The "Something Completely Average Happened to Me Today" thread

Snake Bandage wrote:

in b4 some dickwad points my age out to me

Why? You just pointed it out to yourself.

Snake Bandage wrote:

You know what? I'll just keep using bitchslap for every occasion. Just to spite you all.

(in b4 some dickwad points my age out to me and makes me reconsider dropping "retarded" out of my vocabulary.)

This almost sounds like something I would do.

Cyberwulf wrote:

Snake Bandage wrote:

Lapin wrote:

Snake Bandage wrote:

Lapin wrote:

And for serious, am I the only person in this thread who has lived outside of suburbia? How do you get to be an English-speaking adult and not know what "bitchslap" means, or where it comes from? You've never heard someone say "I will slap you like a bitch", or "Don't make me slap you with my ring hand," as a joke? Really?

Don't assume city culture is the same everywhere. You're not likely to hear this shit where I live, and not only because a good 60 percent of the population is ultra-fundamentalist.

Then don't use terms you don't know, and get pissed when people who do know what they mean get offended by the offensive meaning.

But so many people use bitchslap on a daily basis and only the SJers get their panties in a knot about it.

Or, you could just own up to the fact that you were unaware of the "pimp and whore" connotation of bitchslap and not use the term again.

SB's situation aside, what if someone (such as myself) ligitimately thinks they're using a turn of phrase correctly? Even harmless phrases have been completely mangled by those who don't understand them into hilarious malapropisms and mondegreens.

"It's a doggy-dog world" (dog-eat-dog)

"In lame-man's terms" (layman's)

"A wolf in cheap clothing" (sheep's)

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy" (purple haze)

It's kinda hard for people to know that what they're saying is wrong when A) they have no context for the word or phrase beyond hearing it and B) they've never been corrected, and so assume that what they are saying is correct since no one has objected so far. It's how language evolves memetically. I'm not saying that "it's ok to use "bitch" because it's no longer a bad word" but rather, "Few teenagers know what a layman is, so they either change the phrase so it makes sense to them, or say a word they don't understand and sort of make up / assume a definition of it."


Of the few times I've used "bitchslap", I've always assumed it was referring to the person slapping as the bitch, not the person being slapped. It made sense to me, and no one ever corrected me. I didn't need to change my definition of it until now because, well, it worked. (Now I have a different mental image of the word, but I rarely use it anyway, so it's kinda moot)

EDIT again: Kinda like how the phrase "putting the cart before the horse" doesn't make much sense anymore. We don't have horses and buggies, so even though the phrase outlasted the age where humans actually knew that it makes no sense to hitch your trailer up to the front of your horse, it's slowly dying out of our language. Those that use it, while they may apply it correctly in a paragraph, are technically using it out of social context. Nobody rides horses anymore, so a person listening has no no basis of reference when told that they're "doing things out of order / in a counterintuitive manner."

I've been trying to sucker someone into the chatbox for awhile now.

EDIT: Disco Stu is a dick.

Had to make a phone call, got voicemail instead and left the most jumbled message ever. It is completely average that I freeze up when having to call someone who isn't my friend and it's more of a professional setting. I just got over massive case of nerves for job applications, looks like this is something new to work on.

I am 32 today. And I have to work because I forgot to ask for today off. Balances out really.

So I was doing that Forum moderation stuff that I do from time to time today and had to PM two notional adults about their behavoir.

Two people in question are a guy in his mid-20s to whom everything is a laugh and he's basically a micro-troll. The other is nearly 40 and takes everything super seriously.

Which one do you think gave me a reply that basically amounted to "Fuck you, I'm not taking any responsibility for my own actions!"?

Yeah, you're right. The serious older guy. Got a mature, well thought out repsonse from the troll. Not going to do anything about it now, but that was really the wrong answer. Going to have a wee think in the morning about whether I want to remove his posting rights for being such an arse or not.

I've really got to stop accepting mod positions...

Hot Cancer wrote:

So I was doing that Forum moderation stuff that I do from time to time today and had to PM two notional adults about their behavoir.

Two people in question are a guy in his mid-20s to whom everything is a laugh and he's basically a micro-troll. The other is nearly 40 and takes everything super seriously.

Which one do you think gave me a reply that basically amounted to "Fuck you, I'm not taking any responsibility for my own actions!"?

Yeah, you're right. The serious older guy. Got a mature, well thought out repsonse from the troll. Not going to do anything about it now, but that was really the wrong answer. Going to have a wee think in the morning about whether I want to remove his posting rights for being such an arse or not.

I've really got to stop accepting mod positions...

Is it bad that I have a feeling I know exactly which two you're talking about?

I went back on a forum I haven't visited in about a month and a half just to tell one member what an obtuse fuck he was.

There I was, just lurking, when suddenly "holy Christ, do you have to sound smug and condescending even when you're apologizing and telling other posters to lay off?"

Be happy you don't go around there no moh, Bunny.

So I have a lofty goal I'd like to work on, now that I work at a fabric store. I want to learn basic business phrases in as many languages as I can. Not the entire language, that's for sure, but enough to deal with a customer in their original language.

We have a lot of german and dutch customers because of the settlement of the area. Not many french, as it's west-coast Canada.
My goals are:

German
Dutch
French (rusty, could pick it up from highschool)
Madarin
Punjabi / hindi (I'd have to find out which is more widely spoken)
and Halq'emeylem (Halkomelem) The indiginous language of the area.

Main goal for each is:

"How can I serve / assist / help you?"

"How much would you like?"

"That (item) costs () dollars"

Numbers from 1-10 (also 1-100 if necessary for cents)

"Is that everything?"

Please, thank you, you're welcome, good morning, good bye, etc.

I figure eventually I'll get better at it with those who speak the language willing to correct my grammar and pronounciation.

It's 6.30am, I'm jetlagged.

Had the cat spayed today. She's grouchy as hell, and currently sleeping off the anesthetic.

Chocolate mousse instead turned out as chocolate sauce.

Interview soon. Gotta get ready to go.

I am smoking my first cigarette in two weeks. It feels like drinking a weak espresso. Nice.

And just to clarify; these are the dinky little SuperSlim baby ciggs by Virginia Slims. Normal smokes are too fucking much. Like eating an entire dark chocolate cheese cake and then inhaling a Tiramisu to wash it down. Woah!

♪ Lapin is walking down the stairs to plug the laptop in ♫

(Lapin falls down the stairs)
Sister: "Did you seriously just fall down the stairs again?" (Gets up, comes over to the landing) "You alright?"
Me: "Am I ever injured?"
Sister: "I don't understand how you're never hurt."
Me: "I am a cat!"
Sister: "Cats can balance. You have better balance drunk."
Me: "This is true."

Decided to try my hand at pan gravy / sauce for once, and decided caramelised onions would be a nice addition. Caramelised the onions until they were golden and mushy, added the Shiraz I was using, the whole thing turned into Dilophosaurus spit. I used it anyway because it tasted fine and there wouldn't be enough time to do any more (maybe I'll do a huge batch and freeze portions...).

Turns out the bicarbonate of soda I usually sprinkle over the onions to break them down faster does not play nice with wine.

Sutremaine wrote:

Decided to try my hand at pan gravy / sauce for once, and decided caramelised onions would be a nice addition. Caramelised the onions until they were golden and mushy, added the Shiraz I was using, the whole thing turned into Dilophosaurus spit. I used it anyway because it tasted fine and there wouldn't be enough time to do any more (maybe I'll do a huge batch and freeze portions...).

Turns out the bicarbonate of soda I usually sprinkle over the onions to break them down faster does not play nice with wine.

Did it bubble? If the wine was vinegary, the alkaline baking soda and the acid vinegar wine reacted together until a neutral point was reached.

Lady Anne wrote:

Sutremaine wrote:

Decided to try my hand at pan gravy / sauce for once, and decided caramelised onions would be a nice addition. Caramelised the onions until they were golden and mushy, added the Shiraz I was using, the whole thing turned into Dilophosaurus spit. I used it anyway because it tasted fine and there wouldn't be enough time to do any more (maybe I'll do a huge batch and freeze portions...).

Turns out the bicarbonate of soda I usually sprinkle over the onions to break them down faster does not play nice with wine.

Did it bubble? If the wine was vinegary, the alkaline baking soda and the acid vinegar wine reacted together until a neutral point was reached.

...Winecano? Sounds like grade 6 for grown ups.

Anywho, my completely average thing: It is completely average because the two ends balance each other out. The two idiot kids I was complaining about a while back who are getting married? I have heard word that they are fundraising for their wedding by using a restaurant tab-add. (If you mention the reciever's name or charity, something like 1% of your bill goes to them)

I am happy because it is so ridiculously SAD of them. You do not fundraise for your wedding. You GET JOBS and marry when you have a stable income. I am ALMOST guilty about how happy I am when something goes horribly for them. Your wedding and relationship are doomed, you stupid, stupid children.

Please, just save us all the trouble and have sex. Weddings just aren't worth that bullshit.

The boyfriend called me from his dad's honeymoon just a cruise now to say how he's in Florida and on the beach and messing around in the water, and went "ahhhhh I love Florida, where else can you go swimming in February?"

To which I promptly, and sleepily, replied: "the entire southern hemisphere."

"Ah," he says, "yes. Well. That."



...I really am such a killjoy.

Lady Anne wrote:

Did it bubble? If the wine was vinegary, the alkaline baking soda and the acid vinegar wine reacted together until a neutral point was reached.

I don't recall any bubbles, nor did a vinegar / bicarbinate combo turn green. I'm also pretty sure I've never seen that happen with plain onions and wine, although in all the other cases there were other ingredients present. Next time I'm cutting an onion I'll have to splash some more of the stuff around. Google isn't helping me in my search for green onions because it keeps returning results about green onions (that is, spring onions).

grmblfjx wrote:

The boyfriend called me from his dad's honeymoon just a cruise now to say how he's in Florida and on the beach and messing around in the water, and went "ahhhhh I love Florida, where else can you go swimming in February?"

To which I promptly, and sleepily, replied: "the entire southern hemisphere."

I'd usually say Southern California as well, but in looking out my window right now, that's probably not going to be the case today.

grmblfjx wrote:

The boyfriend called me from his dad's honeymoon just a cruise now to say how he's in Florida and on the beach and messing around in the water, and went "ahhhhh I love Florida, where else can you go swimming in February?"

To which I promptly, and sleepily, replied: "the entire southern hemisphere."

It's always sunny in Philadelphia.

grmblfjx wrote:

The boyfriend called me from his dad's honeymoon just a cruise now to say how he's in Florida and on the beach and messing around in the water, and went "ahhhhh I love Florida, where else can you go swimming in February?"

To which I promptly, and sleepily, replied: "the entire southern hemisphere."

"Ah," he says, "yes. Well. That."



...I really am such a killjoy.

You Germans are such pansies. Back in Alaska, we'd go swimming outside at all times of year. And you'd never hear any of us bitching "BAWWW, I CAN NO LONGER FEEL MY LEFT TESTICLE" or anything the poofters in Canada would say. I still can't feel my left testicle

lemmingwriter wrote:

I'd usually say Southern California as well, but in looking out my window right now, that's probably not going to be the case today.

I only really know Northern California, the place where you can't go swimming at any time of the year.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

It's always sunny in Philadelphia.

Yeah but is it warm? Huh? Huh?

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

You Germans are such pansies.

THE BOYFRIEND IS AMERICAN YOU BRAINLESS DINGBAT

ALL THESE YEARS LATER AND HE'S STILL AMERICAN

IMAGINE THAT