By this time, I think this forum is aware that I NEVER FINISH ANYTHING. That probably explains my magpie-like attraction to stupid girl movies, but hey, last time totally wasn’t my fault. (My dad deleted Legally Blondes off of the PVR :<)
Let’s plow on through with Kate and Leopold, 2001’s romcom of choice, starring and oh-so-2000’s choppy bobbed Meg Ryan and a Laughably Young Hugh Jackman. What makes this movie spork-worthy isn’t readily apparent at surface value. The acting is great. The budget is high. The dialogue is funny. What ruins the movie is that once you actually start thinking about it, it makes no goddamn sense. Not in the “time travel is impossible!” way. No, no. I’m a huge Who fan. I can buy time travel. It’s much more subtle than that. It’s a “How can that character be so utterly blind and/or dumb that they never saw the truth in the first place” impossible.
Logic is glossed over with that candy-sweet romcom glaze and pretty faces with plucky sidekicks chug this steampunk movie forward at a quick pace. (which, this movie truly is. The time-traveler even has goggles for chrissake)
Kate and Leopold is a fancy, extra-dancy logistical nightmare and that is why we love it.
I bet this movie would be so much better high.
And we open to some uplifting classic orchestral music as the camera winds through some brass gears ‘n cogs ‘n shit. I told you this movie was Steampunk.
Pan out to Ye Olden Dayes new York. Some dude with a german accent is revealing his latest and greatest invention, and also keeps saying the word “erection”. He carries on making ominous soundbytes about time and the fourth dimension.
Pan out further to Hugh Jackman not paying attention and sketching the bridge of Time Immortal on an old-timey drawing-thing and old-timey dip-pen.
Pen out further to utterly CHOPLESS men in bowler hats. What a load of douchecakes.
In the background a suspicious looking character dives deeper into the crown. HE WEARS A TRENCHCOAT AND GOGGLES. CLEARLY NOT OF THIS ERA.
Cu to old-timey babes shooting some bustled-up ass-cleavage at a dashing/foppish Hugh Jackman. He is unamused by such ridiculous fashion/flirting.
Time Traveler tries to take a photo of Hugh Jackman on a tiny spy camera, but he notices and tries to chase him for some unknown reason. Despite not knowing what the guy was doing in the first place. Must have been the goggles.
Cue more Victorian boobage and more chasing.
Cut to a wide Shot of Hugh Jackman’s house. He has given up chase for some reason and is now late for his Party Whatever. English butlers abound.
Hugh Jackman is getting full-on buttlerized two-on-one as someone fixes his shirt and the other fixes something else on his shirt. He is holding an old-timey brandy and waxing poetic about how Victorian chicks are way too stiff.
Hugh Jackman goes down to his Party Whatever in a strangely baroque coat that wouldn’t even be considered retro-cool for the time. He is formally romanced by Kristen Schaal of Daily Show fame and Never To Be Taken Seriously As An Actress. (It’s not for lack of talent, it’d be the same if John Stewart tried to play a dramatic role as the President. It just couldn’t happen.)
Her oddly cutesy voice and damp, lame, privileged womanliness provide no attraction for forward-thinking Leopold. He wants a girl with, dare I say it, spunk.
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