A clopfic tries to be sexy but ends up disgustingly funny

Say "pretty princess pony please" and I'll consider it.

That's really close to what I assume serial killers say.

Eh. My dignity was already lost when I entered the fandom. Must I really say it?

Eeveegou wrote:

That's really close to what I assume serial killers say.

I lol'd.

ViewSonic wrote:

Eh. My dignity was already lost when I entered the fandom. Must I really say it?

Yes, you must. SAY "PRETTY PRINCESS PONY PLEASE" DAMN IT

Oh. So it's not sarcasm? I couldn't tell through the internet veil.


pretty princess pony please



Now I know why everybody hates you, xerro.

Now say "pretty princess pony please with strawberry cupcake frosting".





Just kidding, I'll get started on the next bit soon.

bump

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Not to mention how many times you ran back upstairs to check on the twins. Pumpkin wanted attention and Pound kept pooping himself. Not to mention neither of them would eat until they had their milk. Thankfully, there was a large vat of it that was fresh squeezed.

Freshly squeezed by a trained human. You know, like monkey-picked tea.

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You turn to face the voice, “Yeah, just some nameless song- HOLY JESUS FUCK!” Your jaw nearly unhinges itself from your face. The mop you were using fell to the floor, bouncing twice before becoming still.

EVERYPONY RUN IT'S ABOUT TO GET PERVY AGAIN

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“Don’t you like it?” she said, her voice was soft. She didn’t sound like herself she sound like… Sweetie Bell, but a little deeper. Was she trying to sound like a filly?

Oh dear Celestia, here we go with the filly thing again.

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What caught you off guard wasn’t that though, even though you were looking. It was her eyes, they looked like large pools of pure pink, innocent to the ways of the world.

Her eyeballs had somehow been replaced with jellied perfluorocarbon. Yet, somehow, some unearthly power allowed her to see the horror she had become.

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You wanted to ask ‘why’ but something in the back of your mind told you to not be stupid. Just roll with it.

I've been asking 'why' since this fic started, so that something in the back of my mind can piss right off, thank you kindly.

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You followed her without question, although, you did have plenty of questions. The first one was where she’d gotten that outfit. You had done her laundry tons of times. You knew she had frilly sensual things, but nothing compared to the number she was wearing right now.

She probably snuck out and bought it, or 'borrowed' it from Pinkie.

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You always did like when Pinkie wore outfits. Sometimes she would want you to role-play. Rarely would you two mimic animals, well other animals. You always gave into her requests. Once in awhile she would even want you to call her by different names.

If this fic was completely devoid of ponies, I would by now.

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Once though you accidently called her Fluttershy. You always did have a soft spot for the innocent pegasus.

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Then it hit you, she want to have sex right there, on top of the front counter. Even now there were ponies passing by the front windows. If one would look in, nothing would stop them from watching. The front door was locked at least. Cup had gotten very bold in a very short amount of time.

Yet another porn cliché: unhappy demure housewife suddenly getting all freaky.

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“Hey,” she says over her shoulder, looking at you but not ceasing her movement. “When I’m a good filly again you will rub my tummy right? Pweeze?”

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Pweeze

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Pweeze

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Pweeze

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However, neither of you were going to get off this way. Those panties had to go, they did their job.

Uh-huh. Yeah. After that's done, can we not put lacy underthings on ponies again? PLEASE? Ponies in socks are my limit. (What? They look cute in socks.)

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You were pretty sure your heart stopped. There was now no blood flow to anything but the main show. You open your mouth to speak but you didn’t want to question it. She wanted it in the ass. You felt like singing happy birthday.

WOW THE AUTHOR SURE LIKES ANAL DOESN'T HE

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“You need lube to put it into my butt?” She questioned.

“Yes…” you answer back slowly. “I could go without but I wouldn’t recommend that.”

We need a 'cringing from thoughts of painful things' emoticon for this place.

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You pondered on the possibility for the moment and just shook your head. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, or ass. You didn’t have any anal lube. Pinkie always refused anal and never told you why. You however were in a kitchen, filled with substitutes.

Some are better than others.

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There was a small treasure trove of things that would qualify, vegetable oil, olive oil, pecan oil, Crisco, butter nut oil, butter, margarine and many more to choose from. None however were right for the moment. This was a first timer, if the grease was to slick you cock would just slide in and not get any arousal. If it was too hard, it would cause her discomfort. You didn’t want either of those.

Your face cracked a smile as you scanned the bottom shelf. It was the perfect item, just the right amount of slick and grip. There even was an applicator.

You grabbed the cake frosting.

Cake frosting.

CAKE FROSTING.

I guess we can add that to the 'list of bad things used as lube in fanfic' in Fanfic Tropes.

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You pop the cap on the icing bag; the room temperature frosting was already working its way out of the plastic nozzle. You put a large dollop onto you throbbing member. You smile as the coarse material coats your cock.

NO MR PORNY PONY MAN CAKE FROSTING DOES NOT GO THERE OW OW OWWWW

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“Oh man, this has got to be a dream…” You fill her ass with around 3/4 of the bag. Pulling out the nozzle you decide to coat the entire ring in frosting, just like you would a real cup cake.

You wanted to make a frosted cake pun, but even you were too good for that.

Too fucking late, man.

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In hindsight though this was a perfect moment as you aimed your chocolate frosting coated cock right above her wanting hole. You just wished it wasn’t chocolate frosting; it looked a little too realistic.

Keep this bizarre detail in mind, folks, it will be greatly relevant later.

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To say there wasn’t pain or that she immediately liked the feeling of something probing up the wrong hole would have been a lie; it was uncomfortable and it hurt.

Yes because YOU'RE USING A LUBRICANT THAT IS 99% SUGAR YOU DIPSHIT THAT STUFF CAN CRYSTALLIZE. Why didn't you just use the sunflower oil?

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You could see it in the corner of your eye though, it was a familiar purple coat. There was no possible way she should have been there though. She didn’t have a key either.

Slowly you turn your head, hoping it was a trick of the light. No, there was a pony there, a mare in fact. She was the twins babysitter, which made no sense since no one called her.

Then it hit you like a train, Carrot Cake. He ran away out the front door.

Fuck.

OH YOU BASTARD

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That though was a mere passing thought. You were now looking Down at Mrs. Cheerilee while you were balls deep inside Cup Cake ass. The counter covered in frosting and Cup’s cum.

Well, this is awkward. Cheerilee's going to have to focus extra hard on her students if she wants to push that little tableau out of her mind.

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Whether she ignored it or didn’t care she was looking right at you. Inside one of her best friends. You knew you had to do something or say something.

“Ok… this” You gestured to Cup Cake. “Is precisely how it looks.”

Eeyup.

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Mrs. Cheerilee didn’t notice that, nope, she was looking dead straight on your cock the moment she heard the pop sound of you exiting Cup. She couldn’t look away.

"It's so... mesmerizing. It's like some kind of magic stick!"

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“I swear to god,” You say with dead seriousness in your voice. “that is chocolate frosting.”

She finally said something, you saw her mouth open. You just couldn’t hear it. Everything in your vision started to mesh together like a child playing with paint. Next was your breathing, it felt like it had gotten caught in your throat.

Your legs crumpled under the strain of you weight. Your knees both hit the ground hard, the wooden floor board nearly snapped under the stain as you fell. The very last thing you saw before your vision completely faded was a lone golden bit under the counter.

Reader Avatar may have just passed out, but that does not in any way earn anyone a reprieve from the horror.

ViewSonic wrote:

pretty princess pony please
Now I know why everybody hates you, xerro.

Brb dying irl at your dumb ass for actually saying that.