Ark Music Factory

I was just going to add to the Rebbecca Black thread but I actually have several things to post, so here's a new thread for other Ark Music Factory "stars." Oh boy! Just what the internet needed.

So, here's Devin Fox. He's a guy and stuff. I don't know what most of these lyrics mean.

Also see the far superior Brock's Dub if you haven't. BALLOON PARTY!

Ark's latest isn't that bad, I guess. The kid's cute but aside from the painful intro, her singing's mostly unremarkable. The lyrics, though, are GIRL SWAG, damn it. That's the name of the song. WTF?


Normally, videos such as these (and the terrible lyrics) cost about $2000 but they're holding a contest to find the next "viral star." Fuck yeah!

Any takers?

Also, I guess Fat Usher is supposed to post something new soon. I wonder if it'll be funnier than that "Friday" remix. It'll probably be worse.

These are a bunch of videos designed as presents from rich parents to their kids and were probably never really meant to see the light of day.

I dunno, I feel like mocking these is the equivalent of making fun of a preschoolers crayon drawing for having little concept of anatomy and shadowing.

They're a little lulzy in their blandness, but I don't have much else to say about them except... it's bad and juvenile.

The Girl Swag video disgusts me. What a useless waste of money and exploitation of a nine year old. The autotune is painfully obvious, and it makes her sound like she's 18, which is really wierd.

re: Girl Swag

Why did they give this girl a song with a range she clearly can't sing in? It's full of low notes. She can hit medium and high notes fairly well (Because, duh, she's a young girl). Why try giving her all these bass notes to flatten her voice trying to hit?

"So bad it's good" is only successful when it's done without cynicism or irony. Rebecca Black was perversely fun because she wasn't trying to be Rebecca Black; she was trying to be the next Selena Gomez, and she thought her song rocked. Anyone trying to be Rebecca Black - that is, anyone making a massive effort to be delightfully campy - will end up in the deepest pit of Kitsch Valley.

I don't think they're even trying that with most of the recent videos, aside from whatever Fat Usher does or whoever wins the contest. Most of the artists were "signed" before Rebbecca Black "made it big." There's a list of artists in this painful promo video and there are some that haven't even shown up yet.

Honestly, I don't feel like picking on the artists much. The lyrics, overall shitty production, and the whole fucking scheme are far worse. Hell, some of the kids even have a certain degree of talent before Ark Music Factory gets their autotune on them. Example? CJ Fam. Her Ark Music Factory video is way overdone. She does have one thing going for her, and that is she says she wrote the lyrics herself, so at least that explains any awfulness in that regard.



The things is, though, if you watch some of her other videos, she's actually got potential for a little kid. I'm not going to say she's super awesome, but with further training, she could be pretty good.


So, yeah, sad that she got sucked into this shit.

And now they're exploiting one of their actually not that bad starlets to make commercials.

This is after getting her on a TV show or some shit. I guess ARK Music Factory isn't dying any time soon. Blarg.

I've finally figured out what it is that bothers me about these videos, including Rebecca Black--they look like pedophile fap material. No really, hear me out here--these videos clearly feature children who look as child-like as possible, and the production only enhances their childish awkwardness. And of course children are their prime demographic, but even other child stars aiming at the same demographic try to act more mature than their age (think Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato etc.) which is a whole other problem in itself, but it doesn't creep me out quite as much as these do. Pedophile fapping probably isn't their intention (I hope) but that's what makes me squirm more than anything else about these videos...

I think the kids are made to seem way too mature here as well, with the 9-year-old singing about "girl swag" and all, but I do see where you're coming from.

Really, these guys are just interested in money. There's at least one singer that I think is over 18 or at least I hope she is based on the video.



Then there's this chick. She doesn't really look like the sort of artist Ark is usually interested in, not that I'm trying to bash her. The lyrics "You're sobbing, crying your eyes off thinking about me" are far worse than her appearance.

Everyone sounds the same with autotune.

I feel bad that I've watched all this stuff. I'm sorry, everyone.