| Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender | |
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+15Melissa Mr. Comic Book Fairlight Harley Quinn hyenaholic Chris91 EileenK98 Keith Fraser ZoZo Seule Sloth myeerah KelinciHutan Trivia Notomys mordax Miraba 19 posters |
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Miraba Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Location : Washington DC
| Subject: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 7:22 pm | |
| Celebrian, perhaps the most infamous of all, requires immense willpower to get through. Sure, anyone can read something like - Quote :
- She fell to her knees. The great cock loomed before her, twisted and
gnarled with its warts, bumps and pulsing veins except for the taut, smooth knob. It was beautiful. Rough and smooth, round and long. Oh, so long. She felt a pang in her loins, a desire to bury the rod in her loins. But the curiosity of her mouth won out. or - Quote :
- "Cock-sucker, knob-licker, semen-drinker," she said gaining speed. "I
am a whore, a bitch who begs the least drop from a cock without parallel. I want to taste the root of your shaft. I want to fill my mouth with your bulb. I am cock-worshipper, ball-holder, sucker of my king’s salty gifts. I wish to drink every drop in your cock. Feel your great seed fill my mouth, spill down my face and on to my unworthy boobs. I am the cock-whore, the ball-queen, the seed-drinker. The world is my lord the orc king’s great rod. It fills my sight; may it fill my body." but it takes a real pro to get through 21k words of rape by goblins, orcs, and wargs. | |
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Notomys mordax
Join date : 2009-06-03
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:37 pm | |
| delicate lavender nipples.
her lavender labia
soft fold of lavender flesh
the lavender lips of her pussy
er labia, still delicate lavender, | |
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Trivia
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : Da Rawk
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:43 pm | |
| Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?
I'll be off ice cream and apples for months. | |
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KelinciHutan Global Nomad
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 40 Location : USS Enterprise
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:47 pm | |
| - Trivia wrote:
- Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?
I'll be off ice cream and apples for months. You could just know you've already read it and skip the whole mess. 'S what I do (except I never read it to start with, but that's another story). | |
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myeerah Contributor
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 47
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:47 pm | |
| - Trivia wrote:
- Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?
I'll be off ice cream and apples for months. It's why I never re-read it. I'm hoping that my notoriously poor memory will eventually scrub away the traces. Not to mention that I like apples (and sex) and want to be able to eat them (and have it). | |
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Miraba Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Location : Washington DC
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:54 pm | |
| - Trivia wrote:
- Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?
I'll be off ice cream and apples for months. Be glad I'm not posting "Cloud mows the lawn." | |
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Sloth Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 34 Location : Location: Location
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:07 pm | |
| This story is impossible to finish. Not because it's awful but because I just can't fucking concentrate on it. I probably spent a good half hour staring at the monitor and daydreaming before remembering, multiple times, that I was supposed to be reading something. | |
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Seule My Mescaline
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 32 Location : Tea & Castle Land
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Thu Jun 11, 2009 11:50 am | |
| I dunno... I wasn't really affected by this, I don't think. I agree with Sloth, it was mostly just kind of boring... not very erotic, a little gross in places, but not exactly awful. I suppose it depends on where your squicks lie.
'Cloud Mows The Lawn', however... :suspect: | |
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ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 39 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:09 pm | |
| I've always loved the end of Celebrian. Not just because I've spent an hour crawling through repetitive rape scenes broken up by a bit of ice cream, but because it's pretty much "and they all lived happily ever after". Gives it a delightfully twisted fairy-tale edge. | |
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Keith Fraser Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 42 Location : The Emerald Isle
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sat Jun 13, 2009 6:55 am | |
| I once hosted a quasi-seminar at my university Tolkien society about bad fanfiction, where I played one of the audios of "Legolas by Laura" and introduced it as the second worst Tolkien fanfic of all time. Then I mentioned that the worst of all was called "Celebrian" and people shouldn't Google it. Needless to say, someone did, right then and there (on a phone). I wish I'd had a camera so I could have taken a reaction video of everyone reading it. | |
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EileenK98 Recovering Fanbrat
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 56 Location : very, very close to Chris
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:00 am | |
| Ah, the power of reverse psychology. Tell someone not to do something, and it's the first thing they have to do. | |
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Chris91 Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13 Age : 57 Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sat Jun 13, 2009 10:01 am | |
| Ain't it the truth. | |
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-12 Age : 39 Location : Taking that picture...
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:03 am | |
| I maintain my stance. It's not that it's so disgusting, but it goes ON AND ON. And it's so BORING. How can torture, S&M and ll that other crap be so irreocably BORING? Half the time I don't even go 'ew'. I just look at the scroll bar and think, "What? Not even halfway through? GOD!" | |
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Chris91 Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13 Age : 57 Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:55 am | |
| Actually, "Celebrian" is more like the work of Satan. | |
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Fairlight Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 44 Location : England.
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:21 pm | |
| I think the answer is no, but does anyone have a name for the author? | |
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Mr. Comic Book Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 46 Location : Wouldn't you like to know
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:59 pm | |
| - Fairlight wrote:
- I think the answer is no, but does anyone have a name for the author?
The author's name is Stark, a onetime Grey Archive staple. | |
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Chris91 Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13 Age : 57 Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:39 am | |
| Would that be "Stark" as in "Stark raving mad"? | |
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Melissa Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-13 Age : 45
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:28 pm | |
| - Chris91 wrote:
- Would that be "Stark" as in "Stark raving mad"?
Took the words out of my mouth, Chris. | |
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NastyHobbitses
Join date : 2009-06-21
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:01 am | |
| The premise was squicky and I certainly became hesitant about eating ice cream after reading it, but it never quite freaked me out; maybe because it was just so long and the writer ran out of shit to do to her. There's only so many times you can shove massive orc cocks up an elf's ass before it gets boring. | |
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Mr. Comic Book Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 46 Location : Wouldn't you like to know
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:51 am | |
| - NastyHobbitses wrote:
- The premise was squicky and I certainly became hesitant about eating ice cream after reading it, but it never quite freaked me out; maybe because it was just so long and the writer ran out of shit to do to her. There's only so many times you can shove massive orc cocks up an elf's ass before it gets boring.
I tried MSTing the thing four times before finally giving up. I still have an unfinished riff with Gandalf, Elrond, Haldir, Celeborn, and Galadriel saved somewhere where they're all having a laugh at Elrond's expense. The problem is, the thing's so repetitive that even if you can come up with good cheap shots, your patience will be taxed beyond endurance and your punchlines will be exhausted very early on. It's impossible to effectively parody. | |
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Keith Fraser Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 42 Location : The Emerald Isle
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:59 am | |
| You could just end the MSTing partway through the fic with everyone giving up in disgust and leaving. I've posted MSTings of chapters of fics and not finished the entire thing before. | |
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Chris91 Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13 Age : 57 Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Thu Jul 09, 2009 7:51 am | |
| - Keith Fraser wrote:
- You could just end the MSTing partway through the fic with everyone giving up in disgust and leaving....
You might be on to something. | |
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Violet
Join date : 2009-06-16 Age : 35
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:12 pm | |
| The two million pints of semen and the breast enlarging icecream I could handle, but - Quote :
They returned with a piece of wood, cut and painted to look something like an apple. It was about the size of the king’s cock-head. It looked like it had been gouged and repainted many times. There was an iron loop set in its base.
"Bite into this," the king said, as he handed it to her.
She dutifully bit into the wood. She expected to fine it hard and unyielding but her teeth sank easily into it. It was big enough that she was now stuck with this wooden apple in her mouth. Before she could wonder how she was going to extricate it, the king put a clawed finger through the loop and pulled it free.
With a searing pain, the apple came free with all her teeth still stuck in it. Blood rain from her mouth and mixed with the semen on her chin and breasts. Celebrian staggered with the pain and almost blacked out. I think that's the only part that squicked me.
Also. - Quote :
The king had revealed a cock that was more magnificent than any save a great war-horse’s. It was at least two feet long, four inches wide at the base tapering to three inches at the great head. How does he walk? That must be really uncomfortable. | |
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El Gotho
Join date : 2009-07-16
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:18 pm | |
| $elebrian is brilliant actually you're all too much of $heep$ to see the genius. | |
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Mr. Comic Book Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 46 Location : Wouldn't you like to know
| Subject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:34 am | |
| - El Gotho wrote:
- $elebrian is brilliant actually you're all too much of $heep$ to see the genius.
It does take a certain genius to make a story that scales such heights of magnetic awfulness. Usually stuff that sucks this much just turns you away. This is like a car crash you can't look away from. | |
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