The What-Ifs in Life- IN DOODLEVISION

Sometimes I deliberately search for really stupid writing or trolls just because they make me laugh. Sometimes, I don't want to sift through something that's well-written yet brain-breakingly bad (Data Goes Ballistic, anyone? I'll bring it if you don't know about Earl Grey semen.)

So today, as a warm-up to celebrate the end of midterms, I bring to you: THE WHAT IFS IN LIFE. Sure, it's a 90% chance it's a troll, but my god I have to start somewhere. And uh I'm drunk but not drunk enough to misspell things.

... in Doodlevision!

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Hey, I’m Patrice Stewart (aka Patty). Me, my brother Max Stewart, Luke Walker, and Marissa Elle (aka Mari) have been hiding/trespassing on a Kligon planet for the last 2 years. Although we are only seven, we, as the ambassador Sarek puts it, have “mysterious qualities”. I call it finding out highly classified information then getting caught.

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From left to right: Patrick Stewart as the seven-year old Patrice Stewart, Mad Max as Max Stewart, and Luke Skywalker as Luke Walker.

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“C’mon Patty!” yells Luke from in front of me “They’re tailing us!”. “I’m trying!” I yell back.

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“I’m trying!” I yell back. We're being chased by a clan of klingons at the moment.
"MARI!!!" Yells Max. Mari's leg has been shot by a phaser beam.
"OWW!!" She cries. We all run to her. As we're huddled over her I since axes coming at all of us. All o the sudden we've been beamed anoard a strange ship.

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"Hello, I'm Mari! And I've come from the middle of nowhere! And I have a cute anime face!"

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Lololol Klingons don't use phasers, and even so phasers don't shoot! Phasers either stun or kill, gorram it. Who the hell doesn't know about what phasers do? Seriously everyone knows the stun or kill joke.

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"I am James T. Kirk captain of the star ship Enterprise." says the strange man.
"Hello captain. I am Patrice." I say "We thank you very much for saving us."
"Saving you? What from? We were taking you off the planet you were trespassing on for interegation!" says Kirk. At the word interegation Mari whimpers. A man who I presume to be a doctor walks in.

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"HOLY SHIT!! Jim! Look at that young girls leg!" he yells walking over to Mari as he does. Mari tries to head towards Luke for cover who comes to her instead.
"Don't touch her." He growls as he puts his arms around her.

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DONT TOUCH HER
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A/N: CLIFFY!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Hold on there lil' fella! I mean no harm i just want help your friend!" chuckled the doctor.
"The slime ball doctors back on Vucan said the same thing about Mari's back..." I said darkly joining Luke.

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Well, Vulcan could have done something, but on Vucan (pronounced Voo-Can), the doctors are made out of slime balls)

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"SILENCE!" I yelled; everyone shut up immeaditly, "better, now onto buisness; Captain Kirk, we'll willingly tell you anything you need to know, and Doctor who ever you are, we have our reasons for... mistrusting those who work your proffesion. Now that that's in order we can have some peace in this room!". After my coneption fit Kirk was chuckling.

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"It's okay I'm laughing because already such a small girl shows such leadership and maternal instinct!" chuckled the captain. Matt then came to my side and growls like a prehistoric Vulcan.
"Matt! Stop! You are NOT a Vulcan neanderthall!" I, once again, chastise him.
"Sorry sis," said Matt "Just people like him make my skin crawl!"

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So uh, want me to continue with these doodly things? You're more than welcome to continue. This is just... woah. :drinky:

Oh God, this fic is so horrible. I laughed through most of it. I like the drawing you made for it. It made my day! :roflmao:

Please do continue! XD This is awesome.

You must continue for the sake of us all.

Nihilist, I... I think I love you

I am weighing up the merits of 'DAMMIT JIM!' vs. 'HOLY SHIT JIM!' I think it could work.
Continue, pls. I *heart* Do The Wave with all my... heart.

I like the doodles.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Great idea, please keep going.

You must continue, or I will be forced to do this [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] until you do.

Doodlevision rocks my socks. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Seriously, the slime ball doctors and neanderthal Vulcans made me literally laugh out loud; my kitty fled the room.

Haha, Nih, I LOVE your Young!Kirk.

oh God Nii-san I love you.

Okay- here goes- this thing runs dry though, so I'm going to stop when it does. It actually manages to calm down and not be so goddamn ridiculous. After this bit it gets Chris91. So here, have the finisher:

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"People like me? So, what characteristics do people like me have?" Asked the captain.
"Well first of all: You guys think you can "help" us, but yo just end up turning your backs on us at the first chance you get! Oh! And you think you know everything but are too judgemental to see when someone is truly hurting..." Max started but Mari then interupts him by yelling
"STOOOOOOPPPP!" Everyone is silent. "Better" she says quaintly. Mari then passes out.

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"Hold on there lil' fella! I mean no harm i just want help your friend!" chuckled the doctor.

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"SILENCE!" I yelled; everyone shut up immeaditly, "better, now onto buisness; Captain Kirk, we'll willingly tell you anything you need to know, and Doctor who ever you are, we have our reasons for... mistrusting those who work your proffesion. Now that that's in order we can have some peace in this room!". After my coneption fit Kirk was chuckling.
"What are you laughing at human!" spat Matt, my brother.

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And then this thing starts to reign itself in and be simply mediocre, a real sight to behold. It was as if I was in a dreamlike trance. I saw light at the end of the tunnel, and a figure clothed in white that glowed. The figure turned its head, and I saw quamp. He smiled and told me in the most Milton-esque voice about tribbing (tribbling?), and then I woke up out of sheer boredom.

Anyway, back on topic:

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"Logical Max?" said Luke "You're starting to sound like Pat! Or worse. Your father!"
"I am nothing like my father!" said Max angrily,

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!