Godawful Comics (NWS)

Heh. I actually watched some of that cartoon. Shit happens and Supes decides to hang out in the future because he is trying to learn how to use his powers. In the cartoon he could not even fly yet and had to use the Legion floaty rings. I suppose that is an OK premise, but most of the characters were pretty annoying. I only watched it because Brainiac 5 is... uh... something not weird. And not involving Brainy/Supes slash either. Promise.

Wait, that sequence of contests where Superboy lost because he took time out to help people in need wasn't a lead-up to an Aesop where he sternly admonishes the Legion that saving lives/recovering valuable lost property is more important than petty pissing contests and one-upmanship? WTF? The writers for that arc obviously would have thought Granny Weatherwax lost the staring contest in Carpe Jugulum.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Wait, that sequence of contests where Superboy lost because he took time out to help people in need wasn't a lead-up to an Aesop where he sternly admonishes the Legion that saving lives/recovering valuable lost property is more important than petty pissing contests and one-upmanship? WTF? The writers for that arc obviously would have thought Granny Weatherwax lost the staring contest in Carpe Jugulum.

*cough* Lords and Ladies

Also, yeah. I mean, the perfect way to end it would be Superboy walking away, dejected, only to have a bunch of people run up and thank him for _saving their lives_. And the Legion sees this and is _shamed_ for petty, small-mindedness.

But of course, that was the Silver Age of Comics. GoodAverage writing wasn't allowed back then.

Snoof wrote:

*cough* Lords and Ladies

Ah, frak. I am not leet.

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Also, yeah. I mean, the perfect way to end it would be Superboy walking away, dejected, only to have a bunch of people run up and thank him for _saving their lives_. And the Legion sees this and is _shamed_ for petty, small-mindedness.

It honestly boggles my mind that it didn't end with something like that. It's *so* obvious and in keeping with everything I thought I knew about Superman comics. See my comments above regarding similarities to badfic - the Legion are like a bunch of Mary Sues written in to crap all over canon because the writers Completely Missed The Point. For comparison, see anything by Keiran Halcyon, whose protagonists likewise mock or disdain some of the most important aspects of canon (and the main characters).

Lol...I've got about three reprints of that story, the most recent being Adventure Comics#0 which was released back in February. Hard to believe that the Legion got their start in such an awful story.

I've followed the Legion books for the last fifteen years and "troubled publication history" is an understatement. Since I've read it it's been rebooted twice and then "retrobooted" to before Crisis. Personally, I think the Legion's better when they're not making constant crossreferences to Superman or his skanky cousin, but I appear to be a minority.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Wait, that sequence of contests where Superboy lost because he took time out to help people in need wasn't a lead-up to an Aesop where he sternly admonishes the Legion that saving lives/recovering valuable lost property is more important than petty pissing contests and one-upmanship?

The Legion were the ones imperiling lives/destroying valuable property, here. Saturn Girl futzed with the robot, Cos yanked the comsat out of orbit, L-Lad blew a hole in the INVISIBLE EAGLE OF NEPTUNE's cage, and yes I'm going to keep using capital letters to write that until such time as it stops sounding completely ludicrous.

Early in Supergirl's career, Superman forbade her to act in public. Until she had a reasonable grasp of her powers, she was to keep her existence a secret. If something ever happened to him, he would have a second Kryptonian to act as his "secret weapon," (an interesting concept which absolutely zero stories ever used).

So yeah, you have incredible powers and someday the world will love you, but for now, stay your ass at the ratty orphanage I sent you to, keep your head down, and don't ket anyone know you exist.

Kara had kind of a hard time dealing with that. Her parents recently died. She was stuck on an alien world, with people who didn't understand her. She can't fly around freely. She can see through everyone's clothing, which is a mixed blessing, to say the very least. I mean, this is the planet that invented gravy.

Oh, and to top it off, her class is going on a field trip to a Superman love-in.

Spoiler:

"Yep, we're going to learn all about Kal . . . I mean Cla- . . . I mean, Superman. Yep. Gonna celebrate his life, his powers, his home planet, his Fortress, his friends . . . his cousin. Should be barrels of fun." *Sniff*

To his credit, Superman does show up, demonstrates his powers, and on his way out, winks at Kara. Just a little acknowledgment that she's special.

Her day practically made, she goes on to enjoy the rest of the fair and to bask in her cousin's reflected glory. Well, that was a sweet little story. Yes, she's still lonely, but at least he let her know that he-

Spoiler:

Oh. Oh, no.

Spoiler:

Not . . . not them.

Spoiler:

Jesus. Here we go.

Managing to top their last act of history-altering dickery, the use their powers to 1) cause a generator to almost explode all over Linda, exposing her identity, 2) mind-control a lion into escaping and almost mauling Linda, exposing her identity, and 3) cause Linda's ride to break, sending her hurling through the air, almost exposing her identity. All so that they can "save" her, and hint at her identity in front of the startled crowd.

Those motherfuckers.

Hours later, she's still pacing around in her room, musing on how "furious" Superman will be, when she notices that a construction crew is close to accidentally unearthing her Linda decoy robot. She flies out to relocate it, only to find that it's been taken care of.

Linda demands to know who the three kids are, and tells them to "stop playing games with me!" So, it's NOT just me; Kara really is getting tired of their bullshit.

They remind her of her cousin's adventures with the Legion of Superheroes when he was a boy. Kara realizes that they've come to take her away to the fabulous future, where she won't have to hide who she is anymore.

Spoiler:

She's . . . well, let's just call that look excited.

They explain that they are the children of the original Legion, who look exactly like their parents, go by their parent's code names, and continue the legacy of the Legion. After all, it has been twenty years since they met Superboy, right?

Don't worry. DC apparently found an eight year old who could explain the concept of time travel to them, and this bit of info would be quietly retconned away by their next appearance.

And indeed, they do invite her to join them in the future, in a world without overbearing cousins or secret identities, where she can live as who she is and finally receive recognition for her good works.

Spoiler:

Jesus, girl! Calm down!

So, they race off to the future, which Kara experiences in a flurry of recycled artwork from the last story.

With the ritual hazing already taken care of, the Legion invites her into the club, an offer extended to only one person per year who is under the age of 18. You might think that this sounds silly, but later stories do show that the early Legion are surprisingly adept with inventing tangled rules and arcane legaleese to cripple their own effectiveness as a team.

The only thing she has to do in return is meet the above-mentioned requirements, and preform one act of superness for them.

Kara responds by instantaneously solving Earth's traffic congestion problems forever by creating a global underpass. I guess that works. However, in the process, she has been contaminated by something that she's never encountered before - a piece of Red Kryptonite.

Red-K, as you'll recall, does whatever the fuck the writers want it to do. In this instance, it ages her a few years. She pops out of the other side of the hole as a grown woman.

So the Legion uses their advanced medical science to . . . no wait. They kick her ass out of the future, and tell her to come back next year.

They don't even tell her that Red-K only works for 24 hours, at most. Which leads to this issue's instance of Legion-related tears.

Spoiler:

Linda sets on a mountain and cries alone all night, until the Red-K wears off, whereupon she returns to the orphanage to set alone in her room and wonder what it would be like to have friends and not be forced to live a lie.

Spoiler:

Meanwhile, the Legion of Cocksuckers sets around in their Utopian future, laughing and cavorting in their victory over human decency.

Oh well. At least they're wearing better costumes while they do it.

Lysander wrote:

Early in Supergirl's career, Superman forbade her to act in public. Until she had a reasonable grasp of her powers, she was to keep her existence a secret. If something ever happened to him, he would have a second Kryptonian to act as his "secret weapon," (an interesting concept which absolutely zero stories ever used).

Of course! Who wants to see superheroes using their powers to solve people's problems or fight evil? That's boring, and the braindead, self-centred morons we're marketing this crap to won't be able to relate to heroic characters dealing with real challenges![/DC comics editor]

I wonder if this story was an influence on Tuxedo Mark's (lol contractual obligation) Linda Danvers Fanfic Series...they both have Supergirl doing diddly-squat with her powers.

Keith Fraser wrote:

I wonder if this story was an influence on Tuxedo Mark's (lol contractual obligation) Linda Danvers Fanfic Series...they both have Supergirl doing diddly-squat with her powers.

Nah, she uses her powers early in the story to get everyone in her class there in time to see Superman. She occasionally goes out and fights evil (for a given value of evil) about as much as Superman himself does (which really isn't all that often). She's just insanely hobbled by the fact that she can't let anyone see her doing it. She has to invent complicated plans, often on the fly, to keep people unaware of her existence. That's why the future's such a big deal for her in this story; everyone already knows her there.

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They explain that they are the children of the original Legion, who look exactly like their parents, go by their parent's code names, and continue the legacy of the Legion. After all, it has been twenty years since they met Superboy, right?

You know, in the pre-Zero Hour Legion continuity, Garth (Lightning Lad) and Imra (Saturn Girl) got married and had two sets of twins. That'd make "Generation 2" Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl brother and sister. (lol)

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You might think that this sounds silly, but later stories do show that the early Legion are surprisingly adept with inventing tangled rules and arcane legaleese to cripple their own effectiveness as a team.

...

I have a comic where they printed the entire Legion Code. It took like four sprocking pages. I don't think the US Constitution is that long.

Trioculus wrote:

You know, in the pre-Zero Hour Legion continuity, Garth (Lightning Lad) and Imra (Saturn Girl) got married and had two sets of twins.

I think that this pairing has it's roots in that story where Supergirl becomes a crazy Superman shipper in real life. Superman sure seems surprised to find out that the woman he's tonguing in public is Lightning Man's wife, so it's clearly news to him that they're together, and presumably this goes for the reader, as well. So when you think about it, that story has implications that lasted decades, even as far more deserving stories were phased out of continuity. Wow.

I've got another one in mind, which I'll try to get my hands on. For Keith's sake, this one will have an actual plot, with antagonists and everything!

Oh boy These Superman snarks are like the highlight of my day, Lysander.

Miss Prince wrote:

Oh boy [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] These Superman snarks are like the highlight of my day, Lysander.

Lysander always goes that extra mile. I haven't enjoyed a thread so much for ages.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME WHEN A CAVEMAN IN A BUBBLE HELMET RODE A ROCKET GOOSE TO VICTORY IN OUTER SPACE.

Spoiler:

This image might require a bit in the way of explanation. By the way, this is what I meant when I said I loved the retro-art. Just look at that. That's . . . that's special.

The story opens with most of the Legion going to school via the advanced future-technology of closed-circuit TV. The two smartest kids, Brainiac 5 and Saturn Girl, are doing what all smart kids do in class: ignoring the teacher, and plotting the conquest of the universe.

Spoiler:

This establishes that the universe consists of six planets and a swirlly thing. With that done, it's time for the new member auditions. This fulfills their weekly recommended allowance of rejecting people.

Getting into the Legion is a lot like auditioning for American Idol. Every moron within driving distance shows up, 90% of them are total crap, and they get mocked by a panel of bitchy celebrity judges.

Spoiler:

In today's loser corner, we have the inimitable Rainbow Girl and Jungle King.

We never get to see what Rainbow Girl can do, as this is the only panel that she appears in for the entire Silver Age. However, Wikipedia tells me that she showed up when they "retrobooted" the Legion, and that she harnesses the powers of ALL THE DIFFERENT COLORED LANTERN CORPS. Fucking hell, Rainbow Girl could probably take down everyone in that room. She's probably one of the most powerful beings in the universe.

It doesn't show up very well in the scan, but Sun Boy there doesn't actually have two faces. There's motion lines around his head. Presumably, he wasn't expecting Kintaro from Mortal Kombat 2 to be led into the room by a caveman.

He's Jungle King, and he launches into an utterly pedestrian origin story about how he got superpowers from his daddy so that he could clean up their poop for a living. He is so desracted by this telling of how he got his superpowers,that he forgets to use his superpowers. Sun Boy has to save him from his own Borlat, much to the Jungle King's embarrassment. So, they reject him for being an idiot.

Furious at being rejected, he goes on to become a famous animal trainer, deciding that living well is the best revenge.

Spoiler:

No wait. He flies to a jungle planet, and tames a brontosaurus that creates earthquakes by fucking the ground. If this planet's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.

He uses his powers to recruit the dinosaur and it's love-muscle of DOOM, and uses a hypno-device to summon monsters from around the planet.

From them, he will build his own legion . . . the LEGION OF SUPER MONSTERS! And it'll have blackjack! And hookers!
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Spoiler:

From these, he chooses the ground-fucker, corkscrew nose, beholder thingie, disco ball cow, and the omnigoose to join his team.

"And so is created the greatest threat to the super-heroes in their history!", the caption assures us.

Hey, Darkseid! What do you think of the guy who just dethroned you as the greatest threat in Legion history?

Spoiler:

Anyway, Jungle King decides to do what all Legion villains do when the writing staff is feeling lazy: rob the Space Bank. This goes swimmingly, because the place is less secure than Arkham on a bad day. He also loudly boasts about his next crime: robbing the Jetsons.

Spoiler:

The Legion arrive in time to stop him, but since this is only the end of part 1, Sun Boy blasts the disco cow with the radiance of the sun, which reflects back and blinds the team.

Jungle King, meanwhile, is using the Dinofucker to bring down the city, causing the to surrender and throw down their valuables. However, the city is already crumbling. Saturn Girl, witnessing Sunboy's ineptitude, rolls her eyes and decides to fix everything with the ship and a rubber band.

Spoiler:

The day is saved, but the Legion just got their asses handed to them, largely owing to their own stupidity.

Saturn Girl telepathically divines his next target: giant flowers. Braniac 5 postulates that this must mean that he's going to THE PLANET OF THE GIANT FLOWERS. No wonder he's the super-smart one!

Arriving before Jungle King expects them, they are able to quietly subdue to penis-nosed beast, and sent the team's shape shifter, Chameleon Boy, to infiltrate the monsters.

And then, Bouncing Boy happens.

Spoiler:

Never let it be said that the Legion are completely without social mercy. They let this fat special ed kid named Bouncing Boy hang out with them. 'Cause, you know, he's so much more useful than someone with multiple Green Lantern-style powers, and all.

Anyway, Bouncing Boy disobeys orders and leaves the ship, and immediately fucks up the one thing he's good for (bouncing), and because of this, Chem is herded into the ship with the rest of the monsters and no way to contact the other Legionaries.

Jungle King tries to shake the Legion pursuit on a small planetoid, and discovers Chem hiding on his ship and sending a radio signal. Chem escapes, and Jungle King has to abandon the Omnigoose as the Legion arrives. I don't know why he's running. The Legion have presented no threat to him so far.

The Legion is able to find the monster world by following the Omnigoose, which heads strait home like a lost puppy.

Meanwhile, Jungle King searches for more monsters, and comes across the gas beast from the panel above. Upon closer inspection, it turns out to be a gecko-monkey thing made out of gas. Jungle King again tells it to get lost.

The Legion arrive, and Brainy again demonstrates some of that amazing future logic:

Spoiler:

He's super-intelligent, alright. Hey, let's cut out one of only two people who have shown any degree of competence so far. That's why they pay him the big bucks.

Instead, the send Bouncing Boy, because if he dies, nobody really loses.

BB just kinda bounces around until the Earthquake Beast defeats itself. Where the fuck is that thing that shot like a million billion kind of death rays from it's eyes?

Anyway, Jungle King gets turned into vapor by the vapor beast that he rejected from his Legion. Moron.

Spoiler:

This results in Bouncing Boy displaying his tenuous grasp on the English language. See me after class, young man.

Saturn Girl sets in the background, seething in rage that this fool got to be the big hero, instead of her.

Wha...it's ironical that Jungle King was killed by a beast he rejected...because he was pissed off about being rejected? Has a very similar irony not occurred to any of the Legionaires, namely that they created a dangerous enemy who caused considerable economic chaos and property damage through their mean-spirited tryout circus? No, of course not. Please tell me that someday, somewhen, somewhere, somehow, this bunch of douchebags finally notice a blindingly obvious Aesop that actually affects them. Or that someone notices it. Heck, that a reader writes a letter about it. Or even that the whole humiliating Superhero Idol fiasco is ditched or at least revamped in later iterations? Please?

On an unrelated note, whose bright idea was it to build a city on top of a giant pillar? That's just asking for trouble. At least most sky-cities have some sort of flotation device.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Or even that the whole humiliating Superhero Idol fiasco is ditched or at least revamped in later iterations? Please? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I can't lie--it hasn't been. They don't truck it out as often as they did in the Sixties, but it's still there and still gets the same results:

1993: Sunboy and Lightning Lad mercilessly tease a telekinetic girl who has has zits and the body of a normal teenage girl instead of an anorexic model. She becomes the second Emerald Empress

1996: The Legion mocks and rejects a guy with a prehensile tongue and a French accent, and Dragonmage, a revamp from the previous incarnation with magic powers. The guy with the tongue puts together a group of rejects that try to kill the three new kids who were accepted, and Dragonmage accidentally sets loose badass sorcerer supervillain Mordru.

And the big villain of the "retroboot", Earth Man, was a rejected Legion candidate who originally called himself Absorbancy Boy. His power is pretty good; I think he's one that got rejected simply because his code name was so stupid ("Absorbancy Boy...Right...We'll keep you in mind for when Colossal Boy has to wipe dingleberries from his ass, okay?")

Wow, so they don't even have the convenient excuse that the madness was all the fault of one particular writer (like the whole massive Wonder Woman bondage fiasco with the early material, or Frank Miller's DARQUER AND EDGIER TO THE POWER OF OVER 9000 Batman)? I guess the Legion comics must appeal to teenagers who enjoy belittling everyone who's not in their clique or doesn't meet their personal standards of behaviour.

So, I'll bet your wondering rather or not Linda ever made any friends.

Spoiler:

Nope.

She was just miserable and alone in her shoddy orphanage for an entire year.

One day, while going on her daily "wander alone in the woods and imagine what it would be like to have parents" walk, Linda hears a telepathic message, informing her that she does have female friends she can confide in. Linda changes into Supergirl, and races off into the woods, chasing that siren song of loving companionship.

Where she, of course, finds nobody, and admits that it's probably her imagination desperately inventing reasons not to go insane.

Spoiler:

Whereupon she is jumped from behind by the Girl in the Iron Mask.

Since the Legion has run out of people to do the old "dress in funny clothes and make them think that their secret identities have been compromised and their families are in danger" routine, Legion scientists have been working tirelessly to invent new, awful ways of screwing with people's heads. Not that it stops her from worrying about what Superman will do once he finds out she's been compromised. What did he do, promise to kill her cat?

After being introduced to new Legionares Triplicate Girl and Phantom Girl, Kara guesses that the girl in the lead mask is Saturn Girl; not that the picture of Saturn printed on the front of her Judy Jetson outfit clued her in, or anything. They inform her that they are her friends. "Remember that time when we violated the laws of nature to take you from your own time, let you catch a severe medical disorder, and left you crying alone on a mountain top, too embarrassed to seek help? We totally bonded over that!"

So, she tells those super-mean girls to fuck right off all the way back to the year 2963!

Spoiler:

. . . at least, that's what she would have said, if she had any real friends to rely on.

Instead, she cheerfully follows them into the 30th Century for another round of abuse.

After arriving, Cos tells her that they have generously decided to admit one boy and one girl each year, so that she now faces only half the competition she otherwise would. Which is good news, because that will make competing for their affection all the easier.

As they are discussing this, an unfamiliar green kid walks in. Kara is curious, and then horrified, as he sets down at the competitors' table and reveals his name . . .

Spoiler:

One of the people who is competing to hang out with her new "friends" is a descendant of one of Superman's worst enemies, and by extension, one of her worst enemies.

Spoiler:

For his part, Brainy seems to be a bit ashamed of his heritage, like white liberal guilt, only green.

The competition rolls on, until it's finally Supergirl's turn. She leads them outside, and digs underground. You'd think she'd have learned her lesson about doing that. In any case, she returns a minute later with the sword Excalibur, so I guess she can be forgiven.

Suddenly, Brainiac 5 races out of the building, and begs Supergirl to put on a belt he is holding. Since nothing bad could possibly happen as a result of strapping on a device designed by a Brainiac, she does so without question.

As it turns out, there is a narratively-convenient green kryptonite meteor headed their way. Linda discovers, much to her surprise, that the stuff has no effect on her. She manages to reach it in time to smash it without being harmed, thanks to the forcefield generated by Brainy's belt.

Upon landing, Supergirl asks him about giving up his only means of protection; after all, a meteor was kinda falling on him. He expresses a willingness to die to make up for the actions of his ancestor, which prompts the Legionaries to induct them both. It also prompts Supergirl to realize how "sweet" Brainy supposedly is, allowing her to let go of her mistrust.

Spoiler:

The two are sworn in together, in what is perhaps the silliest looking ceremony known to man.

Later, as the time bubble home is boarding, Brainy makes a rather pitiable request to Supergirl; "Please, stay . . . . and be my girl." And that's all he can say. What he really wants to say is probably something like this:

"Stay, and do so for no other reason than to date me. It's not like anything terrible will happen if you return to the 20th century. You're not fated to die in battle before reaching your 25th birthday, and this isn't a heartrending, futile plea to destiny itself and the cold stars above to release you from this horrible end which I already know of, but can't warn you about, lest I pollute the timeline and bring about the apocalypse."

She dismisses the poorly-hidden desperation in his voice, and bidding the Legion goodbye, returns to her rightful place (and destiny) in the 20th century. Despite this, Brainy would continue to date her during her time as a Legionnaire, until witnessing her death during the Crisis. Eventually, this dreadful foreknowledge would drive Brainy to the edge of suicide, as he is unable to save the woman he loves from a fate which already befell her a thousand years ago.

What a fun story this is! Ah, continuity. You are my friend.

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Spoiler:

While changing back into her civvies, she realizes with a shock that she's still wearing Brainy's belt. The one substance on Earth which is constantly punking out her and Superman has now been neutralized. She now finally has one up on her cousin!

Deciding to test this, she contacts Lori the Mermaid, who safeguards a piece of green-k that Superman once disposed of.

Spoiler:

And with her is . . . um . . . somebody who's existence is news to me.

Apparently, Superman isn't the only one looking for "the seafood lover in you."

Supergirl finds that the green-k doesn't effect her, so she takes it out into space. After a brief run-in with Krypto the Super Dog (during which she scares the shit out of him), she takes all the green-k she can find, and flies "to a universe millions of light years distant from ours.", and disposes of it where nobody will ever find it.

Unfortunately, the belt was not designed to be used all the time, or to be exposed to the rigors of time travel, and soon dies on her. In the meantime, however, she has eliminated quite a lot of green kryptonite from play.

Later, at the orphange, Linda overhears two of her classmates bragging about their boyfriends. When asked, she is forced to admit that she doesn't have one, although . . . .

Spoiler:

She did put her tongue inside a green person and a fishboy, which is something that neither of them could ever say. That's like a moral victory, anyway.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Please tell me that someday, somewhen, somewhere, somehow, this bunch of douchebags finally notice a blindingly obvious Aesop that actually affects them.

No. No matter how often it comes back to bite them directly in the ass, they continue to handle tryouts in this manner. This is partly because they keep rebooting the story, forcing them to relive the same mistakes over and over. Not only that, but these early tryout scenes are really just there so that we can laugh at nerds like Rainbow Girl and Arm-Fall-Off-Boy (his superpower is that his arm falls off, in case you needed clarification).

I especially enjoy that last panel. Not only for the grammar mistake, not only are they floating in an empty orange space, but Saturn Girl's got this lovely put-upon expression, and logo on her shirt is messed up and sideways.

I like to imagine that she went through a brief phase where she was rebelling against her home planet and upbringing by calling herself "Uranus Girl."

I'm surprised the Comics Code allowed them to get away with Supergirl having two boyfriends at once, actually. Yes, one of them's in the future, no, that doesn't make it any better than the plot of Goodnight Sweetheart (a British sitcom where a guy two-times his girlfriend by travelling back to WW2 and schmoozing a girl there/then).

I used to love that program! He was actually married in the present, and got married in the past too. Nicholas Lyndhurst made chrono-bigamy look fun!

Edit: Whoa, Amazon UK has the entire series on DVD for less than £40! I might have to get that. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I've never heard of it up until now but that sounds like a show I'd like to check out.

...

YOU CARE.

Keith Fraser wrote:

I'm surprised the Comics Code allowed them to get away with Supergirl having two boyfriends at once, actually. Yes, one of them's in the future, no, that doesn't make it any better than the plot of Goodnight Sweetheart (a British sitcom where a guy two-times his girlfriend by travelling back to WW2 and schmoozing a girl there/then).

Look, I'm not gonna mince words here: this is a woman who went on to date her horse, who was also a centaur and a cowboy.

And no, she doesn't stop at two boys, or even one boy per time period.

She was a strange lady.

Oh gods, I remember that cover from Superdickery where she was dating her horse.

This malarkey's relationship with the Comics Code must have been like the relationship PG-13 'comedies' full of disgusting bodily function gags have with the MPAA: as long as it's COMPLETELY FRACKING IN(S)ANE, it's OK. Even though it probably disturbs some people *more* than a few tits and bums, the Moral Guardians will just tilt their heads and go "Huh...? Well, it probably won't make anyone worship Satan. Whatever."

Keith Fraser wrote:

Oh gods, I remember that cover from Superdickery where she was dating her horse.

I don't have that one. However, I have read it. The horse (who was originally a centaur) transforms into a dude, and then starts dating her, and doesn't tell her that he's her horse. Then, he transforms back, and it's never mentioned again.

However, every time she rides that horse, every time she mounts it, wraps her legs around it, and giggles in innocent, girlish glee . . . that horse is thinking about fucking the super-shit out of her.

My theory is that this is largely why the Crisis happened.

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the Comics Code

The Comics Code was never about moral guardians. The code was specifically devised as a way to kill DC and Timely's biggest competitor, horror publisher EC Comics. It started losing ground instantly after they were gone, as rules were paired back or ignored in favor of making more money.

The reason why none of this violates the Comics Code is that there was nothing in the Code about fish-dating or super-sluttery in it. As long as none of Supergirl's harem of misshapen, disfigured boyfriends ever mutters the word "zombie", then it's all Comics Code Approved. It was never a very good code.

I'm looking for others to do, but I'm afraid I've run out of Supergirl stories for now. I've got some more Legion stuff that's funny, and I'll go get some more Lois Lane or Jimmy Olsen, if anyone's still interested.