So I decided to do some bad Humanstuck because there's a lot of it. It's like the bologna of Homestuck role playing-- It can be tasty if prepared nicely, but all too often, it gets slammed into your face as a cheap source of protein. Not sure where that comparison was going, but the idea is that Humanstuck, and genderbends, really, are handled I N C R E D I B L Y badly by most Homestuck rpers. Silly horny teens... ANYWAYS. The other night, I found this absolute GEM.
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- ((Callgirl! Female! Karkat. NSFW expected, but if you want to stay SFW, your more than welcome to make it go that way.
Because my night would be ideally spent on playing out Pretty Woman with you. Clearly.
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- Doms only please,
Of course you would want someone to do it to you, precious. The other way around would be almost interesting.
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- ((please though, no Johns)).
But how can one be a prostitute without any johns? Doesn't that kind of negate the purpose? (Pssst-- I'll be doing jokes like this. It's okay, just laugh.)
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- Open to all kinks (Bar Scat ad Watersports).
What's a 'bar' kink? Like bartending?
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- ((Also please warn me of any triggers you might have so I know what to avoid.
I'm triggered by people asking if I'm triggered.
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- ((Replies do not have to match prompt length, make them any length though I'd like something at least a paragraph or two.
"That depends on what you consider a paragraph," Nin pointed out wryly, her rheumy and gin-soaked eyes blearily glancing in the direction of the role play prompt. "Or are you gonna start making us do these all MLA style?"
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- Karkat Vantas, 21, Sex girl for hire, in other words, a prostitute, but usually cheaper amongst friends.
Something about that opening description just speaks to me.
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- She had been paid extra this time and partially in advanced. She was given an address and a few simple instructions.
Compelling as fuck narration, guys.
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- 1-Her client knows she's coming but doesn't know what she look's like, they will know her when they see her.
How will they know? Does she have a sandwich board on? 'Sex Girl 4 Hire-- ask about catering'.
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- . 2-She is to dress in an outfit that is attractive and gives reference to the client's favorite animal and/or colour.
Why would she know their favorite color or animal? I thought she'd never met this person before?
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- 3-She is to do whatever the client asks for the entire night, after which she may leave or continue to spend time with her client.
Doesn't she have a pimp or someone to report to? Or is she a part of some weird kind of whoring super team, a la Charlie's Angels? That'd be a fun prompt, actually, so I doubt that's what's happening.
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- 4-It's a late birthday present, bring a card.
Our scientists have recreated the card she might have gotten:
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- Her outfit consisted of little more than a tube top that left her stomach exposed, a miniskirt, thigh high sheer's, heels, arm warmers and a headband. All of which, was coloured to match the clients favorite animal, and/or colour, plus any accessories that finished the look.
Doesn't pack the same punch as Enoby's outfit porn, but it's still wretchibad.
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- She wrapped her under dressed body in a black coat before heading out. She soon arrived at her client's door.
Truly, the joy was the journey.
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- The short albino swallowed.
A bit early for that, isn't it?
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- She had no idea she knew tonight's client. She had no idea her client knew only that someone had paid a lot of money on this 'birthday present' which was long overdue and that the girl they had picked was very carefully chosen.
By fucking who!? YOU SAID THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE. GOD DAMN IT.
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- So someone had wanted her specifically or asked for the best.
Too bad they ended up with you, though.
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- She raised her hand and knocked on the door, waiting somewhat impatiently for a response, she was nervous, hell, she had never had such an odd request, but she was getting paid a lot more than usual so no way she was backing out of this.
Well, if she was already paid, she could just escape with the cash and start a new, better life somewhere else. But that'd just be an interesting turn of events.
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- She heard the door open and put on a smile. "Happy birthday, sorry it's la-" Her face paled when she recognized her client. "I'm getting paid to- Oh Jesus fuck um..." She stammered.
Compelling as FUCK, you guys.
Ugh. That was truly bad. Firstly, Karkat had no actual characterization; 'she' just kinda was there. Secondly, this was nightmarishly boring and bland as shit. 0/10, would not schlick again.
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