The Literate Union

The Literate Union

Just when we thought the Pit had run out of laughs for us, someone felt the need to prove us wrong. Thank you Literate Union, for reminding me that stupid never dies, and for reminding me why I joined GAFF in the first place. So, my fellow sporkers, let me have the great honor of introducing you to Fanfiction.net's very own "mafia". I put it in quotations because these people are to the mafia what Jersey Shore is to actual Italians. But they don't think of themselves as the mafia, no! They're like a Citizen's Watch group, just helping out FF.net in catching people who violate FF.net's (idiotic and nonsensical) T&C. They just send writers not-at-all threatening notes telling them cheerfully that if they don't remove their stories, they'll be forced to tell on them to Mommy and Daddy.

Well, they sound like a fine group of young people! Let's look at who is in charge here:

Bitter Sea Light

I'm sorry, does anyone understand what that username means? Bitter Sea, okay, but where the fuck does "light" come in? But then, what can you expect from a user who has only posted in the Twilight fandom? Oh yeah, the person in charge of the "Literate Union" is a Twilight fan. When you all have wrapped your heads around that, there's oodles of fun to be had in her profile.

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Goodo. :3 So, as said earlier I'm generally known as Maria on this site. And no, I'm not paranoid about you -- yes, you behind that huge screen in that dark-dark room doing George knows what -- knowing my real name. You'd probably even find a picture of me somewhere if you wanted to. I used to be really obsessed about keeping my real life details hidden in safes and damp vaults, but at some point went 'fuck it' and started adding FFN people on FB as well. Nope, I'm not adding everyone who wants to add me and only my friends see my wall. Also, my location isn't up anywhere. Let's face it, though, even if it were I doubt anyone would travel here just to follow me around like a lovestruck puppy and do nasty things between the sheets. Or to throw a pie at my face for running the LU alongside with Jess. Mostly because it's freaking expensive and stupidity on a whole new level. However, if that pie does appear, I'll be very amused and then gloat about being so important. :D

...

Oh yes, the entire world of FF.net wants to know you Maria! We all want to be your FB friends! Why, with your extensive and well-written fanfiction, it's a wonder you have any time for a life! I mean, a whole chapter, in such a demanding fandom like Twilight, how do you juggle it all?

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Lasted a year in uni, studied Ecology. Loved it, but just couldn't deal with the workload after the first semester.

Never mind.

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This next bit will break the hearts of many (lolno) -- I have a sweetheart in real life and have had him for a year and seven months now. We're doing great (even though there is a huge piece of land dividing us) and people have said several times that we make a cute couple. Apologies if I did indeed break your heart right now. (Srsly. 03)

Aw, how cute! Because everyone on FF.net totally cares about your Internet romance.

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Also, The Literate Union really L U. :3 As long as you respect English and know how to use your brains, that is. But yeah, we're fun and we won't whack you with a spoon. Hopefully. 03

This is almost too easy. Seriously.

Well, let's get down to business then. On her little profile, she has a lovely mission statement:

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FanFiction.net has composed a set of rules that every user has agreed with by signing up to this site. They are Content Guidelines and Terms of Service. When said rules are broken and the right/wrong person happens to see it, reports are issued to the site’s admin. They sometimes send out some warnings, sometimes simply delete the rule-breaking story, and on worst cases…the whole account is taken down.

You mean that blanket ban their lazy asses do all the time? Where they ban users who have done nothing wrong half the time on the say so of morons like you? Is that what you're talking about?

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In some cases, people run into the LU forum and start yelling at us for removing their story/stories. Newsflash: reporting =/= removing/deleting a story. We don't have more power than you do. We are in the same status as you are. Please, keep that in mind, kay?

Oh my gawd, people get mad at you for being nosy bitches and telling on them to teacher, for obscure rules that even FF.net barely enforces? The same FF.net that has the option for MA stories, but totally actually doesn't, and will ban people for using it? Why, the nerve of those folk!

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The simplest way to avoid deletions is by not breaking any rules. Not hard to do at all. Causing an uproar doesn’t help, either, because it’ll only have negative affect on you – it’ll make you look bad. So, instead, simply change your story when a warning by a reviewer is forwarded; this way the report becomes invalid.

Why, these people must never violate the rules. Never ever.

That would be hypocrisy.

So why don't a few of us just comb through a few of your member's stories, and check?

My first review, it's for Memories Remain by OMGBloodyHellFire

Here's the quote:

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They Didn't Even See Me Coming
2011-07-28 . chapter 4

Oh yes, I needed my reading experience wrecked by your stupidity. Since the first thing that jumps in to anyone's mind when a friend comforts a friend after the death of a loved one is 'OMG!11! YAOI!11!'. The reason is not them showing sympathy or empathy of all things, that's just silly. Really though, thank-you SO much!

My my, an A/N only update? I didn't realize the Literate Union lowered their standards so much. They must really be slipping... then again there's not much TO let slip.

Thanks for listing the POV changes too, 'cause I'm nowhere NEAR smart enough to figure it out on my own, really! Clicking the button for a line-break is much to hard anyways! Capitalizing 'they' was a smart move, I mean, who bothers to use italics for emphasis? Really, it's much better to spit on one of the most basic grammar rules ever right?

You're such a GREAT writer that I only lost ten braincells per chapter, kudos to you!

Go back to grade school and re-read the TOS sweetheart,

TDESMC

Here's an excerpt from chapter 4:

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'Wait. I wanted to thank you, for everything you've done' he said, voice gruff with hidden emotion.

(A/N: No, this is not turning into SoulKid, although it really seems like it ... instead of reviewing for lemons, review for yaoi! *is shot*)

Kid nodded, "It's not just for her (A/N: "I've cared for you all my life, Soul, I can't bear to see you upset" "I feel the same, I only dated Maka to get closer to you" *is shot*),you deserve to know she's alive or dead, not MIA" he stepped forward, and walked out.

I'm not entirely sure about the review so comments are welcome.

(Double post, sorry)

Dudes, I got a reply!

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Wow. I'm sensing a bit of troll here, but nevertheless ...

-I'm not saying comfort = yaoi, I'm saying that the way I worded it seemedlike borderline yaoi to me. I laughed, and I wanted others to laugh, and they did.

-A lot of people like my comments, they've said so in reviews and PMs, so I'mjust going to ignore that.

-There's this thing called ** spelling mistakes. I'm not perfect and I don'tclaim to be. Maybe if you weren't such an stultus, you could get over the fewgrammatical mistakes. I've noticed how you don't mention anything wrong withmy plot. And you only reviewed one chapter ... weird, huh?

-There's a fine line between a good, well-rounded review with constructivecritiscim, and a spiteful flame. Please, in the future, recognize the difference.

I've also noticed you haven't written anything of your own. So ... I think that says something, doesn't it?

I will post more later.

I just noticed this but she called me a fool in latin

(Decided to add my reply)

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I'm a troll because I actually had enough backbone to say what's wrong with your story instead of brown-nosing?

- Why'd you say it then? Don't go 'It was funny!!'. You could have waited and said so in the end A/N but you didn't, and broke one of FF.net's simplest rules.

- You put a lot of stock in people who write reviews with a max 5 sentences. The fact that mine is the longest is pretty sad.

- No one's perfect, but the fact that you broke one of the simplest grammar rules that most people learn in grade-school says a lot about you. I didn't mention your plot because I didn't want to waste my time. It's rushed and there's no build-up. I knew your plot was wrong as soon as I read the first paragraph. Only a few people knew? She was the top student, daughter of a Death Scythe, and part of Spartoi. People would have noticed. I only reviewed one because, again, I didn't want to waste my time.

- I save my well-rounded reviews for stories that are actually salvagable, too bad your's didn't make the cut.

- If you were observant enough you would've realized that I just joined yesterday and have to wait another day to post anything. Don't worry though, I'm posting one as soon as the wait time is up. Feel free to check it out.

Can't wait for your reply dearie,
TDESMC

P.S. You're lucky I didn't report you instead since you broke two of FF.net's most basic posting rules.

These are the guys who were reporting stories for having colons (the ":" not the organs) in them, for using the word "you" frequently or for having author's notes that mentioned the LU negatively, or reporting writers for going to their board and arguing with them.

They also tolerated members who were admitted trolls and just wanted to see how many stories they could get deleted because that made the LU hardcore or something.

Also, their campaign to get non-native English speakers' accounts all banned.

Fandom Wank had a big thing on them last year.

Yes. Yes they are.

Alright fellow sporkers, it appears I took on a bit more then I realized, and anyone who wants to play is welcome now. These people are too damn mouthy and I can't sift through their dreck that fast. Up for grabs with the leaders, in need of an experienced sporker, are the following:

Commissar Cain

Fandoms: Pokemon

Don Saurus

Fandoms: Aliens/Predator, Twilight, Watchmen, Mass Effect, Batman: Arkham Asylum, and Elder Scroll

Lord Kelvin

Fandoms: Sonic the Hedgehog, Twilight

Cerulean City

Fandoms: Pokemon

These are the generals, my friends. There are a ton of members just begging for a snark, and they are all considered fair game. These fuckers fired the first shot, and it's time they had a few fired back. Their dickery and general stupidity cannot be allowed to continue peacefully, not when we can get a few laughs out of them.

Take on who you want, and raid freely.

Don't forget the non-stories too. Lord Kelvin in particular has a lot of diarrhea of the keyboard all over his profile, including massive links to other places online he's also deposited his diarrhea, such as, from his profile:

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Mein Blogsy - my informal blog. Must know More!

This blog has apparently been renamed "Fictorial" and from a quick skim seems to be brimming with self-important garbage about being the historian of all fanfic history or some shit like that (as if Fanlore, Fan History and Fandom wank wiki weren't doing that already).

However, LU members have obviously been all over the LU article on Fanlore to rewrite it to make it look as if they're really great people who are certainly doing the right thing.

Dear Lord in Heaven, Noni is not joking about Lord Kelvin. Alright, the wheel has been spun, and Kelvin is up!

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Having seen how constructive criticism works on fan fiction dot net, with reviews by people like Blue Dragon X, Guardian Hyperion and The Great Critic around, I decided to give it a shot. I’m not proud of my first efforts - making a serious attempt with flawed spelling, little knowledge of the series...but they sure were cutesy. For a long while I’ve limited my reviews to correcting style and grammar, as my English had excelled fast. It took well over thirty minutes to write a review, ranging from one to four pages in length.

However, fixing someone else’s spelling was a tad…primitive, if not silly. Think about it: You can always get a decent spellchecker or a professional (teacher, experienced beta reader etc.) to fix you’re errors. Errors like the one You just saw can easily be prevented with a bit of patience.

I would be more likely to believe that if your profile wasn't littered with grammatical errors, punctuation problems, and chronic abuse of the thesaurus. You no, being a non-native English speaker is cool and all dude, but don't be...Hey, wait a minute...

Noni wrote:

Also, their campaign to get non-native English speakers' accounts all banned.

But...this guy...is a mod... and I...ooh, the bunny is confused now.

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The current appraisal schematic is as follows: every review consists of three parts. First, the recipient sees a greeting line with a coded first impression. It is to deliver an emotional background the rest of the review will be written according to, because every review has to have an authentic feel, driven by an authentic story. Any story content-related issues may appear in the second part. I normally concentrate on a persona's psyche and coordination with the plot. Originality is also of great importance to me. Depending on a submission's complexity and amount of work the writer put into it, the review may or may not have any language-related suggestions. English is a basic skill. If a novel requires some suggestions on structure or format, it's only right to help a beginner. It's silly to push a fresh writer out into the character psychology battlefield, while English serves as an obstacle. The better the story, however, the more demanding the review. While a beginner might expect a mildly positive review for a barely average story, an experienced long-timer would receive no mercy for making ludicrous errors. That is the cornerstone of a personalised review. Here and here are review examples. Never ask for anything less!

What...the...fuck.




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With that, I suppose some of You, dear readers, might ask for risk prevention. My method is simple: writing a chapter, letting it cool for a day or two and then proofreading it twice, applying necessary changes. Not every idea survives this way, and it might not work for everyone, but if it helps, my time was not wasted here.

You mean you write fic like almost every other fic writer on the freaking planet? Does this dude actually think this is necessary advice? Please, dear Lord Kelvin, bestow a few more words of wisdom upon us poor fools.

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Speaking of survival, not only ideas get crossed out from within the pages. Sometimes I feel obliged to erase an entire work from the web for logical reasons. I've written over eighteen fictions thus far, yet You don't see even half of them on my portfolio, huh? Try writing something. Put it in a drawer for a year and then read. The feeling is rarely pleasant. Sure, it is a piece of Your history and development, but it looks hideous now: the words look sickening and the idea is no longer enjoyable.

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This story turns to thoughts. Experiencing a time shortage and feeling that my life is becoming busier, I needed to find a way to make my reviews shorter, but still efficient. Whilst syntax and spelling can be learnt with the help of a book (literary or academic reading, not coffee-table material), we still need people to point out our logical fallacies.

This is just his profile, and he is still fucking talking.

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Yes, most would rather not know about their mistakes. It cuts their self-esteem, stamina, will to write, living capabilities, blood production, skin grease etc. “If you’re going through hell, keep going,” said Winston Churchill. If You got constructive criticism, there’s no reason to scream about it. Besides, going all: "U flammer meh! Smash yer face wit napkin!" is not going to make Your signature more popular. Sure, it might hurt, but if You are wondering whether it's worth to write a mean flame back, stop for a moment.

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If the critique was at least somewhat helpful and related to the story, it means that dude or dudette spent some time reading it. It’s a heads up for any author, huh? Now, the fact they also cared enough to explain that there might be an error or two probably made your prized possession look graceless, but isn’t it for the better? Bear in mind I have posted over a thousand reviews in Sonic the Hedgehog alone. Yes, nobody likes that bastard going: “Hey, u! Your wrong!” because whoever dares to correct you is probably a high and mighty prick. Even if the one reviewing is as gruesomely graphic (silly) as the example, why should you waste Your time fighting about personal values? They pointed out a thing or two in your second chapter (even though you’ve had six uploaded), so why not laugh at them by actually improving? It really can shut a critic up. And a silent critic is a sight to behold, or behear.

I feel like I should point out how absolutely stupid that line is, but my brain is just so overwhelmed with the sheer amount of words in this fucking profile. This guy just can't shut up.

I can't wade through any more of his profile, it's just so damn ridiculous. He seriously says the same things like fifty million times with bigger and fancier words, and it just won't fucking end.

Why does he keep capitalising "you" like a pretentious fuckwit

oh wait

I call dibs on his terrible, terrible Twilight story. Just give me a day or two.

Holy shit that Lord Kevin dude.

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I needed to find a way to make my reviews shorter, but still efficient.

Yes, being more concise would do you (and everyone else) much good.

Lapin wrote:

Noni wrote:

Also, their campaign to get non-native English speakers' accounts all banned.

But...this guy...is a mod... and I...ooh, the bunny is confused now.

I don't have the links in front of me (too lazy to look, but I suspect that combing diligently through the Fandom Wank entry would probably turn them up) but IIRC there was a bunch of wank about LU members harassing and mass-reporting people who were non-native English speakers, had only moderate English errors in their stories, were trying to learn better English and used betas.

The justification was something about how using fan fiction to practice your English is a misuse of fandom and is polluting the entire pool for everyone who wants to swim.

So, long story short, if you're already an LU member or otherwise high on their brown-nose list for whatever reason, you might be able to get away with being a non-native English speaker, but otherwise they think it's an invitation to open the floodgates of harassment and reporting. Meanwhile, persons with worse grammar/spelling problems who don't mention being non-native English speakers on their profiles don't get reported.

The combination of assorted fluffiness and gentle reminders that you'd better give in to our whims if you know ehat's good for you made me think that Dolores Umbridge and the Roman Catholic Church had bred.. Reading at BSL's profile had the syrup oozing out of my eyeballs.

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The simplest way to avoid deletions is by not breaking any rules. Not hard to do at all. Causing an uproar doesn’t help, either, because it’ll only have negative affect on you – it’ll make you look bad. So, instead, simply change your story when a warning by a reviewer is forwarded; this way the report becomes invalid.

Fail to do so and the consequences may be… severe. *giggle*

I leave nasty reviews, but reporting is another thing - especially since the ultimate decision to delete a story is made by a 'bot using God only knows what algorythm, and there is no appeal.
These people are pricks of the highest order, and don't get me started on the non-native English especially since I haven't verified that part, but since when has it started to bloody fucking matter?

Ah, I get it: it's easier to hunt for profiles with the string "not a native speaker" (that's what search engines are for), then gang up and go tearing apart the grammar and spelling. I have it on both profiles that I'm a foreigner, I'm rather proud that I can master a second language at a level where native speakers compliment me on my writing style, and all this time I was in danger of being reported by them because my story has too much punctuation or whatever, and I was a target of opportunity.

These people as sad a bunch as we are, only they hide behind masks of respectability while displaying the same behaviour they say they won't tolerate from others not in their clique. Menhir-sized pricks, the lot.

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The simplest way to avoid deletions is by not breaking any rules.

Or not looking at us funny.

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Causing an uproar doesn’t help, either, because it’ll only have negative affect on you – it’ll make you look bad.

Do not complain - we're always right.

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So, instead, simply change your story when a warning by a reviewer is forwarded; this way the report becomes invalid.

Your fanfiction must conform to our whims, or else.

Just saw littledorrit's sporking of Lord Kelvin over in New Releases. This shit is absolutely priceless!

@4shadowedice4: Your retort was brilliant! Did you ever get a response to that?


Oh my, and they are a quite well-read bunch indeed. That whatever-saurus has this note at the end of her Alien/Predator gorefic:

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Author's Notes: As I'm sure some of the more well-read of you are aware, the death of Hannah is quite similar to the ending of 'Of Mice and Men.' I loved the scene in that book, and felt it appropriate to mimic.

So...the ending of Mice and Men inspired you to write about alien test subjects suffering a gory death? Why do I get the feeling you didn't understand that book at all? You just wanted to rip off a scene from a classic and gloat about it to show how *intelligent* and *deep* you are...


edit: Wow her profile is even more of a riot than her shitty fic.

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Name: Leilah/Jessica/Lear/Georgica/Georgie-Porgie/George Lucas Trouble Dufresne (take your pick :D)

(did you know that the more nicknames you have, the less of a life you have? Friends aren't part of the equation, apparently)

Yeah, if you have a bazillion stupid embarrassing nicknames it just means you have lots of friends!!1 I feel bad for all of you poor fools who AREN'T nicknamed Georgie-Porgie! Suck on that!!!11

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This profile has been revised again because I have nothing better do while it's the summer break from uni.

Really, someone as well-rounded and intelligent as you can't find anything better to do that sit on your ass and badly imitate scenes from classic works of literature, the authors of which would probably slap you upside the head if they could see it? Aren't you just so cool

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Don't believe the lies people tell about me in a petty attempt to lighten my image. I'm not a nice person. I have no heart. I will eat your children and suck the marrow from their bones, and then pour their blood into a pot and serve you it mixed with afternoon tea.

And then maybe steal your wallet as an afterthought.

Oohh aren't you sooo wicked badass! I wouldn't want to cross you that's for sure, you hardened criminal you, now I'm so afraid that you might pick out my spelling errors on the internet or something

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I don't care for your feelings, and quite frankly, I probably never will.

Controversy is fun, and if you're offended, you're doing it wrong.

(oh my. aren't I just so edgy and naughty)

(...yes, that was sarcasm. le gasp)

...Wait, saying that you're edgy was meant sarcastically? After that whole speech about you not being a nice person and pouring my children's blood into afternoon tea and all, you mean that was just for show?! omg you totally had me going there! totally had me going! haha you're so edgy and witty and just begging to be trolled you unbearably pretentious fuckwit.

Owlish wrote:

Oohh aren't you sooo wicked badass! I wouldn't want to cross you that's for sure, you hardened criminal you, now I'm so afraid that you might pick out my spelling errors on the internet or something

I think this has been posted, but it's funny every time:

Spoiler:

Fully-automatic drugs omg

@grmblfjx I actually hadn't seen that before, cracked me up! lol I had no idea there were so many gangsters on the internet...

Sorry to double-post, but I was poking around whatever-saurus' profile, because it really is a treasure-trove of lulz, and lo and behold she links her LiveJournal as her homepage...and maybe this is getting too personal, but I came across this entry that I could not resist sporking.

Her journal title is "Confessions of a Sex God (no srsly)" ...are you serious? I honestly can't tell anymore. I don't even know if you know. That title just screams douchebag, but you have previously noted your penchant for sarcasm (ahem..."le sarcasm") but you have also made it clear that you think you're hot shit and have loads of internet fantards fawning over you, so...

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You know, I always wonder if I have any lurkers to my journal.

You know, LJ implemented a tool more than a year ago to allow you to see users who visit your journal. Either you're incredibly technologically inept, or just unbelievably self-absorbed. My money's on both.

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Maybe some of the haters stuck around, wondering if I'd be an idiot on LJ again regarding 'the public' (as I like to call the mass of the internet).

HAHAHA oh good lord. I'm going to start referring to the internet en masse as "the public," as in, I have to hurry and bang out the next chappie even tho it's going to suck, my public awaits!!1 You are the most pretentious fuckwit I can't even, wow

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I highly doubt anyone keeps tabs on me;

"I'm going to write an entire journal entry about lurkers who I totally don't think are lurking"

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I don't update this thing enough for gossip and I'm aN uninteresting person when you get right down to it. About the only mildly interesting things I do are protest and run a forum on FFnet.

You "protest," eh? What exactly is it that you protest? Anything and everything your friends think should be protested? Because the issues aren't important, just that you get to raise your voice and generally make a fuss that's the fun part! (Fucking hipster) This sentence is even more hilarious when we remember that her FF.net pseudonym is now "I-don't-sign-petitions-asaurus." Irony, what's that again?

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This year's been an odd one. I've had time to put my priorities in order...and upon reflecting, I've realised the LU falls pretty low on the list. Before uni, FFnet was pretty much my life blood. Lot of problems at home meant I stayed on the internet for my sanity more than anything. And running the LU, reporting, and dealing with hatemail kept me occupied.

So being a pretentious arrogant hypocritical narcissistic xenophobic fuckwit on the internet kept you sane? Aww you poor twoubled widdle twit, seeking all the attention you can get by pissing people off how precocious of you

and blah blah blah "I've risen above needing the internet for all of these reasons"

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So what's the point of this post? Well, this morning I found that a hater had PM'd one of the ex-members of the LU (who still posts on the forum):

SO SCREW ALL OF THOSE REASONS I JUST BABBLED ABOUT BEING A DUMBASS ON THE INTERNET IS TOO MUCH FUNNNN~

Whatever-saurus proceeds to post the entire exchange with a fellow fantwit...how can I put this..."hilarity ensues." Yes.

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Also,
the Literate Union doesn't delete stories. The admin do. The Union
only reports stories that break the rules. If the admin delete it, they
must have a good reason, right?

Seriously, now? Technological ineptitude on a massive scale here, because anyone with half a brain knows that FF.net admins often have no reasons, let alone good ones, for deleting shit

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Oh,
and I'll be posting your PM and my response up on the forum. ^.^ Since
you obviously think you're so tough and smart to take us on."

The line that gets me the most is the last one. It positively drips with
USI (unwarranted self importance, for those unfamiliar with the
acronym).

Hey, it's like Rachel Ray! Let's make up acronyms that take twice as long to explain and totally defeat the real purpose of an acronym!

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I may not be the nicest or most caring of people, but I do my best not to see things bigger than they are. That includes the LU.

LOLOLOL oh wow I just laughed so hard I projectile-vomited all over my keyboard

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I see The Literate Union as a means to clean up a shitty site that was
once important to me. FFnet isn't anymore, if I'm honest. I'm no longer
dependent on the internet to be happy, and the friends I made there I
keep in touch with on IM, text message, or even email. And while the LU
is slowly having an effect on the site quality (only a little, but
still),

lol srsly? I feel like there's a mathematical equation to prove that deleting any number of random stories from FF.net would make the quality of that site better. Actually let me crunch a few numbers on my smartphone...it'd be more evidence than this twoubled widdle twit has on the issue...

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FFnet fucked us over with the forum purge. Once that had
happened, any love for the site I'd had left pretty much disappeared.
They could have got off their arses and deleted more stories to free up
bandwidth. Instead, they delete their forums. Dick move, guys.

HOMG gaiz, a site called FANFICTION.NET should have deleted FANFICTION to make room for forums, not the other way around! how inconsiderate of them

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For the LU members (ex, forum, [SIC] current):

You're
not important. You never were. You never will be. That includes me and
all my moderators -- especially the ones who seem to think we have some
form of 'power.' All we are is a controversial internet forum that
attracts members because of what we do. We have no power, and don't try
to fool yourself otherwise. If the site wanted to, we'd be gone in a
second. Keep that in mind next time you gloat.

YEAH YOU ARE POWERLESS, POWERLESS MY MINIONS!!1 NOTHING MATTERS OMG IT'S LIKE NEITZCHE OR SOMETHING, I'M INSPIRED TO WRITE ALIEN DEATHFIC ABOUT IT

I really love how she whitewashes what they've done as being "controversial" like they have legitimate reasons for reporting stories, instead of just their own random code of conduct...sure, you being a bunch of self-righteous blowhards on the internet and people getting upset is "controversy"

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For the outsiders and lurkers who declared the LU to be evil, assholes, etc.:

There
are bigger and better things in life than FFnet. So your story was
deleted? Big deal. Look out of the nearest window. See the outside?
You're missing all that beauty and life to argue with me and my friends
over something you'll have forgotten about in a few years. Don't waste
your time on something you won't remember. Go out and make some awesome
memories. Trust me, they'll stay with you forever.

Yeah, screw all the time you put into writing, it wasn't important! A bunch of self-important twits on the internet reporting your stories because they like "controversy" doesn't really matter! I wonder how "I-don't-sign-petitions-asaurus" would react to her own stories being deleted, hm...


Also, her LJ bio:

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Oki doke....

My name is Jess, but call me whatever you want. I'm a
chick, nineteen years old, and a gamer. I love to read and write, I
know how to horse-ride and cook, and used to do martial arts (before my
knee gave in). I pretty much live on Fanfiction.net and run The Literate
Union there. If you're a Twilight fan, you might have heard the recent
Twlight vs. LU drama.

Hmmm...what is this LU v Twilight "drama" you speak of?

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According to lurker opinions, I think I am
the shit and have the biggest case of unwarranted self importance. I
should make badges of my new descriptions or something.

Yes, making a badge to announce to the world your "unwarranted self-importance" is the best and most amusing way to prove you do not have "unwarranted self-importance"

Ms. Genius doesn't realize that she's merely graduated from "asshole dripping with USI" to "common troll".

An asshole is an asshole, no matter where it poops on.

This looks promising, When I get some time I'll do a hardcore snark of thier pokemanz fic.

The LU=[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] desperately pretends they aren't cyber-bullies & their reporting is "for the 'good' of the site"

*On Assaurus' profile, Assaurus wrote:

Even though I run the Literate Union (which I'm not going to babble on about. If you cared enough to know more, I'm sure you could click the link I left somewhere on this page. Or something) my spelling, grammar, and punctuation is not perfect. And believe it or not, I do not demand perfection from anyone else, either. I imagine now there will be snorts of laughter, sniggers, and 'what bullshit!' across various sites where some people discuss us--

You? Never! Where would you get that idea? [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
And nope, nobody ever counted on you to preach what you practice.

*On Assaurus' profile, Assaurus wrote:

(and to those aforementioned people who will now make comments on their message boards about how arrogant I am, you KNOW you discuss us. Think it's my ego? What are you doing now, then? What will you do when you're done reading this? ;D)

...Yea it's your ego! No one else is systematically isolating people to bully in a fail way under the pretense of good intentions.

*On Assaurus' profile, Assaurus wrote:

"Do you think you have flame powers or anything?"
"Yes. It's called 'grammar.'"
Irintwat and me, respectively

...Wut? o.O 'Grammar' is not a superpower despite what the LU may think.

*On Assaurus' profile, Assaurus wrote:

ஜ۩۞۩ஜ˜"°•.✮.•°"˜ஜ۩۞۩ஜ--I totally didn't steal this at all. Nope. :D--ஜ۩۞۩ஜ˜"°•.✮.•°"˜ஜ۩۞۩ஜ

You write stories off copyrighted material on FFN-

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Nice to know your conscience does the minimum requirement, almost. It reflects(accurately) on the you & the LU.

Notanoni wrote:

However, LU members have obviously been all over the LU article on Fanlore to rewrite it to make it look as if they're really great people who are certainly doing the right thing.

Kelvin & the LU jump on anything about the LU on the web so they can sugar coat it up to make their Soviet Gulag look like a candy house on the outside. They did this with ED. Must be interesting, being them.

*Assaurus of FFN wrote:

Feeling the need to quickly respond to fans and counter messages they feel are misleading, the LU created a special forum topic to document any movements dedicated to either persecuting LU members or bringing anarchy into FFN.

You know, silence the critics! But you know as the LUons said:

*Generic LUer of FFN wrote:

Have fun~

*Aquaman LUer of FFN wrote:

Good chance of lulz, based on the few posts he's made so far.

Totally not trollish at all.


I was just lurking to see if they saw this site when I came across this gem.

*Jimmy the Sparkling LUer of FFN wrote:

Irin (dear God, I said the name... she'll appear eventually). She's a typical anti-LUer. One with a countless number of socks.

...Why would anyone appear on their forum just because you said their name? Barely on FFN anymore, what dumb@sses! No one cares except the LU who appear everywhere their name is, so expect them soon unless they're busy calling the waambulance. Like they did for the LU fandomwank("guys they're talking about us again"-Assaurus). That's why they have the 'Fire Brigades' topic. And I believe one of them has 30 accounts, for srs.

*Generic LUer of FFN wrote:

Oh. That sounds... annoying.

It's because I'm not in the LU isn't it?

*Generic LUer of FFN wrote:

Whose Irin? Can I blow up her house?

That doesn't look crazy or anything...

*Generic LUer of FFN wrote:

Is this person really that bad?

Ahahahahaha! It's leik totally not an opinion but the truth, cuz leik you know the LU says so

Lapin wrote:

Why, these people must never violate the rules. Never ever.

That would be hypocrisy.

So why don't a few of us just comb through a few of your member's stories, and check?

Assaurusfid: 1600268::
1.tw1l1t ID: 35387939 [color=darkblue]From the Report button list:[/darkblue] Summary not G rated

Peeta the Frosting Prince id: 1406711::
1. A Little Glass Via id:5852722 From the Report button list: Summary not G rated
2. Going Nowhere id:4285553 From the Report button list: Summary not G rated
3. Reflections on a Sniper Rifle id:5847964 From the Report button list: Summary not G rated

Qzil id: 1328116 ::
1. Angels id:6516005 From the Report button list: Summary not G rated

In FFN's Rating's Guide, G=K, I'm not sure why FFN still uses G. According to the guidelines K is:

Quote :

Intended for general audience 5 years and older. Content should be free of any coarse language, violence, and adult themes.

The people who crusade against badfics don't even bother to follow the rules, how interesting! I confronted them once and their reply was "Whatever, I don't care". Suspiciously the stories were never touched even though I reported it a couple of times. So be wary of FFN 'pit of voLUes', every story and click on a story is funding a shady admin. God(maybe the LU's) knows what that money is being used for...[url][/url]

Sparten submitted some user's profile in the Liter Onion's critique flame request with the instructions:

Quote :

Destroy him. Destroy his story list and salt the earth.

What patient, helpful people aimed at improving the site, huh? Not trollish or anything at all...

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Even though I run the Literate Union (which I'm not going to babble on about. *proceeds to babble on*

This is too easy.

Quote :

(and to those aforementioned people who will now make comments on their message boards about how arrogant I am, you KNOW you discuss us. Think it's my ego? What are you doing now, then? What will you do when you're done reading this? ;D)

What really grates about attention whores is when they're oblivious.

Quote :

However, LU members have obviously been all over the LU article on Fanlore to rewrite it to make it look as if they're really great people who are certainly doing the right thing.

Bitch, are you even trying?

Quote :

Feeling the need to quickly respond to fans and counter messages they feel are misleading, the LU created a special forum topic to document any movements dedicated to either persecuting LU members or bringing anarchy into FFN.

The self-importance, it burns.

Quote :

Why, these people must never violate the rules. Never ever.

That would be hypocrisy.

So why don't a few of us just comb through a few of your member's stories, and check?

Quick, let's find excuses and harass them with reports! In the off chance one gets through, we win!

Quote :

Destroy him. Destroy his story list and salt the earth.

I guess those idiots think that saying that in such a ridiculous context makes them feel like Caesar.

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:

I guess those idiots think that saying that in such a ridiculous context makes them feel like Caesar.

In the LU the admin is literally God, the other felt upstaged and became Ceaser. There are also people who are always right; people who can educate you there but can't write good stories with proper grammar, coincidentally; smart complete idiots, concritters with flamethrowers, & Australian Sex Gods(different hemisphere different Gods). Their hobbies include polygamy, being assholes, and a desire to murder.

I wanted to drop a link to this forum on their Fire Brigade for the giggles but I realized I might be blocked from their forum.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

*LUer wrote:

For something that's been existing for three months, I'd have thought it at least reached beyond the first page.

I'm not sure this board operates at LU/domain time, 3 chats per day, gotta be #1!

You don't have to put spaces in the URLs here.

I just registered so when I posted a link it said I had to wait a few days. Not sure if that still works, let me see if that's still true. Ok you're right, I can post links now, yay!

*Pure Evil Breed wrote:

I am a member of no group and none of the things I say or do should be taken as something other than personal opinion/act. Of all things I could possibly be, I'm a lurker first and foremost. Any and all grievances that may come as the consequences of my words and/or actions are my responsibility and mine alone.

The standard LU BS disclaimer to thinly veil the cult mentality. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

*Rock Tunnel(LUer possibly Aron) wrote:

Basic human drive dictates a retaliatory response when attacked by a perceivedly inferior organism. Not just humans, either, it's a constant across all sentience. ... I'm saying that the LU sees you as inferior, not me.

Oop, slipped up there, chuckles!

*Bitter Sea Light? wrote:

I've also noticed you haven't written anything of your own. So ... I think that says something, doesn't it?

According to the LU you don't have to be a chef to taste a dish, a producer to rate a movie on Rotten Tomatoes, or a writer to comment on someone's writing.