tsunami of tears gushed down her face, and she covered her face with her hands and sank to the floor, sunk in a black pit of horror and despair.

Quote :

“Oh, I don't think so,” said Cho smugly. “You won't be winning anything. Harry will be mine.”

“You're crazy,” Ginny laughed merrily. “We're done here. I'm going to plan my first night with Harry.” She turned to make for the door.

“No, you're not going anywhere.”

“Why not?”

“Because I poisoned the antidote I gave you. You'll be dead in a few minutes.”

Ginny's blood turned to ice. Suddenly she felt the poison coursing through her veins, and her heart began to beat faster as it laboured to keep going. Her vision blurred, but her mind remained lucid with only one thought: not to let Cho get away with this. She drew the dagger she kept hidden in her sleeve, and before Cho could react, she stabbed her in the heart with it. The Chinese girl crumpled to the floor, a huge bloodstain rapidly forming on her kimono.

“Curse...you...” Cho choked out as blood frothed between her teeth. She tried to grab Ginny by the throat, but it was too late. With one last furious gurgle, she expired.

Ok! Hell week is over and I"m going to bang out chapter four right now. I might be able to make the deadline even. :D Gotta leave a day or two between chapters to get the reviews and all.

I gotta say that it IS easier to write when you can just write whatever dribble comes out of your head without proofreading. That cuts the time down immeasureably.

D: I dunno if I'm going to get chapter 5 done in time... My photography assignment is getting out of control and suddenly I've got all this stuff to organise for my convention trip. Aaarg.

Keith, I love the Japanese references in your fic (Tsunami tears, etc.) and the total OoC-ness of them all. And the 'furious gurgle' lol!

I was very pleased with the tsunami of tears. It seemed like exactly the sort of metaphor a dimwitted Japanophile would use.

You know, Lapin, I didn't write Sunstreaker. That was somebody else. And she'd actually had anorexia. So watch it before you bitch about it being badly written or you'll wind up the way I did when I called the GAFF admin on having cancer.

I've been wondering something--is the end of the contest still tomorrow? Or has it been pushed back? I'm curious, because no one seems to have their 5th chapter completed.

Shabadoohoo, yeah.

*stabs distractions* I think I could make it if I wrote the third chapter tonight, updated tomorrow afternoon and then used the fifth chapter as a preview!

...DX Ohh, I'm such a procrastinator.

Given that the originally given date is nonexistent (the day of the week and the day of the month don't match), and Narwhal hasn't clarified it yet, I don't think we should worry too much about the deadline; the whole thing has been disrupted a bit by all the drama. Also, I really really want to see Raine write an epically bad Zutara lemon scene. :D

Keith Fraser wrote:

Given that the originally given date is nonexistent (the day of the week and the day of the month don't match), and Narwhal hasn't clarified it yet, I don't think we should worry too much about the deadline; the whole thing has been disrupted a bit by all the drama. Also, I really really want to see Raine write an epically bad Zutara lemon scene. :D

D: I can't write lemons for peanuts... but maybe that'd actually help in this case. Although I wanted to make it that I never get to write one by promising it for "chapter 6".

Well, I wrote chapter 5 while veering on "still drunk", but hell, they threw Edward into the warp core. I'm happy and can go to bed tonight.

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I also have this interesting review:

Quote :

This story is a good try at a trollfic, but it fails by lacking the inspiredly horrible grammar of your true badfic writer. It also has one or two laughs. Shame on you.

I give it three squirts. But if Edward and Bella die painfully in the later chapters, I will poop on it.

I'm going to be so hung over tomorrow morning, but oh well. :crap:

Raine wrote:

D: I can't write lemons for peanuts... but maybe that'd actually help in this case. Although I wanted to make it that I never get to write one by promising it for "chapter 6".

NUUUU! The people demand rotten lemons! Just stick it at the end of chapter 5, then have one of the angstbuckets decide they don't deserve the other one but can die happy now, then head for the balcony to jump off...CLIFFHANGER!

So like the dog ate my homework and I haven't got the essay done.

Guys, I have no problem making an extension on this thing. My life has pretty much exploded into one big pile of, "FUCK YOU, NARWHAL" and things are a smidge hectic for me. Let me know what a reasonable extension would be.

Sounds like my life. :redangry:

I can probably post chapter 5 in the next day or two, but then I'll be away until Monday 24th, so perhaps we could make the deadline to post chapter 6 sometime in that week?

^ That would be super-duper-uber fantastic. I've got two chapters and twenty reviews, and I would love to rack up more for shock value. ^__^

And that's really rude of life to say that, Narwhal. D:<

Would help me too. Obviously wiriting more chapters is impossible for me still but have been working on essay, just cannot post it. Only internet acces is at work. Manager approaching as we speak..

Chapter 5 of The Ninja, The Samurai And The Geisha has arrived!

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I really turned up the purple prose in the last few bits of this I wrote (blame Raine, whose over-the-top slushy magnificence I can only aspire to). Witness:

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“This is my gift to you, dear Harry.” So saying, Hermione began to unfasten the belt of her kimono, her elegant fingers moving with agonizing slowness. Harry was transfixed as she artfully shed her clothing like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, until she stood before him bare and unashamed, a goddess sprung from the earth to inspire his worship. No demeaning veils of social artifice or financial exchange lay between them: there was only Harry, gaping in awe, and Hermione, gloriously illuminated by the dying sun's last rays peering round the shutters to clothe her in multi-hued radiance.

Quote :

“I love you so much, Draco,” Hermione murmured happily as they lay in each other's arms.

“I never thought I could hear those words except in my dreams, my darling,” Draco replied, his eyes shining with tears of joy.

That is... epic, Keith Fraser. Wowie-oso-walla-loo!

Hey, hey, silly newbie idea: what if this were, like, extended to seven or ten chapters for a lot longer? Or something? That way some people who had to drop off could even pick it up again. Impact value: THE FANBRATS EXPLODE. (OhgoshIfeelsoevileventhinkingofit.)

Or I could get to work on that third chapter right away. KEE-YAH.