Straight White Male: still the only people who matter in 2011

This is a forum post which I was linked to via Penny Arcade, but since no one else has snarked it yet, I thought it deserved to be seen.

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It's a guy making known his epic butthurt over the gay romance options in Dragon Age 2: specifically, that any gay is too much gay for him, and that HE is the entire audience for the game.

I haven't actually PLAYED Dragon Age 2, so I can't comment on anything specific to the game, but I have played other BioWare titles. And I'm pretty much just enraged by this guy's general opinion.

Bolding my emphasis.

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To summarize, in the case of Dragon Age 2, BioWare neglected their main demographic: The Straight Male Gamer.

I don't think many would argue with the fact that the overwhelming majority of RPG gamers are indeed straight and male. Sure, there are a substantial amount of women who play video games, but they're usually gamers who play games like The Sims, rather than games like Dragon Age.

Thank you for assuming you know me. Thanks for assuming all women like one thing, and it’s The Sims.

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That's not to say there isn't a significant number of women who play Dragon Age and that BioWare should forego the option of playing as a women altogether, but there should have been much more focus in on making sure us male gamers were happy.

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it is as if they went "We have straight males, straight females, gays and lesbians. How do we make all these groups happy?"

“Why would we ever try to make those queers happy? Or chicks?? It’s MOSTLY macho dudes like me who play video games, so ALL games should only appeal to me.”

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In every previous BioWare game, I always felt that almost every companion in the game was designed for the male gamer in mind. Every female love interest was always written as a male friend type support character. In Dragon Age 2, I felt like most of the companions were designed to appeal to other groups foremost, Anders and Fenris for gays and Aveline for women given the lack of strong women in games, and that for the straight male gamer, a secondary concern.

God fucking forbid that anyone else might ever get a game designed with them in mind. “Every other game in the history of games has been designed for straight males, and this one should be too!”

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It makes things very awkward when your male companions keep making passes at you. The fact that a "No Homosexuality" option, which could have been easily implemented, is omitted just proves my point.

Because real life comes with a “No Homosexuality” option.

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I know there are some straight male gamers out there who did not mind it at and I respect that.

“Gays are icky and make me uncomfortable with my own sexuality. I don’t ever want to see them or have them near me. Props to you straight guys who do (but you’re probably secretly fags).”

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When I say BioWare neglected The Straight Male Gamer, I don't mean that they ignored male gamers. The romance options, Isabella and Merrill, were clearly designed for the straight male gamers in mind. Unfortunately, those choices are what one would call "exotic" choices. They appeal to a subset of male gamers and while its true you can't make a romance option everyone will love, with Isabella and Merrill it seems like they weren't even going for an option most males will like.

“I don’t like the girls they designed, and since I don’t like them, that must mean everyone doesn’t like them. Because clearly, I am the entire demographic.”

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And the fact is, they could have. They had the resources to add another romance option, but instead chose to implement a gay romance with Anders.

“Instead of making 3/3 options aimed at straight males, they only made TWO, and decided to make those QUEERS happy by being one of the ONLY game developers ever to give a fuck about gay people and actually put them in their games. But since I’m not gay, I don’t care, and I’m going to complain because they didn’t do it exactly the way /I/ wanted.”

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I'm certain that some will declare "That's only fair!" but lets be honest.

“I’m a complete douche, and if you didn’t think so by this point, let me dig myself in further.”

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I'll be generous and assume that 5% of all Dragon Age 2 players are actually homosexuals. I'll be even more generous and assume that the Anders romance was liked by every homosexual. Are you really telling me that you could not have written another straight romance that would have pleased more than 5% of your fans?

BECAUSE GOD FORBID ANY GAME SHOULD EVER TRY TO MAKE GAY PEOPLE HAPPY. THEY’RE A MINORITY IN SOCIETY. THAT MEANS THEY DON’T MATTER.

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The gameplay elements are only a part of an RPG, theres the story and characters that drive it. If the same amount focus and attention to characters were given for me as there was in Origins, I'm sure that even with all those technical flaws, I would have found Dragon Age 2 a good game, a flawed game, but still good. As it stands right now, with mediocre characters and mediocre gameplay, Dragon Age 2 is a mediocre game and I'd rate it as such.

“Since I don’t like how gay and icky the characters are, I don’t like the game, and no one else should either.”

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David Gaider replied in the last thread stating, "There's a lot of assumption in there, not the least of which is certain amount of privilege (not to mention an assumption that all straight male gamers must like the same thing)". It's odd to me that David realized that not all straight male gamers like the same thing, yet thought it prudent to try to include a cast that would be liked by straight male gamers, straight female gamers, gays and lesbians with a development time of 18 months.

“How dare he try to please more people than straight males? We are the only people that matter!”

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I just hope that the next game BioWare will get its priorities right or spend more time making the game.

“I just hope that in the next game they don’t put so much icky gay stuff in there, because that’s gross. I want more stereotypical weak chicks with big titties. They should get their priorities straight and make this game just like EVERY OTHER GAME THAT’S EVER BEEN MADE.”

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

It's pretty clear this guy is not a minority, and NEVER has been in his entire life.

It's an RPG, not a damn dating game.
Maybe he should try Sims.

Zevran is dead. I saw the blast.

JizzMasterZero wrote:

It's an RPG, not a damn dating game.
Maybe he should try Sims.

But that's a girly game! And it has far too much potential for icky gayness! He just wants a manly RPG, with a smidgen of straight - and only straight - romance. Is that too much to ask?

Jesus fuck, this guy's a dick.

Sparrow wrote:

He just wants a manly RPG, with a smidgen of straight - and only straight - romance. Is that too much to ask?

He should go play ANY OTHER RPG that's ever been made, in the history of gaming!

I know; I raged so hard. Like, come on. Let people have ONE freaking game that maybe wasn't catering solely to straight manly males.

Adding to the fail, by "exotic" women, didn't he mean that one was black and the other non-human?

(In other words, that he wanted a passive, big-titted white human woman?)

Notanoni wrote:

Adding to the fail, by "exotic" women, didn't he mean that one was black and the other non-human?

(In other words, that he wanted a passive, big-titted white human woman?)

Precisely. I think that whole post can be translated into "in other words". He might as well have just bitched about it straight-up and saved himself the trouble of trying not to sound like a bigot. (In other words, he failed.)

I like my RPG characters cheeky and complex, thank you very much. Me thinks this one is in the closet and in need of a good hard dicking.

And by dicking I mean Magical Fisting... right through the chest.

What makes me laugh is that There are homosexual gentlemen who think there is too much gay sex in the game as well. An interesting angle to be sure.

Fucking Dipshit wrote:

I'm not here to debate the moralities of homosexuality, I personally find it to be digusting but others will feel different, that isn't the point of this thread.

I see what you're doing there. You're saying nobody should give their opinions on us, only you're giving your opinion on us!

Fucking shit head.

Somath Cegem wrote:

What makes me laugh is that There are homosexual gentlemen who think there is too much gay sex in the game as well.

The point is less "too much gay sex" and "gay men being portrayed as going after anything male". It's good to have minorities in videogames, but if they're not going to do it right it's kind of a mixed message.

Notanoni wrote:

Adding to the fail, by "exotic" women, didn't he mean that one was black and the other non-human?

When I saw that complaint, I expected them both to be non-human, and then realized that Isabella is in fact a human.

Really? :| She's too exotic?

Lurv wrote:

Notanoni wrote:

Adding to the fail, by "exotic" women, didn't he mean that one was black and the other non-human?

When I saw that complaint, I expected them both to be non-human, and then realized that Isabella is in fact a human.

Really? :| She's too exotic?

To quote Shakespeare himself, "Delicious blackamore lady, an ethiope girl, a suave, a queen of afric"

Is it odd that it bothers me that there has yet to be an actual Gay romance option in any bioware game? All the current ones are Streight (Alistair and Morrigan) or Bi (Everybody else).

Somath Cegem wrote:

Is it odd that it bothers me that there has yet to be an actual Gay romance option in any bioware game? All the current ones are Streight (Alistair and Morrigan) or Bi (Everybody else).

Can't you just... not choose the romance options that you don't want? And you could have your character only pick the same-sex romance option? Wouldn't that be a gay option? Maybe I'm misinterpreting. (And only basing my answer on Mass Effect and Jade Empire).

your mom wrote:

Somath Cegem wrote:

Is it odd that it bothers me that there has yet to be an actual Gay romance option in any bioware game? All the current ones are Streight (Alistair and Morrigan) or Bi (Everybody else).

Can't you just... not choose the romance options that you don't want? And you could have your character only pick the same-sex romance option? Wouldn't that be a gay option? Maybe I'm misinterpreting. (And only basing my answer on Mass Effect and Jade Empire).

No I mean, we've had no actual "I only like the same gender" party characters as romance options. Only with 2 of the 8 we've been given in Dragon Age games has gender been a deal breaker, these have been of the hetero flavor. We have yet to see a dude you could only romance as a dude or a woman you could only romance as a woman.

Ohhhh okay, my bad. I did misunderstand you. I thought you meant with the character you're playing.

And yeah, you do make a good point. I wouldn't complain if all the characters were romanceable as either gender (because it's easier for the programmers, probably, and you can have a lot more romance options) but if you're going to make SOME only available as het romances, you better make some only available as gay options.

your mom wrote:

Ohhhh okay, my bad. I did misunderstand you. I thought you meant with the character you're playing.

And yeah, you do make a good point. I wouldn't complain if all the characters were romanceable as either gender (because it's easier for the programmers, probably, and you can have a lot more romance options) but if you're going to make SOME only available as het romances, you better make some only available as gay options.

The problem with that is, unfortunatly, you would need at least 5 romanceable characters for at least some semblence of choice. two hetero, two homosexual and 1 bi, any more than that and the game stops being a rpg and becoems a dating sim, any less and you end up loosing choice, or making everybody bi.

I wanna be able to fuck all my companions. Why can't I have a little dating sim in my RPG?

I'm just the perverted fanfic writer bioware is catering to.

XLT-100852.0 wrote:

I wanna be able to fuck all my companions. Why can't I have a little dating sim in my RPG?

I'm just the perverted fanfic writer bioware is catering to.

Ditto.

Sakurelf wrote:

Lurv wrote:

Notanoni wrote:

Adding to the fail, by "exotic" women, didn't he mean that one was black and the other non-human?

When I saw that complaint, I expected them both to be non-human, and then realized that Isabella is in fact a human.

Really? :| She's too exotic?

To quote Shakespeare himself, "Delicious blackamore lady, an ethiope girl, a suave, a queen of afric"

Ah, but Isabela is not only black, luscious and funny with a clear preference towards sexual innuendo, she is also rather slutty. I liked that about her; you'd get the feeling she'd hump anything, a bit like a female Jack harkness. People like this sucker would consider her just slutty and not want a relationship with her. Having a relationship with Merrill would be like having a boner for your sister (she does come across as rather young, even though she isn't) and Aveline is waaaaay too manly for him, because, you know, she's the representative of a strong-willed female player (who should actually just be male. The player I mean. Girls should just play the Sims).

Ok, sometimes being just a friend to Anders (male mage) is a bit disturbing in that it's really hard to NOT get a romance with him. The very first thing you can say to him is something along the lines of 'Wow, you have a really hot body!', which is somewhat awkward if you're splattered in blood from your recent encounter. And sometimes you want to be friendly and you only can select three optional answers, two of which have hearts and one of which cracks the heart, which feels mean. Anders needs to be cuddled. I ended up in bed with him (as a woman) simply because there was no option to gently tell him I was actually trying to romance Fenris (who develops rivalry no matter what I do and, I think, now openly hates me).

And Fenris...how is Fenris Gay-bait? I mean...HOW?

The Escapist has a really neat article about the gayness in DA 2
here. This idiot should read it. It might explain something about his own feelings to him.

Heh, Isabela sounds quite fun, actually. And now I'm interested in this game, but I have no idea if it is fun.

Lurv wrote:

...but I have no idea if it is fun.

I've been playing it, and I think it's great. It's not quite as good as Oblivion, but it's very close.

It's a pretty good game, even if the tasks you have to do feel a bit...menial. I mean, you clean out haunted houses and monster-infested mines, kill loads of people to get back other people, other people's things, etc, but there's a nice background story, there are some truly sick plot moments and the characters are great.

I'd wait a while to play it, though. I've just run into this bug, some kind of virtual STD Isabela gave me, which horribly slows down your main character in combat. It makes the game unplayable. It's a cross-console bug, so everybody can get it, but where you can work around it on the PC, Xbox and PS3 players are screwed, because the bugfix hasn't come out yet. It's due one of these days, which means it could come out tomorrow or in six weeks.

So yes, definitely, go play this game. Just wait until the patch is out, or don't befriend Isabela (which is kind of a must, if you want to bang her).

Clearly this is also bigoted towards polyamorous people. I want everyone to romance everyone else all at the same time!

/not actually played any Bioware games, but lives with gamers that do regularly

No but srsly this guy is a huge fucking asshole, and it upsets me that there are so damn many people that think exactly like him.