Secession Petitions Filed in 20 States

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In the wake of last week's presidential election, thousands of Americans have signed petitions seeking permission for their states to peacefully secede from the United States.

Bawww! My candidate lost! No fair! I'm leaving!

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States with citizens filing include Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee and Texas. Oddly, folks from Georgia have filed twice. Even stranger, several of the petitions come from states that went for President Barack Obama.

You have the usual suspects, but...New York? Oregon? Hey folks, marijuana hasn't been legalized in your states. Better lay off it.

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Of all the petitions, Texas has the most signatures so far, with more than 23,000.

No big surprise there, given that Texas managed, over the course of less than 50 years in the 19th century, to be officially part of (or all of) Mexico, the Republic of Texas, the United States, and the Confederacy. It has a lot of people who like to be ornery.

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Of course, this is mostly a symbolic gesture. The odds of the American government granting any state permission to go its own way are on par with winning the lottery while getting hit by a meteor while seeing Bigfoot while finding gluten-free pizza that tastes like the real thing.

I lol'd.

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An article from WKRC quotes a University of Louisville political science professor who explained that these petitions aren't uncommon. Similar petitions were filed following the 2004 and 2008 elections. Still, should the petitions garner 25,000 signatures in a month, they will require an official response from the Obama administration.

Official response:

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The right to petition your government is guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. We the People provides a new way to petition the Obama Administration to take action on a range of important issues facing our country. We created We the People because we want to hear from you. If a petition gets enough support, White House staff will review it, ensure it's sent to the appropriate policy experts, and issue an official response.

Official response:

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Not everybody who wants to secede is polite enough to write a petition. Peter Morrison, treasurer of the Hardin County (Texas) Republican Party, wrote a post-election newsletter in which he urges the Lone Star State to leave the Union.


"We must contest every single inch of ground and delay the baby-murdering, tax-raising socialists at every opportunity. But in due time, the maggots will have eaten every morsel of flesh off of the rotting corpse of the Republic, and therein lies our opportunity... Why should Vermont and Texas live under the same government? Let each go her own way in peace, sign a free trade agreement among the states and we can avoid this gut-wrenching spectacle every four years."

When we need a new president, we'll do it the old-fashioned way: civil war, baby!

pfft, if they want special treatment they're doing it all wrong. quebec's been doing this shit for close to 50 years and they get our feds jumping over fences like show ponies.

what you have to do is keep going "we're totally gonna seperate! we're totally gonna' do it! for reals this time! give us more money or we're totally gone!" forever and ever.

it also helps if you sabotage your own referendums on the matter and blame the "shocking" failure on them anglos

Pfft, Alaska has been doing this for years. I think it's jsut news because the media isn't sick and tired of stupid people being butthurt about the election.

This is why I lol at the South. All that backwards-thinking close-minded butthurt because a BRAOWNMAN IS PRESIDENT WHAT OUTRAGE seems to justify how many people will kick and scream at change.

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

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States with citizens filing include Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee and Texas. Oddly, folks from Georgia have filed twice. Even stranger, several of the petitions come from states that went for President Barack Obama.

Good luck with the secession thing, guys, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

kick out texas let in the new guys and then you wont need to change any flags

Fuck you, Knorg! I'm not going anywhere.

wont somebody please think of the flags

Knorg wrote:

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

kick out texas let in the new guys and then you wont need to change any flags

I agree. Fuck Texas. Better off without it.

But where would I go to get my chainsaws?

I swear not all of us are that crazy in Texas. In fact, a lot of us just sit back and laugh at the crazies here.

In other news, Texas has 76,880 signatures. This is hilarious, considering there would actually be a slim chance of Texas being able to secede. That and I don't think people realized that, if this happened, taxes would raise like crazy just to be able to give out Social Security and Medicare (or whatever the Republic of Texas' equivalent would be).

Mr.Doobie wrote:

But where would I go to get my chainsaws?

Sweden? Husqvarna make quality chainsaws.

I say nobody will leave. The world will survive as it always does.

I dig the South, though. They're a special kind of crazy that's both a blessing and a curse. Thinking of moving down to Louisiana or something once I get done with school.

As of right now, Texas has 88,546 signatures. Austin, TX wants to secede from the state and remain part of the U.S.

I can live with that, Austin is cool people.

Knorg wrote:

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

kick out texas let in the new guys and then you wont need to change any flags

Better idea: Get rid of Florida and let Puerto Rico in.

dissolve america and have a series of socialist states imo

theweirdkind wrote:

As of right now, Texas has 88,546 signatures. Austin, TX wants to secede from the state and remain part of the U.S.

Aren't there, like, 25 million Texans? So these signatures amount to less than a half percent of the entire state.

Yes, very troubling, this.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Knorg wrote:

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

kick out texas let in the new guys and then you wont need to change any flags

Better idea: Get rid of Florida and let Puerto Rico in.

No...leave Florida alone. We need someplace to send all of the old people. Heck...that's where my mom goes every winter for vacation for two months at a time.

Jay/Cris wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

As of right now, Texas has 88,546 signatures. Austin, TX wants to secede from the state and remain part of the U.S.

Aren't there, like, 25 million Texans? So these signatures amount to less than a half percent of the entire state.

Yes, very troubling, this.

shut up yr ruining my accelerationist fantasies

SirDixonDongs wrote:

Jay/Cris wrote:

Aren't there, like, 25 million Texans? So these signatures amount to less than a half percent of the entire state.

Yes, very troubling, this.

shut up yr ruining my accelerationist fantasies

Yeah, shut up, I want to dream too.

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Knorg wrote:

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Ironically...Puerto Rico just signed an agreement asking to become the 51st State.

I'll just sit back and watch where this takes us.

kick out texas let in the new guys and then you wont need to change any flags

Better idea: Get rid of Florida and let Puerto Rico in.

No...leave Florida alone. We need someplace to send all of the old people. Heck...that's where my mom goes every winter for vacation for two months at a time.

Not to mention I have relative in Florida.
Though, I still think Florida should be turned into a massive state-wide asylum.

Jay/Cris wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

As of right now, Texas has 88,546 signatures. Austin, TX wants to secede from the state and remain part of the U.S.

Aren't there, like, 25 million Texans? So these signatures amount to less than a half percent of the entire state.

Yes, very troubling, this.

But lolworthy.