*NSFW* LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! A Lolokaust Guide to Babycare in MS Paint

I see things seem a bit slow on here these days. Thats a shame, the crit was always very honest here. If there are still active posters here we'd love to know what you think of this.

A LOLOKAUST GUIDE TO ABORTIONS

The worst thing a man can hear from his beloved is “Honey, sniff sniff, I’m pregnant, we are going to be having a beautiful baby!” She probably thinks getting herself pregnant is the best way to keep you to herself. Perforating the condoms with pins and secretly coming of the pill are classic methods of ruining your life but these days we have a secret weapon, THE ABORTION!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend but an abortion is a trusty stead in a moment of panic to restore a man’s life to balance and equilibrium. We are going to show you how to take care of unwanted babies.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Throw away your condoms and pump away comrades! The age of the abortion is upon us which means no longer do you have to sacrifice that wintastic feeling of barebacking her without a hat on. Bang her and fire as much protein shake up her snatch as you like, it doesn’t matter because you can make her have an abortion.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


What if the dumb fuck wants to keep it? Well get ready guys, there’s going to be tears and screaming but you have to be strong and make her understand it’s all her fault. True, it takes two to make a baby and a good shot of baby batter from your creamstick, but it’s her responsibility to take the morning after pill to kill any life in inside her.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


THE METHODS

So what are the ways of killing the unborn? Spin the wheel is the answer to that one, there’s so many to choose from. Some methods you can do together as a family and some need to be booked at the local butcher’s shop. Regardless of the method you choose, it can be a great night in or a fun day out. One method would be to just stab the cunt to death and get rid of them both.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SUCTION ASPIRATION

Well this is pretty much a vacuum cleaner only 30 times more powerful. They stick a suction tube with a scraping tool on the end of it up her foof and press play. If they forget to numb her first, you can have a good wank to her screams as all the fragmented foetus and placenta fly up the tube.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


DIALATION AND CURETTAGE

This is pretty much as above except the end of the sucker is a sharp slashing and cutting tool which hacks the unborn up so it exits more easily. One problem with this is it can cause damage to her box, resulting in a nasty infection and causing her to become a liability as opposed to a washing/fucking machine.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


DIALATION AND EVACUATION

After about 12 weeks the fucking sprogg will start to grow so they need to call in Mr Scissors! A sharp pair of forceps is wedged up her to tear the baby’s limbs off so they can be pulled out. After the arms and legs are in the trash the head is crushed and pulled out. When all that crap is out of the way the torso and other gooey bits are ripped out. Looks like sushi.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION

This ones great as it’s used when the baby is fully formed. Using forceps they drag the child out so that only its head is wedged up the trout’s mouth, the rest of the baby is dangling out of her whilst it’s still alive. Using a pair of scissors, (yes Mr fucking scissors again) a cut is made at the base of its skull. The brains are then sucked out causing instant death, allowing it to be removed in one piece.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


CHEMICALLY INDUCED

CONTRAPTIONS! CONTRAPTIONS! Yes filling her full of some kind of pharmaceutical wonder drug can cause the birth to start immediately. They say the contractions can be so violent that they decapitate the baby as it comes out. If it manages to survive that, there’s a good chance you’ll get to see it drop out of her fur burger and break dance on the doc’s operating table as it gasps its last breath. Now that’s a fucking show.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SMOKE, DRINK AND TAKE CLASS A DRUGS

That’s not hard as they are three things we all enjoy doing. Getting wrecked every night and filling one’s blood with toxins will poison the critter. Heroin, excessive alcohol and some Cuban Cohebas should do the trick..

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



GOAL KICK

It’s the World Cup final and you have to take the penalty shot that could win the tournament and immortalise you and the team forever if only you kick the ball hard enough. Actually, it’s your pregnant fuckbuddy and you’ve got her tied to a tree with her legs open. You know what to do, take a good run up and swing that leg like your life depends on it. Splat!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


TOW ROPE

If your car gets stuck in deep mud then a tow rope is what you need. A pregnancy is very similar to a stuck car in the sense that you got to pull the cunt out. Loop the rope round the kid and as your driver hits the gas, jump on her guts. It’s head might get ripped off but at least its dead.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


COATHANGER

A homebirth classic, this is a simple method where you stick a sharp metal object up her minge and thrash it around till stuff starts dropping out. This is cheap, safe and painless.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SPADE

Who like gardening? Yes, me too. Lay the bitch out on the floor and dig the little bastard out through her stomach. After you’ve managed to dispose of the miniature, use the mother’s hollowed corpse as a grow bag for your tomatoes.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



SNATCH AND GRAB

Keeping things simple can be the best way. Most girls like to be fingered and this is similar except your whole arm goes up her meat chute. Slide your hand up and push past any resistance. When you get about elbow deep you should be at the right place. Now grab as much as you can and pull your arm out. Your unborn should now be disposed of or made into a shake.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


PINCUSHION

[color=teal]If you put your hand on the mother’s stomach you might feel or even see the baby kicking, it’s an amazing feeling to think theres a life in there. Now you’ve located the child stick it with a collection of kitchen knives and kill it.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



THE AFTERMATH

After it’s all over you can look back and reminisce about your experience. A good idea would be to keep a reminder of your adventure and keep the dead baby. Get an airtight jar and fill it with formaldehyde, then put the baby in the jar for a nice mantelpiece feature or a great paperweight. Why not buy it a Christmas present every year like a new jar or play the home video of its execution on its birthday and watch it together as a family.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Don’t forget the grandparents. Take it round so they can see the grandchild they never had and remind them that their family line won’t continue, but will end in a glass jar. Smash the jar over one of their heads and make the other one eat the corpse. Show them the other ten jars of the other aborted children they’ll never see grow up and save their grief and misery for your wank bank.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



COT DEATH
[color=maroon]Every man has his moments of weakness and you might be stupid enough to actually let her talk you into keeping it. Even if the creature’s room is decorated and occupied it’s still not too late to abort. There’s a few cheap, fun and quick ways to get the fucking thing dead.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


You got to be a man of action and get your shit locked down quickly before anyone gets used to having ideas about keeping it, you got to kill it quick. Get a shoe in and stamp the bastard to death but just make sure you do the job properly so the docs on the ward don’t bring it back to life.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Camping and cooking round a fire is a great way to get in touch with nature and… yes, fuck that, just find a private enclosed location to spit roast it for about nine hours so it’s cooked through. Stuff and apple in its mouth and herb stuffing up it’s ass to maximise favour. Drink red wine and enjoy your miniature long pig before you celebrate with a nice fuck.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


You’re flicking your bean and all you can hear is the fucking baby screaming its head off. The fact you haven’t fed it in three days might be the problem so you are going to have to take a break and shut it up. Baby food is specially formulated to give it all the goodness and nutrients to help it grow big and strong. Dog shit, broken glass and drain cleaner are the three main ingredients of good quality baby food so get it fed and carry on.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


After the baby is born you will suffer from stretch marks, saggy tits and a body so awful, a necrophile wouldn’t fuck you. Waste no time, tone up again. Boxers have the most ripped bodies of all sportsmen so take up the training regime of a boxer. Hang your newborn from a rafter like a punch bag and give it everything you’ve got until it’s reduced to a bloody rag. Bare knuckle training with rings on your fingers will reduce your baby to bits in no time at all.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



CONCLUSION

Abortions are funny, sexy and a good excuse to watch some dude in a white coat fuck your girl with a vacuum cleaner and a toolkit. The DIY option allows you to enjoy a bit of mutilation, screaming and role play. This is a new age, an age where the consequences of our actions are no longer a worry, no longer a problem. Choose life, choose an abortion!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Project director:
Jewdozer

Text:
Jewdozer


Art:
Ajaa
Bftony
Cumbutcher
Hashmere
Homodozer
Jewdozer
JonEvil
Nyaa
Smilecythe

I thought we kicked this guy out.

Chris91 wrote:

I thought we kicked this guy out.

Not quite what I was after. What did you think of this guide? Come on honey, express yourself.

Personally? It makes me hope you will chug a gallon of bleach and thereby rid the world of your worthlessness.

you get an 'E' for effort.

e for affort is a start but "go drink bleach" I find that quite nasty.

jewdozer wrote:

e for affort is a start but "go drink bleach" I find that quite nasty.

Are you really in any position to complain about anything being nasty, though?

Azzandra wrote:

jewdozer wrote:

e for affort is a start but "go drink bleach" I find that quite nasty.

Are you really in any position to complain about anything being nasty, though?

Even rapists have feelings.

jewdozer wrote:

e for affort is a start but "go drink bleach" I find that quite nasty.

No1curr

Seriously, leave. We don't want you here.

Azzandra wrote:

jewdozer wrote:

e for affort is a start but "go drink bleach" I find that quite nasty.

Are you really in any position to complain about anything being nasty, though?

Survey says: NO HE'S NOT!

I'm not a troll, I've just brought you something to look at, no big deal.
Forums throw the t word around when they have nothing constructive to say to a new member who brings something to the table. I might actually be a genuine poster.

Which would be great if you actually brought something to the table. You don't.

Now be a good boy and nip off to shoot yourself now, okay?

Sheba wrote:

Which would be great if you actually brought something to the table. You don't.

Now be a good boy and nip off to shoot yourself now, okay?

Is the art not well drawn? MS Paint is not an easy program to use if you are drawing detail. No custom brushes or tricks. You call me a troll yet you are desperately trying to bait me. Some of you are trying too hard, your bait should be more subtle.

jewdozer wrote:

I'm not a troll....

As Cyberwulf often says to her dog, "LIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Everything about you shouts 'troll' in capital letters.

I didn't much like the fluctuation in styles in this one. Some of the art was nice, some of it was awful, much of it looked very traced to me which did spoil it a bit. The first picture is the best, though.

^Also way fewer attempts to be genuinely funny. Now it's all SHOCK SHOCK SHOCK which is boring in .02 seconds. I AM DISAPPOINT U GUISE

Seule wrote:

I didn't much like the fluctuation in styles in this one. Some of the art was nice, some of it was awful, much of it looked very traced to me which did spoil it a bit. The first picture is the best, though.

Thanks for the comment. I can say with 100% certainty that the art is not traced. We do use a few ref pics to get the perspective right but all the art is freehand. The fluctuation in style is down to the unique way these things are made, made by a few people.

rae wrote:

^Also way fewer attempts to be genuinely funny. Now it's all SHOCK SHOCK SHOCK which is boring in .02 seconds. I AM DISAPPOINT U GUISE

It's too easy to to label it as an attempt to shock, it's simply adult humour and it's not to everybody's taste. What do you think would make them better? If you were writing a guide to abortions how would you approach it?

More comments like these please.

Hm. 2/5, JD. Not great, not especially shocking after /b/, but at least you're putting your back into it.

jewdozer wrote:

I see things seem a bit slow on here these days. Thats a shame, the crit was always very honest
here. If there are still active posters here we'd love to know what you think of this.

A LOLOKAUST GUIDE TO ABORTIONS

The worst thing a man can hear from his beloved is “Honey, sniff sniff, I’m pregnant, we are going to be having a beautiful baby!” She probably thinks getting herself pregnant is the best way to keep you to herself. Perforating the condoms with pins and secretly coming of the pill are classic methods of ruining your life but these days we have a secret weapon, THE ABORTION!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend but an abortion is a trusty stead in a moment of panic to restore a man’s life to balance and equilibrium. We are going to show you how to take care of unwanted babies.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Throw away your condoms and pump away comrades! The age of the abortion is upon us which means no longer do you have to sacrifice that wintastic feeling of barebacking her without a hat on. Bang her and fire as much protein shake up her snatch as you like, it doesn’t matter because you can make her have an abortion.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


What if the dumb fuck wants to keep it? Well get ready guys, there’s going to be tears and screaming but you have to be strong and make her understand it’s all her fault. True, it takes two to make a baby and a good shot of baby batter from your creamstick, but it’s her responsibility to take the morning after pill to kill any life in inside her.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


THE METHODS

So what are the ways of killing the unborn? Spin the wheel is the answer to that one, there’s so many to choose from. Some methods you can do together as a family and some need to be booked at the local butcher’s shop. Regardless of the method you choose, it can be a great night in or a fun day out. One method would be to just stab the cunt to death and get rid of them both.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SUCTION ASPIRATION

Well this is pretty much a vacuum cleaner only 30 times more powerful. They stick a suction tube with a scraping tool on the end of it up her foof and press play. If they forget to numb her first, you can have a good wank to her screams as all the fragmented foetus and placenta fly up the tube.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


DIALATION AND CURETTAGE

This is pretty much as above except the end of the sucker is a sharp slashing and cutting tool which hacks the unborn up so it exits more easily. One problem with this is it can cause damage to her box, resulting in a nasty infection and causing her to become a liability as opposed to a washing/fucking machine.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


DIALATION AND EVACUATION

After about 12 weeks the fucking sprogg will start to grow so they need to call in Mr Scissors! A sharp pair of forceps is wedged up her to tear the baby’s limbs off so they can be pulled out. After the arms and legs are in the trash the head is crushed and pulled out. When all that crap is out of the way the torso and other gooey bits are ripped out. Looks like sushi.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION

This ones great as it’s used when the baby is fully formed. Using forceps they drag the child out so that only its head is wedged up the trout’s mouth, the rest of the baby is dangling out of her whilst it’s still alive. Using a pair of scissors, (yes Mr fucking scissors again) a cut is made at the base of its skull. The brains are then sucked out causing instant death, allowing it to be removed in one piece.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


CHEMICALLY INDUCED

CONTRAPTIONS! CONTRAPTIONS! Yes filling her full of some kind of pharmaceutical wonder drug can cause the birth to start immediately. They say the contractions can be so violent that they decapitate the baby as it comes out. If it manages to survive that, there’s a good chance you’ll get to see it drop out of her fur burger and break dance on the doc’s operating table as it gasps its last breath. Now that’s a fucking show.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SMOKE, DRINK AND TAKE CLASS A DRUGS

That’s not hard as they are three things we all enjoy doing. Getting wrecked every night and filling one’s blood with toxins will poison the critter. Heroin, excessive alcohol and some Cuban Cohebas should do the trick..

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



GOAL KICK

It’s the World Cup final and you have to take the penalty shot that could win the tournament and immortalise you and the team forever if only you kick the ball hard enough. Actually, it’s your pregnant fuckbuddy and you’ve got her tied to a tree with her legs open. You know what to do, take a good run up and swing that leg like your life depends on it. Splat!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


TOW ROPE

If your car gets stuck in deep mud then a tow rope is what you need. A pregnancy is very similar to a stuck car in the sense that you got to pull the cunt out. Loop the rope round the kid and as your driver hits the gas, jump on her guts. It’s head might get ripped off but at least its dead.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


COATHANGER

A homebirth classic, this is a simple method where you stick a sharp metal object up her minge and thrash it around till stuff starts dropping out. This is cheap, safe and painless.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


SPADE

Who like gardening? Yes, me too. Lay the bitch out on the floor and dig the little bastard out through her stomach. After you’ve managed to dispose of the miniature, use the mother’s hollowed corpse as a grow bag for your tomatoes.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



SNATCH AND GRAB

Keeping things simple can be the best way. Most girls like to be fingered and this is similar except your whole arm goes up her meat chute. Slide your hand up and push past any resistance. When you get about elbow deep you should be at the right place. Now grab as much as you can and pull your arm out. Your unborn should now be disposed of or made into a shake.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


PINCUSHION

[color=teal]If you put your hand on the mother’s stomach you might feel or even see the baby kicking, it’s an amazing feeling to think theres a life in there. Now you’ve located the child stick it with a collection of kitchen knives and kill it.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



THE AFTERMATH

After it’s all over you can look back and reminisce about your experience. A good idea would be to keep a reminder of your adventure and keep the dead baby. Get an airtight jar and fill it with formaldehyde, then put the baby in the jar for a nice mantelpiece feature or a great paperweight. Why not buy it a Christmas present every year like a new jar or play the home video of its execution on its birthday and watch it together as a family.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Don’t forget the grandparents. Take it round so they can see the grandchild they never had and remind them that their family line won’t continue, but will end in a glass jar. Smash the jar over one of their heads and make the other one eat the corpse. Show them the other ten jars of the other aborted children they’ll never see grow up and save their grief and misery for your wank bank.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



COT DEATH
[color=maroon]Every man has his moments of weakness and you might be stupid enough to actually let her talk you into keeping it. Even if the creature’s room is decorated and occupied it’s still not too late to abort. There’s a few cheap, fun and quick ways to get the fucking thing dead.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


You got to be a man of action and get your shit locked down quickly before anyone gets used to having ideas about keeping it, you got to kill it quick. Get a shoe in and stamp the bastard to death but just make sure you do the job properly so the docs on the ward don’t bring it back to life.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Camping and cooking round a fire is a great way to get in touch with nature and… yes, fuck that, just find a private enclosed location to spit roast it for about nine hours so it’s cooked through. Stuff and apple in its mouth and herb stuffing up it’s ass to maximise favour. Drink red wine and enjoy your miniature long pig before you celebrate with a nice fuck.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


You’re flicking your bean and all you can hear is the fucking baby screaming its head off. The fact you haven’t fed it in three days might be the problem so you are going to have to take a break and shut it up. Baby food is specially formulated to give it all the goodness and nutrients to help it grow big and strong. Dog shit, broken glass and drain cleaner are the three main ingredients of good quality baby food so get it fed and carry on.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


After the baby is born you will suffer from stretch marks, saggy tits and a body so awful, a necrophile wouldn’t fuck you. Waste no time, tone up again. Boxers have the most ripped bodies of all sportsmen so take up the training regime of a boxer. Hang your newborn from a rafter like a punch bag and give it everything you’ve got until it’s reduced to a bloody rag. Bare knuckle training with rings on your fingers will reduce your baby to bits in no time at all.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



CONCLUSION

Abortions are funny, sexy and a good excuse to watch some dude in a white coat fuck your girl with a vacuum cleaner and a toolkit. The DIY option allows you to enjoy a bit of mutilation, screaming and role play. This is a new age, an age where the consequences of our actions are no longer a worry, no longer a problem. Choose life, choose an abortion!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Project director:
Jewdozer

Text:
Jewdozer


Art:
Ajaa
Bftony
Cumbutcher
Hashmere
Homodozer
Jewdozer
JonEvil
Nyaa
Smilecythe

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