Evangelist claims that Rapture will happen in 2011

Penguin wrote:

It always cracks me up when "sola scriptura" sects keep going on about the Rapture.

Especially when their original source is the King James Version. Hellllloo, Continuity?

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, Mally, what part of the headline "Dumbass Cult Leader Says Dumbass Things" says "news" to you, you stupid fuck?

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU POSTED A THREAD ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ARGUABLY DOESN'T FIT IN IT'S SUBFORUM? HOW DARE YOU?

I HEREBY PLACE YOU UNDER CITIZEN'S ARREST, YOU CAD!

Lysander wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, Mally, what part of the headline "Dumbass Cult Leader Says Dumbass Things" says "news" to you, you stupid fuck?

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU POSTED A THREAD ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ARGUABLY DOESN'T FIT IN IT'S SUBFORUM? HOW DARE YOU?

I HEREBY PLACE YOU UNDER CITIZEN'S ARREST, YOU CAD!

I think he was (in his own way) lamenting how often cult leaders dabble in amatuer eschatology, or otherwise embarass themselves.

unskilled78 wrote:

Lysander wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, Mally, what part of the headline "Dumbass Cult Leader Says Dumbass Things" says "news" to you, you stupid fuck?

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU POSTED A THREAD ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ARGUABLY DOESN'T FIT IN IT'S SUBFORUM? HOW DARE YOU?

I HEREBY PLACE YOU UNDER CITIZEN'S ARREST, YOU CAD!

I think he was (in his own way) lamenting how often cult leaders dabble in amatuer eschatology, or otherwise embarass themselves.

Um, sure. What's eschatology? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I'm whining about how Mally spams News with thread, 7 out of 10 of which have no business existing.

Sheba wrote:

ZoZo wrote:

OK, guess I'd better get ready for some looting, as I'm unlikely to get raptured. What will I need, besides a BFG and a bad attitude?

Alcohol and a loyal sidekick.

My father left the religious channel on once and when I turned the TV on, there was some nutball selling rapture survival kits. They cost something like $500 and included water purification pills, a Swiss army knife, one of those flashlights you shake to operate, dehydrated food, seed packets, and an ugly-ass amber pendant. Because, y'know, that's what you're gonna need in an apocalypse: Something without any practical value whatsoever. Also, the food was all stuff like mac'n'cheese and pudding--stuff with all the nutritional value of a brick, but with definite fundie appeal. It's like they knew they were just gonna get bored after a couple of weeks and rip 'em open.

My father also believes all this bullshit and buys multiple (contradicting, no doubt) books on the subject. God, he's so fucking gullible it's embarrassing > <

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Um, sure. What's eschatology? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

The "study" of the end times.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Delcat wrote:

Sheba wrote:

ZoZo wrote:

OK, guess I'd better get ready for some looting, as I'm unlikely to get raptured. What will I need, besides a BFG and a bad attitude?

Alcohol and a loyal sidekick.

My father left the religious channel on once and when I turned the TV on, there was some nutball selling rapture survival kits. They cost something like $500 and included water purification pills, a Swiss army knife, one of those flashlights you shake to operate, dehydrated food, seed packets, and an ugly-ass amber pendant. Because, y'know, that's what you're gonna need in an apocalypse: Something without any practical value whatsoever. Also, the food was all stuff like mac'n'cheese and pudding--stuff with all the nutritional value of a brick, but with definite fundie appeal. It's like they knew they were just gonna get bored after a couple of weeks and rip 'em open.

My father also believes all this bullshit and buys multiple (contradicting, no doubt) books on the subject. God, he's so fucking gullible it's embarrassing > <

I...I know logic plays no part in this, but why would anyone sell a rapture survival kit? If you believe in the rapture, then you believe you won't be around, and if you don't, then there's no need for one. Soooooooo...who's buying these things?

The irony is that when the end of the world really does come, it'll probably catch us all completely off-guard.

Delcat wrote:

My father left the religious channel on once and when I turned the TV on, there was some nutball selling rapture survival kits. They cost something like $500 and included water purification pills, a Swiss army knife, one of those flashlights you shake to operate, dehydrated food, seed packets, and an ugly-ass amber pendant. Because, y'know, that's what you're gonna need in an apocalypse: Something without any practical value whatsoever. Also, the food was all stuff like mac'n'cheese and pudding--stuff with all the nutritional value of a brick, but with definite fundie appeal. It's like they knew they were just gonna get bored after a couple of weeks and rip 'em open.

Aside from the seed packets and amber pendant, that's the stuff I take on backpacking trips (but the food is better). All that stuff can be bought for considerably less than $500 at any sporting goods store (actually, you can get dehydrated food for really cheap at the supermarket, not to mention canned food and fresh stuff that keeps well--I actually buy most of my camping food at Big Lots). Also, you can use a filter to purify your water, and it can be used over and over. A few drops of iodine will also work, but it tastes terrible (yes, I've tried it--water purified with iodine tastes best when you mix something flavorful with it, like coffee, tea, Kool-Aid, or a nice splash of hard liquor).

I suppose seeds would be useful in a survival situation, provided, of course, that:

1.) you're in a place where you can plant them
2.) you know how to take care of your plants, including how much heat or frost a plant can survive, how much water it needs, how much space it needs, how to keep the plant from being eaten by creatures other than you (insects, snails, slugs, birds, rabbits, deer, gophers, etc.), when to harvest it, which parts are edible, how to save seeds for the next crop, etc.
3.) the seeds actually grow (some seeds will stay good for years; in the right conditions, they may stay good for over a thousand years. Most seeds won't last that long, and stuff like onions and chives are only good for about a year...though they will self-seed readily in the garden, whether you want them to or not.)
4. the seeds grow plants that are useful to you (I doubt there are any useless plants, since they all fit into the ecosystem one way or another, but whether they are useful to you personally, as food, medicine, or crafting materials has a lot to do with what you personally know or can find out)

Seeds can be bought for two to three dollars a packet from most seed companies. They can be found for cheaper in supermarkets, gardening centers, and discount stores.

I don't see what possible use an amber pendant could have in a survival situation, unless it was to trade.

All of those things together could be purchased for considerably less than $500. Anyone dumb enough to buy a kit like that deserves to be ripped off.

myeerah wrote:

Delcat wrote:

Sheba wrote:

ZoZo wrote:

OK, guess I'd better get ready for some looting, as I'm unlikely to get raptured. What will I need, besides a BFG and a bad attitude?

Alcohol and a loyal sidekick.

My father left the religious channel on once and when I turned the TV on, there was some nutball selling rapture survival kits. They cost something like $500 and included water purification pills, a Swiss army knife, one of those flashlights you shake to operate, dehydrated food, seed packets, and an ugly-ass amber pendant. Because, y'know, that's what you're gonna need in an apocalypse: Something without any practical value whatsoever. Also, the food was all stuff like mac'n'cheese and pudding--stuff with all the nutritional value of a brick, but with definite fundie appeal. It's like they knew they were just gonna get bored after a couple of weeks and rip 'em open.

My father also believes all this bullshit and buys multiple (contradicting, no doubt) books on the subject. God, he's so fucking gullible it's embarrassing > <

I...I know logic plays no part in this, but why would anyone sell a rapture survival kit? If you believe in the rapture, then you believe you won't be around, and if you don't, then there's no need for one. Soooooooo...who's buying these things?

People who want to have their asses covered in case it turns out they're not as holy as they thought :whisper:

Or they'll buy the Rapture survival kit for those members of their families who aren't Saved(tm) yet. "Okay, when I get sucked into the air you can find something to eat here. Please try not to take the Number of the Beast, okay?"

These answers make (some sort of twisted) sense. Thank you.

tim gueguen wrote:

Or they'll buy the Rapture survival kit for those members of their families who aren't Saved(tm) yet. "Okay, when I get sucked into the air you can find something to eat here. Please try not to take the Number of the Beast, okay?"

I actually knew a lady like that. She said she had a special "rapture box" for her husband, that would supposedly help him get through the tribulation. I once asked her what was in it, and she really did say "Bible verses so that he'll get saved, and instructions on things like not taking the Mark of the Beast". So those people really do exist. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Chris91 wrote:

The irony is that when the end of the world really does come, it'll probably catch us all completely off-guard.

You seem to have blundered into relevance, Chris91.

"Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man comes." Etc.

I'm going to go out on a limb and state that everyone will probably see the End coming. If there is no supernatural threat waiting in the wings, then the Earth will last a few more billion years in it's current inhabitable state, and it'll be hard to miss the sun ballooning into a red giant.

And if all the white, politically conservative Christians suddenly vanish, everyone will instantly know what is up because of all the preaching and the Left Behind and whatnot. Thus, it cannot happen. We'd lynch the Antichrist the second he appears and move on with our lives. Game over, man.

I've always thought the Rapture wouldn't be instant, if it were "real". It'd be over a period of time, and probably take the form of those people dying and getting an instant ticket to heaven. But hey, I'm not a Christian, so what do I know? I do find it amusing though that people presume to know the mind of God on these things, lol.

Lysander wrote:

And if all the white, politically conservative Christians suddenly vanish, everyone will instantly know what is up because of all the preaching and the Left Behind and whatnot. Thus, it cannot happen. We'd lynch the Antichrist the second he appears and move on with our lives. Game over, man.

That's the whole problem with the scenario posited by so many. It requires everyone, including Satan, to be a helpless robot preprogrammed to behave so as to bring about the Apocalypse. After all Satan has had almost 2000 years to read the relevant prophecies (or have a minion do so if he can't read), realise his plan won't work, and come up with another one. Which of course makes the whole exercise pointless.

tim gueguen wrote:

Lysander wrote:

And if all the white, politically conservative Christians suddenly vanish, everyone will instantly know what is up because of all the preaching and the Left Behind and whatnot. Thus, it cannot happen. We'd lynch the Antichrist the second he appears and move on with our lives. Game over, man.

That's the whole problem with the scenario posited by so many. It requires everyone, including Satan, to be a helpless robot preprogrammed to behave so as to bring about the Apocalypse. After all Satan has had almost 2000 years to read the relevant prophecies (or have a minion do so if he can't read), realise his plan won't work, and come up with another one. Which of course makes the whole exercise pointless.

The thing about prophecies is that if they're actual prophecies, they always come true. That's kind of the definition. No amount of foreknowledge can change what's coming. They may not take the form you expect, but they come true. Otherwise, it isn't a real prophecy. Since we're talking about Christianity, I love how terribly applicable this is to the central figure. Everybody thought they had this Messiah thing all sewn up. Come to find out, those prophecies did come true, but in a way nobody expected. Jesus didn't do what everybody wanted him to. And He didn't do it in a way anyone saw coming.

Fast forward two thousand years and the exact same thing is happening again. So many Christians are so certain they know exactly how God is going to do the End Times. This guy, everyone who is certain Left Behind is a blow-by-blow set of prophecies, all of that. All this energy going into trying to be ready for the end of the freaking world! As if that's a thing you can prepare for. It's insane. People need to just relax and focus on doing all the stuff we're supposed to do before that point. When it happens, it happens, and until then it's better not to stress about it.

Penguin wrote:

Chris91 wrote:

The irony is that when the end of the world really does come, it'll probably catch us all completely off-guard.

You seem to have blundered into relevance, Chris91.

"Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man comes." Etc.

It would be awesome if three people hadn't pointed that out a page before him.

And Christmas is over, you can lose the candy cane. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

KelinciHutan wrote:

The thing about prophecies is that if they're actual prophecies, they always come true. That's kind of the definition. No amount of foreknowledge can change what's coming. They may not take the form you expect, but they come true. Otherwise, it isn't a real prophecy.

The paradox here is that prophecies as you define them are completely worthless at actually predicting the future. A predictable and charted series of future events can be preempted. A vaguely-worded message can be reinterpreted after the fact to fit with any series of events. All the prophets are dead, so you can't even get them to prove their claims by predicting the future in a way that's useful.

Prophecies aren't worth the paper they're printed on. You're better off reading your horoscope in the newspaper each morning.

Lysander wrote:

KelinciHutan wrote:

The thing about prophecies is that if they're actual prophecies, they always come true. That's kind of the definition. No amount of foreknowledge can change what's coming. They may not take the form you expect, but they come true. Otherwise, it isn't a real prophecy.

The paradox here is that prophecies as you define them are completely worthless at actually predicting the future. A predictable and charted series of future events can be preempted. A vaguely-worded message can be reinterpreted after the fact to fit with any series of events. All the prophets are dead, so you can't even get them to prove their claims by predicting the future in a way that's useful.

Prophecies aren't worth the paper they're printed on. You're better off reading your horoscope in the newspaper each morning.

Now you're going onto another subject. Can we just say we're not going to agree with each other and leave it at that?

KelinciHutan wrote:

Now you're going onto another subject.

No, it's the same subject. You're changing the rules in the middle of the game. Why you gotta be like that? You're playing like one of those kids who just yell "NO YOU DIDN'T SHOOT ME" until everyone else admits they won.

Point stands: if all the suburban WASPs vanish, anyone who even thinks "one world government" is going to get burned at the stake. If there is a way to be the Antichrist without taking over the world, then feel free to point it out.

Reminds me of watching "Future Boy Conan" and seeing the world apparently went post-apocalyptic in July, 2008. (I believe it was originally animated sometime in the late 1970's.) Of course, that WAS the month/year my friends threw an epic party at CONvergence and most of us spent the entire con perma-buzzed, so maybe the show was right.

Lysander wrote:

KelinciHutan wrote:

Now you're going onto another subject.

No, it's the same subject. You're changing the rules in the middle of the game. Why you gotta be like that? You're playing like one of those kids who just yell "NO YOU DIDN'T SHOOT ME" until everyone else admits they won.

Erm...I'm sorry?

Lysander wrote:

Point stands: if all the suburban WASPs vanish, anyone who even thinks "one world government" is going to get burned at the stake. If there is a way to be the Antichrist without taking over the world, then feel free to point it out.

All this does assume that the whole Rapture -> tribulation -> progressively weirder and weirder stuff happening -> Glorious Appearing interpretation of Revelations is correct. Which is sort of my whole point. There are schools of thought that alledge the world is going to get better and better up until Jesus returns, people who think there will be a rapture but no tribulation, people who think the Antichrist might not be one person, and all points in between. There's people who say we're in the tribulation now. So, ultimately, there's no way to know if it's going to go down like that. That it will happen in some form, I have no doubt, but I don't see the point in worrying about how until it does.

If all Christians in the world suddenly vanished into thin air, I suspect a lot of people would get very suspicious of anyone who tried to take over the world overtly, point. Perhaps the Antichrist would be a business-owner? Control everything in reality whilst not having any nominal political power? I don't know. I'm relatively skeptical about this whole rapture business anyway, so I don't especially care much, either. Mostly, I just don't think the End Times are going to happen the way we expect them to.

What always annoys me is that nobody ever derives anything like "according to the hidden numbers in the bible, the world will end in June 2786". It's always gotta be right fucking no. What makes us so special, eh?

klotterbeck wrote:

I wonder if anyone remembers me at all.

The name, yeah, if nothing else.

Hi.