The White House website has a section dedicated to online petitions, presumably to make the voice of the American people known to The Messiah.
It turns out nothing good can come from asking a bunch of psychotic morons their opinions.
Now, there are plenty of petitions that aren't pants on head retarded, or at least have some reasoning behind them. But many of them are uninformed morons demanding action on stuff they demonstrate no knowledge of, people insisting their little pet issue be taken seriously by a federal government with much more important things to do, or, perhaps worse, grammatically incorrect.
Let's take a look at the titles of some of these petitions:
- Quote :
- Assign NASA to do a feasibility study and conceptual design of the Gen1 USS Enterprise interplanetary spaceship.
For those of you wondering what Spotts has been doing during his absence, this is your answer.
- Quote :
- EXTEND UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS
I'm sure this man and his Caps Lock key have a sound, well reasoned, grammatically correct argument that takes into consideration all of the economic factors, short term and long term ramifications, and costs of such an action. Let's take a look at the full petition.
- Quote :
- Please extend unemployment benefits immediately until job market is good enough to provide job.
Well, it's not grammatically correct, but I'm sure he has a thought out point that isn't hyperbole and retardation.
- Quote :
- Ending unemployment by the December 30, 2012 will force unemployed Americans and their families to starve to death and lose their homes.
I choose to believe this is a conservative deliberately acting like a moron in order to make liberals look bad. Even "Americans" who vote Democrat can't be this stupid.
- Quote :
- Ban and outlaw Breed Specific Legislation (BSL) in the United States of America on a Federal level!
This man is talking about laws specifically targeting certain breeds of pets (like something regulating pit bulls out of a mostly unfounded belief that they are inherently more dangerous than any other dog their size). Which is obviously something the federal government needs to dedicate resources to dealing with and not a minor nuisance to be dealt with on a local level.
Obviously.
- Quote :
- STOP WHITE GENOCIDE, by halting MASSIVE third world immigration and FORCED assimilation in White countries!
CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
- Quote :
- RECOGNIZE "SIKH GENOCIDE" - 30,000+ KILLED IN INDIA DURING NOVEMBER 1984 - "YES, IT IS GENOCIDE"
These people need to have their Caps Lock key taken away from them.
- Quote :
- Honor the teachers of Sand Hook Elementary with a Medal of Freedom.
Proofreading is the difference between an elementary school that got shot up by a maniac and a right to left shot out of a fairway bunker.
- Quote :
- Immediately Abolish the Legalized Murder of Pre-born Children
I only bring this up to mention I feel Cyberwulf should have her own entrance theme, and that whenever you scroll to her first post in any thread, this starts to play.
- Quote :
- Repeal all "RIGHT TO WORK" laws nationwide and make it illegal for states to enact "RIGHT TO WORK" laws in the future!!!
I'm beginning to think most Americans are unaware the Tenth Amendment exists.
- Quote :
- Change Domestic Violence Awareness month form October to May so that it can rise from the shadows of Breast Cancer
BECAUSE WHAT MONTH REPRESENTS WHICH PET ISSUE IS SRS BSNZ
Where is my NHL Awareness Month? All this time spent making people aware of stuff that's, at this point, impossible to not be aware of and still half of this country doesn't know the NHL even exists.
- Quote :
- Create a National Addison's Disease Awareness Week.
But don't put it in October or May, lest it be overshadowed.
- Quote :
- Compromise with Congress to create a BIPARTISAN solution to the Fiscal Cliff so young Americans can have bright futures.
In case you're wondering, the dude who started this offered no actually details of how to accomplish this goal, just hope and rainbows. It could have been Obama himself.
- Quote :
- Create a Robin Hood Tax to End AIDS
- Quote :
- In May of 2011, the findings of a groundbreaking study were released showing that if the United States and other wealthy countries increased their investment in getting people onto AIDS treatment we could end the AIDS pandemic in about 30 years. Now we just need to fund it
- Quote :
- A Robin Hood, or financial transaction tax, on speculative stock sales could generate up to $350 billion per year
This wants to cripple the economy with taxes in order to spend money we don't have to cure a preventable and treatable disease. An idea so bad I think he just might be an Al Qaeda agent trying impotently to sabotage America.
- Quote :
- Address the current Autism Crisis! In light of the autism hearings, the time has come for answers! That time is now!
Take the Exclamation Point point key when you take their Caps Lock keys.
Once again, no actual details on how this may be accomplished, just "OMG THROW MONEY AT THIS PERCEIVED PROBLEM SO I CAN HAVE THE WARM FUZZIES"
This next one is my favorite:
- Quote :
- Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.
This petition has 32,116 signatures, with the goal being 25,000. My only question is how do I sign.
There's more. Thumb through them yourselves. You can even read the responses to the petitions that got enough signatures to be considered. I just hope the responses were mostly "God
damn it, were you people scared by a grammar book when you were young?"
Better yet, start your own dumb ass petitions. Bonus points if you can get 25,000 signatures.
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