Dear God in Heaven, It Has it's Own Archive?

So I'm fiddling around on the internet, as I'm wont to do when I should really be doing something important, and out of curiosity, I clicked on a link from a website, and discovered a place that no sane Cockroach should ever find themselves confronted with:

The Mpreg Archive

All MPREG, all the time. Stuffed to the gills with weepy ukes, ass babies, and every pregnancy cliche in the book.

And oh, the fandoms that are abused within. Anime. Buffy/Angel. CSI. House. Dr. Who. Torchwood. Heroes (Syler/Mohinder seem to be the pairing of choice). Lord of the Rings. Supernatural. :panic:

And don't forget The Fan Art Gallery! Where characters we know and love are desecreted in ways they (and their original creators) could have never dreamed of.

Take special note of the Twilight section. Aapparently, there are a fair number of teenage girls out there who believe Edward and Jacob belong together, and are willing to do anything (including killing her) to stop Bella from standing in the way of their twu wuv and magical half-vampire/half-werewolf assbabies.

Ah internet fandom. Just when I think I've seen it all, you manage to pull something new out of your ass on me.

Well, I don't see what---

IS THAT A PREGNANT MERMAID!SORA DANCING WITH MERMAID!SQUALL??

I....I....

Ceres wrote:

Well, I don't see what---

IS THAT A PREGNANT MERMAID!SORA DANCING WITH MERMAID!SQUALL??

I....I....

After careful perusal of the fanart archive, I've decided that it's even more brain-breaking than the stories. To read something as words is one thing. To actually look at a picture of it...

I had no ambition to read tonight, so I looked through the slideshow.

One or two... were ok. Like, the guy had the look on his face of "WTF?!" which was sorta funny. The vast majority, however, made the mpreg... sexual. Like, romantic. Or something. I've never been pregnant myself, but I'm sure some of us moms out there can probably verify that at eight-nine months, they didn't feel sexy. Or romantic. I could be wrong, but...

And some of them were just brain-breaking bad. The mermen one for sure, but also a couple of the H. Potter ones, ESPECIALLY the one where I think it's Snape (maybe Alan Rickman in another role?), winged, wearing a speedo, pregnant, with his hand stuffed down his speedo. WAT. DO NOT WANT.

Why did I look at that? I hate Wincest. Wincest Mpreg is a million times worse.
I'll be in the muffled weeping corner with the rare good Dean/Bela smut.

Is that Captain Jack Sparrow in drag and pregnant? And the slideshow plays Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton?


:hair:


:bang:





:headshot:

OH.....

BLOODY....

HELL!!

AN MPREG ARCHIVE?!!

Makes me wish I had one of those Goldeneye satellites.

Do you know, I'd forgotten about them. The MPREG archive, that brings back memories.

They've changed the design. I liked the mauve lacy decor, it was funny.

I saw four Snapes in the artwork and several guys who may have been Snape. Why is he so popular to mpreg?

You've got me. *shrug*

Fairlight wrote:

I saw four Snapes in the artwork and several guys who may have been Snape. Why is he so popular to mpreg?

Magic. With magic even MPREG becomes possible. (I know, I've written Snape MPREG myself.)

Wasn't there a story where Snape's nose got pregnant?

...I wish that set up didn't seem so horribly familiar to me.

Melissa wrote:

Wasn't there a story where Snape's nose got pregnant?

Well, his nose didn't get pregnant; he just gave birth through it (I think) Unfortunately, I can't remember the title or pairing, and truth be told, I'm too frightened to venture into the Harry Potter section to see if it might be there. The Doctor Who and Torchwood sections have already scarred me for life. :headshot:

Lexin wrote:

Fairlight wrote:

I saw four Snapes in the artwork and several guys who may have been Snape. Why is he so popular to mpreg?

Magic. With magic even MPREG becomes possible. (I know, I've written Snape MPREG myself.)

Yes, but any guy in the Harry Potter world can be mpreged with magic. So why is it always Snape?

The combination of poorly drawn, pregnant anime-men and Paris Hilton was enough to make my jaw drop. What the fuck? And OMG did anyone else notice that they have Pregnant Angel/Elf Snape in that gallery?!

Fairlight wrote:

Lexin wrote:

Fairlight wrote:

I saw four Snapes in the artwork and several guys who may have been Snape. Why is he so popular to mpreg?

Magic. With magic even MPREG becomes possible. (I know, I've written Snape MPREG myself.)

Yes, but any guy in the Harry Potter world can be mpreged with magic. So why is it always Snape?

Because he's played by Alan Rickman, which means that instead of being the greasy-haired, poor hygiene practicing dickweed he was in the books, he's a handsome woobie who yearns for true love.

Fairlight wrote:

Lexin wrote:

Fairlight wrote:

I saw four Snapes in the artwork and several guys who may have been Snape. Why is he so popular to mpreg?

Magic. With magic even MPREG becomes possible. (I know, I've written Snape MPREG myself.)

Yes, but any guy in the Harry Potter world can be mpreged with magic. So why is it always Snape?

To be fair, it's only usually Snape. I wrote one where it was Harry who had the baby. He was a hermaphrodite. (Why am I explaining this? ...I'll stop while I'm ahead.)

Melissa wrote:

Wasn't there a story where Snape's nose got pregnant?

:tmi:

Wow, those pictures sure are hot.

I don't know about you but when I clicked on the fanart link I got a box that read "Create your own Slide" plastered over the pictures.
I didn't bothere to remove it, btw.

I've often heard fools come in groups, and that stupid attracts stupid.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Aapparently, there are a fair number of teenage girls out there who believe Edward and Jacob belong together, and are willing to do anything (including killing her) to stop Bella from standing in the way

Talk about a silver lining. Y'know, I've started reading Twilight and the most annoying thing so far is Bella. If some ghostwriter was tasked with doing a Twilight prequel before she moves in Forks, the result might be funny... like a sequel of that X-Men Annual in which Storm nearly vampirized Shadowcat.

quamp wrote:

I don't know about you but when I clicked on the fanart link I got a box that read "Create your own Slide" plastered over the pictures.
I didn't bothere to remove it, btw.

I've often heard fools come in groups, and that stupid attracts stupid.

Which would explain a lot about the New York state senate.

Why? Why does this thing exist, why?

....okay, morbid curiousity wins.

*Click*

HOLY FUCK THERE'S XAVIERxNIGHTCRAWLER!!!! WTFDONOTWANT!!!!!!


*Brainvomit*


....wait, how does that even work? Xavier's crippled from the waist down, isn't he? So how would he even get it up? Can that happen? Goddamn you, MPREG archive, for making me ask these things!!!

Also, if such a thing were possible it'd only be while Kurt was being mind-controlled by Xavier--he's Catholic, therefore the gay is teh EVUL! I seem to recall hearing that in Ultimate universe that actually destroyed his friendship with Collosus, who was gay.

...hm. This story contains a multitude of assbabies, all in the first sentance. Gambit has one, Wolverine has one, Angel is about to have one. And Xavier wants one. An assbaby of his very own, for Christmas. Annnn...

Why do they do these things? Why?