Desires Are Not Alive, Thus Cannot Have Feelings in "Desperate Desires"

So this shall be my second sporking. I've decided to go by what I've seen peeping-tom style and break it up into several posts rather than go at it all in one sitting, because that's just painful.

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Fic Title:Desperate Desires
Author:Andrew Troy Keller
Email:atk440@aol.com
Date:11/30/2005
Feedback:Yes,I need fackback.
Archive:Yes
Fandom:The Uncanny X-Men
Categories:Het,slash,bi
Other Notes:This story is a birthday gift for Chris Claremont,who was born on November 30th,1950.
Pairing:Famke Janssen/Wolverine/Shadowcat
Rating:NC-17
Disclaimer:The Uncanny X-Men belongs to the Marvel Comics Group.This story is not-for-profit but I own it.
Summary:After the cast and crew of the latest X-MEN movie finishes shooting a scene and she has started reading an X-MEN comic-book,Famke Janssen falls asleep and suddenly wakes up inside the headquarters of the Uncanny X-Men themselves.
Warnings:Voyurism,female solo sex,strong language,female/female sex,male/female sex
Dedication:Happy Birthday to Chris Claremont!--ATK 2005

Let me ask all of you comic-book fanatics this one simple question.What would happen if you were doing something that has a little or a lot to do with comic-books the one minute and had found yourself placed inside the world of comic-books the next?

Yes, this is actually part of this "work", if you're willing to call it that. I've looked at some of this person's "work", and it appears he is allergic to spacing out two ideas in text, be it with a comma, period, question mark, what have you. In the wonderful world of ATK, thoughts are best like potatoes: mashed. Let's continue through hell.

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Well,I really do take it by the sudden silence that some of you folks are still unable to understand what I'm trying to get at which has made me realized that I might as well go ahead and tell you the story that I'm writing right now. You see,this entire story begins on November 30th which happens to be the birthday of a truly popular writers of the Marvel Comics X-MEN series--an England native named Chris Claremont--and was also the day on which the entire cast of the two hit X-MEN movies had reunited for yet another X-MEN film.Anyway,as soon as the film's entire cast and crew had just finished shooting one of the many scenes in the movie and the director has ordered the actors to go take a break,one of the film's stars--an Amsterdam,Noord-Holland,Netherlands born actress named Famke Janssen--has sat herself down on a bunch of wooden crates,opened one of the Chris Claremont-written issues of THE UNCANNY X-MEN and started reading it.

Right away sir ATK wants you to know that this will not be your average X-Men fanfiction. Oh no, he's not like those amateurs ComicsNix or OmegaPhallic, bub. He's bringing this to you in TECHNICOLOR 3-FUCKIN'-D. Take it away, Lawrence.

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That was before two of Famke's fellow X-MEN stars,a Berkeley,California native named Rebecca Romijn and a Cleveland,Ohio born actress named Halle Berry had walked over to their friend and sat themselves next to her with the look of curiousity in their eyes. "Where did you get that little piece of comic-book nostalgia from,Famke?",asked Rebecca after she has placed her gentle hand on her good friend's shoulder."Were you able to get it at a local comic-book store?"

"Nah, this shit was on backorder from Amazon, yo."

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"Actually,Rebecca.I've just found this issue laying here one day and I had just started reading it.",answered a smiling Famke,after she had turned towards Rebecca and gently placed her hand on her best friend's shoulder.

All this talk of shoulders is making me bony.

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"And I had became so intrigued by the images on its pages that I was unable to put it down."And then,after she has looked at the watch on her wrist,Halle has looked at her two friends with a smile on her face,took a deep breath and said,"Well,Ladies.I'm going to go get myself some lunch.Who wants to join me?"

EVERYONE. Because I Halle believe that you would Berry well not want to tap dat.

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"I'll go with you.I could go for some grub right about now.",answered Rebecca after she and Halle had gotten themselves off the crates."How about you,Famke?Do you want to join us for lunch?"And after she had given that invitation some thought,a smiling Famke has looked at her two good friends and answered,"Thanks,you guys.But no thanks.I just don't feel like eating lunch right now.I'll see you guys later,okay?"

I hope you're having as hard a time following this as I am and totally forgot they were sitting on crates.

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And then,after her two best buds had said 'goodbye' to her and left to go on their lunchdate,Famke has let out a stretch and a yawn,laid herself down on the crates and fell asleep,only to have a mysterious female place her gentle hand on Famke's shoulder and gave her a little shake.

VAT A TVEEST!

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That has caused a confused Famke to open her eyes and the look on her face to change from a look of confusion to that of pure shock because she has suddenly discovered that she has somehow been placed inside the headquarters of the X-Men with the mutant super-team's leader,Professor Charles Xavier and four of its members staring right at their newfound visitor.

Mister Lawrence, you may in fact retract your statement of "Shit just got real". That'll be all.

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"Where am I?What am I doing here?",asked a wide-eyed Famke after she had just sat up and stared right back at the mutant super-team."Could one of you at least tell me what has happened to me?""I do believe that the two of us would be able to do so,Miss Janssen.",answered an understanding Charles after he has mentally moved his hoverchair over to Famke and placed his gentle hand on top of hers.

TIME OUT. Hoverchair? Now, I may not have been the biggest X-Men nerd growing up, but I could've sworn Prof. X just had a normal wheel deal.

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"It just so happens that you had somehow been placed into some sort of dimensional vortex and woken up here instead of on the set of your movie."

"Relax, I'm a doctor, and I know how these things work even though I have never seen or heard of you in my life. I'm sure this is being made up as it goes along."

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"That's indeed true,Professor.But don't worry,Famke.We'll come up with a way to get you back into your dimension.",said a smiling Jean Grey(aka Phoenix)after she has placed her friendly hand on Famke's shoulder."In the meantime,you're welcome to stay with us for a little while.Right,Scott?""I really do agree with you on that,Jean.",answered Jean's fellow team member Scott Summers(aka Cyclops)after he has looked at both and Famke with a smile on his lips."And if you want to do so,Famke.Both Wolverine and Shadowcat would take you on a tour of the mansion."

Instead of trying to fight the evil Brotherhood of Mutants or trying to stop giant purple robots from blowing up everything, why don't you take this confused lady on a stroll that will certainly not end up being a romp through your baser instincts?

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"You've got a deal,Cyke.Come on,Lady.It's time to take the tour.",said Logan(aka Wolverine)just before he had turned his head towards his fellow X-Man Kitty Pryde(aka Shadowcat)."Care to join us,Kitty?"And after she had looked at him with a smile and nodded her head,Kitty has joined both Famke and Logan in leaving the room where a unusual visitor has been discovered and going on a tour of the rest of the mansion.

I didn't even write this and I already feel as though I'm at his level of storytelling as a result.

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Just then,after they had gone into some of the rooms in the mansion and shown an impressed Famke all the wonders of the headquarters of the mutant team of heroes,Logan has taken a whiff of the team's newfound guest and said,"I hate to say this to you,Famke.But you smell like you're in need of a shower.So,how about it?"And then,after she had given that suggestion some thought and realized that it might be a good idea for her to do so,Famke has allowed Logan and Kitty to escourt her to one of the bathrooms within the mansion,where she has stepped into the room,taken all of her clothes off,turned on the water and stepped into the shower.

But as soon as the water has started casscading down on her and she has started rubbing soap all over her bare-ass naked body,Kitty has stepped into the bathroom to see if Famke was in need of some towels or whatever,only to have Kitty look at the wonderfully-built body that Famke has on her.

Wolverine's nose saves the day! Also, I'd be highly disappointed if Kitty's next words aren't "I swear, I just came in here to ask whether you prefer higher or lower thread counts."

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That particular sight has caused Kitty to strip off her entire uniform and start pumping two of her fingers in and out of her hot,wet pussy and carressing her own tits with the other hand,just before she has stepped herself inside the same shower and placed her gentle hands on Famke's melons.

Rape is always sexy when it's female on female! And what made Kitty so hot and wet to begin with? Had she been squatting over steam vents?

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That has caused a shocked Famke to turn quickly around and look at Kitty like she was about to ask,"What the fucking hell are you doing,you crazy bitch?Have you gone out of your head?"But just as she was about to say those words,Kitty has placed the tips of her fingers on Famke's lips and said,"Sssshhhh.It's okay,Famke.There's no need for you to be afraid.You also don't have to say anything.All you need to do now is just relax...and enjoy it."

"I took classes on how to turn a rape into some good ol' fashioned rough girl-on-girl, I know what I'm doing."

So if you somehow still have retinas after trying to take that in, by all means, mend my broken soul.

....
*snorts*

I lost it at "I took classes at how to turn rape into some good o' fashioned girl on girl"

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Fic Title:Desperate Desires
Author:Andrew Troy Keller
Email:atk440@aol.com
Date:11/30/2005
Feedback:Yes,I need fackback.

Yes,you need being facked with a rasty knife for not leaving a space after commas, among other things.

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Warnings:Voyurism,female solo sex,strong language,female/female sex,male/female sex
Dedication:Happy Birthday to Chris Claremont!--ATK 2005

Happy birthday Leonardo! As a sign of our gratitude for the masterpieces you've produced over the year, have this crayon-colored reproduction of Mona Lisa cuddling her cunt! How do you like it? I made it myself!

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Let me ask all of you comic-book fanatics this one simple question.What would happen if you were doing something that has a little or a lot to do with comic-books the one minute and had found yourself placed inside the world of comic-books the next?

Let me answer that question. I would start looking for the hidden camera, remain very skeptic about the whole transdimensional jump explanation, demand to contact my agent, and not let myself be dragged in anybody's room.

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Well,I really do take it by the sudden silence that some of you folks are still unable to understand what I'm trying to get at which has made me realized that I

need to stop being so fucking smug like it was funny as hell and use punctuation once in a while?

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might as well go ahead and tell you the story that I'm writing right now. You see,this entire story begins on November 30th which happens to be the birthday of a truly popular writers of the Marvel Comics X-MEN series--an England native named Chris Claremont--and was also the day on which the entire cast of the two hit X-MEN movies had reunited for yet another X-MEN film.

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Anyway,as soon as the film's entire cast and crew had just finished shooting one of the many scenes in the movie and the director has ordered the actors to go take a break,one of the film's stars--an Amsterdam,Noord-Holland,Netherlands born actress named Famke Janssen--has sat herself down on a bunch of wooden crates,opened one of the Chris Claremont-written issues of THE UNCANNY X-MEN and started reading it.

Yeah, but which hospital in Amsterdam, man? Was it the Onze Lieve Vrouwe, the Boven, the Sint Lucas Andreas...? C'mon, you can't leave us in the dark like that!

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Right away sir ATK wants you to know that this will not be your average X-Men fanfiction.

So we can't say we had not been warned.

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That was before two of Famke's fellow X-MEN stars,a Berkeley,California native named Rebecca Romijn and a Cleveland,Ohio born actress named Halle Berry had walked over to their friend and sat themselves

Again, left off the area code. And I so wanted to visit Rebecca Romijn's native neighbourhood!
How do people "sit themselves"? The sentence construction is so odd I'd say ATK speaks another language.

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with the look of curiousity in their eyes.

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"Where did you get that little piece of comic-book nostalgia from,Famke?",asked Rebecca after she has placed her gentle hand on her good friend's shoulder."Were you able to get it at a local comic-book store?"

"Yeah, but it must be broken. The pictures don't move!"

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I hope you're having as hard a time following this as I am and totally forgot they were sitting on crates.

Heh. The author felt obliged to go through the motions of a cursory introduction before we get to the hot lesbian scene, and it shows. Not to mention, poor knowledge of how movies are shot. You don't need the entire cast to be there all the time, for example, and surely actors don't wander around and risk ruining their stage clothes by sitting on dirty shard-y nail-y wooden crates. Most DVDs nowadays are padded with "making of" scenes that you can watch for inspiration, there's no excuse.
Not to mention that actors don't get insta-buddies because they work on the same movie, although said "making of" documentaries might try and hint at that. William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, anyone? Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn? Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire?

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a mysterious female place her gentle hand on Famke's shoulder and gave her a little shake.

"For the last time, take your dickbeater off of me before I feed it to the cat," she growled, channelling Hugh Jackman on his best behaviour.

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TIME OUT. Hoverchair? Now, I may not have been the biggest X-Men nerd growing up, but I could've sworn Prof. X just had a normal wheel deal.

He used a normal chair until he started walking again in the new body the Shi'ars had made for him, then he had his spine broken again by the Shadow King. This time he got something that looked like this:

He's bipedal in the ongoing comics, but I don't remember when and how he started walking again. Must not have been an earth-shattering saga.
The funniest part however is that the bumper c hoverchair appeared soon after Claremont had left the books. All the stories up to and including Onslaught were X-Chris's rejected storylines, subverted and bastardized. So "dedicating" the story to Claremont comes off as doubly offensive. It's like dedicating an F-111 to the memory of James Forrestal, and I'm sure Mikey will come up with some equally obscure sports-related comparison.

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"It just so happens that you had somehow been placed into some sort of dimensional vortex and woken up here instead of on the set of your movie."

But... But... Where is the big fight that dogs and superheroes invariably get into when meeting for the first time?

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Instead of trying to fight the evil Brotherhood of Mutants or trying to stop giant purple robots from blowing up everything, why don't you take this confused lady on a stroll that will certainly not end up being a romp through your baser instincts?

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"You've got a deal,Cyke.Come on,Lady.It's time to take the tour.",said Logan(aka Wolverine)just before he had turned his head towards his fellow X-Man Kitty Pryde(aka Shadowcat)."Care to join us,Kitty?"And after she had looked at him with a smile and nodded her head,Kitty has joined both Famke and Logan in leaving the room where a unusual visitor has been discovered and going on a tour of the rest of the mansion.

I didn't even write this and I already feel as though I'm at his level of storytelling as a result.

Hmm, you reminded me to buy flowers for the tomb of my beta reader.

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Just then,after they had gone into some of the rooms in the mansion and shown an impressed Famke all the wonders of the headquarters of the mutant team of heroes,Logan has taken a whiff of the team's newfound guest and said,"I hate to say this to you,Famke.But you smell like you're in need of a shower.

Geez Logan, with pickup lines like that, no wonder you're always paired with Gambit.

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But as soon as the water has started casscading down on her and she has started rubbing soap all over her bare-ass naked body,Kitty has stepped into the bathroom to see if Famke was in need of some towels or whatever,only to have Kitty look at the wonderfully-built body that Famke has on her.

You know what disturbs me most in this paragraph? The use of present perfect throughout. Color me jaded.

Nice snark, just let us know where it's hosted so we can check this beauty for ourselves. The Phantom Linker is starting to fret.

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Let me ask all of you comic-book fanatics this one simple question.What would happen if you were doing something that has a little or a lot to do with comic-books the one minute and had found yourself placed inside the world of comic-books the next?

Unless the comic book universe follow the Law of Narrative Causality, I would be looking up to be an innocent bystander, not the hero.

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He's bipedal in the ongoing comics, but I don't remember when and how he started walking again. Must not have been an earth-shattering saga.

It was during Grant Morrison's New X-Men run. From the Wikipedia:

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During this period, a mutant named Xorn joins the X-Men. Xorn uses his healing power to restore Xavier's use of his legs

Which, now that I think about it, doesn't make any sense, but the Xorn clusterfuck is a Bad Comics Moment all by itself.

I thank thee, most kindly knights and wenches for the feedback. And here be the linky.

http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=45866

Yes, the website where this man posts his works has a name as nasty as the mess between his ears. And we shall continue to wade through the incoherent hodgepodge we refer to as "narrative" because they haven't invented a word for badfics. So we pick up where we left off, a rape scene. A sexy, sexy rape scene where Kitty Pride apparently decided that giving someone a towel isn't as interesting as leaping on them when they're just getting out the shower, and she's okay with it.

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And then,after the two women had kissed each other ever so passionately on the lips and Kitty has started licking all over Famke's nude body--all the way down to her hot,moist snatch and carressing her firm breasts,an also-nude Logan has stepped into the shower and placed his stiff cock inside Famke's asshole and his hands on her stiff mounds.

Y'know, this is totally not from experience, but you can't just up and ram it in someone's asshole and not expect both parties to get hurt. Granted, the shower does help (again, totally not from experience), but I think it'd still be a bit er... let's say rocky?

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"Aaaahhhh!What are you guys doing to me?Please don't do this!I don't want it!Stop it!Oooohhhh!Please,you guys!Don't stop!",said Famke after she has placed one of her hands on Kitty's bare shoulder and the other hand on Logan's bare arm.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you, Mood Turnaround and Return Of The Sexy Shoulder! With guest appearance by Logan's bare arm... I guess he's shaving now.

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"Yeeeessss!That's it!Do it,Kitty!Do it,Logan!Fuck me!Touch me!Suck my wet pussy dry!Aaaahhhh!"

Either Logan has a proboscis and oral sex is possible while he's simultaneously FUCKING HER IN THE ASS, or we weren't informed of a position change. Being a mutant, I'm going with the former.

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And then,after she had slid herself down Logan's body and started sucking on his stone hard dick,Famke has suddenly realized that she was experiencing something that she had never experienced within another dimension before for she was experiencing pure and untamed erotica...and enjoying every minute of it.Just then,after they had finished taking their shower together,moved themselves into one of the bedrooms and placed their nude bodies on the bed,Logan has placed his stiff cock inside Kitty's pussy and started licking on Famke's snatch and Famke has started sucking on Kitty's tits.

POP QUIZ: Did you follow any of this at all?

A: Not at all
B: Completely
C: Follow what? This isn't even a story!

If you answered C then YOU'RE CORREEEEEECT!!!!!

So I'm not sure if Wolverine came in the shower, but if he did then being a mutant comes with the bonus of not having a refractory period. I might just stand in a cosmic particle storm and check that out.

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"AAAAHHHH,YES!THAT'S IT!DO IT,FAMKE!DO IT,LOGAN!",yelled a sexually-energized Kitty after she has placed her hands on Famke's bare back.

STOP IT WITH THE BARE BODY PARTS! THEY'RE NUDE!

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"TOUCH ME!SUCK MY TITS!FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!MAKE ME WANNA CUM!AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

If you're an avid (or extremely casual) reader of Mister Keller, you'll notice that all of his stories have explosive lemons in them. For some reason everyone sounds like they're being wounded during their sex scenes, complete with all-caps and walrus grunts, of course without spaces for added cayenne pepper to the eye. I can hardly stay my hand.

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And then,after they had started moving harder and faster and their lovemaking has made its final appearence in the latest X-MEN movie,the three newfound bi-sexual lovers had came and collapsed due to exhaustion.

How exactly is Wolverine bi in this mix? He just scored with two hot bitches in a non-sequitur yet consensual fashion. That's the most hetero thing you could ever hope to do, bro. Aside from scoring with one lesbian, then you've won the galaxy. Where's my trophy?

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Then,after they were all finally able to catch their breath and the two girls had placed their heads on Logan's chest,

Why grandmother, what a huge hairy chest you have!
All the better to rest you and your lesbian lover's heads on after an incestuous three way, my dear!

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Famke has looked at both Kitty and Logan with a smile on her lips,placed her gentle hand on Kitty's cheek and said,"You know,I really do wish that I could stay with you guys forever.""To tell you the truth,Famke.So do we.",said a smiling Kitty after she has gently placed her hand on top of Famke's and let out a sigh."But I really don't think that the Professor would let that happen."

Sooooo what this story is insinuating is that Prof. X has the power to send her back any time he wants? Why didn't he do that in the first place? Much like our possibly non-existent God, I think he had a plan and all the power available to execute it, fracked it intentionally, and will let everyone take the blame for it. Oh yummy blasphemy.

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"That's for sure,Kitty.",said Logan after he has gently placed one hand on Famke's bare shoulder and the other hand on Kitty's bare shoulder.

THIS IS MY FETISH.
~Love, Andrew Troy Keller

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"But we should look at it this way.At least,the three of us were finally able to put a lid on our desperate desires."

I'm sorry, I'm basically commenting on every line here but... TITLE FUCKEN DROP. And since when were the desires desperate? Was Famke the woman that Kitty had wanted all her life since seeing her naked in the shower 2 minutes ago?

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And then,after they had looked and smiled at each other,Famke,Kitty and Logan had snuggled-up to each other and fell asleep with their naked arms in a lover's embrace.

Just then,as soon as Famke and her two tour guides had walked into the living room and noticed that Charles and his two other X-Men were in the room waiting for them,a saddened Famke has taken a deep breath and said,"I really don't know what you're about to do to get me home,Professor.

"Yeah, I hadn't formulated an exit strategy myself. I guess IRAN outta ideas!"

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But before I allow you to do it anyway,could I say something first?"And after Charles has slowly nodded his head,Famke has turned towards Kitty and Logan,taken a deep breath and said,"I guess this means 'goodbye'.But I just want to say that I'm really going to miss you guys."

Bonds run so deep after you have surprise borderline rape orgies in the shower and a little post-game foolin' on the bed without even giving yourselves times to dry off.

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And with that,the three lovebirds had given each other a 'goodbye' hug just before Famke has sat herself down on a chair,closed her eyes and allowed Jean and Charles to place their hands on her forehead and use their mental powers on her.That was before Famke has felt someone placing his or her hand on her shoulder,causing her to open her eyes and noticed that she was back on the X-MEN movie set with both Rebecca and Halle looking at her with the look of concern on their faces.

"Are you feeling okay,Famke?",asked a confused Halle after she and Rebecca had helped Famke sit herself up."You look like you had gone to some whole other place."

AHAHAHAHAHA IT'S IRONIC BECAUSE WE'RE NOT SURE IF SHE REALLY DID OR NOT AND OH MY GOD AM I CONSIDERING THAT THIS STORY IS DEEP ENOUGH TO TOY WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING REAL VS FANTASY IN ALL CAPS?

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And after she has let out a smile and small giggle,a relieved Famke has placed her gentle hand on Halle's shoulder and the other hand on Rebecca's knee and said,"My friends,all I could say is that if I were to actually tell you,you would never believe me."

Anyway,after the entire cast and crew had finished shooting the scenes of the movie for the day and they had returned to their hotel rooms,Famke has placed a birthday card that she had bought on the desk and wrote inside it these words,"To:Mister Chris Claremont--I just want you to know that one of the issues of The Uncanny X-Men that you had once written has changed my life in more ways than one.

I can knock two things off my bucket list: Girl-on-girl, and my first FMF threesome!

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I just wanted to tell you that and wish you a happy 55th birthday.Here's to also wishing you many more happy years to come.--Famke Janssen."

THE END!

This makes me angry. I don't think that Chris Claremont would exactly take this pitiful offering as a rightful tribute to his memory. If anything, he'd have it burned in the form of a human effigy. But this is what Christ died on the cross for, and Chris Claremont's cross to bear is that the X-Men fanfic catalog has abominable conjurations of this nature bearing its flag with a perverse sense of pride.

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And then,after the two women had kissed each other ever so passionately on the lips and Kitty has started licking all over Famke's nude body--all the way down to her hot,moist snatch and carressing her firm breasts,

Well this is unrealistic but barely qualifies as sexual harassment, what are you a....

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an also-nude Logan has stepped into the shower and placed his stiff cock inside Famke's asshole and his hands on her stiff mounds.

....aAAAAAH! OMG THE POOR WOMAN! AAAH THE HUMANITY!

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Y'know, this is totally not from experience, but you can't just up and ram it in someone's asshole and not expect both parties to get hurt.

Also totally not from personal experience, but one party gets hurt a lot less than the other, or we wouldn't ever hear of rape. Also re: Logan's healing factor, he's probably hurting less than an average Joe plucking his nostril hair.

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"Aaaahhhh!What are you guys doing to me?Please don't do this!I don't want it!Stop it!Oooohhhh!Please,you guys!Don't stop!",said Famke after she has placed one of her hands on Kitty's bare shoulder and the other hand on Logan's bare arm.

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you, Mood Turnaround and Return Of The Sexy Shoulder! With guest appearance by Logan's bare arm... I guess he's shaving now.

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"Yeeeessss!That's it!Do it,Kitty!Do it,Logan!Fuck me!Touch me!Suck my wet pussy dry!Aaaahhhh!"

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Either Logan has a proboscis and oral sex is possible while he's simultaneously FUCKING HER IN THE ASS, or we weren't informed of a position change. Being a mutant, I'm going with the former.

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And then,after she had slid herself down Logan's body and started sucking on his stone hard dick,

Rule No.1 one: you don't suck on something that just came out of your ass. Also not from personal experience, just House Economy 101.

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she was experiencing pure and untamed erotica...and enjoying every minute of it

WAAAaait, is this the guy? I thought he was named Cannonball.

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So I'm not sure if Wolverine came in the shower, but if he did then being a mutant comes with the bonus of not having a refractory period.

Fanonically, he does... wouldn't be the only mutant whose sexual prowess is affected by his mutant power (cue Crystal's "not so fast this time, Pietro")

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"AAAAHHHH,YES!THAT'S IT!DO IT,FAMKE!DO IT,LOGAN!" "TOUCH ME!SUCK MY TITS!FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!MAKE ME WANNA CUM!AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

How does allcaps screaming sound when you have mutant enhanced hearing? You cannot answer, you're passed out on the floor bleeding from your eardrums.

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I can hardly stay my hand.

DO NOT WANT.

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And then,after they had started moving harder and faster and their lovemaking has made its final appearence in the latest X-MEN movie

1) The rest of the cast, the cameras and shit are on the other side of a temporal discontinuity.
2) "An X-rated X-Men movie." This joke was last seen being funny roughly at the same time the Army evacuated the American embassy in Saigon. Hopefully it has since died in a "rehabilitation" camp.

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Sooooo what this story is insinuating is that Prof. X has the power to send her back any time he wants? Why didn't he do that in the first place? Much like our possibly non-existent God, I think he had a plan and all the power available to execute it, fracked it intentionally, and will let everyone take the blame for it. Oh yummy blasphemy.

"I did what I had to do," he confesses, abruptly turning his wheelchair so that he no longer faces the window. "You would have too, if you had been the most powerful telepath in the world... living in a mansion full of young, healthy people... too caught up in their own shit to realize that the key to peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants lies in GETTING LAID, DAMN IT! DON'T STOP! SUCK MY DEAD DONKEY DICK! YEAAARRGGGH!!!"
It takes a while before I can move my jaw. "For how... how long has this been going on?"
"It was quite sudden," the nurse says kindly. Embarrassment colors her cheeks a deep pink as the bald man on the wheelchair keeps screaming obscenities. "We found him comatose one day, in front of his computer. He's been like this since he reawakened."
"What was it? some sub-liminal message sent by an old enemy?" I ask.
The deep pink becomes scarlet. "No, it was a website... called Squidge..."

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the look of concern on their faces.

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This makes me angry. I don't think that Chris Claremont would exactly take this pitiful offering as a rightful tribute to his memory

He'd start to hide his lesbians better:

Trioculus wrote:

Which, now that I think about it, doesn't make any sense, but the Xorn clusterfuck is a Bad Comics Moment all by itself.

It's simple. Xorn was supposed to be Magneto. It was always Magneto. He was never supposed to be anything but a disguise for Magneto. But he was so cool, the next writer had to bring him back as a character on his own... or two... and then M-Day rendered the whole thing irrelevant...

Gah! I hate Marvel.

So much shoulder-touching goes on in this it almost seems like a parody. Srsly, every other line is someone touching someone's shoulder.