Great Moments in Holocaust Literature: Blutige Liebe (NWS)

This is my first snark, so please be gentle.

I have come to the conclusion that everyone on this site has a fandom of some sort. Some people like X-Men. Others like Silent Hill. Still others like Dragonball-Z. Me, I like Holocaust literature. If done right, Holocaust literature can be a stunning snapshot of human nature in its best and its worst. If done wrong, something like Masondoll's creepy Schindler's List fanfic, "Blutige Liebe," can result.

"Blutige Liebe" is only related to the Schindler's List story by setting. While SL was about a conflicted, thoughtful businessman who ended up saving several hundred people from dying in gas chambers, BL is about Heinrich Himmler's fictional Mary Sue daughter Natalie falling in lurve with a concentration camp guard. If you think that that sounds icky and exploitative, know that the summary has nothing on the story itself.

Without further ado, I bring you..."Blutige Liebe"!

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything that has to deal with Schndlers List.

God, I hope not.

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You all might think I'm crazy for writing this, but I have a strange fascination to Nazi soldiers. Like, I seriously love them, so this will be a romance.

A drunk, scowling, blood-and-ash-covered, genocidal romance.

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WARNING: If you are Jewish, I highly recommend you not reading this. I am not racist against Jewish people, but this will be about the Holocaust as well, so I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Don't worry, little Mansondoll. Your Jewish readership bolted like a frightened gazelle about halfway through your disclaimer.

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Your name is Natalie Himmler.

How hard is it to Google German baby names?

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You are the only daughter of the famous Nazi Heinrich is the overseer of the concentration camps and death camps. He coordinated the killing of millions of Jews, between 200,000 and 500,000.

Millions of Jews? How many million? Oh, between 200,000 and 500,000. Right. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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He is one of the most powerful men in Nazi Germany.

Heinrich Himmler was one of the most powerful men in Nazi Germany. Drink it in, kids: this is the last smidgen of historical accuracy that you're going to see for a long, long time.

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You live in the house near Auschwitz (a death camp/concentration camp) with your father. (I'm just making it up that you and Heinrich live there. I'm not sure if he lived there or not, but this is my story.)

Fanbrat no need research. Fanbrat busy projecting sexual fantasies onto historical tragedy. Fanbrat indignant that you would bring up issues of historical accuracy. Fanbrat smash!

Note: Heinrich Himmler did not live next to Auschwitz.

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You see all of the bloody violence that goes on there, and sometimes you will even help out. (May I remind you that this will be a very violent story.) Your father is very protective of you, so you barely get to leave the house. You have no friends, just the dog that your dad had given you.

OH YOU POOR, POOR, PITIFUL THING! DO YOU NEED A HUG?

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You are 19 years old and have never had any type of boyfriend. You think that you will never get your chance at love, but you just have to wait and see....


I woke up to the sound of the Nazi soldiers yelling at their victims. This is the only bad part about living near the biggest concentration/death camp. I see all the action. I know what's going on.

Because an abrupt change from the second person to the first person is just good writing technique.

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I know that I have a twisted mind when I feel a smile appear on my face as I see some random, and most likely innocent, person get shot in the head for no reason at all.

This author's innovation: making Mary Sue a COMPLETE AND UTTER SOCIOPATH.

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Dad doesn't like me being around this stuff, but when he is one of the most powerful people around, I'm around it most of the time.

Round and round! What goes around comes around! Around, around, around!

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He tells me to never talk to any of the prisoners. He says that they are parasites, every one of them. Even the children. So I obey my dad and I never talk to them. When I walked around the camp, dad told me to always carry a gun with me. Since I am his only daughter, he is very protective.

Since she doesn't talk to the prisoners, she doesn't know that they've dubbed her Natalie Himmler: The Hoisted Nose of Auschwitz.

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And like every morning, dad is already up and working, leaving me alone in this huge house.

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOES! HIMMLER SUE IS ALL ALOOOOOOOONE!

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I went up to my room, got dressed in my warmest clothes, grabbed my Machine Pistol 43 from my night stand and left the house.

Himmler Sue is so awesome - she even keeps a submachine gun on her nightstand.

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I wrapped my scarf around my neck tighter, trying to block out the ice cold wind from my face.

Nothing says "sympathetic protagonist" like a girl walking around a death camp in her warmest clothes. She should slowly and noisily eat a hamburger in front of the prisoners to make the tableau complete.

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"Good morning miss Himmler" one of the soldiers said. Most of them know who I am. I am usually around this area most of the day when I am not getting taught from home school.

"Every day, when I'm not somehow being homeschooled in my empty house, I go down to Auschwitz to chill with my homies."

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Dad told me not to talk back to any of the soldiers, just to smile at them to tell them that I heard them. Dad is a little paranoid about the Nazi's being around me. I have heard the stories about them raping the Jews, and I'm sure that's the reason why dad doesn't like me near them much.

Oh, like someone would dare rape Himmler's daughter! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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But not all of the guys are like that. Most of them are really nice to me, like getting me food or letting me shoot one of their biggest guns.

Oh, like Himmler's daughter didn't already have access to the best food in Europe! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Wait, they were probably just getting her food so that she could slowly and noisily eat it in front of the prisoners. It would have been too hard for Himmler Sue to come up with her cruel taunting materials all by herself.

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Saturday mornings they let me go to the balcony that overlooks the whole area and have target practice.

At Auschwitz, having target practice from a watchtower (that is what the author probably meant by "balcony") usually entailed...AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Any normal person would fear living here, but I love it.

That's because you're an cold, hard bitch. Have a little introspection.


Other chapters are forthcoming. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I couldn't resist looking it up...actually, Himmler did have just one biological daughter (he also adopted a son). But his real daughter's name was Gudrun, she was born in 1929. Here's a picture of her (she's the one on the right). Far from ugly, but not exactly Mary Sue material either.

Spoiler:

I shuddered just reading the title of this post. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Sadly enough, some of your lines made me laugh out loud though!

Her whining about being alone made me think this isn't even Holocaust fic, this is just a modern teenager who likes to play around in death camps.

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You are the only daughter of the famous Nazi Heinrich is the overseer of the concentration camps and death camps. He coordinated the killing of millions of Jews, between 200,000 and 500,000.

200-500 billion Jews? That's many times the population of the Earth. Are the Nazis importing Jews from parallel universes just to kill them?

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You see all of the bloody violence that goes on there, and sometimes you will even help out. (May I remind you that this will be a very violent story.) Your father is very protective of you, so you barely get to leave the house. You have no friends, just the dog that your dad had given you.

If you almost never leave the house, how do you get to help out with all the violence and genocide?

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I woke up to the sound of the Nazi soldiers yelling at their victims. This is the only bad part about living near the biggest concentration/death camp. I see all the action. I know what's going on.

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I know that I have a twisted mind when I feel a smile appear on my face as I see some random, and most likely innocent, person get shot in the head for no reason at all.

You JUST SAID that was a 'bad part'. Not to mention that you said you participate. Make your frakking mind up, Sue!

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"Good morning miss Himmler" one of the soldiers said. Most of them know who I am. I am usually around this area most of the day when I am not getting taught from home school.

You said you hardly ever leave the house!

Oh, man, I can't wait for more of this deliciousness. I love it so far, I lol'd out loud at a couple of parts.

InkWeaver wrote:

Oh, man, I can't wait for more of this deliciousness. I love it so far, I lol'd out loud at a couple of parts.

Me too! For your first, this one is great!!!

[Of course now, you know, you've got a standard to live up to... Not that we're a judgemental lot or anything... ]

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I know that I have a twisted mind when I feel a smile appear on my face as I see some random, and most likely innocent, person get shot in the head for no reason at all.

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Why do I get the feeling that the author of this fic and the author of that Josef Mengele fic would get along just fine?

Littledorrit is feeling the love. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And yes, while this fic is far from complete, three more chapters of it exist. This is chapter two. Warning: chapter two is less snarkable than chapter one or chapter three because NOTHING HAPPENS!

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As I walked over to the main office area to figure out where dad is. Last night he said that he has a surprise waiting for me. Knowing him it will probably be some new type of weapon in the makings.

"How many times must a girl shift tense / before you can call her an author?"

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I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hold in more heat inside of me. Every time I breathed out, mist would form in the air like smoke. I hurried to the office faster, trying not to trip over the snow, or the random dead body.

Random dead body is random.

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When I am walking through this area, I have to watch out for everything. You never know if you are going to walk up to a dead body, or walk next to a person who is getting their head blown off.


Sometimes I will stand to watch, but most of the time I will just continue doing what I was doing.

This may be the dullest description of Nazi atrocities that I have ever read. Mary Sue (or the author) had to have had a heart of stone to put it down on paper.

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As I got into the main office, warmth filled my body. I sighed in relief as I loosened up my scarf, getting little snow flakes everywhere.

Were any of those snowflakes...speshul?

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"Hello, is Heinrich available?" I asked a young looking boy, maybe around 13 years old.

Because Heinrich Himmler has a 13-year-old secretary. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Natalie, I bet you are here for your surprise" dad said while waving for me to come closer to him.

He held out a large looking box with ease, so it must not be something heavy.
"What is it?" I asked as I looked at the box with a questioning look.
"Open it. I'm sure you will love it" dad said and put the box down on the table and cut the ribbon off of it.

The boring, it burns!

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I lifted up the lid of the box and I saw the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. As I lifted it up out of the box, the black dress flowed down to the floor, silver lining the bottom inch of the dress.

Ah, Himmler Sue, Jews may not be your friends, but pronouns are.

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"Good, because you will be wearing it tonight at the dinner. There will be a lot of important people there, so I want you to look nice, and be on your best behavior. I know how you can get around the soldiers"

"You sprout horns and a tail, and you devour the souls of everyone in the immediate area."

Note: this would actually be in-character for Himmler Sue.

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"Well maybe if you let me date once in a while, I would find a nice guy to settle down with."


"While you are still living with me, you obey my rules"

"God, Dad, you can be such a-such a-such a NAZI sometimes!" I sobbed.

Chapter drei!

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I don't understand why dad won't let me date anyone.

Maybe it's because he knows that the world would implode if Mansondoll tried to write a sex scene.

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I know that he is just being protective, but he could really settle down on the rules a bit. The only way how I could date anyone is to do it behind his back. It makes things even harder when nearly every guard/soldier knows who I am, and if they see me doing anything suspicious, of course they will tell dad.

Nothing to snark here, children. I am only preparing you for what is coming next.

Every once and awhile, a passage comes along that changes a work from a simple badfic to a travesty worthy of WGW. This upcoming passage is one of those. A last warning: the passage, while work-safe, is not sanity-safe, brain-safe, or soul-safe. Those whose family members survived or died in the Holocaust might want to click away, as might those who have delicate emotions. Do not drive, operate heavy machinery, or take a sip of anything while reading the passage.

Don't say I didn't warn you.









Are you ready...to experience...

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Sometimes it feels like I am the one in the concentration camp, but I get food, clothes, and I sit on my a*ss every day.

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Wow...just...wow.

Did Himmler Sue just...?

WHUT? HUH?

I need to go lie down...

...Okay, I'm back.

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~Fast-forward to the dinner~


As my long black dress flowed at my feet when I walked, dad linked arms with me as we walked to the VIP table where we will be seated for dinner.

The smell of steak filled the entire huge ball room, making my mouth water with excitement.

Dear Cunt,

Don't think that when we see you every fucking day, strutting through the camp in your warmest fucking furs like you own the place, that we're going to forget who you are, you bitch. We know about every fucking thing you do. We even heard you compare your suffering to our own a minute ago. Do you know how that makes us feel, cunt? Like shit you don't. You're just a whiny bitch who doesn't know shit about anything.

And now you're going to eat steak (or ribs; the dish will apparently change to motherfucking ribs in a minute) at a fucking party. Do you understand that people are strangling one another over moldy bread in the camps that your asshole father runs? Do you understand that we are starving? You see it every day, and yet you don't do anything to fucking help us. In fact, you fucking smile when the fucking guards inflict horrors upon us. Do you get how awful a person you are? God, you're such a cunt, Natalie Himmler. C-U-N-T.

God in heaven, we hate your guts.

Fuck you, fuck you, a thousand times fuck you,
us.

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"Remember, there are very important people here. I was serious when I said I want you on your best behavior" dad whispered to me as he un-did his folded napkin and placed it on his lap.

"Yea, whatever" I mumbled as I played with the silverware in front of me. I can tell I was annoying dad, which was my plan.

How is Himmler's daughter a valley girl? "Ja, vatefer. Now, lihk, you know, bring mich zome zteak, dahddy."

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After a few minutes of entertaining myself,

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the one and only Adolf Hitler. I clapped with everyone as Hitler went up to the podium so he can give a short speech before the dinner will start.


Speeches aren't my favorite thing to listen to, so I didn't pay any attention. I daydreamed about finding a good man, getting married, buying our own house and getting away from over-protective dad.

Because we all know that Hitler was a terrible orator who couldn't hold a crowd's attention to save his life. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also, Hitler was in poor health by the 1940s and was no longer giving speeches. He would have had Goebbels give his speech for him at this event. [/history picking]

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As I heard loud clapping and cheering, I was drug out of my daydream and brought back to reality.

I originally read this as "I was drugged out of my daydream." I have to admit that that would have been awesome.

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I'm always a little bit embarrassed to attend these types of things because I am a pretty messy eater, and when I saw ribs on the plates, I know that I will make a mess out of myself, because there is no clean way to eat ribs.

There you have it - the aforementioned magical steak-that-turneth-into-ribs. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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After I had fixed my plate and began eating, I noticed a Nazi soldier guarding the front door of the ballroom, and he is looking right at me.

Annnnd twu wuv makes its appearance. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Urgh. That was one morally smarmy chapter. I feel like I need a shower. No, wait, scratch that. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

littledorrit wrote:

"God, Dad, you can be such a-such a-such a NAZI sometimes!" I sobbed.

The person who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes wrote:

As I walked over to the main office area to figure out where dad is. Last night he said...

GAAAAAAAH! Read your damn sentences just ONCE before you spew them forth onto the interwebs, you stupid swastika-fapping bint!

It probably says something about my level of jaded cynicism that I only slightly facepalmed at the "sometimes I think I'm the one in a concentration camp, except..." line. I was expecting something along the lines of the disturbing lack of comprehension of what 'rape' means shown by the author of this fic.

littledorrit wrote:

Epic prisoners-to-Sue letter

Win. You should leave that as a review (as I did with some of the comments in my previous post).

Keith Fraser wrote:

200-500 billion Jews? That's many times the population of the Earth. Are the Nazis importing Jews from parallel universes just to kill them?

Wouldn't that get just a bit boring after a while?

littledorrit wrote:

"God, Dad, you can be such a-such a-such a NAZI sometimes!" I sobbed.

Well, gee, what did you think he was?!

Ha ha, you used "cunt" as an insult on this forum.

Penguin wrote:

Ha ha, you used "cunt" as an insult on this forum.

Pleae don't tell me that that is some sort of unwritten rule - I thought that WGW only had one rule. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Are you guys going to hunt me for sport now?

Oh no rules, but... there are those that might be inclined to fly off the handle.

And by 'fly off the handle', he means 'take you to task for using an insult that refers to the sex of the insultee when their sex is irrelevant'.

littledorrit wrote:

Are you guys going to hunt me for sport now?

No - for food. Penguin, break out the fava beans and Chianti.

(I kid, I kid.)

Okay, gang: let's see if I can get through chapter four without using the 'C' word. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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I must admit, that guy is pretty cute. But I just have to remember that I have no chance with him.

But Himmler Sue, you have so many redeeming qualities! But Himmler Sue, your personality might just appeal to a Nazi guard!

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I regret grabbing the ribs, since I know that if I eat them, I will make a fool out of myself from the mess that I would make with them.

So she's going to throw away all that delicious, protein-rich food so that she can avoid smearing barbecue sauce all over her face like a pig. Are the angry prisoners going to have to write another letter?

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Frustrated, starving Jews: "Himmler Sue is getting more annoying by the minute."

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After I took a few bites of my salad I looked back up to the guard. He is still staring at me. I then looked at dad, who wasn't paying any attention at what I was doing. He is just talking to some other important dude with a really bad haircut.

Who? Emo Hitler?

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I need to figure out a way to get out of this room and get outside where I can talk to the man.


I thought of a good plan. Years of faking sick so I can miss a day of school has helped me get better at the 'sick' acting.

I thought you were homeschooled, Himmler Sue! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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I put my napkin up off of my lap and onto my plate.


"Dad, I'm not feeling all that well at the moment. I'm going to head outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air. I will be back in soon" I told
dad as I tried to make my face look like I am coming down with some illness.

"Alright, just don't wander off. If you feel any worse I will get you medical attention" dad said and he went back to his conversation.

Well, it turns out that she's a big fat liar on top of it all. I think I'm in lurve.

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After I had gotten up from the table and my face wasn't facing dad, I put a small smile on my face as I walked over to the front door.


The Nazi guard had his eyes on me the whole time.

Once I had got to the front door I quickly whispered "Come meet me outside in a minute"

The guard gave me that one simple nod again, and this time I could have sworn that he put a small smile on his face.

I couldn't help but smile on my way out, but making sure that dad didn't see me smiling.

This prose is not making me smile. It's making me yawn extravagant lion yawns.

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I went outside, breathing in the fresh air. I closed my eyes to take in the moment even more. It feels so good to be outside where I don't hear any gunshots or screams.

But I thought you liked the gunshots and the screams, Himmler Sue! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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I walked over to the pond area and sat down on the bench, nearly tripping over a rock on the way there. The bench isn't as comfortable as it looks. I took off my shoes and folded my legs, pulling my dress over my legs so my underwear doesn't show. I saw the back door open, the soldier walking out. Once the door was shut I waved my hand at him. He saw me and started walking over. The closer he got, the more nervous I got.

Watch as I use magic to reduce the number of sentences in this expository paragraph by five: "I walked over to the bench by the pond and sat down. When the soldier came to meet me, I was overcome by nervousness." OMG MAGIC!

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I really do love a man in uniform.

WE KNOW.

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"Good evening miss Himmler" the man said. Man he has a really nice voice.


"Good evening Mr.-" oh great I don't even know his name.

"Man, I have no idea how to write an internal monologue that fits the time period in which my characters live. Oh great, I'm bad at this."

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"Officer Ciano" he said. "Wolfgang Ciano" he added.

"Bond, James Bond," he said, "Nazi James Bond."

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"That's an interesting name" I said, trying not to say anything more stupid.

Himmler Sue has to make sure not to say things that bring her essential stupidity to the attention of others. Since hiding her idiocy has become a full-time job, she suffers from paranoia related to the subject. That is why she worries that she has said something stupid in this case, despite the fact that she and Officer Wolfgang Ciano have only exchanged names so far.

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"It is my father's name as well," [he said]

ORLY?

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"If your father sees you out here with me, there will be some consequences along with it" Wolfgang said.

"Of course," I said, "he'll put you in a camp. He does that to everyone. He's Heinrich freaking Himmler," I responded.

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"He's too busy talking to the other old men" I said and took a strand of my hair and started playing with it.


I felt his hand go to my face, moving my hair out of the way.

"You are such a beautiful girl" he said, feeling my hair.

Um, didn't you guys meet just two minutes ago?

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"Thank you. I'm also a bit of a cluts. I fall a lot. And run into things a lot" I said, trying not to blush.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN READING TWIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIGHT! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"Well, nobody is perfect" he said and he bent his head down and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek.


He pulled back his face a few inches so we are looking eye to eye. I felt his breath on me, making me want him even more.

Wow. Two minutes after they met. I call Sue-duction.

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I put my hand on the back of his neck, bringing his face to mine, our lips crashing.

OW!

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I haven't felt this way in a long time. Actually, I don't think I've ever felt this way before.


But all good things have to come to an end at some point.

All bad things must come to an end as well. This fic, for instance, which ends at four chapters and was last updated in 2009. What a pity.

Sutremaine wrote:

And by 'fly off the handle', he means 'take you to task for using an insult that refers to the sex of the insultee when their sex is irrelevant'.

Semantics, but at the end of the day the result is the same. Ad hominem is legit, so long as it's PC.

littledorrit wrote:

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I put my hand on the back of his neck, bringing his face to mine, our lips crashing.

OW!

VROOOOOOM SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH PSHHHHH BOOOOOM

Holy fucking fuck!!!
There are no words to descride how this cunt misses the point.
She's in the next universe, that's how far she is off the deep end.

Shit! Now I'm pissed off!

VAGINA

Fuck this bitch. I honestly and completely hope that one day in history class they slap this photo down in front of her, at which point she cries tears of blood out of sheer shame.
Fuck you, you evil, ignorant little cunt.
Signed, these dead children.

These photographs are not safe for fucking work.

Not even wasting my breath on this story...

Last night, I took a peek at the rest of her portfolio to snark over the phone with Mal... It's almost entirely [Slasher Movie Villain]xSue (who is invariably named Natalie)

Not counting this, her 10 other fics include:

2 Jason Voorhees/Sue fics
2 Freddy Krueger/Sue fics
1 Leatherface/Sue fic
1 Michael Myers/Sue fic
1 Jason/Michael/Sue fic
1 Edward Scissorhands/Sue fic
1 cancer-stricken-teenager-from-The Haunting in Conneticut/Sue fic
1 Joker/Sue fic

Three of her fics (one of the Jason ones, one of the Freddy ones, and the Michael one) stretch on for a long-ass time (with the Mike one going on for 25 gorram chapters) but all the rest are only between 1 and 4 chapters, and all of them end abruptly like this one, with the only one labeled "finished" being a one-chapter Freddy one. The last time she touched any of them was last September, too, with most of them languishing since midway through '09, like this one.

I'm thinking of teaming up with Malganis and sporking a few of those slasher ones (unless Littledorrit doesn't want us encroaching on his territory, which I would fully understand)... All things considered, they aren't that soul-rendingly bad, but they're still laden with stupid cliches, bad continuity, lack of research, dumb anachronisms (in her Leatherface fic, which takes place in the 70's, the character mentions having a crush on Cory Taylor and Marilyn Manson... she must have been a cradle-robber!) and thoroughly lulzy spellcheck disasters (in one story the Sue, stricken with fear, resolves to "not move a mussel")

So Littledorrit... (great job on this sporkin', btw) do I have your permission to proceed with tearing into the rest of this delightful discovery's work?

DarthDarthington wrote:

I'm thinking of teaming up with Malganis and sporking a few of those slasher ones (unless Littledorrit doesn't want us encroaching on his territory, which I would fully understand)... All things considered, they aren't that soul-rendingly bad, but they're still laden with stupid cliches, bad continuity, lack of research, dumb anachronisms (in her Leatherface fic, which takes place in the 70's, the character mentions having a crush on Cory Taylor and Marilyn Manson... she must have been a cradle-robber!) and thoroughly lulzy spellcheck disasters (in one story the Sue, stricken with fear, resolves to "not move a mussel")

So Littledorrit... (great job on this sporkin', btw) do I have your permission to proceed with tearing into the rest of this delightful discovery's work?

It's not technically my territory...it's AhLawdy's: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] However, I think we can safely say that Mansondoll is such a national treasure that we must make her the common intellectual property of everyone on WGW. Teen snarkers go!

I have a feeling that Mansondoll's first name is Natalie.

Goodness gracious, she seems to think concentration camps were about as tidy as your average teenager's bedroom.