Great Moments in Holocaust Literature: Blutige Liebe (NWS)

One hot, fiery day in Hell (but aren't they all?), Heinrich Himmler sat surfing the Internet. When he came across this story, he started to scream in anguish.

"Gott in Himmel, why? Why? Why would anyone write such a terrible story? And what kind of name is Natalie, anyway? Gott, strike the author down!"

Satan strolled over. "Now, now, Heinrich. You know God stopped listening to you when you had six million of His favorite people slaughtered. We've been over this before--many times, in fact. You've been here for almost sixty-five years."

Himmler looked up at Satan, horror on his face. "You wrote this! Only you could write such a horrible thing!"

Satan looked at the badfic. "Nope. Sorry. That one isn't mine. Don't you know the difference by now? I have some class!"

Himmler leaped to his feet in rage. "You won't even let me on Why, God, Why? to snark this!"

Satan sighed, giving Himmler a bored look. "Of course not, Heinrich. You're here for punishment. Why, God, Why? is fun."

"You must have written this! No fanbrat would be so foolish as to imagine herself my daughter!"

"You might be surprised, Heinrich, at what fanbrats can imagine."

"But this story doesn't even make sense!"

"Which is what proves I didn't write it. At least I know the difference between steak and ribs. Speaking of which..." Satan strolled back to his table, telling the buxom blonde waitress, "I'll have both, please...and a piece of that moldy bread from last Passover for my pal there." He pointed to Himmler.

Himmler gnashed his teeth. "That stuff makes me sick!"

Satan waved a hand dismissively. "Six million people tried to tell you the same thing." Then he relented slightly. Turning to the waitress, he said, "If he eats all his bread, you may bring him a drink, Natalie."

Himmler's screams could be heard on Earth and in Heaven, and in that sacred place, six million Holocaust victims settled more comfortably onto their clouds, dug into their Kosher meals, and smiled.

Lady Anne wrote:

Himmler's screams could be heard on Earth and in Heaven, and in that sacred place, six million Holocaust victims settled more comfortably onto their clouds, dug into their Kosher meals, and smiled.

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Lady Anne wrote:

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I love you and your dong-y roots!

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Lady Anne, please have my babies.

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But not all of the guys are like that. Most of them are really nice to
me, like getting me food or letting me shoot one of their biggest guns.

"MISS HIMMLER! Zhis is zee leichte FeldHaubitze. Over neun thousand yards away are ein hundert Jews lured by promises of delicious caek. You have two options, either keep walking and zee Jews will get their caek, or find out vaht happens ven you press zhis button. Which will it be?"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, what does THIS button do?"

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After I took a few bites of my salad I looked back up to the guard. He is still staring at me.

Quote :

The Nazi guard had his eyes on me the whole time.

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Oh wow. This story is all kinds of amazing in bad ways.

I loved the snarking of this. Some of it made me laugh out loud and try to explain to my roomates what was so funny.

TheHedonist wrote:

Quote :

After I took a few bites of my salad I looked back up to the guard. He is still staring at me.

Quote :

The Nazi guard had his eyes on me the whole time.

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An internet for you!

Still isn't the brainbreaker Angel of Death was. That one actually made me have to get up from the computer for a few to think coherently again.

I can't help but wonder on the author of this one, especially in light of her other fics up here on the intensive adoration on sadistic killers. Granted I can understand the fixation on real serial killers, my cousin had a major thing for Ted Bundy to where I'm still not quite believing her on the not writing him thing, and with the rahowa loons I can see them being all rabid over the nazis enough to come up with this sort of drek.

But this? My only sanity salver is it's someone just really immature who's just not thinking.

I'm pretty sure I can imagine a fight scene between Jews and Nazi's in a Kung Fu setting with 'kung fu warriors' playing in the background as they charge each other.

Reidmar wrote:

I'm pretty sure I can imagine a fight scene between Jews and Nazi's in a Kung Fu setting with 'kung fu warriors' playing in the background as they charge each other.

I'd watch that.

Was anyone else hoping that the other person involved in this romance would be Hitler himself or some other top Nazi official?

No?

Fine.

EDIT: Oh lord I just figured out where she got that statistic in the first chapter from:

Wikipedia wrote:

Himmler coordinated the killing of some six million Jews, between 200,000 and 500,000 Roma, many prisoners of war, and possibly another three to four million Poles, communists, or other groups whom the Nazis deemed unworthy to live or simply "in the way", including homosexuals, people with physical and mental disabilities, Jehovah's Witnesses and members of the Confessing Church.

Cool reading comprehension, bro.

It's pretty damn stupid to say that a story will offend Jewish people just because it's about the holocaust.

But Jewish people probably WOULD find this offensive, thanks to all the historical inaccuracies and general stupidness.

Himmler's daughter hating Jews I can believe. Her knowing the truth about what happened to Jews in those camps I can also believe (many Germans were unaware of the fact that the concentration camps were death camps). Hell, I can even believe in her falling for a Nazi soldier.

Himmler's daughter being allowed to roam freely around a concentration camp as long as she carries a gun? Oh please, COME ON! Why the hell would you WANT to see Jews, homosexuals, the mentally retarded etc being worked to death? Her past-time is watching people being treated worse than animals? Psycho.

Also, Lady Anne? Right now, you rock.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why the hell would you WANT to see Jews, homosexuals, the mentally retarded etc being worked to death?

Why are you bringing this up?

Reidmar wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why the hell would you WANT to see Jews, homosexuals, the mentally retarded etc being worked to death?

Why are you bringing this up?

Because it wasn't JUST Jews. Also, that's what you'd see if you went into a concentration camp. Some prisoners would be used as slave labour, which generally involved sowing and reaping farm produce for the guards and for sale to nearby towns, and digging graves because like hell were the guards going to do it. When they could no longer work they too were herded into the gas chambers.

dont forget the ones who were used as grunt labor building rockets for werner von braun

SirDixonDongs wrote:

building rockets for werner von braun

What do you mean this is only tangentially relevant? Shut up!

lehrer <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

SirDixonDongs wrote:

building rockets for werner von braun

What do you mean this is only tangentially relevant? Shut up!

Oh God, I haven't heard this since I was 11 and my brother Chris brought a Tom Lehrer record home from college with him. The humor went over my head at the time, but I gradually grew to appreciate it as I got older.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

sowing and reaping farm produce

Nope. They would have eaten the seeds, and like hell the guards were going to eat stuff that the filthy jewish pigs had had their poisonous hands upon.

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digging graves because like hell were the guards going to do it

This I can see, except, as you remember, there were crematory ovens to destroy the bodies - the Jews did indeed operate the ovens. Having stumbled upon the Katyn mass graves, the Germans were determined not to make the same mistake.
Also working in factories - the Allied raids on Peenemunde IIRC killed a lot of slave labourers, although these were most likely to be Soviet POWs or the 'treacherous' Italians.
But both for fear of sabotage and the idea that Jews were subhuman and not worthy of doing actual work, they were given useless tasks like running uphill with a heavy stone, then dropping it from a cliff. If the guards on top of the cliff judged the stone as too small, they'd push the Jew off the cliff, too.

Lady Anne wrote:

One hot, fiery day in Hell (but aren't they all?), Heinrich Himmler sat surfing the Internet. When he came across this story, he started to scream in anguish.

"Gott in Himmel, why? Why? Why would anyone write such a terrible story? And what kind of name is Natalie, anyway? Gott, strike the author down!"

Satan strolled over. "Now, now, Heinrich. You know God stopped listening to you when you had six million of His favorite people slaughtered. We've been over this before--many times, in fact. You've been here for almost sixty-five years."

Himmler looked up at Satan, horror on his face. "You wrote this! Only you could write such a horrible thing!"

Satan looked at the badfic. "Nope. Sorry. That one isn't mine. Don't you know the difference by now? I have some class!"

Himmler leaped to his feet in rage. "You won't even let me on Why, God, Why? to snark this!"

Satan sighed, giving Himmler a bored look. "Of course not, Heinrich. You're here for punishment. Why, God, Why? is fun."

"You must have written this! No fanbrat would be so foolish as to imagine herself my daughter!"

"You might be surprised, Heinrich, at what fanbrats can imagine."

"But this story doesn't even make sense!"

"Which is what proves I didn't write it. At least I know the difference between steak and ribs. Speaking of which..." Satan strolled back to his table, telling the buxom blonde waitress, "I'll have both, please...and a piece of that moldy bread from last Passover for my pal there." He pointed to Himmler.

Himmler gnashed his teeth. "That stuff makes me sick!"

Satan waved a hand dismissively. "Six million people tried to tell you the same thing." Then he relented slightly. Turning to the waitress, he said, "If he eats all his bread, you may bring him a drink, Natalie."

Himmler's screams could be heard on Earth and in Heaven, and in that sacred place, six million Holocaust victims settled more comfortably onto their clouds, dug into their Kosher meals, and smiled.

This is awesome.