Gay Men: Does Size Matter?

My question is about gender politics.

Quick version:

Do gay men worry less than straight men about getting beaten up by another man based purely on respective physical build?

tl;dr version:

I realise I've generalised about quite a few points in the following post, so I'll just say now that I recognise the limitations of generalisations and do not mean to offend. I use them simply so I can get to the point before you die of old age. Or decide 'bollocks to this' and click away, whichever comes first.

Something that strikes me about homophobic bigotry is that straight men seem to be less comfortable with having homosexuals around than straight women. I presume this is (at least in part) because men tend to worry more about who is bigger/stronger than whom and therefore who would need to worry more about being in a fight and sustaining injury. This seems to happen whether social politics suggest the two are likely to fight or not.

Another thing that seems to bother these straight men is the prospect of being the 'hunted' rather than the 'hunter'. As a woman it still surprises me that a fair proportion of straight males out there would rather think they're clever enough to trick women into bed than actually be attractive enough that we would genuinely want to, fully-appraised of the facts. But have a gay male make a point of lusting over a straight, homophobic male and the homophobe tends to get a mite twitchy. Have anyone flirt with a gay man and it seems to me that he'll be able to cope with being the object of attraction better than a straight man will.

Women are generally smaller than men, so if a woman was to get in a fight with a man she would quite possibly lose, however I think we tend to worry very little about this. Perhaps this is because we deal with so many other people who are bigger than us and just have to get used to the idea, perhaps because social politics (in the West, at any rate) say that it's wrong for a man to hit a woman. But we don't seem to worry about it as much as men do, is my point.

So my question is, as gay men are generally more comfortable with others being attracted to them, are they also less obsessed with other men being physically bigger or smaller than them and therefore with the threat of impending violence? I'm aiming in this question to completely avoid the issue of homophobic attack, I'm asking only about this general male obsession with size.

I think that's reasonably comprehensible, but if not then feel free to tear me down.

If gay men had the same hang ups as straight men do, none of them would get laid at all.

Oh, you meant *that* sort of size...

Palantean Writer wrote:

Something that strikes me about homophobic bigotry is that straight men seem to be less comfortable with having homosexuals around than straight women. I presume this is (at least in part) because men tend to worry more about who is bigger/stronger than whom and therefore who would need to worry more about being in a fight and sustaining injury.

In my observations as a straight woman, homophobic straight men seem to worry about gay men raping them rather than beating them up.

Cyberwulf wrote:

Palantean Writer wrote:

Something that strikes me about homophobic bigotry is that straight men seem to be less comfortable with having homosexuals around than straight women. I presume this is (at least in part) because men tend to worry more about who is bigger/stronger than whom and therefore who would need to worry more about being in a fight and sustaining injury.

In my observations as a straight woman, homophobic straight men seem to worry about gay men raping them rather than beating them up.

Basically. That or catching the gay. Possibly by buttrape. Because you know. Gay men are not only willing but *determined* to fuck any man they see. It's standard procedure in gaydom. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] *cughnotseriousguyscough*

But yeah anyway, generally THATS where the fear stems from, not being attacked.

Jesus. wrote:

Basically. That or catching the gay. Possibly by buttrape. Because you know. Gay men are not only willing but *determined* to fuck any man they see. It's standard procedure in gaydom. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Kidding guys.

I think you've confused the homosexual men with Cockmongler LOOK OUT! HE'LL MONGLE YOUR COCKS! But seriously, I hate how (alot) of straight men have this irrational fear of homosexuals. It doesn't make sense.

Palantean Writer wrote:

So my question is, as gay men are generally more comfortable with others being attracted to them, are they also less obsessed with other men being physically bigger or smaller than them and therefore with the threat of impending violence? I'm aiming in this question to completely avoid the issue of homophobic attack, I'm asking only about this general male obsession with size.

Isn't this a more subconscious tendency rather than a conscious preference, though? I mean, I don't think I behave differently around bigger men than I do around smaller men, but aren't there all these little tics - like, showing your neck and such - that a person does to show dominance/subservience? So wouldn't make more sense to let this thing revolve around an experiment in the field?

To answer your question: I don't behave differently around men of different sizes, save for the fact that I'm more inclined to flirt with the tall and lanky. More to the point: I do behave differently around different men, but this difference in behaviour isn't marked by their height or lack thereof.

Reidmar wrote:

Jesus. wrote:

Basically. That or catching the gay. Possibly by buttrape. Because you know. Gay men are not only willing but *determined* to fuck any man they see. It's standard procedure in gaydom. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Kidding guys.

I think you've confused the homosexual men with Cockmongler LOOK OUT! HE'LL MONGLE YOUR COCKS! But seriously, I hate how (alot) of straight men have this irrational fear of homosexuals. It doesn't make sense.

Heterosxuality is a performance- for many cisgendered, it's synonymus (sorry, I'm on moms computer, no spellcheck guyz) with acceptibility and success- with something so rigid it can entail fear of the "other". Kind of like a fear of the dark, or a distrust of the railing on balconies. Like, "Oh, that person is gay. He's into dudes. Is he into me? I'm a dude. I don't like dudes. OMGFEARUNCOMFORTIFEELHISEYESONMYCROOOOTCH." Though in my nonprofessional opinion, those that fear homosexuality are really just not quite as secure in themselves and ther sexuality as those that arent.

Oh, and women can be just as unsettled by lesbians. Especially where I am, even though the place I'm in is very open, I can say that there definately is an equal amount of distrust on the other side of the spectrum. And many people can't even GRASP the concept of pan/omnisexuality or genderqueer.

Jesus. wrote:

(sorry, I'm on moms computer, no spellcheck guyz)

You can still punch your attempted spelling straight into Google. Most of the time it will ask you if you meant [insert correct spelling here].

Sutremaine wrote:

Jesus. wrote:

(sorry, I'm on moms computer, no spellcheck guyz)

You can still punch your attempted spelling straight into Google. Most of the time it will ask you if you meant [insert correct spelling here].

...You know, I do that all the time. You'd think I would have thought of that while I was trying to sound smart, right?

Edited because I *STILL* can't spell! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Morgan (who's about as non-threatening as a man can get) says he's never quite grasped the complete and abject terror some straight guys seem to have that all gay men are just waiting for them to let their guard down so they can rape them. He puts it down to them being so full of themselves that they can't believe that anyone could resist them, no matter what their gender preference (mind you, this is a personal opinion, so YMMV).

He's also noticed that the younger/less educated a straight guy is, the more likely he is to be threatened by the presence of a gay man. A kid he and his brother work with found out the two of them share a bedroom (they're living with me, and this is a damn small house), and he asked Andrew, in all seriousness, if he wasn't afraid his brother was going to try and rape him some night. Andrew told him he was a seriously sick little puppy who needed to get a life, but the kid was 16, and Morgan says he used to tip-toe around him at work like he expected any minute now, he was going to grab him and take him right there on the counter. It annoyed the hell out of Morgan, and he wasn't particularly upset when the kid quit. Only 16, and he already had a severe case of homophobia, which will likely only get worse as he gets older, since Morgan says the few friends of his he meant tended to be all threatening and 'in your face' towards him.

How threatened a man is relates directly to how secure he is, whether in his masculinity or sexuality. Even a gay man, if unsure enough, can be thrown off by an oncoming female, in much the same way the straight man is by the gay man.

As relates to size? Well, I'm not particularly concerned with how big the guy is, because he's pretty much guaranteed to beat me up.

Nihilist wrote:

Quote :

Do gay men worry less than straight men about getting beaten up by another man based purely on respective physical build?

Worrying's for cissies.

I've been trying to write up a reply, but I've just been kinda "derp" and headscratching the whole time. I guess I'm going to have to go with your answer.

edit: "Hunter" vs. "Hunted" sounds incredibly stupid to me.