Amanda-A Twilight failfiction

I wonder how much of the current trend for "doing in the wizard" (warning: TV Tropes link) can be attributed to writers afraid of having their work labelled as yet another Harry Potter rip-off.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Plus, you'll notice that Bella gets pregnant BEFORE Edward turns her, which suggests that she's sticking to the old saw the vampires can't reproduce sexually because they're dead, but if a woman were to become a vampire after she got pregnant, there's a possibility she might be able to carry the child to term. Though I'd always assumed that since the woman would, technically, be dead herself and no longer have any blood running through her veins, the child would most likely be miscarried.

I want to kill myself for knowing this, but Bella does not get turned until immediatley after the baby is delivered. They had to turn her then because the delivery effed her up so bad she was dying at that point, but she refused to be turned sooner because she did not want to chance hurting the*~*bay~bie*~*

Stephenie Meyer's actual answer from her website;

Quote :

Vampires are physically similar enough to their human origins to pass as humans under some circumstances (like cloudy days). There are many basic differences. They appear to have skin like ours, albeit very fair skin. The skin serves the same general purpose of protecting the body. However, the cells that make up their skin are not pliant like our cells, they are hard and reflective like crystal. A fluid similar to the venom in their mouths works as a lubricant between the cells, which makes movement possible (note: this fluid is very flammable). A fluid similar to the same venom lubricates their eyes so that their eyes can move easily in their sockets. (However, they don't produce tears because tears exist to protect the eye from damage, and nothing is going to be able to scratch a vampire's eye.) The lubricant-venom in the eyes and skin is not able to infect a human the way saliva-venom can. Similarly, throughout the vampire's body are many versions of venom-based fluids that retain a marked resemblance to the fluid that was replaced, and function in much the same way and toward the same purpose. Though there is no venom replacement that works precisely like blood, many of the functions of blood are carried on in some form. Also, the nervous system runs in a slightly different but heightened way. Some involuntary reactions, like breathing, continue (in that specific example because vampires use the scents in the air much more than we do, rather than out of a need for oxygen). Other involuntary reactions, like blinking, don't exist because there is no purpose for them. The normal reactions of arousal are still present in vampires, made possible by venom-related fluids that cause tissues to react similarly as they do to an influx of blood. Like with vampire skin—which looks similar to human skin and has the same basic function—fluids closely related to seminal fluids still exist in male vampires, which carry genetic information and are capable of bonding with a human ovum. This was not a known fact in the vampire world (outside of Joham's personal experimenting) before Nessie, because it's nearly impossible for a vampire to be that near a human and not kill her.

Well someone spent way too much time thinking about vampire sperm... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Plus, you'll notice that Bella gets pregnant BEFORE Edward turns her, which suggests that she's sticking to the old saw the vampires can't reproduce sexually because they're dead, but if a woman were to become a vampire after she got pregnant, there's a possibility she might be able to carry the child to term. Though I'd always assumed that since the woman would, technically, be dead herself and no longer have any blood running through her veins, the child would most likely be miscarried.

I want to kill myself for knowing this, but Bella does not get turned until immediatley after the baby is delivered. They had to turn her then because the delivery effed her up so bad she was dying at that point, but she refused to be turned sooner because she did not want to chance hurting the*~*bay~bie*~*

This is what I get for only hearing the information second hand. But yeah, they had to turn her, since Nessie was attempting to chew her way out of her mother's womb.

And in an attempt to milk the cash cow even further (and make strong hearts weep), I read a blurb somewhere that Smyers is going to write another book which basically shows the Twilight saga from the viewpoint of a 'minor' character. No, they didn't say who the minor character was, I can't seem to find the blurb, and I'm hoping it was all just a horrible hallucination brought on by too much Pepsi before bedtime.

Edit: It appears I wasn't hallucinating:



Stephenie Meyer Has New Book Out Soon: 'Twilight' Follow-Up Novella Coming In June

Quote :

Attention "Twilight" fans: Stephenie Meyer has a new book coming out.

Little, Brown Books for Young Readers will release "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" on June 5.

The novella is told from the viewpoint of Bree, a newborn vampire featured in "Eclipse." That's one of the books in Meyer's best-selling teen-vampire saga.

Meyer says in a statement Tuesday the novella had originally been planned for "The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide." But she says it became too long to fit into the guide.

The publisher says one dollar for each book sold in the U.S. from the first printing of 1.5 million copies will be donated to the American Red Cross International Response Fund. It supports disaster relief efforts such as those in Haiti and Chile.

SMeyer's new work of literary diarrhea is already being discussed...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :

The publisher says one dollar for each book sold in the U.S. from the first printing of 1.5 million copies will be donated to the American Red Cross International Response Fund. It supports disaster relief efforts such as those in Haiti and Chile.

Nice try, but this doesn't atone for all of the evil these books have unleashed on the world.

Yubisaki wrote:

But why would two Meyerpires be able to make a baby? Well, the stunning explanation is given here:

Quote :

"it worked!" we heard from the back yard.

we walked to the window and a girl was jumping around with a man standing there watching.
"my power works! i can do the impossible!YEAH!"
" hu?"
the man looked at us.
" she can do anything that is impossible. i wanted to know if she can give vampires fertility. it worked and now you get to be the first parents of the first pure blood vampire."

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

No words, people. No words.

This is a perfect example of combining a plot point and a big-lipped-alligator-moment into a chunky blend of pure WTF.

To be fair it does make as much sense as any explanation Meyer has given for Bela's pregnancy.