The Daddy, by JuJuBe111.
So, this fic is set in the X-Men movieverse. In involves Toad finding out about his 5-year-old daughter. The laugh, they learn, they love, blah blah.
- Quote :
- Toad was looking at his webbed toes wearily. He gave them a small wiggle, and giggled at them.
Oh yeah. This will be good.
So, Mystique walks into Toad's room and tells him he has a phone call. The caller is a lawyer who brings up an ex-girlfriend of Toad's
- Quote :
- Mort sighed. Sandra… he recalled her quite well. She was a cute little thing he picked up for a bit while testing his image inducer- a machine that made him look normal.
The best test of state-of-the-art holographic future-tech is to pick up chicks. Also: where the fuck did he get an image inducer anyway? You would think if Magneto had access to stuff like that he would not make Mystique do fucking everything. Oh wait, she is the only competent one, nvrmd.
- Quote :
- The fact that she was dead didn't faze him, but the fact that he was in her will! He, the "lying", "minipulative", and "disgusting" one.
"I mean, I was only screwing her under false pretenses and lying to her the whole time about my very genetic structure! Ugh,
women, amirite?"
- Quote :
- "I'll be there, I s'pose, bu' no bobbys."
"Also I am Engish, FYI."
So, Toad agrees to go, then Pyro comes in. I guess
the author Toad does not like Pyro very much, since he acts all annoyed then is all pleased with himself about having an excuse to tell him no.
- Quote :
- Pyro inhaled and looked up as if trying to remember. "Mystique said for me to tell you that Magneto wants to know if we can do a break-in on saturday."
What, seriously? The Brotherhood is just hanging around and knocking over random houses? WTF?
OK, so on Saturday Toad goes to the will reading or whatever.
- Quote :
- Looking down, Mort noticed that he had been swinging the strings of his sweatshirt back and forth in a childish manner. He blushed beneath the hood and jammed his hands into his pockets. *snip* He nodded to himself, and pushed through the revolving door. In all honesty, he really wanted to go through it one, two, maybe ten times more, but he doubted that the lady at the front desk would appreciate his self-entertainment.
Why is Toad, like, 9 years old in this, anyway?
- Quote :
- I hate elevators, he thought to himself as he rose through the building to the seventh floor, I really do. Stupid weather-witch and her stupid powers that she 'can't control'. Bitch.
Our protagonist certainly is charming, yeah? I will give our author this much, she seems to understand how to punctuate and format thoughts. Good on her. Also new speakers get new paragraphs, making this fic pretty readable. But enough of the hug-fest, on with the mutant daddy-daughter dysfunction!
Sooo, the lawyer give Toad a letter from his dead ex.
- Quote :
- "Mort,
If you are reading this, I am presumably dead, and you are presumably laughing. But as you know, I like to get the last laugh. Ready for my last side splitter? You gave this to me five years ago. I'm giving it back now. You broke it anyways.
-Sandra"
5 years exactly? So, what, she just updates this part of her will every year? That sounds like a lot of effort.
- Quote :
- She had rosy cheeks- normal colour-, long, black hair with random stripes of green, and, as she played with the folds of her black dress, she looked up at him with bright yellow eyes. "Daddy?"
Yeah, green hair, that makes a fuck-load of sense.
- Quote :
- Dear Lord, I have a child. I have a fucking child! What in God's name have I done? What the bloody hell have I done? Shit, shit, SHIT. What in the hell am I supposed to do with it? I don't have to take it, do I? I can't possibly take it!
Umm, 'it' has a gender, dude.
- Quote :
- Mr. Hoyte began, "This is Doria Toynbee: your daughter. Now of course you have the option of rejecting custody, but Sandra had no family, so the girl would go to an orphanage. I'm not sure how well... you're kind does in that kind of place."
Awww, Sandra gave her daughter the last name of the lying ex-boyfriend she hated. How sweet.
- Quote :
- "Not good," muttered Toad, sadly.
Sadly? Um, are you sure that is the emotion you want to go with at this juncture? Really? OK, Toad, if 'sad' is how you feel I sure as hell cannot tell you what to do.
So the lawyer tell Toad that another option would be to dump the kid on one of his relatives (hint, he has none). But they would prefer to "have a real parent raise her" because "Doria's mother wasn't to keen on your kind." He shows Toad that the girl had been being beat. So they want a 'real' (read: biological) parent raising her because her biological mom abused her? The fuck? In any case, seeing the injuries causes Toad to go from zero to capslock in .5 seconds.
- Quote :
- "WHA' DID SHE DO? WHA' THE BLOODY HELL DID THA' WITCH DO TO THA' GIRL? WHO THE HELL DOES THA' TO A CHILD? HOW DARE SHE DO THA' TO MY DAUGHTER! AND WHY! 'CAUSE SHE'S GOT YELLOW EYES LIKE 'ER FATHER! THAT HORRIBLE BITCH!"
Do not hold back, sweetie, tell us how you really feel.
- Quote :
- "I'M GLAD SHE'S DEAD! IF SHE WEREN'T, I'D KILL 'ER!"
Thaaaat is right, baby, let it aaaaaaall out.
- Quote :
- Mort panted with rage for a bit, shaking his head in disbelief. Finally, he looked up at the lawyer. "I'll take 'er."
"Oh good, here she is, there is the door. No need for a psyche eval or whatever. Congrats on your dead ex!"
- Quote :
- The small yellow eyes looked up at him with joy and surprise. "You... want me?" Mort nodded. "Sandra said you'd never want me." She looked down. "Sandra said you hated us."
"Which is why she left me to you in her will, I guess. I dunno, mommy was complicated."
So they go and clothing shop. Because bonding, I guess. Hey, any of you play the Wii version of "A Boy and his Blob"? You know how you can hug the blob whenever you want, and the boy make this adorable sound and it warms even the darkest and coldest of hearts just a bit? Yeah, this fic is not Boy and his Blob.
- Quote :
- This was the first time Mort had ever pushed a shopping cart, and in all honesty it mad him feel ridiculous. Trained assassins don't push shopping carts. They just don't. They went around picking out overalls, shirts, dresses, shorts, leggings, pajamas, hats, and anything else that took her eye. Magneto would be footing the bill, and she deserved it. Not one single thing of her own... makes me sick!
Magneto's dirty money will make everything better. Well, it works on the kid, but probably the huge quantities of slurpee he lets her drink would have done that job just as well.
- Quote :
- "Sandra wasn't a very good person, was she?"
So this is her new resolution. "No, love. No, she wasn't."
"She said a lot of stuff about you that wasn't true. You aren't mean, disgusting, and you don't hate me."
"Did I mention I kill people for a living?"
Anyways, they helicopter themselves back home and Toad makes a go at explaining wtf to his kid.
- Quote :
- "Now, Doria, I 'ave to talk to you abou' Daddy's job before we go to see my boss." He sat her on the couch gingerly. "Now the 'umans like Sandra are agains' people like you and me- mutants. So they're mean to us. They think they're better than us. It's Daddy's job, and everyone else 'ere's job, to stop them from being mean. There are also mutants tha' don' like the people in this place. I also 'ave to stop them. Go' it so far?" She nodded. "Now my boss is a very powerful mutant named Magneto. You 'ave to be real polite to Magneto- for now at least- so tha' he'll let you stay with me."
"Also Daddy kills people for a living. People like your mother."
Magneto is charmed by her good manners and lets her stay, natch. He moves her into the walk-in-closet attached to his room. Whatever.
- Quote :
- He had found a goldmine of assorted wall paints in the weapons room. (Lord know why they were there. Swing them at someone's head?)
Oh God, the fic is snarking itself. I hate it when that happens.
- Quote :
- So while Sabertooth painted her new room (A.N. Haha. Sabe does all the work.),
Haha, oh yes, "Sabe", that lovable handyman.
So Toad introduces her to to gang. Apparently Pietro and Wanda are there? I never saw the third movie, but I was under the impression those two were MIA as far as the movieverse went. I mean, Blob and Avalanche are also in this fic, but nobody really cares about them. Pietro and Wanda would not just be left in the background while Magsy was doing shit. Ah, whatever. Toad then introduces the girl to Pyro.
- Quote :
- She studied him a minute. "I don't like teenagers," she concluded, and she walked out of the room. Mort couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably as he followed his daughter down the hall.
Hahaha! She sure showed you, douchebag.
*a-hem* Well, those were the first 5 chapters of "The Daddy". I hope you liked the snark and I will leave the rest unravaged and virgin for you, if any of you want to take a crack at it.
Luvs and Kisses~!
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