Not so Toy Story

Today I'll be reviewing New Toys Can Be Killer

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Snow lightly sprinkled the Davis's lawn one bright Christmas morning. Mrs. Davis had woken Andy and Molly up, and all three had ventured downstairs in their PJ's, bringing large blankets to help keep themselves warm. Andy and Molly looked around at the many presents Santa had brought for them as Mrs. Davis prepared some hot chocolate as was customary on Christmas mornings.

"Look Molly!" Andy said to his little sister, "Santa brought us all of these presents!"

"Yay!" She clapped happily, a string of drool hanging from her mouth. Andy laughed as Mrs. Davis came in.

"I've got hot cocoa!" She announced, handing some to Andy.

"Alright!" He said happily, quickly taking his large green mug of hot chocolate.

"Who's ready to open presents?" She asked, sitting down and bringing Molly onto her lap.

Well Everything seems Normal so far...

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"Me! Me!" said Andy as he grabbed a large present wrapped in bright red wrapping paper with little reindeer scattered about on it.

"Bambi!" Molly laughed, pointing at the reindeer.

"No, dumbass. Rudolph," Andy said.

"ANDREW DAVIS!" Mrs. Davis scolded her son. "Where did you hear that word?"

"The Rosie O'Donnell show."

Why would a Kid be interested in Her/Him?

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"Well," Mrs. Davis thought for a moment. She didn't want to say 'Don't watch that show anymore, young man!' because she LOVED the Rosie O'donnell show, and she would just be a huge ass hypocrite in front of her darling children.

No You should STILL Tell him not to watch it.

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"Ok, sorry, mommy," Andy said sweetly.

"Apologize to your baby sister."

"I'm sorry, Molly," Andy mumbled. While this took place, the little green Army men skillfully made it into the Davis's Christmas tree to spy-er I mean, see which presents the children would be receiving.

Actually Spy is the correct word for it.

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They brought Molly's baby moniter with them, while the toys upstairs in Andy's room had the receiver. They used this system whenever Holidays or birthdays came about. They would use this to find out which toys the kids had gotten, so they wouldn't soak their panties with too much anticipation.

Didn't think to hear THAT in a Toy Story Fic

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Andy went back to his present and viciously tore the wrapping paper off like a demon deer eating its prey, skinning the flesh off it's very bone.

"WOW!" Andy exclaimed, holding his present up.

"What'd you get?" Mrs. Davis asked, smiling.

Andy looked at his gift, confused. "A pair of extra large bras and lime green thongs?" He looked over at his mother.

What the hell.

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"Oh, that must be MY present from Santa!" She said quickly, grabbing the box of undies and bras from her son. "Gee, thanks Mike," her husband, "For the gifts..." She mumbled.

"Well, Andy just recieved a pair of huge ass bras, and some thongs," The army men reported to the toys in Andy's bedroom.

"Ooh, baby!" Both Bo Peep and Woody said, their faces lighting up with delight.

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"Nevermind, they're just for Mrs. Davis," The army men told the toys.

Andy reached over for one of HIS gifts. Mrs. Davis quickly checked to make sure her son wasn't going to open a box of some fresh pads or tampons, and let out a sigh of relief seeing it was for Andy.

"Wow! A new set of Hotwheels cars!" Andy happily said. "Look what Santa gave me!"

"Wow!" Mrs. Davis said, "Let's let Molly open one now."

"Ugh, fine," Andy said, grabbing one of Molly's presents and throwing it at her. The corner stabbed Molly in the eye, and she flew back, screaming.

"ANDREW!" Mrs. Davis said, raising her voice. "WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?"

Is Andy trying to kill his sister? Dear god this is like Christmas on Elm Street.

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"I'm sorry, Molly!" Andy said, tightly hugging his sister.

Mrs. Davis sighed, and inspected her eye. "It looks like she'll be okay." She quickly helped Molly open her present.

Looks ok? Looks Ok?! How About Taking her to the Fucking Doctors to get it looked at?

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"What'd Santa bring her?"Andy asked curiously.

"Wow! A brand new pink Piggy bank!" Mrs. Davis said.

"And Molly recieved a piggy bank," The soldiers reported.

"What a crappy gift," Mr. Potatohead said.

"Speak for youself!" Hamm said. "Sounds like I'm going to find myself a girlfriend!"

I don't know why. But i love this quote. It's like Hamm is going "Fuck You i'm a piggy bank."

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Andy reached over for a present wrapped in dark purple wrapping paper, with little skulls decorated on it.

"What the hell?" Andy said.

"Santa emo!" said Molly.

Who taught the Toddler the word Emo?

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"I don't remember wrapping that present..." Mrs. Davis thought. "Oh, duh, Mike obviously got it for Andy. God, doesn't he know Emo wrapping paper and 8 year-olds don't mix?" She shook her head as Andy tore the paper off.

"Whoa," Andy's eyes widened.

"What'd Santa give you?" His mother asked, curious.

Yes do describe our definitely not Antagonist.

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"Some ugly-ass puppet named Bambi!" Andy held up his present. It was a box with a strange puppet inside. The puppet had light skin, and a round nose, with dark purple lips. It had short, but kind of spikey black hair, and green eyes. It was wearing a black t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and black shoes with a skull on each tip of the foot. In huge, bright letters on the box written in yellow read "BAMBI! THE MAGICAL PUPPET OF PLAY TIME!"

So the Inverse of this?[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Wow, what a cool toy!" Mrs. Davis lied.

"Yeah. Sure," Andy said unenthusiastically, throwing it aside. Next came one of Molly's gifts.

"Ooh, the new Malibu Rachel doll," Mrs. Davis said as Molly held up a Barbie-type doll with brown hair.

"Yay!" Molly exclaimed, joyfully clap.

"This sucks!" Andy said suddenly. "How come I get the crappy gifts and she doesn't?"

Yeah how dare Andy not get Malibu Rachel!

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"Andy!" Mrs. Davis scolded. "Don't be so selfish! Now open your presents right now!"

"Oh, shut up!" Andy spat. "You just want us to finish so you can go run off and watch the Rosie O'Donnell show!"

He had her there.

"That's not true!" She lied.

You Really need to tell us She lied?

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The rest of the morning consisted of more gift unwrapping, and joyous family bonding (with Molly get poked in the eye by a pine needle from the Christmas tree and rushed into the bathroom). The soliders reported each and everyone gift and present as they were unwrapped and packed their things up when the Davis family was finished.

"Well," Woody said finally when the soldiers signed off. "Looks like we've got some new toys to meet!"

Whether this would be good or bad was still yet to be found out...

Some doll that was wrapped in Emo wrapping paper? I think it's good.

You wrote the story, didn't you.

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You wrote the story, didn't you.

Fuck No. I could write a better story then this Guy. A much better "Toy Story".

Why is Andy being a massive asshole?

Just reading this fic; I feel my childhood being raped. Viciously. With a trombone.

Rule 34, people. Rule 34.

Thel33tmaster4 wrote:

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e]
"ANDREW DAVIS!" Mrs. Davis scolded her son. "Where did you hear that word?"

"The Rosie O'Donnell show."

Why would a Kid be interested in Her/Him?

Considering the variety of genders/sexual preferences present on this board, you may not want to try and score by calling an out lesbian a "he", no matter what you may think of her, mkay? *is personally not a fan of O'Donnell, since she's got the wanky-but-unfunny thing down pat, but really...*

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Considering the variety of genders/sexual preferences present on this board, you may not want to try and score by calling an out lesbian a "he", no matter what you may think of her, mkay?

I Was Referring to this joke. Sorry if i offended anyone.

I laughed super hard at the fact that you posted a picture of Glen.
and I laughed super hard at how Andy was suddenly a dick.

whoever wrote this must have only watched Toy Story once.

I loved Toy Story as a kid! But this...

Oh my god, I think my childhood died a violent death upon reading this.

Chapter 2 Meet the Bambi.

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Later on it the day, after the Rosie O'Donnell show was over for the hour, Mrs. Davis told Andy to go get dressed. They were going to visit their cousins.

Heil Donnell!

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Andy rushed upstairs and burst into his bedroom. He began to quickly get undressed. Woody watched from atop the dresser he was on, and Bo Peep scurried over from Molly's room to watch. When Andy was finished, Bo Peep ran off again and Woody remained lifeless. Andy quickly ran off and the toys all came to life when the sound of the front door closing was heard.

"Let's go meet the newcomers!" Slinky Dog said merrily.

"Right, I'll go get Molly's toys," Mr. Potatohead offered, and ran off. Eventually, all of the toys in the house ventured to the stairs and began to climb down. Buzz and Jessie walked down hand in hand, staring deeply into each others eyes. Woody rolled his eyes and pulled Bo Peep closer to him. She quickly slapped him across the face, and furiously kicked his nuts, running away from him.

Toys have Reproductive Organs?

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When everyone finally reached the bottom of the stairs, they crossed over into the living room, where much of the news toys were already out of their boxes.

"Hello everyone!" Woody said.

"Well Hi!" Malibu Rachel ran over to Woody and gave him a big hug. "The name's Rachel, and you are?"

"Um...Woody..." Woody said, a little scared.

"Well aren't you just the cutest thang!" Malibu Rachel laughed, and then looked over at Buzz. "Scratch that, you ain't the cutest thang," She said, suddenly pushing him away. "You are!" She cried happily, skipping over to Buzz and hugging him.

Well we have our Annoying character in this story.

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Back off," Jessie warned.

"Oh, I see you're taken? I guess I have no choice...but to go back to the cowboy..." She looked over at Woody, who was picking his nose.

I'll give you a moment to visualize that...done laughing? Lets move on.

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"Hello, everyone," A cold voice spoke behind the toys. Woody turned around and gasped. A weird puppet stood, looming over everyone. "The name's Bambi."

Everyone's mouths fell slightly open, except for Woody, who burst out laughing.

"BAMBI? AHAHAHA! WHAT KIND'VE OF NAME IS THAT?"

Gee Woody way to be a dick.

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Silently, Bambi walked over to the Christmas tree. He grabbed a large, green glass ball ornament with the words "Andy's First Christmas" written on it with red glitter paint. He walked over to Woody and forcefully smashed it on top of his head.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?" Woody screamed as blood trickled down the side of his face.

Toys have blood?

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"You deserved it, asshole," Bambi said, picking up a piece of the shattered glass ball and stabbing Woody's private area as hard as he could.

Again, Toys don't have Penises and Vaginas!

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"Not to worry, everyone," Bambi said, dropping the glass piece. "I'm a really nice guy, as long as you don't laugh at my name, like bozo over here."

"If you do i get...Angry [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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The Davis family walked onto their front porch and Mrs. Davis fiddled with the house key, trying to get the door open. It was frozen. She twisted the doorknob furiously, and pushed as hard as she could into the door repetitively. Molly looked up and noticed icicles.

"Ooh, pwetty!"

Mrs. Davis shoved her shoulder into the door as hard as possible, causing the house to shake. The icicles snapped from their bases and flew down, stabbing Molly in the eye.

"AHHHHHH!" Molly screamed, running around in circles.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Mrs. Davis and Andy screamed.

What the hell is with this guy and Andy's sister?

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"MOLLY!" She quickly dragged Molly away into the bathroom. Andy shrugged and stepped inside, slamming the door behind him. He walked over to some of his toys, and spotted Bambi.

"I have a special place for you," He said, picking Bambi up. Bambi seemed to be grinning, which creeped Andy out. He quickly carried the box upstairs, and ran into his room. The toys were in their original spots, all lifeless. Andy walked over to his bed, and pulled out Slinky Dog and Rex, and shoved Bambi under the bed.

"Hopefully I never have to see you again," He mumbled as he pushed the puppet under the bed. He left Rex and Slinky out in the open and went back downstairs to go play with his new Christmas toys.

"Ooh, that's harsh," Slinky Dog said.

You know why is it that only the side characters are in character?

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"That little asshole!" Bambi spat, standing up.

"It's ok," Woody said, walking over. "Andy only likes the cool toys."

Woody is a bigger dick then Andy. i wouldn't be surprised if this is is face through the story. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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WHAT THE HELL!" Bo Peep screamed, turning to run as fast as he skinny little legs could run. She accidentally tripped and landed a faceplant on the floor, chipping her nose off. Blood started gushing out. "OW! MY NOSE!" She screamed as Bambi ran over to her. He quickly picked her up, tossing her down the flight of stairs. He laughed as her body flew through the air.

"OH MY GOOOOODDDD!" She screamed before hitting the floor at the bottom and smashing into a billion pieces. Molly and Mrs. Davis were just walking over when a glass shard flew into Molly's eye. She screamed and flew backwards, hitting her head into the wall.

"BO PEEEEEEEP!" Woody exclaimed, running over. "NOOOO!"

All the toys looked over at Bambi, horrified. He was a murderer!

Well it runs in the family.

Molly should start wearing goggles.

I think this author's idea of making the story 'realistic' is to have ridiculous amounts of family conflict and swearing all the time. And to have Molly getting poked in the eye a lot.

Mind you, it is Toy Story made into a horror movie so what did I expect.

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Andy rushed upstairs and burst into his bedroom. He began to quickly get undressed. Woody watched from atop the dresser he was on, and Bo Peep scurried over from Molly's room to watch. When Andy was finished, Bo Peep ran off again and Woody remained lifeless. Andy quickly ran off and the toys all came to life when the sound of the front door closing was heard.
"Let's go meet the newcomers!" Slinky Dog said merrily.
"Right, I'll go get Molly's toys," Mr. Potatohead offered, and ran off. Eventually, all of the toys in the house ventured to the stairs and began to climb down. Buzz and Jessie walked down hand in hand, staring deeply into each others eyes. Woody rolled his eyes and pulled Bo Peep closer to him. She quickly slapped him across the face, and furiously kicked his nuts, running away from him.

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Toys have Reproductive Organs?

I think the bigger problem here is that all of Andy's toys like to watch him get undressed.