Alice 2010; if this is supposed to be dark, what's that make American McGee?

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks "futterwhacken" sounds like a German slang term for masturbation?

I thought that was the point. (Seriously though that was the funniest part of the movie.)

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks "futterwhacken" sounds like a German slang term for masturbation?

No, you are not.
"I shall Futterwhacken...vigorously." [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

People still watch Tim Burton movies?

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks "futterwhacken" sounds like a German slang term for masturbation?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] No. I thought it's more like the Swedish term.

The futterwhacken should have lasted longer. It was the best part of the movie.

Seriously, did they have to make it quite so OBVIOUS that it was Alice in that armour on the Oraculum? How hard would it have been for the armour to have a helmet?

And that ending... if a woman had spoken her mind like that in those years, she'd have taken a beating. The only reason what's-his-name made Alice his apprentice was because she was his old partner's daughter.

Him: "I was a fool for not investing in his mad venture when I had the chance."
Me: "So what, exactly, is stopping you from carrying it out now? You own his company and you think it's a good idea."

A woman as an apprentice in a huge business company? In those unenlightened times, that never would have happened, even if she was his old partner's daughter and his son's potential fiancee.

My issues with the movie are legion. For brevity's sake, I'll only mention the ones that have not been mentioned yet.

1) Okay, are any writers reading this? Good. Now, this is very important: Stop using "fulfilling your destiny" as a substitute for character motivation. Having a character fulfill a prophecy is an unspeakably dumb, overused plot crutch that cheapens the protagonist's accomplishments and destroys any sense of suspense. Of course he couldn't fail in his task, he was predestined to succeed!

2) If you want to make the moral of your story "never let anyone else tell you how to live your life, and never settle for what you're 'supposed' to be", make sure this moral is consistent with the events of the story. Likewise, if you want to tell a story about the power of prophecy and how even the lowest of us can be heroes, make sure this moral is consistent with the events of the story. Alice (2010) does neither; if Alice hadn't deliberately strayed from "the path" to go to the Red Queen's castle, she never would have gotten her hands on the Vorpal Sword. On the other hand, it is only when she accepts her role in destiny that she gains the courage to beat the Jabberwocky. Make up your goddamn mind. If you want the prophecy to have any teeth, make sure bad shit happens when she tries to go her own way; killing Mad Hatter or even the Doormouse as a direct result of Alice being where she's not supposed to could have accomplished this, letting her know the prophecy foretells what must happen for there to be a happy ending (and would have made a much better reason for her to break down and need another pep talk from the Caterpillar before fighting Big J, more on this below). On the other hand, if you really want her to succeed by following her own path, have her do so. For instance, the prophecy may have foretold a double KO, or Alice succumbing to her wounds shortly after killing the Jabberwocky. Alice reads that, decides "fuck that" and concocts a plan to kill the monster without offing herself (for instance, by having the Mad Hatter fight Jabberwocky in an Alice "disguise" only for the real Alice to gank it just as it realizes the deception). Trying to do both routes at once garbles the message and makes the ending phony as hell.

3) If you are going to use prophecy and play it straight, at least make it consistent. Since they first opened the Oraculum we all knew Alice was destined to face the Jabberwocky. It was a recurring motif throughout the movie that she would fight the Jabberwocky. People risk their lives to keep her safe because they knew she's the only one who can beat the Jabberwocky. Why, then, does the White Queen bother asking for a volunteer to fight the Jabberwocky? Why do non-Alice characters step forward? Most maddeningly, why does everyone wear such a low face when it is revealed that only Alice can slay it? We knew this over a fucking hour ago! It's not a revelation, it's not a surprise, and its not tragic. In order for this scene to make any sense, every single character present would have to have suffered laser-guided amnesia just before the director said "Action!"

I have other big problems with the movie, but those are the big ones.

The oraculum was the stupidest part of the story (apart from the ending). From the moment that oraculum was opened, we knew Alice was going to slay the Jabberwocky. I mean, it's right there in the prophecy.

Leave the cinema, come back an hour later, and BAM, nothing has changed in the slightest.

"The prophecy says Alice will slay the Jabberwocky."

It's such an overdone thing. If it's prophecised, it's going to happen, so why does that stupid Red Queen try to stop it? Even in Disney movies whenever there's a prophecy it gets fulfilled (like in Hercules). Why can't the prophet ever be wrong? I hereby prohesise that this post will be followed by another, and that somebody somewhere on this board will call me an idiot. Does this make me an accurate and reliable prophet?

Now if they had said things like "The calender of Oraculum doesn't have dates, just events," we could have thought, "Okay..." Or even if the Oraculum wasn't perfect.

It's stupid.

And besides, why does the White Queen fight with chess pieces and the Red Queen fight with cards? Through the Looking Glass had chess pieces, but for BOTH sides. Wonderland had NO chess pieces, but only cards.

The Red Queen is not supposed to be the Queen of Hearts. Why doesn't anybody ever remember that?

I have yet to see this movie, really.

Sounds like they tried to, idk, make Alice in Wonderland into an epic fantasy or something.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

I hereby prohesise that this post will be followed by another, and that somebody somewhere on this board will call me an idiot.

You're an idiot.

The prophecy came true!