Something Weird Happened to Me Today

So, today, I found a bra on the steps. It wasn't mine. I wasn't terribly concerned about it. Then for the first time I looked around my house and actually noticed some things.

Our throw pillows are pink. Our rug is pink. This is to go with our white couch. Our bathrooms are bright pink with white trim, with cute little phrases on the wall. Every bedroom is matched perfectly to the bedspread. There are two Bugs and a Jetta parked outside. We have a pink orchid on the bar. I went to get the tool set and realized it's pink too. My dog is wearing a bow. The fridge has magnets about today being a cupcake kind of day.

Today I realized I lived in a sorority house. When the fuck did that happen?

At least we still have hard liquor in the house. Then I'd really have to worry.

Lapin wrote:

So, today, I found a bra on the steps. It wasn't mine. I wasn't terribly concerned about it. Then for the first time I looked around my house and actually noticed some things.

Our throw pillows are pink. Our rug is pink. This is to go with our white couch. Our bathrooms are bright pink with white trim, with cute little phrases on the wall. Every bedroom is matched perfectly to the bedspread. There are two Bugs and a Jetta parked outside. We have a pink orchid on the bar. I went to get the tool set and realized it's pink too. My dog is wearing a bow. The fridge has magnets about today being a cupcake kind of day.

Today I realized I lived in a sorority house. When the fuck did that happen?

At least we still have hard liquor in the house. Then I'd really have to worry.

It's a good thing I don't live with you. I'd be forced to go into stealth mode and sneak around gradually changing everything that was pink to either black, navy blue or something with cats on it. Your bedrooms would quickly become a jumble of mismatched sheets and bedspreads. The orchid would be replaced by a different flower every day (none of them pink).

And your fridge would suddenly be covered in flyers for used book sales, work schedules, and one of those 'do-it-yourself' magnetic poetry kits.

Eh. We all like pink. I guess that's how it ended up being the central color. We're all very bright people, just different tastes. My bedroom is actually very green with flowers (experiments, old and current), one is zebra-themed, the girls have polka dots of various colors, and the last one is light blue. And the orchid is mine, and it's an experiment. No one is allowed to touch it.

We have a work/school schedule posted. It's just on a magnetic Hello Kitty calender. And there are flyers for things like that, and pictures, lots of them. They're just in those magnetic frames, and the flyers have rather girly magnets.

We have a Hello Kitty toaster.

And pink curtains. When did the curtains turn pink? When did we get curtains? I've been spending too much time in the lab.

There's make-up and hair stuff all over the bathroom too. I guess I just hadn't realized how we had become so used to being an all female household.

Had a surreal conversation with my brother at lunch.

Him: Do you know where trance comes from?
Me: France.
Him:...
Me: So I'm right?
Him: Okay, what about dub-step?
Me: I haven't even heard of such a thing. Somewhere in England?
Him:...
Me: Now ask me how I knew where they were invented just by the name.
Him: How did you know where they were invented just by the name?
Me: No idea. C'mon, give me another one.
Him:...Nevermind.
Me: Nope, don't know that one.

OK, so I was on this blog. The contributer posted this:

Professional Mole wrote:

And… this. This is so obviously a gender-bent version of the stereotypical treatment of girl gamers it’s not even funny. It does rise questions once again as to Jo’s interest in gender bending whatever comes into his path for no good reason, except in this case it is part of the joke… sort of.

Also, do girls actually want to see balls? Because, really, as much as they are in some way analog to breasts, I’d never expect their vision to be so cherished.

An Anon leaves this comment:

Anon wrote:

Girls love balls. Let’s be honest with each other. There is NOTHING like a picture of a guy cupping his twins.

Not the height of humor, but it made me smile. Then someone else replies with:

Paint wrote:

I’ll take your word for that, champ.

This makes me eye-roll a little because the original remark was so obviously faceticous it really did not require a snide comment. I decide to poke at the guy a little for responding to something that was so clearly either a joke or a weak trolling attempt. My reply was:

Reepi wrote:

I prefer pictures of a guy’s twins being cupped by another guy, myself.

So far a pretty normal internet exchange, to my way of thinking. So then the same guy replies to me with:

Paint wrote:

Well, I’m like 99% sure that you’re the same person.

So this guy is not really getting my shitty joke. Whatever. What I found a little odd was the following exchange between him and the original blogger/ mod:

Professional Mole wrote:

IPs and mails don’t match, and the second email matches the nickname. Could be someone going through incredibly lenghts not to look like the same person but… really, why?

Paint wrote:

Beats me. I just find it a little weird that a new commenter shows up for the express purpose of talking about balls.

OK, maybe I just hang around here too much, but my first thought was basically OMG two different people talking about balls... on the internet! NO WAI!! I dunno if this guy is weird or if I am weird for thinking that joking around about balls is normal. I mean, if I had posted something like that here no one would remark on it...

Link please. Let me be no. three.

Link. I'll be right there. Hell, I'll post pictures.

Haha, well if really want to.

ETA: Did I ever mention that I love you guys?

So, I'm doing my normal run, which is around the parade field for a few hours. Basically until I get tired. Tonight I'm walking, because my shin is hurting.

Huh. That's odd. Those black trucks parked there look like government trucks. There's no one in them, but they're running with the headlights on. Hm. Why is the fire truck parked there? Men in cheap black suits are everywhere. Wow, that helicopter sure is flying low, hah, it almost looks like he's going to land it...right...on the field. That's weird.

MPs pull up. One is the officer who checks on me at night when I'm out. Very nice dude.

"Hey A." He waves. I wave back.

"There's a chopper on the field."

"Yep."

"Should I go home?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

"Night."

Get in my car, go home.

I don't even want to know.

I posted a direct quote from Jimmy Carr debating more or less the same question (whether women talk about men's bodies in the same way men talk about women).

If anyone on that blog recognizes the quote, I'll love them forever.

Lapin wrote:

Spoiler:

That bad, huh?

Lady Anne wrote:

Lapin wrote:

Spoiler:

That bad, huh?

Spoiler:

Who might be your father? You were never told who your father is? Christ on a stick, Lapin, that's fucked up.

Eh. We had to live in a women's shelter once because my mom was too prideful to ask her parents for help.

I'm used to this.

I just...hm. I mean, do I even want to know? Why do I care? I mean, medical information, obviously, that's important. It's just kind of...why now? Why is somebody telling me now that his identity isn't a mystery at all? After I was told over and over that no one knew, hey wait, turns out these people know and were just lying to my face for my entire life.

My entire life is weird.

I saw one of the weirdest (and definitely NOT work safe) videos ever the other day. Here I thought my years of online experience would have inured me to anything the net had to offer. Not so.

Okay, so a few days ago/yesterday this is what my laptop screen looked like

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

This is what I noticed it looking like now

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

The crack shrank? Is that possible? I thought cracks can you know, get bigger, but not shrink.

So...either I had a really weird dream or I had a case of sleep paralysis and a hypnagogic hallucination. Hard to say which. I thought it was going to be one of those dreams where I wake up to find my mom in the house and I weakly tell her to go away but instead, the figure I thought I saw in the closet said, "Hello, I'm Weird Al Yankovic and I'll be your waiter tonight." Episodes like this are never fun, but I was actually a bit disappointed he didn't stick around.

I'm not sure what that says about me.

Quijotesca wrote:

So...either I had a really weird dream or I had a case of sleep paralysis and a hypnagogic hallucination. Hard to say which. I thought it was going to be one of those dreams where I wake up to find my mom in the house and I weakly tell her to go away but instead, the figure I thought I saw in the closet said, "Hello, I'm Weird Al Yankovic and I'll be your waiter tonight." Episodes like this are never fun, but I was actually a bit disappointed he didn't stick around.

I'm not sure what that says about me.

What? He didn't sing for you? You should get your money back!

Braigwen wrote:

What? He didn't sing for you? You should get your money back!

I should leave a review somewhere. "F-- for terrible service. Weird Al showed up in my closet and said he was my waiter but he didn't give me any food nor did he sing any songs."

Maybe it was a Vanna White clone.

Well, that would explain why I thought I heard a woman at first.

So, guys, I need your help.

I frequently read Regretsy, which is a funny snarky site with a low tolerance for bullshit, and I enjoy it a lot, even if, sometimes, they are a bit narrow-minded.
So today, this was posted:


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


...cue a whole slew of comments about INAPPROPRIATE and MOLESTATION. Some of them funny, even, but I just.... didn't get it. I don't get what is inherently inappropriate about this picture.
I asked, and what I got was some downvotes and a comment about slapping me upside the head, which, as far as I know, hasn't helped anyone ever understand anything better, at least not without an accompanying explanation, and there wasn't one.
Further down the page was a comment about the man being apparently naked. Is that what all this is about? That his bathing suit doesn't go down to his knee?

Please, WGW, enlighten me. Is this a cultural thing? Am I blind? Is there a big penis elephant in the room and I keep missing it? What?

Seems simple enough.

Half-naked kid being embraced by an equally scantily-clad father adult? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SEAT OVER THERE LOLOLOL.

Never mind that it's a pool and they're in swim trunks. QUICK POST A BUNCH OF PEDOBEAR MACROS LOLOLOL

Yesterday in study hall one of my guyfriends stared at me for good 5 minutes before randomly reaching out and grabbing a section of my hair. The fact that he said "Your hair is so freakin' soft!" didn't really help.

In retro-spect I'm pretty sure he was high...