Deliverance Ministries

Turn the sound down before you click unless you really like the hymn "Oh the Blood of Jesus".

The world is full of demons. Everyone is either possessed by demons or in danger of it -- we know this because the Bible doesn't say it's not true:

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EVERYONE has demons, ESPECIALLY CHRISTIANS. There
is no Scripture that says this. It is just a matter of FACT. There is no Scripture
that says you do NOT have demons.

Candles can attract demons: "demons are attracted to the substance candles are made out of", as well as to "the smell of the candle". Get rid of every single one you own. Good heavens, how did people survive before Edison?

All dolls and stuffed toys contain or attract demons. Burn them, and all "idols" in the shape of owls, frogs, unicorns, dolphins, dragons, horseshoes, shamrocks, sundials, or flamingos.

Better destroy (it doesn't say "get rid of", it says "destroy") your birthstones, too, as they're connected to horoscopes. And do something about your Sarah Coventry jewelry and eyeglass frames, as well, because Sarah Coventry used to be called "Sarah's Coven". Says right here.

Never never never bid someone farewell with the phrase "take care". When you do that, you're cursing them with "worry, anxiety and distress", those being after all what "care" means:

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Next time someone tells you to "take care", politely tell them, "No thank you, I'm not going to take any care, I'm not going to worry about anything, I'm going to cast (roll) my cares on God."

Other demons, to be "cast out in the name of Jesus" ("YOU CANNOT PRAY A DEMON AWAY. THEY MUST BE CAST OUT IN THE NAME OF JESUS.") include "anti submissiveness", "disobedience", "self will", "stubbornness", "withdrawal", "daydreaming", "fantasy", "pouting", "pretension", "escape", "sleepiness" (!), "mental illness", "schizophrenia" (get rid of your antipsychotics!), "fortune telling", "Dungeons & Dragons", all religions except the webmaster's, and, bafflingly, "cripple", "dejavu" {sic}, ALL forms of music except what the webmaster approves (including classical, country, heavy metal, jazz, rap, rock and roll, blues, "wrong Christian", and "all other"), osteoarthritis, pneumonia, and "nose bleed".

I think my favorite, however, is the article on paisley print. I'll try to condense it:

Paisley print is derived from the pattern originally on shawls from Kashmir, in India. The shawls were made of cashmere, from goats.

The imitation Kashmir shawls were originally made in the town of Paisley, in Scotland, which was originally (eight hundred years ago) founded around a Cluniac abbey.

The paisley pattern is a comma-shaped design, originally from Mughal India. The Mughal Empire came under Jesuit influence in the sixteenth century.

There's a microtonal interval in music called the "Pythagorean comma". It has absolutely nothing to do with paisley.

Pythagoras, I see here, was a "seer" and "magician".

So the paisley pattern is connected to magic (demonic), seers (demonic), Catholicism (demonic), Jesuits (even more demonic), India (polytheistic and thus demonic), and goats (an ancient symbol for the devil, thus demonic). You with me? Anyway, burn up all your paisley-patterned clothing and decorations and deliver yourself from all demons that they might have attracted.

WHY the RANDOM use of CAPITALISATION, demonbuster.COM?

I think we've FINALLY found the DAY JOB of that Twilightfic AUTHOR...

Oh, I remember this one - it's the stuff about the commas that brings it back.

I think I finally came to the conclusion that it's a pisstake, but I'm still not completely certain that the (barking mad) author wasn't quite serious.

I'd say this is a joke, or the author has serious mental health issues.

Chaltab wrote:

I'd say this is a joke, or the author has serious mental health issues.

Indeed. If you look at it that way, it's actually quite mediocre website joke and causes only "meh".

Chaltab wrote:

I'd say this is a joke, or the author has serious mental health issues.

Obviously at least some of her contributors do: witness the anecdote on the "dolls" page, from a woman who went into her daughter's room and found a stuffed troll doll dancing in the middle of the floor.

ETA: And then there's the woman who had trouble potty training her son due to the evil influence of a demon called "you can't make me".

Ironically, I think this 'Christian' website is one of the more occultic, superstitious, 'magical-thinking'-suffused sites I've come across.

Cactus Wren wrote:

And then there's the woman who had trouble potty training her son due to the evil influence of a demon called "you can't make me".

Because demons have nothing better to do than sabotage potty training.

Cactus Wren wrote:

ETA: And then there's the woman who had trouble potty training her son due to the evil influence of a demon called "you can't make me".

Anyone else feel really sorry for that kid? I'm kind of worried about what will happen to him later on....

Is this for real? I mean... this has to be one of the more insane sites I've seen in a long time... DAMN.

Malganis wrote:

Ironically, I think this 'Christian' website is one of the more occultic, superstitious, 'magical-thinking'-suffused sites I've come across.

My dad used to say that Christians were far to willing to give the Devil credit; that mankind was perfectly capable of messing itself up without any occult intervention.

That said: This place is NUTS. I'm a fan of the occult, and I still think it's crazy- it's one thing to look through old books and shit, but it's another to go pouring through everyday life, trying find proof of your obsessions surrounding you every moment of every day. If you live like that you turn into. . . well. . . Cyberwulf. And I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Rabid Badger wrote:

My dad used to say that Christians were far to willing to give the Devil credit; that mankind was perfectly capable of messing itself up without any occult intervention.

Especially since they claim humans are inherently sinful.

I've seen (but sadly can't now find) another "deliverance" website whose owner admitted that her daughter had asthma -- because she, the mother, had during her pregnancy been overcome by a "demon of fear" when she saw a riot break out at a basketball game.

The same woman's father and uncles were controlled by demons of alcoholism and divorce. Because their father, her grandfather, once owned JAPANESE FURNITURE which he brought home after WWII.

Cactus Wren wrote:

I've seen (but sadly can't now find) another "deliverance" website whose owner admitted that her daughter had asthma -- because she, the mother, had during her pregnancy been overcome by a "demon of fear" when she saw a riot break out at a basketball game.

Well damn, and here all this time I thought the boys asthma was because there's a genetic history of it on both sides of the family.

Looking back on my pregnancy, I don't seem to recall any demons of fear. Except maybe the one that made me hyperventilate when the doctor told me I was expecting twins.

Oh fuck me, I remember this site. They're legit, guys, I've known families like this. Used to go to church with them, way, way, back. They're dead serious and dead crazy. It's a particular kind of crazy that breeds among a particular kind of fundamentalist with a particular kind of lack of exposure, and it distills through the generations, getting more and more potent. A religious cabin fever heirloom, if you will.

Anyway, I remember the site for a lot of reasons--for the pink background, for that gorram MIDI, for providing me with a handy DEMONS graphic just when incubi were wreaking havoc in my roleplaying group, and for the endless, endless lulz. Especially the Diabetes Squid:

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The word DIABETES means: running through, as if a spirit is running through your body.

Now a squid has ten (10) arms and an octopus has eight ( arms. In the study of mind control we found out there was an octopus type spirit with 8 arms. With a squid type spirit it has 10 arms and such is the case with the spirit of DIABETES.

He is centered in the pancreas, which is right behind the stomach which is where the insulin is developed. This is where he seats himself. And then with the arms and the spirits that are working with him he touches the 1/BRAIN. This is a spirit named migraine and a spirit named headache that works with him that touches the brain (one part of the body). Another part of the body he touches is the 2/KIDNEYS. He will also touch the 3/EYES. There is a particular spirit that works on the eyes. It reduces your vision first, blurs it, then diminishes it, then eliminates it completely!

Another spirit that works with him on the arms of DIABETES is the 4/LIVER. He touches into the liver area to damage the area that is supposed to cleanse the blood. This spirit has an arm and there's usually a spirit called canker that touches down into the 5/FEET. This is why many people with type II DIABETES develop feet problems over the years. In some cases it leads to amputation.

Another area that he touches is down into the 6/BLADDER. This spirit causes the people to have the constant problem of running to the bathroom with excessive urination.

This spirit also touches the 7/SKIN causing excessive itching. He also reaches into the 8/EARS, he has a spirit that worships him called the dumb and deaf spirit where he damages that area.

The DIABETES spirit will also touch the 9/LUNGS causing breathing problems. He also will strike in the man and woman in the 10/REPRODUCTIVE AREAS. In the man he will strike him with impotence. The results of the DIABETES spirit attacking the human body is that he will impair the vision in the person in his later years, developing cataracts and vision problems. He induces drowsiness in a person and they will be always tired. He has infirmity spirits working with him to generate this tiredness. The person will have excessive thirst and excessive hunger. This spirit also influences the loss and gain of weight; influences rashes, slow healing of cuts and bruises; causes excessive urination, bed wetting for adults and children; cause enlargement of the liver, kidney diseases, gangrene which is a spirit called candor that destroys the feet. It can also cause hardening of the arteries.

OHHHH HALLELUEAH, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I CAN SEE THE DIABEETUS DEMON FLOATING IN FRONT OF MY EYES! YEA, HIS BODY IS OF A CHEESE PUFFS BAG, WITH DONUTS FOR EYES AND A HOT POCKET FOR A MOUTH, AND TEN LOOOOONG TENTACLES OF SOLID BACON! REPENT!

See, this is what these people do because they've stripped every form of entertainment out of their life because entertainment is sinful: They overinterpret things to match their fanaticism so they can share their "research" and feel important about themselves. It's funny, but it's sad and scary when you see it in real life, especially because they always have children, and the children are always sad and scared. God, the stories I could tell...

Anyway.

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DIABETES himself, lodges in the pancreas. He destroys the pro-insulin which becomes insulin and he interferes with the performance and functions of the body and he's housed right in the pancreas. Bind him and kick him out of there!

Burning Ague - works on one of his tentacles and goes and strikes the eyes. Brings the shields over the front of the eyes, and causes the vision to go dim and ultimately will bring in blindness. Attack him, he can be defeated in the Name of Jesus.

Ophthalmia works with burning ague in the eyes to diminish it. Some people say, "I wear these glasses because I am far-sighted." If Caleb at age 83 had his natural strength not abating him, why am I relying on these things? There is going to come a day this thing (glasses) will be broken and I won't be able to go to the store and buy or sell without the mark of the beast.

If Time Enough at Last was written by Jack Chick...

You know, you'd think if the cataract in my left eye was being caused by a resident demon instead of complications from my retinal surgery, he'd just toss the thing in and call it a day. Instead, he's been thickening it so slowly that it took five years for it to even be noticeable. Demons are either very devoted or very inefficient.

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Torment spirits operate in your mind. When you latch onto insulin or onto pills, this spirit will torment you and there will be a war going on in your mind because you really want to trust the Lord, but you just can't do it. Stress, worry and anxiety join forces of the three-way cord that is not easily broken and move into your mind and into your emotions. Some people with this spirit have animal spirits in their bodies. That's because in the earlier days insulin injections came from cows and hogs. Beef insulin, hog, swine insulin was taken into the body. Spirits called cancer of the pancreas, high blood pressure run through certain nationalities called blood diseases, nerve destroyer and Kidney destroyer. Familiar spirits travel through family bloodlines to cause DIABETES and other diseases.

Inject pig, get possessed. Got it, boss.

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ANGEL BOARD - I saw a news program about an "ANGEL BOARD". The developer of the "game" said it was like a Ouija board, except you contacted "angels" instead of demons. Their demonstration showed it to be a Ouija board with a new name. This will probably make its way into many Christian homes and book stores once marketed.

Jeez, blame a guy for trying, would you?

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The king represents Satan, Prince of Darkness, usurper and foe of our Lord Jesus Christ. The ten card is for the Spirit of lawlessness, in opposition to the moral law in the Word of God. In 1300, clubs were the chief weapons used by murderers, therefore this suit represents the Spirit of Murder and death by violence. The jack represents the lustful libertine, from pimp to adulterer and whoremonger, a moral leper whose chief ambition is to gratify sensual fleshly lusts. The queen represents Mary, Mother of Jesus, but in the card language she is called Mother of Harlots. The joker represents Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Joker means fool and therefore Jesus is held up to ridicule. The joker is said to be the offspring of licentious jack and the queen, Mother of Harlots.

This was believed wholesale at my crazy school. We weren't allowed to bring in cards and a friend of mine got in trouble for playing Solitaire on one of the ancient computers used for typing classes. A relative of one of my other friends believed dice were evil because "God knows everything, so dice aren't really random." What.

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Experienced Deliverance ministers who have encountered Leviathan state that Leviathan is due to a family curse. Children who have learning disabilities, especially reading, is caused by this curse and the presence of Leviathan.

Sir, Leviathan is a crocodile or perhaps a gavian or some other aquatic reptile. Aquatic reptiles do not give children the ADHD or the Downs. Please stop playing imagination games with the Bible.

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"I want to give you some information about two demons that were recently revealed to me. The first one's name is "GYROMANCY". GYROMANCY is appearing on the new FRUITOPIA bottled fruit drink. GYROMANCY is a COIL like the coil on your electric stove. GYROMANCY'S design is to keep you moving in "circles", so you never accomplish your goals. GYROMANCY is the COIL inside the picture of the palm readers hand. GYROMANCY is the COIL that hypnotists have you stare at to put you OUT. GYROMANCY unlike the gyroscope tries to keep you OUT OF BALANCE. The Lord showed me that GYROMANCY, is on the "belly" of the POKEMON figures that are recently being released in BURGER KINGS.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] + [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] = ?????

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POKEMON in Japanese means "POCKET MONSTER". These little toys come in all shapes, one is a UNICORN, there are gold plated tokens and secret boxes to place the figures in which draws the children to buy them. I have heard children in stores, BEGGING their parents for POKEMON gameboys, videos and games... THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL... (TAKE A BREATH)

*hooooop*
*fweeeee*
Okay, done. Now what?

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The "DARK BLUE" POKEMON figure has a COIL on his belly. The COIL is the OPEN DOOR to the DEMONIC WITCHCRAFT attack being brought into homes. The COIL is also appearing on the BURGER KING sacks at present and I am seeing this COIL on many products in the store.

Man, it's a Poliwag. Poliwag ain't gonna do a thing. It's a solid Water Pokemon and all but it's still first-stage. Get me a few levels and a Water Stone or a King's Rock and we'll talk.

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LAWRYS SEASON SALT has it! Isn't this bizarre???? We were even in Red Lobster and the plates we were being served on, has the spiral COIL throughout the center and on the outside edge were 8 fish with spirals in their belly.

Could it be because, like the golden star and the golden rectangle, the spiral is one of nature's most successful designs? As in, God Himself puts it in things?

Really, kind webmaster, don't worry. If you get a case of evil spirals, you know it.

Spoiler:

~The spiraling shape will make you go insane
(But everyone wants to see that groovy thing)
And nobody knows what it's really like
But everyone says it's great
And they heard it from the spiral in their eyes... ...God, I love that manga.

I'm in big trouble, Del. I put Lowry's Season Salt on pretty much everything I eat.

Also, I can virtually guarantee that if you're eating at Red Lobster, you're going to encounter a metric fuckton of spirals and fish because it's a fuckin' seafood restaurant, you moron!

So, in summary of Del's quotes, a lot of this is just going back to the good old medical practice of observing the symptoms closely and declaring the cause to be supernatural.

I mean, a lot of this is quite true. Diabetes can cause all kinds of other problems, and they even have the insulin problem pinned. A lot of people hate their bodies for letting them down. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if you could blame it on an evil force instead of your own body?

Delcat wrote:

Oh fuck me, I remember this site. They're legit, guys, I've known families like this. Used to go to church with them, way, way, back. They're dead serious and dead crazy. It's a particular kind of crazy that breeds among a particular kind of fundamentalist with a particular kind of lack of exposure, and it distills through the generations, getting more and more potent. A religious cabin fever heirloom, if you will.

...

OHHHH HALLELUEAH, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I CAN SEE THE DIABEETUS DEMON FLOATING IN FRONT OF MY EYES! YEA, HIS BODY IS OF A CHEESE PUFFS BAG, WITH DONUTS FOR EYES AND A HOT POCKET FOR A MOUTH, AND TEN LOOOOONG TENTACLES OF SOLID BACON! REPENT!

Or he could look like this.

Delcat wrote:

See, this is what these people do because they've stripped every form of entertainment out of their life because entertainment is sinful: They overinterpret things to match their fanaticism so they can share their "research" and feel important about themselves. It's funny, but it's sad and scary when you see it in real life, especially because they always have children, and the children are always sad and scared. God, the stories I could tell...

Please do; I know I'm curious....

I always knew my porcelain dolls were evil!!!!

I better warn my aunt to get rid of her glass unicorn collection. Oh, but what does it say about regular horses? Do my model horses have to go?

In the doll article, the guy (gal?) also describes how he/she encountered a demonic presence in a LAZER ZONE room at a PLAYPLEX.

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I entered a LAZER ZONE room which was pitch black and filled
with BLACK LIGHT. The SOUND in the room was VIOLENT and HARASSING. God immediately
told me to "get out of there". My legs were trembling when I left that LAZER
ZONE. I prayed quickly and the Lord told me "MALEDRONE". I stayed in the PLAYPLEX
arcade (not the LAZER ZONE) for another hour with my children and began to get
a TERRIBLE HEADACHE. I was speaking in tongues the entire time.

How embarrassing for the kids.

As for dolls, I have to say, those Bratz certainly LOOK demonic. It would be an easy mistake to make.

Pokemon? Not so much.

DeeDee wrote:

In the doll article, the guy (gal?) also describes how he/she encountered a demonic presence in a LAZER ZONE room at a PLAYPLEX.

I guess the DEMONS were FIRIN THUR LAZORS, then.

I wonder how this person would feel about Mr. Rogers. He was an ordained minister who regularly played with puppets, lived to a ripe old age and would forever be remembered as a beloved children's entertainer and creator of probably the most wholesome thing to ever be shown on TV.

Re: that person who encountered demons in the LAZUR ZONE: Xenoglossia only occurs twice in the Bible. Once, the tower of Babel, it was to confuse and stymie the peoples of the earth, the second in 'Acts...', where it is a God-given miracle to facilitate conversions. Most people consider the NT event to be the precedent for that particular "class" of miracle, but the text tells us that it was more along the lines of their words being somehow translated into multiple languages at the same time. Speaking and not understanding what you are saying is probably a form of aphasia.

Also, I wonder if paranoia is considered to be the result of demonic forces... :lolinsane:

Melissa wrote:

I wonder how this person would feel about Mr. Rogers. He was an ordained minister who regularly played with puppets, lived to a ripe old age and would forever be remembered as a beloved children's entertainer and creator of probably the most wholesome thing to ever be shown on TV.

Every time you strange people talk about Mr. Rogers, it makes me sad because I'm not American and never saw him on TV.

Well, at least I got nearly-uncensored Saint Seiya. Yay violence!