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 Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender

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Melissa
Mr. Comic Book
Fairlight
Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Chris91
EileenK98
Keith Fraser
ZoZo
Seule
Sloth
myeerah
KelinciHutan
Trivia
Notomys mordax
Miraba
19 posters
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AuthorMessage
Miraba
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Miraba


Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : Washington DC

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 7:22 pm

Celebrian, perhaps the most infamous of all, requires immense willpower to get through. Sure, anyone can read something like

Quote :
She fell to her knees. The great cock loomed before her, twisted and
gnarled with its warts, bumps and pulsing veins except for the taut, smooth
knob. It was beautiful. Rough and smooth, round and long. Oh, so long.
She felt a pang in her loins, a desire to bury the rod in her loins. But
the curiosity of her mouth won out.
or
Quote :
"Cock-sucker, knob-licker, semen-drinker," she said gaining speed. "I
am a whore, a bitch who begs the least drop from a cock without parallel.
I want to taste the root of your shaft. I want to fill my mouth with your
bulb. I am cock-worshipper, ball-holder, sucker of my king’s salty gifts.
I wish to drink every drop in your cock. Feel your great seed fill my mouth,
spill down my face and on to my unworthy boobs. I am the cock-whore, the
ball-queen, the seed-drinker. The world is my lord the orc king’s great
rod. It fills my sight; may it fill my body."
but it takes a real pro to get through 21k words of rape by goblins, orcs, and wargs.
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Notomys mordax

Notomys mordax


Join date : 2009-06-03

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 9:37 pm

delicate lavender nipples.

her
lavender labia


soft fold of lavender flesh

the lavender lips of her pussy

er labia, still delicate lavender,
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Trivia

Trivia


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 38
Location : Da Rawk

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 9:43 pm

Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?

I'll be off ice cream and apples for months.
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KelinciHutan
Global Nomad
Global Nomad
KelinciHutan


Join date : 2009-06-03
Age : 40
Location : USS Enterprise

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 9:47 pm

Trivia wrote:
Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?

I'll be off ice cream and apples for months.
You could just know you've already read it and skip the whole mess. 'S what I do (except I never read it to start with, but that's another story).
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myeerah
Contributor
Contributor
myeerah


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 47

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 9:47 pm

Trivia wrote:
Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?

I'll be off ice cream and apples for months.

It's why I never re-read it. I'm hoping that my notoriously poor memory will eventually scrub away the traces.

Not to mention that I like apples (and sex) and want to be able to eat them (and have it).
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Miraba
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Miraba


Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : Washington DC

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 9:54 pm

Trivia wrote:
Dammit do I have to read this thing every time we move?

I'll be off ice cream and apples for months.
Be glad I'm not posting "Cloud mows the lawn."
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Sloth
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Sloth


Join date : 2009-06-03
Age : 34
Location : Location: Location

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 10:07 pm

This story is impossible to finish. Not because it's awful but because I just can't fucking concentrate on it. I probably spent a good half hour staring at the monitor and daydreaming before remembering, multiple times, that I was supposed to be reading something.
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Seule
My Mescaline
My Mescaline
Seule


Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32
Location : Tea & Castle Land

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyThu Jun 11, 2009 11:50 am

I dunno... I wasn't really affected by this, I don't think. I agree with Sloth, it was mostly just kind of boring... not very erotic, a little gross in places, but not exactly awful. I suppose it depends on where your squicks lie.

'Cloud Mows The Lawn', however... :suspect:
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ZoZo
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
ZoZo


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 39
Location : In WD40's head

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyThu Jun 11, 2009 12:09 pm

I've always loved the end of Celebrian. Not just because I've spent an hour crawling through repetitive rape scenes broken up by a bit of ice cream, but because it's pretty much "and they all lived happily ever after". Gives it a delightfully twisted fairy-tale edge.
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Keith Fraser
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Keith Fraser


Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 42
Location : The Emerald Isle

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySat Jun 13, 2009 6:55 am

I once hosted a quasi-seminar at my university Tolkien society about bad fanfiction, where I played one of the audios of "Legolas by Laura" and introduced it as the second worst Tolkien fanfic of all time. Then I mentioned that the worst of all was called "Celebrian" and people shouldn't Google it. Needless to say, someone did, right then and there (on a phone). I wish I'd had a camera so I could have taken a reaction video of everyone reading it.
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 56
Location : very, very close to Chris

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySat Jun 13, 2009 8:00 am

Ah, the power of reverse psychology. Tell someone not to do something, and it's the first thing they have to do.
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Chris91


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySat Jun 13, 2009 10:01 am

Ain't it the truth. Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender 611762
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 39
Location : Taking that picture...

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 8:03 am

I maintain my stance. It's not that it's so disgusting, but it goes ON AND ON. And it's so BORING. How can torture, S&M and ll that other crap be so irreocably BORING? Half the time I don't even go 'ew'. I just look at the scroll bar and think, "What? Not even halfway through? GOD!"
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Chris91


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 10:55 am

Actually, "Celebrian" is more like the work of Satan. Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender 611762
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Fairlight
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Fairlight


Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 44
Location : England.

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 12:21 pm

I think the answer is no, but does anyone have a name for the author? scratch
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Mr. Comic Book
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mr. Comic Book


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 46
Location : Wouldn't you like to know

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 2:59 pm

Fairlight wrote:
I think the answer is no, but does anyone have a name for the author? scratch

The author's name is Stark, a onetime Grey Archive staple.
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Chris91


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyTue Jun 16, 2009 8:39 am

Would that be "Stark" as in "Stark raving mad"? Wink
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Melissa
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Melissa


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 45

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 3:28 pm

Chris91 wrote:
Would that be "Stark" as in "Stark raving mad"? Wink

Took the words out of my mouth, Chris.
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NastyHobbitses

NastyHobbitses


Join date : 2009-06-21

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySun Jun 21, 2009 11:01 am

The premise was squicky and I certainly became hesitant about eating ice cream after reading it, but it never quite freaked me out; maybe because it was just so long and the writer ran out of shit to do to her. There's only so many times you can shove massive orc cocks up an elf's ass before it gets boring.
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http://jiaren-shadow.livejournal.com
Mr. Comic Book
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mr. Comic Book


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 46
Location : Wouldn't you like to know

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySat Jul 04, 2009 12:51 am

NastyHobbitses wrote:
The premise was squicky and I certainly became hesitant about eating ice cream after reading it, but it never quite freaked me out; maybe because it was just so long and the writer ran out of shit to do to her. There's only so many times you can shove massive orc cocks up an elf's ass before it gets boring.

I tried MSTing the thing four times before finally giving up. I still have an unfinished riff with Gandalf, Elrond, Haldir, Celeborn, and Galadriel saved somewhere where they're all having a laugh at Elrond's expense. The problem is, the thing's so repetitive that even if you can come up with good cheap shots, your patience will be taxed beyond endurance and your punchlines will be exhausted very early on. It's impossible to effectively parody.
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Keith Fraser
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Keith Fraser


Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 42
Location : The Emerald Isle

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptySat Jul 04, 2009 12:59 am

You could just end the MSTing partway through the fic with everyone giving up in disgust and leaving. I've posted MSTings of chapters of fics and not finished the entire thing before.
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Chris91


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyThu Jul 09, 2009 7:51 am

Keith Fraser wrote:
You could just end the MSTing partway through the fic with everyone giving up in disgust and leaving....

You might be on to something. Smile
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Violet

Violet


Join date : 2009-06-16
Age : 35

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyWed Jul 15, 2009 7:12 pm

The two million pints of semen and the breast enlarging icecream I could handle, but
Quote :
They returned with a piece of wood, cut and painted to look something
like an apple. It was about the size of the king’s cock-head. It looked
like it had been gouged and repainted many times. There was an iron loop
set in its base.


"Bite into this," the king said, as he handed it to her.


She dutifully bit into the wood. She expected to fine it hard and unyielding
but her teeth sank easily into it. It was big enough that she was now stuck
with this wooden apple in her mouth. Before she could wonder how she was
going to extricate it, the king put a clawed finger through the loop and
pulled it free.


With a searing pain, the apple came free with all her teeth still stuck
in it. Blood rain from her mouth and mixed with the semen on her chin and
breasts. Celebrian staggered with the pain and almost blacked out.
I think that's the only part that squicked me.

Also.
Quote :
The king had revealed a cock that was more magnificent than any save
a great war-horse’s. It was at least two feet long, four inches wide at
the base tapering to three inches at the great head.
How does he walk? That must be really uncomfortable.
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El Gotho




Join date : 2009-07-16

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyThu Jul 16, 2009 6:18 pm

$elebrian is brilliant actually you're all too much of $heep$ to see the genius.
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Mr. Comic Book
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mr. Comic Book


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 46
Location : Wouldn't you like to know

Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender EmptyFri Jul 17, 2009 12:34 am

El Gotho wrote:
$elebrian is brilliant actually you're all too much of $heep$ to see the genius.

It does take a certain genius to make a story that scales such heights of magnetic awfulness. Usually stuff that sucks this much just turns you away. This is like a car crash you can't look away from.
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Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty
PostSubject: Re: Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender   Celebrian, or why none of us like the color lavender Empty

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