The Purest, Whitest Milk On Earth

Have you ever found yourself wanting your milk to be purer than the low quality swill they sell at the Wal Mart? Do you wish milk was even whiter than it already is.

Your prayers have been answered.

You see, at White Power Milk, the usual crummy stuff you get at the supermarket is filtered by only the finest industry specialists in a way that is uniquely proven to baffle the fuck out of any quasi-sane individual.

Quote :

Milk that may appear by smell to be perfectly consumable (even organic), can contain contaminants such as suspended particles, parasites, bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Through extensive recruitment within the upper echelons of society, we deliver the finest milk purified in a way only we can. Our secret ingredient is in the process through which rich, beautiful, white girls gargle your milk to absolute perfection.

Which I'm sure is an entirely sanitary process.

I don't know what I have a bigger problem with, this clearly insane individual's idea to gargle filter milk and sell it over the internet, or this clearly insane individual's belief that these girls are particularly beautiful. Most of them have a bad case of Roenick Jaw, and the top right one looks like a fucking Breton (Note: Mikey finds Bretons to be very unattractive. Oddly aroused by Khajiit). They also have bad haircuts. Mikey can't drink milk after it's been gargled by someone with a bad haircut.

The girls even have their own little weird page. Let's look at the Breton's.

Quote :

Cassidy offers a soothing milk consistently cool and fresh. There's a trace of something on the verge of blossoming within her mouth that's agreeably mellow.

plz donut suk dik b4 garglin mah milk

srs

From Four Eyes White Lesbian's page:

Quote :

Descended from: The Newhouse family (media publishing)
High School: Phillips Academy
College: Harvard University
Major: Psychology

This is what you get for majoring in bullshit like Psychology.

I'd be sure this was just a joke site, if it weren't for the fact that it appears you can actually buy the milk. I figure if it's a scheme to get credit card numbers, they'd probably go with something more likely to attract a larger target base than the people who want Solid 7s to gargle their milk.

GARGLING PURIFICATION PROCESS

I have no words. I just have no words for how disgustingly contradicting and wrong this seems.

Quote :

Our secret ingredient is in the process through which rich, beautiful, white girls gargle your milk to absolute perfection.

Because, as we all know, money makes your genetics better. Just ask the British royal family, those paragons of human perfection.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Have you ever found yourself wanting your milk to be purer than the low quality swill they sell at the Wal Mart? Do you wish milk was even whiter than it already is.

I can't say that's something I spend a lot of time thinking about, no.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

You see, at White Power Milk...

That name right there speaks volumes about the mindset of the company's owners.

And I'm not even going to touch that "gargling" business.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Oddly aroused by Khajiit

brb MikeyxHarley

I hope you are writing fanfiction.

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Mikey go YIFFYIFF

grmblfjx wrote:

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Years of obsessing over long hair weren't a clue?

Y'know I thought this would be a lot more disturbing like say milk that only comes from Aryan women... ....and now I've cursed that into existence. I shall flog myself for my insolence.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Years of obsessing over long hair weren't a clue?

i thought that was because you are a muppet

rae wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Years of obsessing over long hair weren't a clue?

i thought that was because you are a muppet

Hahahaha I was going to say I thought that was because Mikey has unadressed homoerotic leanings, but oh, being a muppet explains it better.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Years of obsessing over long hair weren't a clue?

I thought it meant you were a heavy metal fan.

Mouse wrote:

Y'know I thought this would be a lot more disturbing like say milk that only comes from Aryan women... ....and now I've cursed that into existence. I shall flog myself for my insolence.

A very sick and depraved part of me wants to see that happen, which is strange because I was considerably squicked when breast milk ice cream came out. Maybe I just want to see how low white supremacists will stoop.

EDIT: This whole "white girls gargle your milk for you" business, however, is completely and utterly revolting. The human mouth contains an awful lot of bacteria, no matter how many times one brushes or uses mouthwash. Plus, I agree with Mikey - said girls are not particularly attractive. (Except for the one on the top right of the photo page, I'd do her if her personality matched her looks. I'd probably do the Breton, too.)

EDIT: Mikey, can you tell your left from your right? Cassidy (the Breton) is on the top left, not the top right.

xerrofoot wrote:

the one on the top right of the photo page, I'd do her if her personality matched her looks. I'd probably do the Breton, too.

If she had the personality to match her looks, you'd never even get a chance to say a second word to her. Stop going around spouting bullshit about how you would condescend to "do" someone, but only! if they meet all your standards and ask none from you- only fifteen-year-olds talk like th... oh wait.

Chris91 wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

...Mikey is a Furry? D:

Years of obsessing over long hair weren't a clue?

I thought it meant you were a heavy metal fan.

He doesn't listen to Carcass or Darkthrone, he can't be a heavy metal fan.

He doesn't even admit that Master of Puppets is Metallica's best album. He is not one of the trvv kvlt.

What he listens to is a bunch of hairy stoners recycling old blues songs put through distortion with the lyrics changed so they're about witch boobs or Bilbo Baggins because they couldn't succeed as pop stars.

And that's just not trvv kvlt. #hipstermetaldom

Well, I think the "Ellie" girl is kind of cute, but I wouldn't want her to gargle my milk.

grmblfjx wrote:

xerrofoot wrote:

the one on the top right of the photo page, I'd do her if her personality matched her looks. I'd probably do the Breton, too.

If she had the personality to match her looks, you'd never even get a chance to say a second word to her.

He'd be lucky if he got the chance to say a first word to her.

Chris91 wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

xerrofoot wrote:

the one on the top right of the photo page, I'd do her if her personality matched her looks. I'd probably do the Breton, too.

If she had the personality to match her looks, you'd never even get a chance to say a second word to her.

He'd be lucky if he got the chance to say a first word to her.

Xerrofoot: "... *glances at woman*"
Woman: "NO."

grmblfjx wrote:

xerrofoot wrote:

the one on the top right of the photo page, I'd do her if her personality matched her looks. I'd probably do the Breton, too.

If she had the personality to match her looks, you'd never even get a chance to say a second word to her. Stop going around spouting bullshit about how you would condescend to "do" someone, but only! if they meet all your standards and ask none from you- only fifteen-year-olds talk like th... oh wait.

I can smell the jealousy from here.

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:

Xerrofoot: "... *glances at woman*"
Woman: "NO."

Alternate version of the above scene:

Xerrofoot: *glances at woman*

Woman: *pulls out taser* BACK OFF, FUCKER!!!

Good Lord, I've double-posted.

xerrofoot wrote:

I can smell the jealousy from here.

I'll admit, I LOL'ed. Ohhh boy, do I ever wish fifteen-year-olds would want to 'do' me.

Snotty McAsshole wrote:

I can smell the jealousy from here.

If you honestly think anyone around here's jealous of you, you're even crazier than I thought-- and I thought you were the craziest person on earth.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

He doesn't even admit that Master of Puppets is Metallica's best album

Fuck you spoon man. Ride the Lighting > Master of Muppets