Ungodly Bedfellows: Frank Miller's "The Spirit"

Superman may've been the first long-underwear superhero, or at least the first one that everyone remembers, but long before Clark Kent was hiding his identity with a pair of ten-buck glasses and beating the crud out of the bad guys of Metropolis, Denny Colt was hiding HIS identity with a tiny domino mask and beating the crud out of the bad guys of Central City. Will Eisner's "The Spirit" was a trailblazer of the color-supplement comic-book genre, jam-packed with striking heroes, beautiful women, bad puns, engrossing visuals, and okay, fine, a lot of really racist caricatures. But it's certainly not much of a stretch to say that the Spirit was a forerunner of a lot of the most beloved superheroes today. Eisner's unique blend of humor, drama, and action-adventure make the Spirit comics an enduring classic.

Then along came Frank Miller. Apparently not content with violently sodomizing history, film noir, and the reputation of the entire female sex, Miller decided to get involved in the making of a "Spirit" film. The result was a cinematic abomination that, if our readings are to be believed, caused Will Eisner's corpse to reach 75 rpm by opening weekend.

I recently conducted an experiment. While I'd seen the film before, I was always too busy goggling at the badness to actually record what was going through my head at the time. In lieu of actually doing something clever, I present here a list of jotted stream-of-consciousness observations--the diary of someone who watched "The Spirit" and [barely] lived to tell it. This post contains my notes for the first fifteen minutes of the film.

Here begins notes:


What the hell? Death is speaking to the Spirit? That's, erm, a little out of character for this universe.

Oooh, kitties! Lots of kitties! And the cemetery lair looks just like it does in the comics. I approve.

What's with the film noir look? Eisner's Spirit was full of vibrant color.

Sneakers—very useful for sneaking. I approve.

Interesting that the live-action film has more of a comic-book feeling to it than the actual comic.

“My city?” Now you're bloody Batman? What's with the angst? What's with the GROWLY VOICE? Denny, my boy—PLAYTHING? Jesus Christ! Abrupt tonal shift!

Written by Frank Miller. We're doomed.

Okay, the title echoes one of the most famous splash pages from the comics. Approve.

Beating up a mugger. Love the '30s attire and cloche hat.

“Call your shrink if you've got one.” A little dark for this guy.

Massive tonal shift between alley encounter and dark growly voice over. Someone's desperately aping “The Dark Knight,” I think.

Lol, bullfrog.

Crappy attempt at dramatic scene-setting via lingering shots on a cute doll. Ten lashes.

Femme fatale in the house! Eva Mendes? Oh, crap.

Spirit being quiet about mysterious trouble going down, Octopus involved. I've just realized the big problem with comic book movies—what looks good on paper sounds really damn stupid coming out of a living person's mouth. “Who knows how far his tentacles reach.” Not saying it, not saying it . . .

Spirit sees Angel of Death—Lorelai (preppy name for the Ultimate Reality)--in lot. Other dude sees her too. Confirmation of what I thought was a crappy metaphor. Shit.

TURN DOWN THE GRITTINESS. IT'S KILLING ME.

Guy's been shot, presumably by FF. Has seen a beautiful woman—death or FF? Yep, FF. She didn't kill him, though. Someone else did. Tried to kill her as well? Must be our boy Octorok.

Retrieving mysterious packages underwater. Oh, no way she can still be breathing.

Now our shooter's jumping in.

Cool effect with flapping HO SHIT THAT'S SAMUEL L JACKSON.

“Shut up and bleed.” Very Silk Satin.

SLJ's hat makes him look like a disgruntled cowboy who took “ten-gallon hat” too literally. Huge brim. Coming up through water, looks like mariachi man.

Octopus has one of two boxes.

SLJ entirely too modern for Octopus role. Knocks out Spirit, makes “party” joke.

TOO CHEERFUL. Kicks Spirit into mud puddle, which I really wanted to do myself. Return of the death mariachi.

Now three identical bald guys are conversing about what they're gonna do. They seem to be Octopi's henchmen. One of them has the word “PATHOS” written on his t-shirt. I can't make this shit up. Either Frank Miller's taking the piss out of the whole thing, or someone really really missed the joke.

FF's name is Silken Floss. Name, not Silk Satin? Wild Rice? Dulcet Tone? Wisp O'Smoke? C'mon, guys, you had Eisner's whole repertoire at hand! (Note: found out later that the main girl's name was actually Sand Serif. Ha ha bloody hah.)

Other two thugs labeled “ETHOS” and “LOGOS.” Sheesh. One of them keeps saying how beautiful SF is.

Oh FF is NOT Silken Floss. Silken Floss is Scarlett Johanssen in cats-eye glasses. Very nonchalant. Suspect baldies vat-grown; seem to lack higher brain function.

Hee, muddy Spirit.

Angry Death Mariachi now looks like he's wearing runny mascara.

Wait, it's an Eisner movie and the two people mud-wrestling are men in heavy coats? What? Did FM miss the part where Eisner invented the half-naked spy chick?

God damn it! Kick his ass, Octopus!

Spirit wins—oh wait, Octomom clobbers him. Yay! Dude's having fun. Traps him in broken toilet, says “Toilets are always funny.” It's official: the bad guy is the only one in on the joke.

Pathos shoots the Spirit. Spirit flopping like a fish, whacks Pathos with big metal pole. Octopus signs off, promises to see Spirit again. Both still flopping around casually like they're two frat boys who just finished wrassling. They're talking like buddies. Tough-guy stuff? Terrible!

Obligatory villain “I'm just like you, good guy” speech. Script apparently written by computer, trained monkey, or even Stephanie Meyer.

Octopus says Spirit can take a lot of punishment, just like him. Implies that . . . he, too, has been chased by death, or something? Aaah! The death mariachi returns again! GET RID OF THE DAMN HAT.

Death's back. She's got a forehead like a Klingon piercing fetishist.

Spirit getting woken by blonde—Ellen Dolan. So far, most sensible and likeable character. Spirit: I'll be
fine.” Ellen: “You're bleeding out of your head.” Seems destined for dreaded “sensible girl” role, but will take sensible girl over Damsel in Distress.

I'm not at all familiar with The Spirit, but when I saw it in the theater, I kept thinking 'this is some kind of joke, right?'

I dunno. I enjoyed it because it was so LOLtastic.

Also.

"THIS IS FOR MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!"

Maximilia wrote:

I dunno. I enjoyed it because it was so LOLtastic.

Also.

"THIS IS FOR MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!"

This. It was a terrible, horrible movie, and I watched it in a state of absolute disbelief (because the people making it had to be on some serious drugs if they actually thought they were making a GOOD movie), but it was also very funny, if only because it is so campily, utterly, appallingly weird and stupid.

I really resisted making a whores whores whores joke until I saw the trailer that introduced all the ladies.

So much whoring.

Frank Miller why do you strive to make me hate you.

I actually thought the women were less whorey in this one - at least they were all relatively strong, interesting characters compared to most of Frank Miller's.

Anyways, I enjoyed it for the utter campy hilariousness. It made me laugh and stare and be entertained. That's what a movie should do. I don't even care if it's nothing like the novel, I've never read it and I probably won't.

Again, I enjoyed League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (obvious problems aside with it--it was a popcorn flick) but I hadn't read the graphic novel, which was way cooler. I haven't read the Spirit, and I enjoyed this.

Mafiosa wrote:

Frank Miller why do you strive to make me hate you.

[Frank Miller]Because I'm a self-destructive wacko, that's why![/Frank Miller]

Mafiosa wrote:

I really resisted making a whores whores whores joke until I saw the trailer that introduced all the ladies.

So much whoring.

Frank Miller why do you strive to make me hate you.

To be fair, Scarlett Johansen's character was by far the most badass and the only one worth liking in the entire movie, and she was a lady.

Heh Heh, I just wrote a post about this movie in my blog (click the link in my sig).

"Load up the box and pile in, specimens. You've done your petri dishes proud."

Mafiosa wrote:

I really resisted making a whores whores whores joke until I saw the trailer that introduced all the ladies.

So much whoring.

Frank Miller why do you strive to make me hate you.

He also gets off on taking iconic characters with clearly defined moral codes and well-developed personalities and turning them into one-dimensional, psychotic cardboard cutout Marty Stus whose asshole behavior we're expected to root for (Batman), WHORES WHORES WHORES (Catwoman), psycho bitches (Wonder Woman, Black Canary), and brain-damaged retards we're supposed to hate simply because of who they are (Superman, Green Lantern). And he's woefully ignorant of comic book history, blaming the Adam West Batman TV show for stuff Bob Kane and Bill Finger did back in the early '40s and using that to pimp his agendas. Simply put, he's a talentless, egotistical asshole who repeats himself over and over again (thus exposing himself as hopelessly one-note) and thinks he and he alone knows what's best for characters who predate him by decades. In short, he's the Tim Burton of comic book creators.

When he first signed up to direct The Spirit, he asserted that the movie he planned to make was not going to be based on what Eisner actually did, but on what Miller believes Eisner's intent was. Which roughly translates to "Fuck Eisner, I know better than he does and my vision is the only correct one." Which is bad in and of itself, but Miller purports to have been a close buddy of Eisner in his later years. That's sickening, to think that he'd knife his supposed friend in the back.

Jeez, dude, don't beat around the bush!

Ye GODS, that movie. The husband dragged me to it. I have never read the Spirit before, and I sure hope this... "movie" wasn't faithful to it, because then I'd be worried that a classic comic is a humongous pile of shit.

I don't remember much of the movie beyond the start of the Nazi!Dentist!Bondage!Catmelting scene - my brain popped up a BSoD and refused to reboot.

However, Eva Mendez and Scarlett Johannson (whom I usually really don't care much for) were hot. And Johannson's character actually kinda fun (she was the only one, though). And that was all that was good about this thing.

Saleha wrote:

Ye GODS, that movie. The husband dragged me to it. I have never read the Spirit before, and I sure hope this... "movie" wasn't faithful to it, because then I'd be worried that a classic comic is a humongous pile of shit.

It's not. Miller made it clear from the beginning that this was going to be HIS idea of what Eisner was doing, not what Eisner actually did. He freely admitted to Maxim that he was willing to "tread on" on the source material to get what he wanted. It's no more faithful to Eisner than Miller's Batman stuff is to Kane and Finger (and in fact, a faithful treatment by Brad Bird -- one he'd been working on since the '80s -- was trashed to make room for Miller's take.)

By the by, there's a TV movie of The Spirit from the late '80s that's quite a bit more loyal to Eisner, if a little self-mocking. It stars Sam Jones (Flash Gordon) as the Spirit and Nana Visitor (Deep Space Nine) as his lady, and features the character's signature blue suit. It's hard to come by, though.

Quote :

However, Eva Mendez and Scarlett Johannson (whom I usually really don't care much for) were hot. And Johannson's character actually kinda fun (she was the only one, though). And that was all that was good about this thing.

Johannson's got another comic book role in the pipeline: she beat out Emily Blunt for the part of spy-superhero Black Widow in Iron Man II. Let's hope that movie works out better for her.

Eisner should have lobbied big-time for someone else as directory.

Chris91 wrote:

Eisner should have lobbied big-time for someone else as directory.

Considering Miller was actually offered the job at Eisner's memorial service, I think it would have been a bit difficult.

Spotts1701 wrote:

Chris91 wrote:

Eisner should have lobbied big-time for someone else as directory.

Considering Miller was actually offered the job at Eisner's memorial service, I think it would have been a bit difficult.

Just prior to the release of The Spirit, Lionsgate gave him Buck Rogers as his next movie. And they were already bragging about how he was going to use "his signature visuals and thematic elements" to tell a story of "corruption and redemption." In other words, it would have been WHORES WHORES WHORES, psychopath Marty Stus, violence for the sake of violence, meanspiritedness, no plot to speak of, unfunny "humor," and monochrome grimdark. Alas, upon The Spirit's opening weekend, Lionsgate fired Miller from Buck Rogers and benched the whole project. James Cawley of Star Trek: New Voyages has since been assigned by Buck's owners to do an Internet webisode series based on the original stories.

Nice to know Miller's incompetence saved Buck from being yet another iconic character for him to butcher.